But we stay silly

I lowkey hate when programs talk to me in a friendly way. "don't worry, nearly there!" Shut up. It should say "loading 64.3% completed. Do not turn off device" and absolutely nothing else. You arent my friend you are computer. Act like it

dinosaurs are like the coolest thing possible for a child to learn about. it’s like hey i know you were just borned but giant monsters are real and they fought each other in wars for 100000000000 years and then blew up when the sky exploded.

It is really funny how much some tumblr users build their understanding of what is taboo in a degenerate immoral fashion vs what is taboo in a subversive radical fashion exclusively on aesthetic appeal so they’re willing to drastically alter their moral stances based on what media they’re obsessing over currently

Blogger obsessed with posting about sexual cannibalism and toxic doomed yuri complaining about incest fetishization… you’re two Ginger Snaps gifsets and a Flowers in the Attic excerpt away from trying to recreate Single White Female with your mutuals

all i want is to get hellsitegeneticsed. i want to know what kind of creature my post is. god i want it to be something cool sooooooooo bad do you think they have the genetic code for werewolves

so this is what it's like to be god's favorite

Some people can rotate a cube in their mind. I can rotate multiple cubes. In my stomach. I swallowed some dice

One day my venom glands will activate and every herpetologist who doubted me will be sorry

my mind palace is not up to code

Killed this ant that came in the kitchen and the next day it came right back but it was holding a needle. Killed it again and it came back the next day wearing a cape and then I noticed I had a giant HP bar labeled KITCHEN BEHEMOTH and I was like man cmon dont call me that

psychiatrist just finished my evaluation and they said i have a curse most ancient

in chess the queens can kill each other which is toxic yuri and the kings can never get within a square of each other which is doomed yaoi

The exception is cheesy local commercials. Those should be the only ads. I will listen to someone who runs a store in my city doing an awkward rap. We once had a furniture store with these awful CGI ads and the slogan "where the deals are so low, it's almost criminal!" and then they got shut down, by the cops, because it turned out. It turned out the deals were so low because. You're not going to believe this but the prices were so low it was in fact

“you’d fumble some girl asking for your star sign by going Um akshually it’s pseudoscience ☝️🤓” she’d fumble me by believing in astrology ngl

Hey. Hey, kid, c'mere. Yeah, you. C'mere, kid. You wanna make ten dollas? Alright, I need you to run ovah a couple blocks to the deli down there and tell Tony Lazzano behind the countah that the ancient sigil has been breached and the forces of darkness walk the land once more and that the promised champions have forsaken us. Yeah, ten dollas. Look, kid, you gotta hurry the fuck up, the cops is gonna be here any second

"i ate too many cookies" is truly an ageless problem. an unlearnable lesson.