A: So guess my whole family is kind of dead
A: Well you see, my mother had her breakdown, and issues and since then she isnt really my mother anymore, she is something else.
D: Uhhuh, we knew this, this was kind of the first thing.
A: Then Well, I had to change, and you came into my life.
D: Ah, yes, I remember, your 18th birthday around, right?
A: Yes, 🙌 correcto, and then after, well the incident that my father caused, you changed a bit more.
D: Yeah... Fuck, that was an hard second. Wouldnt wish it on my worst enemey.
A: But after living with J, and after my father divorced, he changed, and got... softer?! I mean good for him, but still weird.
D: I like him now a tiny bit more, because of his growth, he feels more human.
A: Anyway, I just discovered that my sister changed, and said to me she had to kill the person that she was, to become what she is now.
D: I also remember that talk.
A: Which is so sad. I stand in my head at the graves of like my full "old" family, and just have nowhere to go. Like I now live with you at my old home, and god bless, because of that less issues with rent etc. But... in the "fight" I lost my old home, my old family. Like I have nowhere really to go. Like my sister has. My dad has me, but that is fucked up in its own way.
A: Yes, J is an option, but she has the same toxic pattern my family has, something along the lines of "If you dont work through your issues, you end up dating them".
D: Fuck. Damn. Have a hug, that sounds aweful.
A: Nonono, like she is beautiful, such a lovely and great human, I enjoy spending time with her, but I fell in love with an mask, and not the "real" J. Because of me, she realised that, and I am one of the few people she can take the mask off, I am glad I can give her that safety, but she really should work through that in therapy, and not through me. Without her mask, she is mean to me, and gives me the feeling of not being wanted, and its just embarrasing spending time with me. I cant give her safety and acceptance if she only takes, and doesnt change things.
D: Mhm, I see, the whole thing is a bit complicated, but also as simple as "Human A, isnt compatible anymore with Human B".
D: So then, what bout the new people you met, what bout them?
A: N is very much what it said on the box, afaik. But I will ask L in a chill moment about it, If that vibe is correct. He is very lovely, and has his own shit to work through ahead of him. Very dependable, very smart, very good getaway driver, very interesting brain. L is someone who will tell you what will happen, you underestimate her, and then youre fucked. So if she says something, please for the love of god, listen to her , dont joke, dont talk it small, or anything, listen to her. Very dependable, close connected to her emotions, industrious, also very interesting brain. Both feel like home, but unlike me, both have not lived alone at any point in their live yet. So with both there is this mask of family at home.
D: One sec, that N guy, he sounds like that paradox we talked about the other day. "You do not know if you really see a beautiful face through a window, or if that window is just a mirror"
D: Let me guess your worries about him, that 0.01% have their origin in the thought of "I cant read him, It cant be that simple, that he really is what is says on the box"
D: Just so were clear would that change anything big?
