Quimbly's Thoughts

Grace swore his skin was going to rub off if he went between the medical bay and Rocky's room much longer. He had been diligently scrubbing himself from head to toe every time he'd come from Simon to go check up on Rocky, not willing to put the Eridian in any danger.

So when Armando scanned Simon and deemed that he wasn't leaking as much radiation as he was and Grace had confirmed that Rocky wouldn't suffer under the ill effects of Simon moving about the rest of the ship, his skin thanked the robot uncontrollably.

The new problem was that Simon was still restrained to the table. That was what Grace was here to sort. Throughout the visits, Simon had been relatively.. neutral. Sure, he still stared a hole through Grace, like the second he blinked something would change. He jumped at sudden noises and, if his hand were free, Grace had no doubt that he would punch anything that moved too quickly into his space. Not that he could blame him. They still had the SM-13 attached to the ship, just in case it was needed. He didn't want to jettison it until Simon gave him the go ahead. Grace had however, put a big sign on the door leading into the hallway where it was connected.

"BAD SHIP. DO NOT ENTER. :("

It was sufficient enough. Besides, Rocky wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole, Simon physically couldn't get to it and Grace hated the idea of being near it. Even if he had an episode where his memory lapsed (which thank god that hadn't happened with Simon onboard), Grace was certain that even Amnesiac-Grace wouldn't be stupid enough to enter.

Probably.

Regardless, the task at hand.

"Okay. Armando has cleared you to leave, yay!" He did jazz hands for a second before realising how insane that looked, clearing his throat and looking away for a moment. "I'll get the restraints off and then you need to go shower and change into some fresh clothes. We'll need to toss yours and everything that's been in here into a bag and shove it into the airlock for a bit for it to decontaminate cause radiation is not fun for Rocky."

"Rocky?" Simon's hoarse voice responded. He hadn't spoken much, preferring to listen and observe.

"Oh- yeah, Rocky's my uh.. he's a friend of mine. He's.. not human, kinda just looks like a spidery pile of rocks but I swear he's friendly." Grace rambled, aware that his hands were resisting the attempt to stay in his pockets and were coming back out to animate his speech again.

"So.. yeah. Shower, new clothes, I'll get you something to eat that isn't through an IV and then I can show you to the bedroom."

Grace swung his arms back and forth momentarily, before finally stepping forwards, his hands finally obeying him and going to work on untying the restraints from the man's hand and feet. This close he could feel the warmth of Simon's skin, hear the measured breathing coming out in hot puffs. Just keep on task Grace. Eyes on the goal. Almost as soon as the restraints wrapping his arm to the bed were released, Simon flexed his tendons and muscles, making sure they still worked. Even for someone who had nearly died, he was toned. Grace made a pointed effort to stare at the restraints around his feet, one side to the other. 

When his legs were finally freed, Grace stepped away so as not to crowd him. Simon didn't take his gaze off of him the entire time, 

"Mary's making her own gravity right now, so we have the luxury of proper showers instead of a flannel bath, which is very very nice. I left some clothes out, one of my big jumpers cause you're, uh, very wide." His eyes widened as Simon cocked his head, 'Not that that's a bad thing-! I mean like- your shoulders are very um.."

He trailed off, pressing the pads of his fingers together in an attempt to calm himself. Simon's gaze had finally left him and it felt like he could breathe without being scrutinized again. Instead, the man was looking at the floor, experimentally placing his feet down flat, shifting himself to the edge of the bed, starting to put his weight on them. There was a slow lean forward, a pained grunt and then Simon pushed himself to stand. Everything was fine, until he attempted to take a step forwards. Simon tilted, clearly not adjusted to the unbalanced centre of gravity his body now had, missing a whole arm.

Grace's hands immediately went out to stabilise him but Simon caught himself on the wall before he could fully fall over.

"Shit." Simon muttered darkly under his breath. He didn't move. His eyes flicked back up to Grace, gritting his teeth as he talked. "If you want me to shower, you'd better show me. I don't know your ship."

"Oh- yeah, right- fair enough, uh, follow me?" Grace rambled, "Are you sure that you, uh, don't want a hand or-"

"I'm fine." Came the blunt response.

Well, at least he wasn't actively trying to bite him anymore.

Grace lead the way, not looking behind him but hearing the footsteps of something following him. He held the bathroom door open as Simon stepped through, clearing his throat as he went to speak again. Simon wasn't looking at him again, staring at the dark green, chunky knit jumper Grace had left for him, reaching out tentatively to run it between his fingers.

"Why are you doing this?" Simon growled out, like he was about to find an answer that he despised.

"What.. do you mean?" Grace queried, cocking his head like he could understand better at a 45° angle.

"All of this. Hurting me and torturing me hasn't worked, so you're playing this card? I'm not giving it to you." Simon responded back, raising his eyes and glaring at Grace with an unspoken challenge.

"No, I, uh. Still don't get it."

Simon threw his hand up in disbelief. "You had me, for a second. But God doesn't answer my prayers. He wouldn't start now. I know it's you. And if this is what I have to suffer through, I will."

He took a step towards Grace, who backed up a little. There was a fire reigniting in Simon's eyes and he had to move so he didn't get burned. "I will never be one with you. You will never get that box. It's bigger than me. It's bigger than you. It's bigger than us. You don't get to take them down with you. And if I have to stay here while you wrap reality and warp it around me, then you're going to suffer with me."

Grace opened and closed his mouth dumbly for a moment or two, finding his words. "Where.. where do you think you are, right now Simon?"

Simon practically spat out a laugh, "Exactly where I've always been. Where you've trapped me."

"And.. where is that, Simon?"

"AT-5, at the bottom of the blood ocean, in the SM-13, also nicknamed the iron lung. Anything else you want me to spit out for you?"

Grace shook his head, "No, me and Rocky, we found the SM-13 floating in space. It was drifting across the astrophage line and Rocky could hear a heartbeat so we attached the ship to Mary and got you out."

Simon stared back at him and he could feel those intelligent eyes scanning him once more. "Is it still attached?"

Grace nodded, "We didn't know if you needed anything from it. We were waiting for your permission to jettison it. You can see it, after you shower."

A pause, silence filling the room. A look crossed Simon's face, something like desperation, something like.. hope. Simon stepped closer again, his hand reaching out to touch Grace, who tried his best not to flinch. His hand pressed to his chest, staying there.

The eel had seen humans, sure, before she had killed them, but every single one, she'd seen covered in blood and being ripped apart by her own jaws. Nothing was fully intact, nothing was breathing so.. undisturbed. No heartbeat this calm. No eyes this kind and gentle. She didn't have the knowledge to fake this.

It hit him in a rush, his fingers gripping the front of Grace's shirt, one with a stupid joke on that he only just understood. 

This kindness, this caring, this nicety, it wasn't something he'd ever experienced before. It wasn't something he'd ever had the means to even dream about. His dreams of hope and a future were of sprouting plants and grassy fields. Not a random ship in the middle of nowhere with a motor mouthed blonde man, treating him with food and water and care. If the eel was trying to use his own wants, wishes and dreams to coerce him, he would have never been able to think of this.

And, call him crazy, but he highly doubted that the eel, nor anyone the eel had consumed, would have had these dreams and aspirations. Their existence was suffering, it was fighting for survival, it was using the bodies of others for personal gain. No one would have dreamt of this. The absurdity of it..

"You're real." He finally whispered, vision clouding over with unshed tears, feeling his body strain to keep himself upright as realisation hit him with all the force of a freighter. "Oh my god, you're actually real."

The man in front of him laughed, a bright, nervous sound. "Last time I checked!"

That stupid answer was the new breaking point. It wasn't a "Of course I am, Simon!". It wasn't a "We're the only real thing."

His legs failed him, trembling like a newborn foal. He felt arms around him, catching him before he could hit the floor, lowering him down with such care, before they left him, like he had burned them.

"Sorry, uh, I should've asked but I didn't want you to hit the floor with a bang, you know?"

No, he didn't know. He didn't know this. He didn't know what he was meant to do with this. This was real. This was real. This was real. Simon could hear his own breathing, shaky and spluttering, legs sprawled across the ground, his arm holding himself upright.

There was a dread now, at acknowledging the existence of his surroundings. A looming terror as he looked down to his hand, the hand that had killed, the hand that had torn things apart without question. He was the attack dog of Eden, the Butcher, the killer, the Convict. This place was too clean, too kind, too nice. He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be here, he-

"Simon?" The gentle voice broke through his thoughts, looking up to see the worried face of his saviour. He had crouched down, to be on Simon's level, even as he'd fallen. "Hey, hey, you're okay. It's going to be okay."

He swore he could feel hands squeezing his chest, quickly glancing behind him to see if someone was trying to drag him back to hell. His breathing was fast, shallow, wheezing in clean, fresh air that he didn't deserve.

"You're okay, I promise." Grace repeated, soothingly. "Breathe with me, you're alright."

Grace started moving his hands, making exaggerated breathing noises. Breathing in and raising his hands, palms up. There was a pause, Grace holding his breath. Then flipping them, breathing out, palms facing the floor and hands descending. "It's gonna be okay. Whatever's happening, we can work with it and it'll be alright."

Simon raised his eyes to meet Grace's, stunned by the sincere gaze. He watched as Grace's face wrinkled, giving Simon a warm smile. A stuttering gasp of air in, fingers tensed against the metal floor. Grace was continuing the motions, the loud, theatrical breaths so that he could follow along. As he raised his palms, Simon sucked in a harsh breath.

"Good, that's good. And we're going to hold it, okay?" Simon did his best, listening to Grace count. "For 4, 3, 2, 1. And breathe out. All the way out, that's it."

As Simon continued following Grace's instructions, focusing on his kind eyes, the way the smile lines on his face crinkled with joy each time Simon followed correctly, he gradually began to feel less like he was being crushed. His shoulder relaxed, his own expression drooped as the tenseness faded.

"How-" He coughed, throat dry again. "How did you know how to do.. that..?"

Grace looked to him fondly, "I was a teacher. Especially near exam times, my kids used to panic. I found that this was the best way to help them out, helping them get their breathing back in order helps calm the nervous system down."

Simon stared at him, apprehensive. "What? But they were wasting your time?"

Grace tilted his head, confused. "With being scared? No, not at all. I always have time for them, school is scary. Exams are scary. There's so much pressure on people, sometimes it just takes one person to make them feel seen, you know?"

Simon didn't know.

"Anyways. You look exhausted. Take a shower, I'll make you something to eat and then I'll show you where you can sleep."

Simon's shower was barely long enough for Grace to get both mugs of ramen cooked up, only just putting the mugs on the table as he heard the bathroom door slowly opening. He called out, "Over here!", to let Simon know where he was. Soon, Simon padded into the kitchen. Grace was glad he had been packed such oversized jumpers, they fitted Simon almost perfectly, luckily enough. There was a certain dichotomy, seeing the strong, scarred and bruised form of Simon, wrapped in his dark jumper, one of the arms tied up so it didn't flap around as he walked. The sweatpants were a bit tight on him but they would work for now. Simon had also pulled his hair up into a bun, how he managed with one hand, Grace didn't know, but it looked good. 

It was strangely reassuring, having someone stood there who took up so much space. Grace had been alone for so long, he'd forgotten the little things. Of course, there was Rocky and he would give the world to the Eridian if he could. There was something different about hearing another set of breathing in a room, seeing them out of the corner of your eye and being reassured that someone was watching for you.

"That one's for you. It's more plain, easier on the stomach. Hope that's alright." Grace offered, pointing towards the mug, sitting down on the other side of the table with his own food. He'd not known whether Simon could use chopsticks either, giving him a fork and spoon. Simon looked, for lack of a better word, bewildered. Staring between the steaming mugs, then at Grace. He approached slowly, sitting down opposite the other. His hand slowly reached for the fork, watching how Grace was spinning the noodles around on it, copying him.

As the food reached his mouth though, there was an entire shift in attitude. He stared, like the noodles were made of gold, scooping up another forkful. 

"I'm glad you like it, we have enough of those to feed a whole village. A human constant seems to be the love for ramen. We've got different flavours so we won't get bored. You've got chicken, I think."

Simon stopped, fork halfway to his mouth, staring again, as if Grace had grown an extra head, "Real chicken?"

"Yup, cooked and chopped and all, repacked for us to reheat."

Simon poked at the mug, eyes lighting up with what Grace could only call wonder. He winced a tad as he remembered a young girl looking up at him, who'd just found out how fireflies worked. It left a warm, hollow feeling. He chased it away as he focused back on Simon.

"What's the green and orange bits?" The man commented, poking them with his fork.

"That would be spring onion and carrots."

The other went silent, once again staring at the mug, swallowing. His eyes closed and he looked like he was battling back another wave of emotions.

"You okay?"

Simon finally nodded, "We don't have these on Eden. Not enough to go around. They're rare."

"Eden?" Grace questioned, tilting his head once again.

Simon followed in his confusion though, "Oh, you must have been on one of the other stations?"

"Stations? No, I was on Earth.. wait, you were on a space station? Living on a space station?"

Simon didn't see as Grace's eyes lit up, instead showing a completely blank expression, voice going low, disbelieving. "Earth's alive..?"

Grace froze, staring back at Simon with such confusion. "Yeah. Or, it was when I left. I'm trying to keep it alive, hopefully. I mean, it's kinda out of my hands now, the probes have gone back and have started their journeys home so.. it's up to them."

He spun noodles on his fork, before pausing. "This.. seems to confuse you."

Simon had remained silent, eyebrows furrowing, deep in thought. "The Earth.. it's gone. Been gone for.. centuries now."

Grace fumbled for his words, "What? No. No, that can't be right, it's.."

"The Quiet Rapture. The Earth is gone." Simon said, confusing him even more.

"No. No. That can't be right. Simon, I.. that's the whole reason I came out here, I came here to save Earth, to save our Sun, our stars and.. no, no, I fixed it." Grace suddenly looked up, catching Simon's eyes, a theory on his brain in an instant. "Simon, what year is it?"

"362 EIC." Simon responded almost instantly.

"What. No, it's 2037." Grace replied back, just as fast. "What the heck is EIC?"

"The calendar. The Epoch of Interplanetary Colonization. You're from 45 EIC?"

"Yeah, no, saying it twice does not make it any clearer." Grace blinked. "Hold on. Wait. What's the Quiet Rapture?"

Simon paused, as if saying anything would get him in trouble, or worse. If this truly was real, if this was actually happening.. would telling the truth get him thrown out? Maybe not the Quiet Rapture but.. Eden.. Filament Station..

"You first. How is Earth.. alive?" He tried, not wanting to talk just yet. "Why are you here?"

"I mean.. Okay. So.. This is gonna take a second." Grace started, seeing how Simon was, true to his name, listening intently. "I come from Earth. There was something eating our sun and we needed to figure out how to stop it, we called it Astrophage, the star eater. If we hadn't have intervened, the sun would have continued to disappear and.. well that's not good. For anyone."

He saw Simon's eyes light up at those words, listening even more intently.

"We figured out that it was travelling across a specific line, the Petrova line, one that they were making with their own specific wavelength of light. There were so many of these lines, spreading out across the universe. You could see from Earth, all the stars were dimming, except one. Tau Ceti. It wasn't dimming. So.. I ended up in space, to figure out why." He wondered if Simon could tell that he was leaving out a pretty significant part but his chest still ached to think about it. He didn't want to get into it. "I met Rocky, his planet had the same problem, their star was dying. He was on the same mission that I was. On Tau Ceti, we managed to find a predator for astrophage, wwe called it taumoeba. We split ways, Rocky had his own supply of taumoeba to take back to Erid and I had mine to take back to Earth. On my way back, it became apparent that the containers Rocky had made from Xenonite.. the taumoeba had figured out how to eat through it. Rocky's ship was completely made of xenonite. His ship would leak and he would die alone. So I sent off the probes to Earth and turned around. I had to go back to him."

He could tell Simon still had questions. Grace didn't know if he could answer them. "Then we found you."

Simon was staring at him still, something like tears forming in his eyes, "From where I come from.. the stars are dead. We don't know why. They just.. disappeared one day, all the planets too."

He didn't know why he was telling Grace all of this, he didn't know why he was confessing this all to a stranger.. but there was something in his eyes that told him that it was okay.. that it was safe.

"Everything but the stations. Billions of humans just.. gone. And we were left in the hell that got left behind. Humanity is always the same, it devolved into a them versus us dynamic and we started killing each other for survival. For resources. We-"

Simon suddenly cut off, staring down at the table, squeezing his eyes shut but scowling softly at himself.

"Oh my god. You're from a timeline that I failed." Grace said breathlessly. "That's why we couldn't track your ship, we couldn't see where it had been or where it was coming from, you just appeared... into the middle of nowhere in space. You survived in space in a submarine.. because of.. Oh my god. Simon, I.. I'm sorry."

He moved around the table, looking at Simon, not trying to force his gaze. "I'm so sorry."

"There was a solution?" Came the whisper. "We could've survived?"

Grace tentatively laid a hand on Simon's shoulder, surprised when he didn't shrug him off, he flinched, sure, but nothing further. He looked.. empty. Grace didn't blame him. The situation that he had found Simon in, to have that be a pretty much normal thing in his universe, he couldn't imagine how much worse the rest of it had to be. Simon leant forwards, resting his forehead onto the table as he shook.