wait, do people know about aziraphale and crowleyâs new yearâs resolutions
at some point neil gaiman and terry pratchett wrote these up and theyâre very good
Resolution #1: I must accept that Super-Gluing valuable coins to the sidewalk and then watching events from a nearby cafĂŠ is not proper demonic activity.
Resolution #2: The same applies to rearranging the letters on wayside pulpits.
Resolution #3: Try to come up with something as good as cell phone ringtones, following one last stab at convincing Downstairs that cell phone ringtones are right up there in the whole Human Misery stakes. And iPods. Has anybody Down There even said thank you for iPods? Or âGoogling yourself?â Frankly, I deserve some kind of award for âGoogling yourself.â
Resolution #4: I must encourage greedy people to use the term, âLow-hanging fruit,â because thatâs just like old times.
Resolution #5: This year, I will get a desk near the window.
Resolution #6: I will try to understand why Hell is a no-smoking area. I just think itâs ridiculous having to stand around outside the gates, thatâs all.
Resolution #7: On the orders of Head Office I will encourage the belief in Intelligent Design, because it upsets everyone.
Resolution #8: Stop Googling myself.
Resolution #1: Spread peace and love and glad tidings of great joy throughout the world. Also try to get out more.
Resolution #2: I will be charitable to people who use the term âcore values,â however difficult this may be.
Resolution #3: Notwithstanding Resolution #2 (above), I will redouble my efforts to have the utterance of the phrase âcore valuesâ classified as a deadly sin. I believe Himself is with me on this one.
Resolution #4: I will try to be nicer to the customers. They want to buy books; I want to sell them. It canât be that hard. (Memo to self: Regular opening hours? Mark prices on books?)
Resolution #5: I will try to be polite to Gabriel, no matter what the provocation.
Resolution #6: Find out exactly what an âInternetâ is.
Resolution #7: Really must resume dancing lessons. Learn the âGalloping Major,â the âGay Gordons,â the âMashed Potatoes.â Possibly even the âTwistâ?
Resolution #8: Thwart Infernal Wiles (ongoing).
Resolution #9: I will try to understand why Heaven is a non-smoking area.
Resolution #10: On the orders of Head Office I will encourage the belief in Intelligent Design â despite the fact that the human airway crosses the digestive tract. Who thought that was intelligent?
Resolution #11: Feed the ducks.
the original link seems to have died somewhere along the way, but hooray for the wayback machine