sorry for bleeding all over your carpet

if anyone needs me i’ll be alone in my tower

i would like to officially thank sesame for its seeds, its oil, and of course its street

Oh WOW what a lovely portrait!

it IS monday. Let's get it on cunts

They tried to execute me yesterday but my ass was too fat to fit in the electric chair so they just told me to promise I'd stop posting stupid shit. Which I obviously did not agree to.

another history making marvel post I never see anyone talk about is “so is nobody helping blade kill all those vampires”

a thing about me is i basically never notice a wig or other kind of hairpiece in tv/movies. it has to be party city territory for me to even twig it. people will complain about characters' wigs looking bad and i will nod along but there is like a 90% chance i did not notice for a second while watching. i consider this mostly a blessing.

in all fairness, toddlers are funny as fuck. babies will cry because they are experiencing at least ten different senses for the first time all at once and it’s a bit overwhelming for them. fair enough. toddlers will make the most wretched sound you’ve ever heard because you wouldn’t let them run out into a car park and die

Hey guys, did you know that if you ever post a GIF on this website, be it in your own original post or otherwise, you’ll get notified whenever someone finds it via the Tumblr GIF search feature and adds it to a post? I think more people should know about this because there’s always a chance, albeit small, that someone will come across the random GIF of old-timey people clapping and cheering you attached to a funny post about worms making music five years ago and deem it the perfect reaction image for the video of a person pissing inside another person’s asshole they’re about to reblog, which Tumblr will helpfully link directly to you via an incredibly cryptic, very curiosity-inducing notification that says nothing but “tumblruser47266 has added your genre-defying work to a post”.

i haven’t been real for a few days thinking about becoming real again soon though

Japanese quail (Coturnix japonica)