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@queezles

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i was talking to max about how my hometown in NC has changed since he’s been gone and he pointed out that our town is quickly becoming a wtnv situation. for instance:
apparently our high school, which is 96 years old and looks like a 16th century gothic castle (complete with lion gargoyles), has a fourth floor that no one really knew about until this year. no one knows how long it’s been in the building but from pictures it looks completely different than the rest and has a strange metal staircase in a spiral pattern.
there is also a basement in the high school with a swimming pool but no one is allowed down there and it is starting to rot the first floor.
for a good while there was a nice elderly black man that would stand outside of random stores and street corners and dance to make people smile. however, in the past few months he has disappeared and is nowhere to be found.
we have a kapstone paper mill in our town and it is regularly normal but some days the smell is absolutely overwhelming and blankets the town like a thick fog.
the abandoned movie theater is blocked off to the public but i was talking to some girls from school about it who occasionally break in to chill what it is like on the inside, and they said that there is a giant, bottomless hole in the entrance’s floor so they have to tiptoe across a single plank of wood to get to the other side.
fairly popular places in town will close down for literally no reason.
one time a tornado came through our town and it destroyed the sonic drive-in and a car dealership next to it but no debris could be found. only the empty lots were there. they rebuilt the sonic in less than a month but the car rental lot was kept empty and now bored teenagers harp around it like vultures.
one time my grandmother saw an unidentified animal in our backyard. she thought it was a fox but when my dog barked at it, it stood up on its back legs and ran away.
fox and coyote sightings are becoming strangely frequent in one single area of town and no one knows why???? its like they all congregate near a horse stable by an old junkyard my cousin used to work at.
whenever a dog runs away from home they all end up coming to my house. every dog that gets loose.
my grandmother saw an unidentified bird in a tree and i still can’t figure out what kind it was based on her description.
sometimes you can hear random gunshots and loud, unknown bestial screams in the uptown areas
there’s probably more but i don’t really get out much. these are just things that i’ve witnessed myself or is common knowledge in town.
another addition:
everyone forgets our mayor’s name and we’re not sure who our current mayor even is
#this town is a cryptid
I’m sleepsy tired but I can’t fall asleep. So here, have me singing Both Of You from SU in the dark.
Fan Bingbing | Trendshealth (China) July 2016 via Chen Man

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I wonder what else Faquarl thinks about yours truly. Arguing on the internet over my Harry Potter house, so very flattering.
Are you quite done making love to your own rear end?
Not quite, I need to savor this moment.
I took a few seconds out of my day to insult you “on the internet” and you absolutely lose your mind at the fact I even acknowledged you. Hm. Well then.
Savor it while it lasts then, I suppose.
Oh. Faquarl it’s subtext. It was more than a petty insult. You actually had to sit down and think about me. I’m not afraid to admit that I can see your secret admiration of Yours Truly.
How you managed to type that without vomiting is what I’d like to know.
Can’t admit to yourself the truth of your feelings? Being so emotionally constipated must be exhausting.
You’re gushing like a preteen girl and to be perfectly frank it’s mildly disturbing.
Actually, I’m gushing like a proper Djinni. Thank you.
I’ll be completely honest here, if this is how you react when I take an opportunity to insult you, I really don’t want to know how you’d react if for some ungodly reason I complimented you instead.
Is this you testing the waters? Go on, Faquarl. Tell me I’m pretty.
You literally go out of your way to look “pretty” on a daily basis.
…
…
Aheh..
See, now was that so hard?
That wasn’t a compliment it was a statement of fact. You preen, it’s common knowledge.
So it’s fact that you think I’m the prettiest?
No, that honor goes to @queezles, great effort though.
Awww. I come back from sentry duty to this. I’m flattered, Faquarl.
(text here cut for length)
Ahem. Settle down you two, as much as I love being fawned over in this manner (with some.. Very wrong details) I must assure you that I… Er. Well. On the account of I, Bartimaeus, being a bird or Hufflepuff. Badger. I don’t see why a talking hat would decide what animal I decide to take shape of. (Do I know this talking hat? I don’t recall any such encounters or why they feel the need to uhm. Sort me. I’m very unsortable, you know, versatile in the best of ways.) And also, why would anyone desire to stick themselves in a place called Hogwarts. I don’t mean to sound prissy but that sounds thoroughly unpleasant.
Originally posted by ohsiriuslee
@askfaquarl Perhaps you’d like to go first? It only seems polite. Age before beauty.
You know, I’m honestly unsure where to start. I mean obviously, it’s very clear that Bartimaeus has never read Harry Potter, that much from the evidence is damning, but I am wondering how he’s gone this long without even having heard of the series. I mean that would be one thing, but to save face he’s attempted a bad show of trying to look like he does know what he’s talking about which is a piece of hilarity in its own right. Then again, he did assume we were “fawning over him” which is as per usual given his bloated sense of self importance.
Honestly though…? Yes. Sure. The hat CLEARLY decides what form one must choose for the rest of their lives, and CLEARLY you would prefer being a bird over a badger or snake, that is definitely what we are discussing here. The hat functions as a “tag yourself” meme and I’m apparently the squid that lives in the lake.
Of course I know what Harry Potter is. It’s a series of children fantasy novels written by a woman name J. K. Rowling. See? Hah. But what is actually funny here, is your need to respond to this poor sap and the fellow poor saps in the reblogs and correct them on my behalf. Thinly veiled need to protect my good name perhaps? Oh how quaint. But no matter, obviously since I know this series of books and.. Oh, movies? Interesting. Ahem- Since I know this so well I can choose my own how and maybe you guessed right with the er… Ravenclaw? Silly name… Or maybe you didn’t. Maybe Queezle is right about the land mammal. (She is the second most clever in the room currently I think we all can agree.)
#-subtly deletes internet history-
…You just googled “harry potter” didn’t you.
is bartimaeus a slytherin or a hufflepuff? discuss
Everyone in this thread is wrong, and it’s amusing frankly. Let’s be reasonable here; Bartimaeus would actually be in Ravenclaw. Not because he’s particularly smart or anything, but because that’s the house Ptolemy would most likely be placed into. One way or another, he’d somehow worm his way in as well. He’s also thick enough to try and get into a house based on aesthetic choices and quaint animal mascots. Birds trump snakes and badgers in both respects going by his tastes alone.
Anyhow hogwarts sorting works about as well as one of those sketchy online quizzes. It’s all according to the whims of a suspicious hat which really isn’t a proper basis for a system of any form of governance.
Oh, really, Faquarl. Mudslinging again?
Allow me to be perfectly frank - though I’m certain Bartimaeus would love to have you believe a million things otherwise, in his strange and weird ancient heart of hearts, the poor old thing is a truly softhearted soul. He likes to keep that sort of thing quiet, but I can only listen to so many swooning soliloquies made in quiet shadows and private alleys across the times we’ve known each other before coming to this frankly quite informed opinion. Of course, I’m not at liberty to divulge the contents of such conversations - friendship being secrecy, and secrecy friendship, and all that - but I think I can put him soundly in the category of nocturnal land mammal in this capacity.
When it comes to Ptolemy, Bartimaeus has always (in his discussions with me, anyway) been very sensible in describing the differences between himself and his…erstwhile master. He’s not really so hard-up on imitation, just on admiration. I don’t think even he has a predilection for following anyone he loves so closely as to fake his way into a Hogwarts house he doesn’t belong to - I seem to remember him speaking most highly of a week in which he was allowed to roam the world without the supervision of a particular master.
Besides, it’s not as though the hat decides, or even that the houses really have so much distinction - in the end, I suspect it’s what the student feels. Besides - loyalty or ambition or bravery or curiosity? Don’t we all have all of those, in one way or another? I guess it’s just a way to see what each student values the most in themselves.
Ahem. Settle down you two, as much as I love being fawned over in this manner (with some.. Very wrong details) I must assure you that I… Er. Well. On the account of I, Bartimaeus, being a bird or Hufflepuff. Badger. I don’t see why a talking hat would decide what animal I decide to take shape of. (Do I know this talking hat? I don’t recall any such encounters or why they feel the need to uhm. Sort me. I’m very unsortable, you know, versatile in the best of ways.) And also, why would anyone desire to stick themselves in a place called Hogwarts. I don’t mean to sound prissy but that sounds thoroughly unpleasant.
@askfaquarl Perhaps you’d like to go first? It only seems polite. Age before beauty.
I was fine with the men Who would come into her life now and again. I was fine ‘cause I knew That they didn’t really matter until you. I was fine when you came And we fought like it was all some silly game Over her. Who she’d choose. After all those years those years I never thought I’d lose
It’s over, isn’t it, isn’t it, isn’t it over? It’s over, isn’t it, isn’t it, isn’t it over? You won and she chose you And she loved you and she’s gone. It’s over isn’t it? Why can’t I move on?
War and glory. Reinvention. Fusion. Freedom. Her attention. Out in daylight. My potential. Bold. Precise. Experimental.
Who am I now in this world without her? Petty and dull with the nerve to doubt her, What does it matter? It’s already done. Now I’ve got to be there for her son.
It’s over, isn’t it, isn’t it, isn’t it over? It’s over, isn’t it, isn’t it, isn’t it over? You won and she chose you And she loved you and she’s gone.
It’s over isn’t it? Why can’t I move on? It’s over isn’t it? Why can’t I move on?
“in principle there’s nothing shameful about struggling when a building falls upon you.”
i love bart tries to justify his shortcomings (like when he says it’s perfectly acceptable to only operate on seven planes) bc as much as he brags there is some insecurity there

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is bartimaeus a slytherin or a hufflepuff? discuss
Everyone in this thread is wrong, and it’s amusing frankly. Let’s be reasonable here; Bartimaeus would actually be in Ravenclaw. Not because he’s particularly smart or anything, but because that’s the house Ptolemy would most likely be placed into. One way or another, he’d somehow worm his way in as well. He’s also thick enough to try and get into a house based on aesthetic choices and quaint animal mascots. Birds trump snakes and badgers in both respects going by his tastes alone.
Anyhow hogwarts sorting works about as well as one of those sketchy online quizzes. It’s all according to the whims of a suspicious hat which really isn’t a proper basis for a system of any form of governance.
Oh, really, Faquarl. Mudslinging again?
Allow me to be perfectly frank - though I’m certain Bartimaeus would love to have you believe a million things otherwise, in his strange and weird ancient heart of hearts, the poor old thing is a truly softhearted soul. He likes to keep that sort of thing quiet, but I can only listen to so many swooning soliloquies made in quiet shadows and private alleys across the times we’ve known each other before coming to this frankly quite informed opinion. Of course, I’m not at liberty to divulge the contents of such conversations - friendship being secrecy, and secrecy friendship, and all that - but I think I can put him soundly in the category of nocturnal land mammal in this capacity.
When it comes to Ptolemy, Bartimaeus has always (in his discussions with me, anyway) been very sensible in describing the differences between himself and his...erstwhile master. He’s not really so hard-up on imitation, just on admiration. I don’t think even he has a predilection for following anyone he loves so closely as to fake his way into a Hogwarts house he doesn’t belong to - I seem to remember him speaking most highly of a week in which he was allowed to roam the world without the supervision of a particular master.
Besides, it’s not as though the hat decides, or even that the houses really have so much distinction - in the end, I suspect it’s what the student feels. Besides - loyalty or ambition or bravery or curiosity? Don’t we all have all of those, in one way or another? I guess it’s just a way to see what each student values the most in themselves.
In light of gayimmigrantdeathrayboy‘s post on who to fight do not under any circumstances fight Jabor. Do not fight Jabor. Don’t do it. Don’t do that. Why on earth would you do that? You will die. “Shiny objects” will do nothing. He is not an Uttuku. Have you mistaken him for an Uttuku? You have, haven’t you? He will eat you and you will die. Do not fight Jabor. Do not engage. Nobody fights Jabor. Not willingly anyway. Don’t fight Jabor. DON’T fight Jabor. Don’t fight Jabor.
Have I made myself clear here yet? Have you actually seen him eating on a regular basis? You will congeal and dissolve slowly in excruciating pain. Don’t fight Jabor. DO NOT fight Jabor. Have I made myself clear yet.
Do not fight Jabor.
Additionally, the information concerning Bartimaeus in said post is also false. Bartimaeus can’t beat you. I once saw Bartimaeus get soundly rebooted by a set of poorly mannered imps he managed to get on the bad side of. Luck is always on his side in the general “survival” sense - not so much so in a fight. Fight Bartimaeus. Destroy him. Listen to the lamentations of him, in the guise of a woman, and laugh it up while he quietly plots revenge.
On second thought, maybe don’t fight Bartimaeus, anyway. You’re only human, after all. He’ll be spreading nasty rumors about you for an eternity after you’re gone.
In light of gayimmigrantdeathrayboy‘s post on who to fight do not under any circumstances fight Jabor. Do not fight Jabor. Don’t do it. Don’t do that. Why on earth would you do that? You will die. “Shiny objects” will do nothing. He is not an Uttuku. Have you mistaken him for an Uttuku? You have, haven’t you? He will eat you and you will die. Do not fight Jabor. Do not engage. Nobody fights Jabor. Not willingly anyway. Don’t fight Jabor. DON’T fight Jabor. Don’t fight Jabor.
Have I made myself clear here yet? Have you actually seen him eating on a regular basis? You will congeal and dissolve slowly in excruciating pain. Don’t fight Jabor. DO NOT fight Jabor. Have I made myself clear yet.
Do not fight Jabor.
#on the other hand fight Jabor #I could use a good laugh
In light of gayimmigrantdeathrayboy‘s post on who to fight do not under any circumstances fight Jabor. Do not fight Jabor. Don’t do it. Don’t do that. Why on earth would you do that? You will die. “Shiny objects” will do nothing. He is not an Uttuku. Have you mistaken him for an Uttuku? You have, haven’t you? He will eat you and you will die. Do not fight Jabor. Do not engage. Nobody fights Jabor. Not willingly anyway. Don’t fight Jabor. DON’T fight Jabor. Don’t fight Jabor.
Have I made myself clear here yet? Have you actually seen him eating on a regular basis? You will congeal and dissolve slowly in excruciating pain. Don’t fight Jabor. DO NOT fight Jabor. Have I made myself clear yet.
Do not fight Jabor.
#on the other hand fight Jabor #I could use a good laugh
The Royal Ballet’s production of Giselle ¨*•♫♪

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Shoes
1926-1928
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i feel it in my bones, i’m on F I R E
FUCK
hit the reblog so fast i think i broke my mouse
holY F U cKKKKkKKKkkkkkKKKKK
HOLY FUCK THIS KNOCKED MY SIDEWAYS