Hi! Name's Addie (she/her) and this is my main blog where I post and reblog almost anything.
I love video games. Survival horror is probably my favorite genre, but I play a bit of everything. I'm very big on Signalis, Half-Life, Metroid, old school PC games and all things PS1/PS2. My favorite worlds are what led to me to eventually finding my passion in writing and creating quite a few original characters to participate in them, whether through completely standalone stories set in-universe or even participating in the main events.
I'm really bad at handling side blogs, so this place is kind of a dumping ground for almost everything related to my interests and spam reblogging whatever catches my eye like art, shitposts, politics etc.
I also like to talk about how I'm doing in general, so you can expect a chain of posts like that here and there.
Some time back i've gotten into FFVII and FFXIII, and it kinda rekindled my love for writing through shipping and writing my own characters, and that's what i mainly post about. I've already finished the story of my main FFVII one - Aya - Claudia Strife's future wife who survives the Nibelheim Incident with her and this starts her journey to self-discovery. Sometimes I also write fics on ao3, so far exclusively FFVII ones, and usually involving my OCs, but I want to branch out when possible.
My other interests involve women, tinkering with electronics, 5th/6th gen computer graphics, old software, plants, image/video editing, drawing (sometimes ;-;), and I really want to get into making music, when it's possible.
Here's the list of my OCs!
I divide my posts into following tags:
text.qd - mostly text posts about anything.
ao3.qd - my writing
screen.qd - screenshots. I enjoy snapping pics in video games, and as long as there is some artistic intent to them, if that makes sense, they'll be under this tag.
anim.qd - screen.qd but gifs.
ask.qd - me answering questions
tag.qd - tag games
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reading ep1 made me melancholic. not only were all the party members splitting up into their own directions, with Fang and Vanille in their crystal, though very comfy and aware, sleep, while Lightning's situation was building up towards her role in ffxiii-2, but it also kinda marks the end of ffxiii for me. i've played the game, read all the surrounding stories*, outlined its story for Raine, and can move onto ffxiii-2. and i still feel like i'm gonna miss it greatly.
there's something deeply unnerving in the way Serah realizes that Lightning isn't there anymore. the way she reacts and how it troubles her, as if she couldn't trust herself and at the same time felt that she's been taken away from her, as if the reality itself shifted. and if it's like i've heard it is in the game, it's not that far off, and is terrifying.
for the hundredth time, the nature of the relationship between Light and Serah is making me emotional. it all can be already read from Light's actions and dialogue in the game, but ep0 put it further into perspective, and here in ep1 it's basically all laid out. and i won't get more of them going forward, is that correct?
all we get is reminiscing about the times that passed, and in case of ep0, longing for them, fear of losing them forever. the memories of holding hands, of being the only ones there for each other, of that trip for just the two of them that never came to fruition. i haven't even experienced any of it and i already miss it.
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i already liked Serah from her flashbacks in the game and the stories from ep0, and i wished i could see more of her, but her feelings of guilt after waking up is something that makes me even more excited to play a whole game as her. from what i gather, she actually goes on to become a teacher before ffxiii-2, but i can see it expanding further to her motivation in the game, and getting to know her better is always a plus
People don't get that non passing trans women are not seen as men, they are seen as non passing trans women and are treated the way they are according to the social script for trans women, which is transmisogyny.
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she has emotions, she can feel pain, she knows fear far too well. she carries trauma, she can be broken if you're too rough with her. she needs hugs, people to talk with, people to laugh with, to feel safe with. all of the pain she's been put through has been 100% real, but so too is all of the love you can show her
like idc if shes voice trained or not or somewhere in between hearing a trans womans voice is so lovely and warm it lifts my spirits and makes me feel at home trans women i love it when you speak keep doing that
we dont fucking get voice change on hrt. we dont get to post monthly fucking updates on how affirming our voices are. we either get ridiculed for having deep "masculine" voices or we have to spend so much fucking time and effort and money to practice a voice we have to consciously use every fucking time. and you come on my fucking post celebrating transfem voices and have the fucking audacity to bring up how lovely it is trans men get their voices changed on hrt? fuck yourself
It's still insane to me that people hear "my trans daughter" and are more likely to think "I'm misgendering my transmasc or non-binary child" and sympathetically nod along than they are to understand it as "my daughter who is a trans woman"
And they're more sympathetic to the first one!!! Even if they themselves are queer! Because the assumption is "my kid is having a phase" rather than "I am a supportive parent". Which is to say the assumption is that only ppl who were assigned female at birth come out as trans as minors (no one wants to talk about what factors might influence that tho). We need to kill everyone!!!!!!
Since it's been about two months since I've started working on Raine, and a very detailed outline of her story covers most of the first game already, I think it's safe to finally fully introduce her.
Ever since I've started FFXIII and quickly realized that whenever I wasn't playing, I was thinking about the game, I knew I would try making an OC. After some experimentation with backstories, I ended up with Raine. At first, I was exploring her reactions to the events of the game as a potential party member, and her relationships with the rest of the characters, but it didn't take long until I've come up with a solid foundation for her story, and I've been hard at work on her ever since, enough to put my FFVII projects aside for the time being. I can safely say she's already joined the list of my favorite OCs, and I hope to extend her story to FFXIII-2 and Lightning Returns, whenever I get around to playing them (soon).
Given the circumstances surrounding her creation, as well as my belief that FFXIII's strength lies in its characters, beyond talking events it's only fair to also cover about what lies beyond the surface, as well as how her story works with the game's themes, accidentally or not. I'm not sure how I'm gonna present her full story yet; if it's gonna be something like Aya's page or something completely different, or when that might happen, so I may as well let you in on some things now.
Raine Amaranthe is a rookie NORA member who has moved to Bodhum not too long before the Purge at the suggestion of her internet friend, Lebreau (thanks Lebreau). Given the previous experiences that made her leave her hometown in the first place, she's largely distrustful of people, and being new in the seaside town and her group of friends, she struggles with feeling like she doesn't belong.
She displays high proficiency in hand-to-hand combat, proving herself to Snow in person after he doesn't make a good impression and causes her to challenge him to a fight as a way to test her skills instead, to his reluctance. Taken aback by her speed and technique, compared to his reliance on raw strength, he ends up on the ground and welcoming her to the team. Her turbulent start with Snow causes her first days with NORA to be even more stressful than they should be, as she can feel other members' eyes on her.
Charismatic on the outside, reserved on the inside, at first Raine largely relies on Lebreau - now her roommate - for any warmth. At some point she meets Serah, who's already hanging out with Snow and therefore the rest of NORA, and they have a few friendly interactions, one of which marks the beginning of their friendship, which gives her hope that her new life can work out after all.
The day before the official start of the story, Raine gets caught by PSICOM after trying to run away with the other members of NORA, bound to board the same train as Lightning. Recognizing the soldier from her time in Bodhum and Serah's stories, she decides to keep close to her and Sazh, to stay safe and help her save her younger sister while at it, to Lightning's initial dismay.
After the group gets branded Pulse l'Cie, Raine takes it really badly and draws parallels between her current situation and previous experiences related to her identity. Put on a path with Lightning, who she's already acquainted with by this time, and Hope, who she recognizes from a pleasant interaction she had with his mom a few days back, getting progressively more worried about both, she's bound to bond with them and develop romantic feelings for Lightning, hopefully put her own differences with Snow aside, and conquer some of her own long-overstaying demons.
Themes
As a transfem, Raine fits the game's themes of hope and defying fate very well, as well as its themes of friendship and mutual support, though each of them presents itself in a unique manner compared to the canon characters, together creating something very personal for her.
Put on her last legs the moment she becomes a l'Cie, not only is she completely hopeless, but feels robbed of the life she had only started building for herself a few years ago. Having a target painted on her back, she can't help but draw parallels to her place in society as a marginalized person herself, which only emphasizes the hopelessness of her situation. She desperately tries to hold on to what's always been working for her - having a goal in mind and staying focused on it - and she relates to Lightning when she notices the similarities in her way of coping after Serah enters her crystal stasis. Still, all of her efforts are rendered insufficient and lead to further deterioration of her mental health, as seen through the development of her brand, being more accelerated than others', which eventually leads to her dramatic moment in Palumpolum, where alone, stranded and ready to call it quits, she encounters her Eidolon. Only after beating it, she decides to keep fighting as she has been for years by now, fully realizing the familiarity of her situation and settling on trying her best even if it leads to her death in the end.
Similarly, ending up in a new group of people, all branded l'Cie and put in the same situation as her - while at first doesn't mean anything to her, as she grows closer to them, meets Fang who instantly displays care for everyone, sees how Snow's presence positively affects Lightning and the others, and how everyone is there for each other, she's forced to reevaluate her distrust towards people that she's been defaulting to for years. This causes her to grow more hopeful over time, come to terms with her situation and feel like her place is with her new friends, whatever happens. With her newfound strength, later in the story she often becomes the voice of reason when others are in doubt.
Raine's personality and journey are further shown through more subtle things. Though capable of masking well, she becomes even further reserved after becoming a l'Cie. She seems to display maternal instinct when it comes to Hope, becoming another motherly/big sister figure to him as the story progresses, though she denies having it. As a result, she feels for Sazh's situation as well, yet she can't help but side with Hope and trust him when he talks about his father. For all of her history and proficiency in martial arts, she turns out to be a very delicate person - she ended up being quite similar to Tifa Lockhart in this regard - and still, she's disgruntled with Cocoon enough to side with Fang she's ready to destroy it herself to save Vanille and others, and she has her reasons for this as well. Her disdain for Snow put against times when she sees it fair to defend him is also supposed to further provide Lightning with a more level-headed view on NORA and Snow himself.
Her l'Cie brand is placed on the inner part of her right forearm, her Eidolon is Hades - a representation of death, based on an FFVII summon capable of powerful debuffs, for Raine to control it and use to her own benefit as she grows - and yet, mirroring her last name, her Eidolith takes shape of an amaranth flower - a symbol of endurance, immortality and eternal love.
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