america is a police state

peak cooking competition humor is when a contestant doesn’t know where or what something is and the camera just slowly zooms in on it

just thought of a really bad joke while arranging dishes does anyone wanna hear it

me as a gamer mom trying to get my gamer son to eat vegetables: there’s a new freezer update called “ice cream” but it’s only accessible if you 100% this plate of broccoli

these days I make typos and press send anyway, it is what it is

why is this so funny

Hi i am Deficient in so many minerals and im about to do something ill regret

just found out today that moths can make their genitals vibrate to throw off a bat’s sonar

we can too you’re just not skilled yet

Me helicoptering my dick so the cops can’t triangulate my cellphone signal

i dont fear you or your polycule

Me before I get killed by the mafia

i told my family about the rabbinic definition of a “wall” as “a barrier that impedes the passage of goats” and my mother was so delighted by this that weeks later she showed me a photo of a baby goat squeezing itself under a gate and was like “this is NOT a wall!” 

@creekfiend 

If the baby goat had to squeeze through, that may suffice? Impeding can mean slowing down or delaying or making more difficult, so if the gate posed enough of a challege, it may be a wall.

A wall that does not stop goats is not a kosher wall but the rabbis, IMO, define it too narrowly, as they say a wall two handsbreadths off the ground will stop a goat and admittedly I have kind of big hands but I’ve seen goats get through a smaller space than that on many occasions

My neighbor has a goat farm with a cattle grid instead of a gate on his driveway. It seems to contain them, to my surprise. Does a cattle grid count as a “barrier”, and if so, could a goat-stopping cattle grid be considered a wall?

If it doesn’t stop a goat it’s not a wall, but if it does stop a goat it isn’t necessarily a wall

That’s not a barrier, Diogenes

OH YEAH PLATO? TRY AND GET PAST ME

I don’t need to. My goat army does.

[THUNDEROUS SOUND OF HOOVES]

[SOUND OF BONES SNAPPING AS MY STATUS AS A KOSHER WALL IS TRAMPLED BENEATH THOUSANDS OF GOATS]

I fucking love tumblr

Good job, team.  Let’s go home.