Funny that you‘ve found me ...

Just as promised, the first drawing of Crepitus. That was September 11th, 2023.

Day 7: Future

Deus found Crepitus after work. He usually has his regular route he takes, but for some reason his feet carried him inside an alley this day. It was dimly lit, red lights flickering and giving an eerie glow. The noise from the red light district was muted, so Deus was able to hear a small crying voice. Curiosity got the better of him and he followed the weak sound deeper into the alley. He was not prepared what he found. There, on a dumpster, was a small cowering child. A Turian one, no older than two. Biotic energy discharges uncontrolled from it, making the air heavy with static. Around the child were the splattered remains of a Varren pack. They probably thought it an easy meal, not knowing what lies hidden inside that small frame. Deus, a biotic himself, recognised immediately that this child has no control over its power. He used his own biotic energy to stabilize the childs one, calm waves radiating from him and reaching out to the trembling body before him. Once calmed, Deus approached the child. By the overall condition it was in, he deduced this child (a boy, it seems) was left here days ago. Child abandonment is nothing new on Omega, but Deus was never confronted with that situation before. For now, Deus decided to keep this fledgling at his side. Many children in Omega will never have the chance for a future, but he can make sure that this little firecracker has a good headstart at least. Even if it means for Deus to become a temporary father.

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When Crepitus was brought back to him, Deus felt relief and grief in equal measure. His dear child, his son, traumatized beyond recovery. Something Deus swore to never let it happen again, not after Crepitus abandonment by his real parents. Has his child not suffered enough? Has he, Deus, done something that angered the spirits to such an extent that they thought this an fitting punishment? To many thoughts were swirling in his head, threatening to suffocate him. So he shoved them all into the back of his mind. For now, Deus will embrace his beloved son and hold him tight. He will deal with the „why’s?“ later. His top priority right now is to make sure Crepitus needs are met. His child is back and alive, and Deus will make sure that there’s still a place for him in this fucked up universe. His son will have a future. Even if it means for Deus to place his trust in others to take care of his child.

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Once he found his son again after the Reaper war, Crepitus was in a comatose state. The doctors said that his body still operates on its basic level, but his brain shows no activity. The suggestion to „let him rest“ was met with the fury of a father who was not ready to say goodbye give up. His son has his whole life ahead of him, especially now without the Reapers. No, Deus knows there‘s still a chance for his child to wake up. It‘ll just take time. Deus is a patient man (unlike that male who stole his sons heart) and once Crepitus comes back to him, he will make sure his son has a bright future to look forward to. Even if it means to accept the fact that there is someone else besides him in his sons life now.

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„I‘m glad that you finally accepted me as your sons mate. I was worried I‘d never get your blessing. Not that it would’ve changed anything if you refused. But it‘s nicer that way. Makes the ‘family visits‘ less akward.“

„You‘re still on thin fucking ice. I support my son in whatever way possible, but if you want the same treatment you‘d better make sure I don’t see any sort discontent in Crepitus eyes.“

„Is that a challenge I hear? You sure you want that, knowing who you‘re talking to? I mean, I have no problem with that. But I feel a bit bad knowing it‘s a losing battle on your side.“

„Hah! Maybe I will allow myself to concede defeat once you‘ve TRULY committed to my son, ceremony and all!“

„Hmm. You might want to consider another objective, given the one you speak of is already in progress. Actually nearly done, now that I think about it. Only the date hasn‘t been set yet.“

„…WHAT?!“

Note:

When Crepitus woke up, the first thing he noticed was a ring on his finger. Then he noticed the one responsible for that. And THEN he realised that this is actually real and not some dream, because otherwise it wouldn’t have happend in a bleak, sterile hospital room. He nearly went unconscious again, but was stopped by the crushing weight of responsibility draping itself over his body in the form of a very happy (and crying) Turian. His father joined at a later time, but the ring Crepitus wore was put away for safety measures (so it won’t get dirty!). And Garrus had his gloves on, so… 

Deus actually likes Garrus, but given how cocky the latter can be, he decides to put a lid on his ego now and then. Can‘t have him becoming reckless again, given how good Garrus is in finding trouble. Or getting roped into some. Luckily Garrus has had enough action and thrill for the time being, so a simple lifestyle is more than welcomed. And since Crepitus is still getting easley overwhelmed, they will live in a more rural setting. Somewhere cosy, without the hustling and bustling. 

Day 6: Species

When Garrus took his first look at Crepitus, all he could see was a Reaper abomination. What he saw was no Turian anymore and if not for Shepards intervention, he would’ve put a bullet in the head of this „thing“. Or multiple bullets, because his honor couldn’t forgive this deformation to one of his kind. Even aboard the Normandy, Garrus couldn‘t look at Crepitus for long just because of how uncanny he was. Like a synthetic wearing a Turian body. But Garrus had given himself the task to keep watch over Crepitus so when the Reaper he slipped up, Garrus has a solid reason to finally use a bullet (or multiple bullets). But this reason never came…

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Now, when Garrus looks at Crepitus, he sees a Turian that was deformed and twisted against his will. But still a Turian. While Garrus doesn‘t think Crepitus an abomination anymore, Crepitus himself does. He doesn’t belong to any species: no Turian and no synthetic. Something else, something wrong. So when Garrus pointed out all the things that make him see a synthetic before, he now tells Crepitus all the things that make him still a Turian, still organic. And when Crepitus jokes(?) about getting shot by none other than Archangel, Garrus will tell him that there is no reason to do so anymore.

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And in this moment, Garrus sees just how much organic Crepitus still is. A mechanical heart that accelerates its beat when Garrus touches him. Skin, while riddled with a synthetic network, that will give Garrus a verbal (and physical) response when his talons skim across it. Glowing optics, that dilate when Garrus looks at him. A voice, tinted with static, that trembles under the meticulous attention given to their owner. And shy reciprocation, like it‘s unbelievable that this is happening, by the right encouragement spoken. No Reaper could recreate this organic behavior, even if much of Crepitus body has become synthetic. He is still Turian, deep down. No question about it.

And should anyone judge Crepitus by his appearance and even try to harm him because of it, Garrus will gladly show them how wrong they are. Probably with multiple a bullet…

Note: Afterwards

Garrus: „This was only a little touch testing. For research. To find out how sensitive the physical feedback to different forces is. So you know just how fast the input will be processed by the brain. This will be helpful for future scenarios where physical impacts like getting wounded will be acknowledged and thus timely dealt with, for example. That‘s all. Nothing worth gossiping about. Don’t read to much into it. Especially you, Shepard!“

Shepard: „If you say so, Garrus. Crepitus will surely agree with your reasoning.“  ;)

Day 5: Struggle

We…no I. 

I often find myself wondering how much Turian I still am. Or when I cross the line from being organic to becoming synthetic. Am I something in between, or something completely different? When I start to self reflect like this and I struggle for answers, I seek It out. In the deepest part of my mind, where we would meet from time to time. This little mindspace, where It and I communicate with each other without any external influence. Here, I am myself and It is Itself: a Turian and a fraction of a Reapers mind. I speak into the void and Its echo will answer, accompanied by a reddish light. Often Its answers are cryptic or not helpful at all, but I don‘t blame It. Like I struggle to overcome my developed numbness to everything, It struggles by being overwhelmed with any sort of emotional in- or output. Headaches are just one side effect and I think I‘m getting one. We make quite a pair…

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„Really now, what are we?“

I sighed into the void and Its echo answers, red hue accompaning every word.

„SOMETHING BOTH OUR SPECIES DO NOT ACCEPT TO EXIST.“

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Right, we‘re both ‘tainted’ by the other. An organic butchered to fit synthetic parts in it and a machine forced to adapt to emotions. Neither wanted this, but we were in no position to argue (my imprisonment by the hand of Cerberus and It‘s imprisonment by their own kind through stasis). We are not welcomed. The Reapers would kill the little part of It‘s conscience once they find out what happened to It‘s ‘perfect’ code. And probably destroy the rest of Its mind resting in Its synthetic shell, just to be sure no contamination across their shared minds happens. 

Meanwhile I‘m a wanted research speciemen, only still alive because Shepard gave me sanctuary on their ship (and what a gift it was of them to allow me to see my father after all these years). Words could never express how grateful I am for Shepards (foolish) trust in me. When I struggle, I now have people who will listen and give me encouragement. And when It struggles, they will extend the same treatment to It. But this is all temporary and I know that.

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„So you accept our death at the end? Because I made peace with that. That’s the whole point after all. Kill your kind so others and mine can live. I will not ruin this chance because of your ‘survive at all cost’ mentality.“

„…I HAVE NO INTENTION TO. AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU. WE ARE INSEPARABLE. THAT MEANS WE CANNOT EXIST WITHOUT THE OTHER. BUT IT ALSO MEANS WE CAN SURVIVE BECAUSE OF EACH OTHER.“

„I sense a loophole. The chance is fifty-fifty that it’ll work. Alright, we will continue to fight then. And hope for the best. I must admit, I‘ve never thought to hear you talk with optimism. Guess you are learning to think outside your Reaper box.“ 

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I…no we.

We will continue to struggle against all odds. We didn’t care if we wasted away in our containment cell back then, but Shepard helped to change our mind (to see father again, having found friends and being accepted by them, visiting other planets with Garrus and having his company). Now, we have reasons to live. Now, we want to survive. 

Day 4: Home

The first time I saw him, they were red. Eyes with a cold hatred that gave me the same dreadful feeling as the machines incorporating them. I readied my rifle but Shepard wanted to talk instead. I kept my eyes trained on him, never wavering. He then looked at me and I stared back into these red, unnatural eyes.

„Hey there, my name‘s Shepard. We‘re here to rescue you because of your fathers wish. Let’s get you out of here, so you can finally get back home.“

I couldn’t believe this had actually worked…

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„Home is our father, so all we know is Omega. We‘ve never been anywhere else, beside that cell they‘ve kept us in.“

Shepard gave me a look. I could practically see the gears turning. Then a smirk crossed their lips and I knew I was going to get roped in whatever shenanigans they‘ve came up with.

„Well, in that case: How about we make a little trip to the citadel? I‘m sure we‘ll find a way to smuggle you in. It worked with Legion, after all.“

I just hope it‘s worth the risk…

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We had a shooting contest atop of the presidium. I‘ve won, naturally. But before I could gloat to Crepitus that I‘ve beaten Shepard, I got distracted by his expression while he looked at the scenery before him. His eyes were glowing in that bright and brilliant blue. He looked so innocent in that moment, with such childlike glee and wonder. I couldn‘t ruin this moment. Shepard had told me later that I had a similar look on my face when I watched him. I told them that they should get their eyes examined by Dr. Chakwas. That made both Shepard and Crepitus laugh and when he looked at me with his beautiful blue eyes, I thought to myself: Yeah, I guess it was worth the 137 broken regulations.

„I appreciate that you guys have a laugh at my expence, but how about we get a move on. I don’t want to deal with C-Sec, should we get caught. Let‘s go back home to Shepards temporary apartment.“

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„Maybe after you‘ve won, you can show us your birthplace. We‘d like to see Palaven.“

„Sure, if it still exists after all that. I even give you a sightseeing tour.“

His eyes are blue, with a hint of red creeping in. He‘s fighting hard to stay in control. It’s a loosing battle, with the machines influence around us. He won‘t accompany us for this last mission, lest we risk him jeopardizing our goal to destroy the reapers once and for all. He understands, but that doesn’t make me feel any better. His eyes are nearly red now. Time‘s up. I need to go now, no intent in giving him a reason to attack me. Yet, he smiles gently at me. It‘s his farewell, but it won’t be our last. I will make sure of that.

„Once the galaxy is saved, I‘ll take you to my hometown. Promise.“

„…we‘d like that. Very much.“

Note: Words written in italics are a sign that Crepitus voice is now similar to that of a reaper. It can happen when his eyes start turning red.

Day 3: Love

When my younger self had a nightmare, father would take me in his arms and hold me until I calmed down. He‘d gently talk to me („It‘s over now. And I‘m here for you.“), making sure that I stopped quivering and once I was finally calm, he would stay with me and sing lullabies until I fell asleep again. And once I woke up, the first thing I would feel is his warm embrace and I would feel safe, knowing he is here with me.

“I love you, dad!“

“And I love you, my little firecracker.“

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When our current self has a nightmare, we will be woken up because we wouldn’t stop screaming. We will lash out at the one who was so foolish to come close to us. But once we hear a gentle voice talking to us („Hey, it‘s ok. I‘ve got you.“), we will start to calm down. A hand will be offered, because sometimes every touch makes us uncomfortable, and often we take it. The voice will not sing, but will humm different melodies (and it‘s still soothing). We will hold the hand until we fall asleep again. And when we wake up, we will hear the voice gently tapping on a monitor and we would feel safer, knowing that the voice is here with us.

“…thank you for staying with us. We know you don’t have any obligation to, but-“

“I know. But it‘s my choice of what I will or won‘t do. And stop thanking me every time!“

Note: When does one cross the line from „liking“ to „loving“ someone? Crepitus must relearn which emotion is tied to what sensation. Is it butterflies or another anxiety attack? One half of him is often overwhelmed by emotions, the other half never had any emotions to begin with. These opposites result in him having no reaction at all or going „over the top“. Which is why it‘s easely noticeable when he is, for example, flustered. Lucky for him though, the culprit for such an outburst is pretty dense when it comes to recognizing any sort of attachment (much to the crews amusement).

Day 2: Friendships

„You look like a first and failed attempt of merging two species.“

„And you look like you‘ve kissed the wrong end of an Vorcha.“

Sometimes, friendship starts with a jab. And potentially escaping an exploding building while being shot at. But if asked, the answer one‘ll get will be a firm „I‘m just making sure that guy does nothing suspicious. So he‘ll stay with me cause even if Shepard trusts him, I don‘t.“ And before you know it, „that guy“ hangs around exclusively with you because you have to make sure he‘s distracted (so he can‘t do something suspicious!).

You give him tasks (mostly getting food because calibrations), letting him watch Fleet and Flotilla (it‘s educational), having conversations (more jabs) and occasionally letting him help with calibrations (not that it‘s necessary, but he can be a capable challenger). But it‘s only to keep an eye on him! So it‘s also normal to carefully talk him through one of his mental breakdowns. Or to keep him company when he has night terrors again. Or… when he looks at you devoid of emotions and says „We are terrified of ourselves.“, you answer:„Thats why you‘ll stay with me so I can continue to keep an eye on you. Or both eyes, when I’m not calibrating.“ That answer often gets you a smile, sometimes even a playful shove along with it.

When one asks Garrus if he sees „that guy“ as a friend, he‘ll answer: „No. I‘m just keeping an eye on him, cause I don’t trust him to keep himself away from danger. And he has a name, thank you.“

Day 1: Family

Image you raise your son on your own on Omega. He‘s a real sweetheart, chippy and curious. You do your best to ensure he will have a good life and a bright future. But sometimes, that won‘t be enough. He will grow to become a young adult, does dubious jobs to help you (though you wish he didn‘t) and one day, he vanishes.  Years later, he will be brought back to you. Rescued by kind, empathic but also slightly weird individuals. He has been changed against his will and it is not 100% clear if he is even himself or something else. But he is still your son. And just as you always have, you will support him and do your best to ensure he will still have a future to look forward to. Even if it means helping him and the (still) weird commander and their crew in any way possible.

Click the headline for the link.

It‘s an article from Kyle T Webster about his thoughts of GenAI. Personally, I found it nice to read. It is written with humor (which I like) yet is still able to adress some problems with the needed seriousness. It is also pretty short and on point (about five minutes). And it has links for some free knowledge, if you want that.

Happy Halloween!

I spent the evening walking around and offered some candies (in the human skull) to children and adults. It took me a year to complete this costume, but it was worth it :)

Maybe I upload my visualized idea for this costume (and the character I represented) someday. I was going for something similar to the Wendigo, but it‘s a mixture between Wolf and Deer (and it‘s rather friendly).

Let‘s just say I was surprised… Happy crab day!