if the eyes of the moon are covered

i like bullet points

i am perpetually ran on queue but if you message me i will most likely see it

comlaw2

it was samplex. it was ok

i didnt trust my memory and didnt notice some of it was switched so i think i got stuff wrong but we ball

a lot of pre mt stuff so im nervous

worst case its a 65 best case at leaaaast a 78 (im esl as fuck and my english is not us english so sometimes i think he gets mad when he reads my sentences and docks off points)

midway i started calculating my possible grades it was bad but i think i did my best

legforms

it was ok i had very funny animal themed names but i shan't say any more bc what if my prof finds this blog and then i fail for marking

i missed some stuff bc i will be real with you memorization not rly my strongest suit

funnily enough i think this is subjects were r65 and r45 really started to make sense for me

elective 1

there is nothing no script no video idea no anything zzz we're doing the video next week i think but i'm writing the script after the exam tomorrow

elective 2

2.4k words out of 5k words abt the wto zzzz i will finish it asap hopefully zzz

specpro

i was kind of having a panic attack yesterday and today about it so i'm kind of like ill but i did finish my first read of post mt

i will read quamto tomorrow

im just nervous

i felt so awful i asked my friend g if he wanted to get food after bc i dont want to crash out alone at my place

pril

i have nothing for this so i will probably crash out after specpro

i believe in my obsession for arbitration but i will be real with you ive been having awful mood drops recently so i think how i do here will depend on if i am strong and if i can brute force this mood drop

on the plus side i have 3 vrs here . so im just really hoping he likes me enough

hr

i need to put in my schedule to like double check the paper after pril before it gets schedule sent but it is schedule sent

gender

i think this is probably the subject im most confident in my lmts are done i just have to digitalize them and then disseminate them to people

gender is very il adjacent so i have no complaints and so far i think my recits havent been shit

thesis

i think. genuinely i think the reason why im crashing out is because of this i have 1k words out of 13k words written and i want to send a first draft before the month ends to my adviser im just so . i hate writing i hate writing i hate reading i hate everything

in general-ish

i havent been to therapy since finals started so ive been off kilter

meds have been ok but i think really what they do is they just make me not have the energy to kill myself

i think ive just been overwhelmed with the amount of stuff if have to do and i dont really have any outlet to like calm down and i was supposed to learn emotional regulation stuff with my therapist but it keeps on being put off so i am just . doing my best to remind myself my brain is not me and i am just stressed and not doing good

i know i say this every semester but i just. i really hope its not this semester. i super hope its not this semester. im so close to graduation i can taste it. i just need to graduate from this school and pass the bar and i can do whatever the hell i want. i just need to graduate from this school. i know i sound like a deranged lunatic saying this every semester but ive been working towards this for the past three years of my life. i think i might genuinely kill myself if i get kicked out. please i do not want to get kicked out.

im thinking about road to canada. i want to do it but i think rly the reason why i do it is bc i just want to see my friends abroad and like this compet is a good excuse to see them bc like god knows i cannot justify a trip to do that. but also i guess im just nervous and scared. i havent done this since like a year ago. am i still good at it? iidek. im competing with like amazing people so im just scared n nervous

also i'm 25 now zzzz my brain shld be fully developed but i just feel stupid and immature. im still in school. i still feel like i dnt know anything abt the world. i dont have any life experiences at all. i think this is the age my brother met his fiance so if i dont meet anyone or start dating this year i think i will just never know that. but also i think idek do i really want to start dating or am i just lonely bc my closest friends left me after my attempt or bc i just think its something i need to check off my list. i have more thoughts on this but i think itll veer onto suuuuper fucking personal so thats for my real life diary

i want to take a huge break before i do my thesis and have fun with people but then again i still rly think people dont know how to talk to me bc im always so sad / the suicide attempt is at the back of their brains. zzz i want to go to the aquarium to intramuros to the new galleon museum to the moma in bgc to the mind museum to that stupid horror attraction thing to an amusement park, i want to hang out with people but i'm like. i think i just don't want to exert the effort but i'm also acutely aware that like staying inside the house feels nice but it's like detrimental to me or whatever.

i think you are right in saying that i ruined your life six years ago if you even still remember this blog. you probably do not. but you probably don't care. i guess i'm just self-absorbed.