sup.

my beautiful wife, severe thunderstorm warning, is texting me 😌😚😍😍

That's one hell of a conspiracy theory you're believing, bud. Just out of curiosity, who's "they"?

everything going downhill but at least there’s still phone in bed time am I right.. ahah am I right

Ah sorry I had no idea your soldiers are working class, please proceed with ethnically cleansing my village.

Sometimes it's not "your fault" but it's still "your problem" because nobody else can fix it.

i hope everything gets easier soon. or at least funnier. amen

Isnt this how we lost the recipe for roman concrete

hang in there girl. we’re gonna have 8pm sunsets again and greenery and warm summer night air and rainy spring days again soon!

God FORBID women do anything!

I hate that you photoshopped out the right arm of the dog to enhance the realism

Forbidden nesquik 

why in God’s name was it necessary for so many people to clarify that a dirty bag of blood from the gardening section isn’t safe to eat like what fucked up tumblr subculture has my shitpost reached

probably the horny vampires