goddess

sorry i cant hang out i forgot how to mimic human like behaviour

"Are you ok?" I'm actually tired bro. From the bottom of my heart I'm tired

just met a three month old pomeranian named horchata. her paw was the size of my fingertip. she looked like half a dandelion fluff

biggest L i've had to take from morning people is that the hours between 5 - 9 am really do have 7x as much time in them than the ones between 9 pm - 1 am and you can get your whole day's worth of shit done by noon

Sapphics who don't like fat girls are so weird to me. You're supposed to like girl. Why wouldn't you want more girl per girl

need a bi4bi t4t m/f pairing where the girl is a giant freak and not in the "cute manic pixie" way but in the "unethical experiments in my fucked up laboratory" way and the guy is a golden retriever who thinks he can fix her. and he brings her cute bento lunches and she's like "bradley shut up put on your fucking gloves and hold this possum down so i can graft these giant grasshopper legs to it"

me double checking that the ask i’m sending isn’t going to contain my ip address and a photo of my own ass that i never took

lesbian masculinity is literally one of the hottest and most attractive things in the world sorry.

love saying "question mark?" out loud when I'm talking about something i'm unsure of

A customer asked for pickles on their sub and I (dumbass) reached for the cucumbers. They quickly went “oh, no, I want pickles!” and I immediately said “they could’ve been pickles. in another life” ????? Why did I get hired????????

actually we should start headcanoning female characters as being terrible with children

stop mother-ifying fictional literally all female characters. that fictional woman would not know what the fuck to do with a child

i like the phrases "it's not for me," "it's not my thing," and "i'm not the target audience" because they're the most concise way to express "this thing that you enjoy has merits but idgaf about it" without being aggressive