punch and cookies in your tumblr

saw a comment that misspelled “kind gesture” as “kind jester” and am now imagining a beautiful world where we praise good samaritans by calling them kind jesters. good on you, you gentle fool. you’ve made the world a sweeter and sillier place.

I love the word "beeline." youre in such a hurry youre doing bug movement

shaking my head but shaking my head the whole time to show i dont support negativity

Executive dysfunction is when there’s gas in the tank but no fuse. Either that or the engine is fine but the breaks don’t work. Or somehow both.

the ladies call me a verb the way I'm irregular, tense, and moody

Stop, drop, and roll also works when you are wet. It sort of spreads the water over the floor

big fan of telling people "have fun" when they say theyre going to the restroom

we bought a shirt at a thrift store that says "best mom in louisiana" for some reason (as a reminder we are in midwest germany) and now my spouse keeps walking around the house wearing it and saying shit like "WHO STANDS BEFORE THE GREATEST MOM OF LOUISIANA?"

This is what hozier meant when he says he falls a little bit in love everyday with someone new

I once watched a girl in the produce aisle pick up a bushel of bananas that were precariously perched on the edge and move them farther back and under her breath she said “there you go sweeties - that will be more comfortable” before shuffling off and… I think about her often.

« Silent lovers » is such a sweet way to put it.

I was driving on the highway and passed a dude absolutely JAMMING alone in his car, doing those little half dance moves you do when you’re stuck sitting down in a small space, bellowing unheard lyrics at the top of his lungs, and my instant reaction was to think “I love you.” And then to pray he had a good day, or whatever, because those fleeting moments of connection are so incredible.

I can care about you and still cut you off and I can miss you and never talk to you again.

weirded out by homes with no pets. like where is your creature