Prompt Dude

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

One turns to other and says, “Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn’t it?”

Other recruit replies, “Everyone must be watching the band.”

“There is no band on this ship.”

On the left side, there is nothing right.

LOVE love this art by @lennsan!

One is a member of the Gestapo. One is an Imperial Japanese officer. And one is a Fascist Italian Commander.

They are all sitting in their holding cell discussing what they are going to do when they get interrogated.

The German says, “My superior German spirit and intelligence will make it impossible for them to break me.”

The Japanese says, “It is only through my undying devotion to the Emperor that I will be able to withstand their torture.”

The Italian says, “I’m fucked.”

The German is the first to be interrogated, and as he leaves they wish him luck. Nearly a whole day passes before the German returns to the cell, covered in bruises and blood. The other two ask him what happened.

“Even my perfect genes could not protect me from their methods. I have failed my country,”

Next, the Japanese is up to be interrogated. 3 days pass and he returns to the cell. His eyes are both black, fingers broken, and body bruised and bloodied.

“I have dishonored myself and my Emperor. When they release me, I must commit honorable seppuku.”

Lastly, the Italian is up, and he leaves already begging for his life. A whole week passes before he returns. Beaten nearly to death, he is carried in by 2 soldiers. One of the soldiers jeers, “I can’t believe you guys broke instead of this dago.”

The other 2 are shocked. Amazed that this Italian could take their punishments and not break. They ask him how he did it.

“I wanted to give in immediately, but I couldn’t speak.”

“What do you mean you couldn’t speak?” The others ask.

me: yeah i know, they’re all primary colors, it’s perfect

Jane and Arlene were outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.

Available in:

Black | Dark blue | Blue | Red | Green | Purple | Dark grey 

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.

After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it. The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.

Then he decided to look through the window. He shouted, “Do you think I’m stupid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door.” I said, “You’re not coming in mate!”