the first time keith sees shiro fly, heâs 15 and itâs like the veil that was covering his eyes his entire life has been lifted. shiro lands perfectly, hands resting on the console, his face the definition of euphoria
âsee cadets? thatâs how itâs done from one of the best weâve ever hadâ. he thinks iverson is saying something. he canât hear because his jaw is on the floor and thereâs fire in his veins
âwhatâs your name?â shiro asks. âkeith kogane sirâ âitâs nice to meet you keith. wanna hold onto this for me?â he holds the helmet like itâs gonna burn him, a new star unfurling in his chest. he keeps it on his nightstand, right next to his acceptance letter and the picture of him and his dad
(like a shrine. like an altar)
sometimes heâll wear it in the privacy of his room and whisper âofficer kogane, preparing for takeoffâ. he always grins
âyouâre late kogane. any excuse?â âno sirâ he keeps his head down and feels hot tears prick at the corners of his eyes. âsee me after classâ he thinks heâs in for it now
(theyâll kick him out and heâll lose everything. he already has nothing left)
âfollow meâ shiro says. keithâs heart is thundering in his chest, but they stop outside the cafeteria. âwhatever you want, itâs on meâ when he thinks back, this is one of the happiest memories of his life. eating burgers while all the other tables are empty, golden afternoon sunlight pouring in through the windows. shiro smiling and telling him a funny story about his own school days. the contentment he feels
on the weekend shiro asks to see him in the simulator. keithâs palms are clamming up, but he pushes down the sick feeling and lets himself feel alive, every nerve ending lighting on fire at once. âwowâ shiro says softly when he exits. âyouâre a prodigy. you could be our star student if you just came to class on timeâ he ruffles keithâs hair. keith grins
(ânot late today kogane?â âno sirâ)
he trails after him like a lost puppy. carries his textbooks. barely listens in any of the classes except shiroâs. and shiro doesnât mind the clinginess and the constant questions and the attention seeking. heâs always patient, always has a kind smile
âyour mum and dad must be proud of you huh kogane?â âi wouldnât know sirâ âwhy not??â âi donât- i donât have a mum and dadâ
and shiro knows. he understands. âi can be your big brother thenâ âyouâre a teacherâ âso? weâre all family hereâ
(no, keith thinks. only you)
months pass. shiro shows him the docking station, the laboratories, the cool microwave in the breakroom âsorry buddy, you can only use it when you graduate and take this old manâs placeâ and keith laughs. he laughs a lot these days. he feels really light
âcome onâ shiro says one afternoon. âi wanna show you somethingâ they strap a telescope to a garrison issued hoverbike and ride out into the desert, and the wind whips through keithâs hair and pricks at his skin
(he feels alive like he hasnât felt in a really long time)
they wait until evening. they talk about video games and what sports keith likes to play. âi donât know man i just wear fingerless gloves and punch thingsâ keith grins when shiro laughs and ruffles his hair. âso where is your family from kogane?â âjapanâ âwhereabouts??â âhokkaidoâ shiro smiles softly. âiâm from okinawa. i knew you reminded me of myselfâ keith ducks his head and smiles
âoh look. thereâs the first starsâ everything is hazy purple dusk, the smoke of twilight enveloping them like a blanket. shiro sets up the telescope, tells him where to point it. âthereâs the moon colony and mars. the hotels are expensive but we get discounts from the garrison. and saturn, jupiterâ
âplutoâ keith breathes. âyeahâ shiro says, frowning, something distant in his eyes. âiâm gonna be the first astronaut on thereâ he looks like a statue, cut out of marble in the soft purple haze. keith looks back into the telescope and feels his insides light on fire like a solar flare
(he thinks about how far away they all are. heâs going to go there one day)
âyouâre going to be our best pilot keithâ keith turns, and doesnât miss the tears in shiroâs eyes. âbetter than me, than any of us. you have so much talent. you can do anythingâ. he believes it. on the ride back he falls asleep, curled into shiroâs back with a smile on his face
when they tell him shiro is dead, something inside him splits right in two. it carves him from the inside out and leaves him hollow and grey. heâs gone. he didnât make it to pluto. heâs never coming back. keith is never getting him back
it hurts so much. he sits in class and doesnât even see the tear drops on his notes, canât even register them falling. âit was pilot error kogane. take a few days offâ âfuck you and your few days offâ. he doesnât know how long he searches, how many times he breaks into offices and databases until iverson confronts him and he claws his eye out and all he knows is the red hot inferno in his chest
(his shack is lonely. itâs cold. he adapts like he always has)
(he doesnât stop searching)
(hidden figures in the desert, comets falling out of the sky. a white tuft of hair. a robot arm. heâs got him back)
âwhy did the universe pick us?â keith says, jaw set and cheeks hot from crying. âi just want to go back. i wanna be happyâ âi knowâ shiro says, ruffling his hair again like old times. âyou will be. i promise youâ
and one day, after so much loss, and an empty lion, and black, head of voltron herself, tearing him from the inside out while he tries to command his team, after the blade, and his mother, and his father, and after the empire is finally defeated and he falls into the sweetest softest love that anyoneâs ever been in with a boy whose laugh is like sunshine and whose eyes are the colour of the sky-
he is happy. he is. he sits on the porch of his shack, watches distant thunder clouds roll and boom on the horizon. he can smell the promise of rain, the rich tanginess of the earth. âyou ok?â shiro asks. âyeahâ keith smiles. âremember when you took me out here and we saw the stars?â shiroâs face softens
âwe were so dumb back then. you liked street fighterâ âi still like street fighter and you still have hair like a birdâs nestâ they laugh and punch each otherâs shoulders, and keith feels the first raindrop fall onto his knee
âwhatâs up? youâre so sappy todayâ keith shakes his head, tilts his face up to the rain. ânothing. just remembering a lot. my dad. my mum. when you took me to japanâ shiro nods and his own smile looks as soft as keithâs feels. âiâm glad i didnât die in that gladiator ring. i wouldâve missed this with youâ keith laughs. âwhoâs sappy now??â
but he still rests his head on shiroâs shoulder like old times. still feels the fire of affection simmering in his chest. âi still have that helmet you gave me first week of schoolâ âit was a giftâ âi knowâ
âhey takashi?â âyeah keithy??â âi love you manâ
(âi know. i love you tooâ)
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