unfortunately i survived so i've returned to harass you all with my horse shit to everyone's dismay i'm very sorry

i wish seeing you happy didn't make me nauseous in my bone marrow lol. i remember when we used to be completely suicidal together and for whatever reason those nights we spent running around our shitty little town doing shit that could kill us made me feel so invincible. now you're across the world having a beautiful life and i'm still here wandering aimlessly in the street. i miss being broken with you. i miss when my brokenness gave me some real companionship instead of whatever this has become. i miss you.

im so fucking dumb and lonely all i want is to be put out like a dog. i wish my pain could mean something and be poetic instead of just disgusting.

i just don't deserve peace. is the conclusion i am coming to.

why the fuck can't you do anything right. why does it always fall back on ME. im tired of fucking fixing you when i can't even fix myself.

how stupid of me to ever think i could be a priority lmao

i just can't fucking do this shit anymore yes thank youuuu im so sorry i ever tried to vent to you omg im just so sorry that im fucking dying inside and your problems are just so much worse than mine yes im groveling at your fucking feet my goddamn messiah im so sorry your fucking high paying job and luxury house and 2 fucking expensive ass mutts are such a burden on you.

nothin like a lil grief spiral in the middle of the afternoon bc everything always leads back to that.

i want to be someone else who's body doesn't fucking suck