hi mama. I just need some reassurance that everything is going to be ok. I'm trying really hard to see the bright side of things but things are so scary right now. How do I keep going?
Hello darling. I know things are so scary. Things just keep getting worse and that's terrifying. It can be really hard to keep pushing through when you worry every day for your continued safety.
So first of all I want to acknowledge just how hard that is, and that it's normal and ok to struggle, especially right now. I want to validate that feeling because it IS so hard. I have heard so many people say to suck it up or it's always been bad or whatever and that people getting scared now are over exaggerating and I want to firmly say that no, you are not over exaggerating, it is terrifying, things are really bad, and it is hard to keep going. And honestly idk that everything just will be "ok". It'll probably get worse before it gets better too.
But I also want to remind you that love, joy, beauty, and peace, all still exist in the world, and are worth sticking around for. Sometimes it's harder to find them, but they're still there, and life in the persuit of these is still worth while. And it doesn't have to all be escapism either, the good in life is in the balance. The cold hard reality reminding you how precious the good in the world is, however fragile and hard to find it is. And it's worth it to keep pushing through despite it all.
Some tips for finding that joy and beauty, which may seem trite, but can be really helpful when put together. And this is non exhaustive, just a a few that I personally find helpful.
Look for the helpers- spend your energy finding people who are actively trying to make things better, and see what you can do to help. Surrounding yourself in people who are looking for the good, and how to help, will help you retain your faith in humanity, and help things not seem so hopeless
Make time for happy thoughts- Its easy to spend your time thinking about the worst of the worst (especially when the worst person you know is constantly in the news and on tv and talked about everywhere), and it is important to be aware of what's happening in the world, but it's also important to have time and space where you're thinking about things that bring you joy and peace. Wether that be while you're watching your favourite show, listening to music, making art, or time spent in self-care or a hobby, journaling, or talking to someone special. Try to make that a priority, even if it's only for 20 minutes a day, it will have a huge impact on your mental health.
One good deed a day keeps the blues away- worried you can't make a "real" difference? Make a tiny one in the meanwhile. Even if all you can do is maybe feed a meal to a friend who is down on their luck, or maybe help a single mother with a few dollars to help her afford diapers for her kid, or being the person to tell off a Karen who is harassing a service worker when they aren't allowed to, or calling up someone who you know needs a friend. Even if you're broke and tired and exhausted, there's always some way to help someone. If everyone did something nice for someone else every day, the world would be a better place. It doesn't have to be big things. You don't have to depose a dictator to make a difference. To the person who you help, it's a big deal, so it's a big deal to help. One good deed a day will help make the world a better place, even if only baby steps toward better. If you can attend protests or help towards big change great fantastic amazing. But if you can't the little things matter too.
Life is full of little miracles, seek them out- There is joy and beauty in the tiniest things. Imagine that this was the last time you ever experienced that thing again, how you might feel fondly about it later through the view of nostalgia. The dandelion growing in the crack in the sidewalk. The person who smiles at you everyday on the bus, or the server who knows your order. The scents and flavours and sights you experience every day. Now imagine not seeing, smelling, tasting, experiencing that thing for a while, that you suddenly got suprised with it again. How you'd feel about it. Not everything has joy associated with it. But this exercise might help you find many things that will have joy that you never thought you'd see.
Perception colours reality, so eat the pizza- while it's important to be realistic and not blindly optimistic, being blindly pessimistic or catastrophising can be just as harmful. The way you look at things is a choice, and it can drastically change your experience, even if the situation doesn't change. That doesn't mean everything is suddenly fine or it's not scary, or things aren't bad. But also just because something in the world is bad or scary, doesn't mean everything is. You can acknowledge the bad without centering it in your life, and still making room for growth, joy, and beauty. Focusing on only the bad is like putting a filter on a photo, and taking all the colour out. Turns every rainbow into a grey streak. Makes you miss the silver linings that come with life. Not everything has a silver lining, but many things do, and focusing on the bad just guarantees you miss the majority of them. Sometimes silver linings are things like learning opportunities, opportunities to show kindness, make a different decision, to try again fresh. Sometimes it's an opportunity to heal wounds that were festering. Sometimes the thing that hurts is the thing that heals. Sometimes the things that leave us are things that weren't helping us, even if it hurts. There are always new opportunities, new paths, new chances. And allowing yourself to explore the silver linings will help find them. Some times it's really really hard to see any upside to something. Especially when it's things like what's happening in the world right now. But sometimes the upside is that when this is over, many people will have learned from the mistakes and the hate of the loud and few. Sometimes things get bad enough people HAVE to do something about it, and it brings people together and changes entire cultures and the way they relate to their own histories and space in the world. It's often not worth the cost but the cost is getting paid anyways. Imagine you get charged like $80 for a pizza. That's way too much for a pizza. But you already paid for the pizza and can't get a refund. No point not eating the pizza, you know? And focusing on only the bad is like throwing that pizza away because it was too expensive. But in this economy? Eat the pizza.
There are so many more things you can do, and I'm happy to share more if there's interest, but little things, even things that don't cost much, if anything at all, can make it easier to keep going. Because things will get better. Slowly. Often painfully. It'll be rough. It'll take more time and effort than it should. But it's still going to get better. Eventually. And it's worth sticking around until it does. I promise.
And yeah, it feels like the world is ending. But the world has ended a thousand times before, and all the good things that have happened in life happened after the "end" of someone's world. There is life, there is joy, there is a reason to live even when the world is ending. It has ended a thousand times before and it will end a thousand times more, and be reborn every time. And I think that's beautiful.
A lot of this is based on advice given to me as a kid or teen dealing with depression and chronic pain when I didn't see a reason to keep pushing through. I was never going to get better, I was only going to be in more pain the longer I lived, and I couldn't see a reason to keep going. And I'm not gonna lie it sounded trite and empty as hell when I first heard it. I didn't give it a chance at first, and it took me years longer than it had to to be able to find my way because of my stubbornness.Don't be me anon, let yourself find joy and beauty in this broken world, and remind yourself why we keep living.
Its worth it. All of it. Through all the pain, all the hardships, all the challenges, all the scary unprecedented bullshit in the world. Because tommorow, despite it all, my coffee will be sweet, the dandelions still grow out of the cracks in the sidewalk, and the sunset will still be beautiful.
