Ian's Random Thougths

Aight so turns out they did have other options and once the demon queen dies we all go home no matter who kills her so I've been just killing adventurers.

Yeah it turns out if you pretend to be a weak girl and they "rescue you" they automatically assume you're joining their harem and then you can just stab them.

I have so many random legendary weapons now

I'm going to meet the demon queen now, everyone told me she was some hideous monster. Wish me luck...

This is the hottest woman I have ever met

So I have a leash now.

You know I think people had the wrong idea about the demon queen. Her idea for covering the land in eternal darkness seems really smart and orphaning an entire village is just how she blows off steam

Ok so mommy said my new armor will make me better at serving her but it is just a chainmail bikini

Oh

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

Fanfiction is cool because you get to learn what other people's parents taught them the hymen is like

I know that I had somewhat unusually comprehensive sex ed but it still surprises me every time I'm reminded that some people genuinely think that losing your virginity is a capri sun kind of situation.

sometimes I think too hard about like. how the ability to record audio fundamentally changed how humans interact with music. can you imagine if the only time you ever heard music in your whole life was when you or another human being in your actual physical presence decided to create it. and 99.99% of the time that person was not a professional but just like your wife or your dad or your co-worker or church choir singing or playing whatever they happened to know. i honestly don't think we can fathom it

Everyone on this post making nonsense "WAH it must have been BETTER back then" comments is ridiculous. I have 24/7 instant high-quality access to Carly Rae Jepsen's entire catalog. Go listen to Cut To The Feeling and appreciate that miracle or get off my post.

yeah actually we removed the big bad wolf from the little red riding hood story because portraying violence against minors is really messed up. yeah. yeah also the wolf narrative was really predatory and had had some icky grooming vibes and a fable meant for literal children shouldn’t have implied p*do shit and grape so now little red riding hood goes into the woods and nothing happens and she goes to grandma’s house. don’t worry our kids will still stick to the path and know not to follow to wolves implicitly because we told them to and children should always do as their told. just like little red riding hood does now.

much love to ‘i love my blorbo but they did all that’ but there should be a new category of ‘i love my blorbo but they were written by someone with transparent but unspoken biases and you gotta understand that context’

I keep hearing John Green say he's retired from working and lemme just say John Green is the least retired retired person I've ever seen.

resurrected dead wife watching her own montage: wow I looked so hot in that

There's definitely something to be said about the quietly insidious way the police are lumped in with firefighters and paramedics under the "first responders" umbrella here in the us. It feels like something that's been done in response to anti-police sentiments, chiefly movements like BLM and the like which criticize police for being dangerously racist, all to try to continue to enforce the glorified position the police occupy in this country by scraping the shine off of firefighters (underpaid/sometimes volunteers/sometimes literal prisoners, work in extremely dangerous conditions, don't murder people) and paramedics (underpaid, work in highly stressful and often hazardous conditions, don't murder people). Cops are paid far more, PDs are far better funded, and exact far more terror upon their locales than any fire department or EMT service. Praise for "first responders" has always felt like a veiled method of keeping it normalized and expected to praise and defend cops, but in a way that further insulates this fact from criticism. How could you possibly have an issue with first responders, they do so much for our community!

I’ll add that a lot of fire departments are funded as a subset of police departments. Which does explain how so many firefighters wear/display a red version of those “blue line” flags. EMTs don’t typically have that same solidarity with the cops because they’re (usually) connected to the hospitals.

both of them are me

it really is fucking pathetic that a country with more guns than people can't hit one guy

if this is how you found out there was an active shooter at the White House yesterday I'm sorry

Me: oh it's this post again. Wait. Why does it say "posted 37 minutes ago"