the universe's favorite punchline

i feel like im a weird age where i got just a blurry glimpse at the world Before. it used to be cold in the mornings and websites had fun games and the search results showed you what you searched for. covid wasn't a thing. can anybody fucking hear me. did i dream it all????

in law school, my mom took me to this stress retreat because my family was vaguely aware i was a suicide risk. and they didnt allow phones, so i brought this huge bag of books. and one of the options for "destressing" was this fake cave grotto thing, where they'd decorated a room to make it look exactly like an underground cave and the air was like -10 degrees, but there was a like 4ft deep pool in the middle that was kept super super hot, so you would just switch between the hot and cold. and they would bring you an endless supply of this weird syrupy drink thing that was like super caffeinated and tasted like sugar and mint. and so i spent multiple days sitting half submerged in this fake grotto drinking mystery liquid and reading. and i have to be honest i really did feel less stressed

if you've ever applied for a job you deserve 50 million dollars in financial compensation

SEE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE SKULL OF JUDGEMENT AND OTHER GIMMICK ACCOUNTS IS THAT THE SKULL OF JUDGEMENT MINDS THE SKULL OF JUDGEMENT'S OWN FUCKIN BUSINESS

okkay bad news is that things are still happenting good news is we can do arts and crafts !yay

Sometimes you can tell when a fandom has been starved for new input for too long because you can make an objectively mid text post like “hey guys, I like a scene in this show” and it gets 600 notes.

stupid fucking asteroid killed all the dinosaurs so that the planet went into the ice age and homo sapiens evolved from whatever the fuck and could invented glasses getting dirty

don't go into the humanities because they're unprofitable and don't go into stem cuz its getting torn apart right now and don't go into buisness because it's competetive and speculative and don't go into education because it pays like shit. Just lay on thr ground. Just lay on the ground.

the issue with growing up in the 2000s and 2010s was like there was this really big push toward "accepting your weirdness" overall but they meant like idk wearing mismatched socks or something not being tangibly beyond the norm in any way shape or form

healing the world with comedy

The threads of fate bind us. I need 40 dollars

her eyes were the sickly green of the sky before a tornado, and to his horror he discovered she could throw cows around just as easily

to his horror? weak shit. outta my way gayboy im boutta get it