part genius, part closeted extrovert

What you do in private, shows in public. Reading shows in a conversation. Your diet shows in energy. Your discipline shows in confidence. Your focus shows in your results. You are what you cultivate when no one is watching. Prioritize your time & focus on discipline/consistency.

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

the thing about dennis/amy thats interesting to me is that it reminds me of s1 langdon/mel in a specific way where it’s not that the men don’t like the women in these dynamics (they do! a lot!) but what they like more is the way these women make them feel as they validate certain aspects of their character that get diminished elsewhere. with langdon its clearly to do with his insecurity as a doctor as mel looks to him as a mentor and makes him realise he is more than capable and worthy of doing this job. but with whitaker it’s more so to do with the emasculation he faces by his peers within the pitt (expanded on here); when he’s with amy he is fulfilling all of the societal ‘male’ roles of husband/father/breadwinner and even the physical labour aspect of his being a farmhand. amy allows him to feel masculine without him having to ask; note the way she gets out of the drivers seat into the passenger seat without question allowing whitaker to take control in a way the head of the household typical would. this isn’t his car and this isn’t his wife or kid or pond. he knows this. but he suppresses any doubts and deflects any criticisms because the way it makes him feel about himself is greater than any moral predicament he’s aware of. the reason he comes across so confident this season is because of amy, she’s the one feeding that confidence outside the hospital because he’s not getting any of it INSIDE the hospital, even when it’s from people who care about him. with santos he’s the younger brother. with robby he’s the inferior protege. with javadi he’s ‘one of the girlies’. with langdon he’s the inept ‘little buddy’. but with amy he’s the labourer. he’s the protector. he’s the father. he’s the husband. he’s the MAN. and that is why he can’t stay away.

sometimes i have a dream that reveals such a humiliating desire i have that i genuinely lose a bit of respect for myself

post so nice had to reblog it twice and force it down everyone's throats

i love when someone says “that’s so you” it’s nice knowing i have a little vibe of my own

“what radicalized you” bro EMPATHY

"what radicalized you" well in kindergarten they told me to share things and be nice to people.

once i learn to express any strong emotion without bursting into tears it’s over for y’all