get the balance right!

hey you 🫵 have you washed your water bottle lately? 🫵 it’s getting hot and mold is going to grow 🫵 wash it 🫵

getting kicked off love island for just swimming in the pool and not talking to anyone

I’m putting in my too weak notice.

ice water is awesome because you get more water in your water

meows loud as fuck shattering all glass within 3 miles no survivors

after 2 years working outdoors all day i finally got stung by an onion for the first time yesterday and i wasnt even doing anything there wasnt even a nest nearby

a wasp. i was looking at a onion just now sorry

guy at an art museum standing in front of a completely innocuous and somewhat boring painting muttering “what does it mean? what does it all mean?” in an increasingly distressed tone

you hear him say “I don’t understand it, I can’t understand it” as he stumbles away from a very plain still life painting of wine and fruit with his head in his hands

as you are exiting the museum, you spot him in the cafe eating a slice of cake and looking perfectly content

fuck like a green onion