#PolyProblems

NYC lover: 'On March 14, do you wanna wake up, fuck, spend the day at that bathhouse spa that overlooks manhattan, then omakase after?'

Philly lover: 'Hey, this coming March 13-17, wanna join me and bae for a week of kinky sex, massages, homemade dumplings, and Peaky Blinders marathon?'

DC lover: 'Wanna spend March 13-16 hanging out with me and a cute doggo? While we're at it, we could endeavor to find the porn that most inspires us to stage a gloriously smutty photoshoot and subsequently, a slow, indulgent fuck. Your company is welcome/desired.'

Sometimes, no amount of gCal can save you...

jk, spoke too soon — 24h later, DC lover found a #PolySolution: proactive scheduling + self-effacing radical honesty:

Beware the ides of

March's madness. Bask instead

"You're like a human hitachi"

"You're like, some kind of sex god"

"You make me feel so present, so safe, so horny, so stupid"

"I'd compare initiating sex with you to...sort of like trying to convince a really dumb cat to drink water from a dish. You need to point to the dish, splash the water a little, make 'pss pss' sounds, tap the dish again, even pretend to lap it up yourself..."

"I remember in the hotel room I drunkenly said that you’re the only person I could cuddle with on a bed in a hotel room that doesn’t make me feel like I have to have sex with you. Which weirdly enough made me want to have sex with you."

"One of the things you do best is make each iteration of sex better than the last. It sets an expectation that the next time will be even better, or at the very least, just as good, which currently holds the title of the best — and that expectation is always met. The way you do it is consistent, because it's methodical. You are always trying new things out, asking for feedback, and then remembering it, doing it consistently, experimenting with variations of it, hearing that feedback, ad infinitum, plus the occasional completely out of left field thing which is somehow consistently exactly on point?"

*or at least, that it could be the logical choice for his bourgeoning (and precarious) relationships with Nurse Chapel and T'Pring?

...how do you think I did?

"Sorry, we've only got the house blend."

Friend: “Are people still in fucking quarantine?” Normal People:  “Yup” Poly People:

Are people still fucking in quarantine? Are people still in quarantine fucking? Are fucking people still in quarantine? Are people fucking still in quarantine? Are quarantine people still fucking in? Quarantine people are still in fucking. Quarantine people are fucking still in. People in quarantine are still fucking. People fucking are still in quarantine. People are still fucking in quarantine. People are still in fucking quarantine. In quarantine, people are still fucking. In quarantine, people fucking are still. Still fucking in quarantine, people are. Still in fucking quarantine, people are.

If you’re stuck in quarantine with one of your poly partners, and you won’t be able to see any of your other partners for the foreseeable future, what do you do?  Serious question. What are you doing to handle this?  I imagine it’s almost easier if you were stuck in quarantine with just yourself, so you could distribute your attention appropriately across all your partners. But when you’re living 24/7 with just one of your partners (assuming this wasn’t the case before lockdown measures went into effect), what do you do to ensure the proper care and feeding of your other relationships? I imagine this gets way more awkward if you’re quarantined in a studio apartment with your partner, particularly if they don’t really know your other partners and don’t necessarily want you to be having phone sex in the middle of your (only) room. 

Do you resort to giving camshows to your other partners from the bathroom? 

Do you wait until your partner is asleep?