Polyamorous Zeal

My partner and I are poly but we haven’t had other partners for about a year now. We have had other partners before while dating each other.

I personally have been struggling with dating other people since leaving my other partner last year. I thought I was just becoming demisexual or something, because I just have no sexual attraction to people other than my partner, but I used to be a self proclaimed ho when I was single and also when I was solo poly.

I don’t think I’m demisexual, but when I have sexual encounters with other people, even people I have a strong emotional connection to, I feel like I’m just doing what I think that they want and I’m not very into it. All of my other connections have fizzled out for this reason.

I’m not sure what to do about it or if this means I’m less poly than I thought I was. We’ve talked about it and we both feel similarly but don’t know what to do.

A large part of it involves where you are and where you are looking. I live near a big city with a very active polyamory community but I hear lots of stories of people that are not as lucky.

Being demisexual shouldn't really be a factor. Lots of polyamory people are demisexual or even asexual. It sounds like you should both evaluate what you want out of other relationships, especially the non-sexual stuff. It kind of sounds like anxiety over sexual encounters not being satisfying might be distracting you from connecting with other people.