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to be clear you SHOULD buy that cast iron pan and you SHOULD buy that knife set and you SHOULD buy that fancy rice cooker and you SHOULD buy that novelty mug. high quality kitchenware is always worth it you’re literally gonna be using that almost every day
Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.
He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"
"What?"
He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"
"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."
Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.
Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.
I should also add- I ran into my rabbi and explained the situation. I then asked, earnestly, if there was a remedy. A mikveh of sorts, or a beit din, or something.
He turned to me, sighed, and said in a very deadpan tone-- "Plants don't have covenants, Joy,"
So Theodora's a free agent according to rabbinic opinion. I guess I'll permit her to be Roman Catholic.
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a sentiment i come across on here fairly often is "are you a family abolitionist or were you just abused as a kid" which like. 1) god forbid we try to find structural solutions to mitigate interpersonal violence towards the most disenfranchised people in the world. and 2) the violence from parents towards children is only one type of violence within the family form. there's still all the structural (racist, classist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, transphobic, etc.) violence that goes into maintaining this structure. it interfaces with every other form of oppression out there. open your eyes!!!
Let me know if this is a derailing sentiment but I am a family abolitionist because I had wonderful parents and spent my whole childhood horrified by every other family dynamic I interacted with. I had more autonomy and rights over my own body and life than most if not all of my peers, purely because my parents viewed and treated me as another equal individual. And I was very aware of this, especially when I felt the automatic loss of some of those rights I considered naturally mine when I went to school. It is a radicalising experience to be enfranchised and view the disenfranchisement of everyone else. The discrepancy between how I was treated vs how even quote unquote 'normal families' treated their children was so stark it was impossible for me to ignore.
I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad
Snakeyes Pete is from Toronto he gave me a button once that said "Canadians have the best luck" and i said i thought that was the Irish and he said "I fucking hate the irish" and i said okay
I've been wasting time and being a freak on this website for 10+ years. I've witnessed the rise and fall (and crash and burn) of empires. And now, as we crest into the dawn of the Poll Era, I'm doing Very Serious Research into the evolution and expansion of the "Tumblr sexyman" label. Behold, my magnum opus on a shocking case of divergent evolution:
Tumblr Classic (Evil Twinks)
Loki (MCU)
Alastor (Hazbin Hotel)
Bill Cipher (fanon human version courtesy of the incomparable @itsscaredycat) (Gravity Falls)
The Onceler (The Lorax)
The 2013/2014 "my ovaries are exploding" forefathers of the genre. Suits or black tie fashion important but not required. Punchable or ambiguously evil, because teenaged you (and possibly adult you) had some kind of a thing for assholes. More rarely encountered than other Tumblr sexymen these days, but certainly not a dead category (hello Hazbin enjoyers).
Wet and Pathetic (Men Who Whimper)
Ryland Grace (Project Hail Mary)
Howl Pendragon (Howl's Moving Castle)
Jesus Christ (The Bible)
Will Graham (NBC Hannibal)
The most direct line of evolution from the classic Tumblr sexyman, and the most conventionally attractive. Set off from traditional heartthrobs by the fact that they are one metaphorical dropped ice cream cone away from a sobbing meltdown, a villain origin story, or a legendary crashout. This is a punching bag of a man that a fandom grips tightly in its fist and shakes around in a mad fit of cuteness aggression. Put that man in the microwave/torment nexus/soup.
Old Men (or middle-aged, or prematurely aged, or whatever)
Stanley and Stanford Pines (Gravity Falls)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz (Phineas and Ferb)
Gomez Addams (The Addams Family)
Senshi (Delicious in Dungeon)
Symptom of Tumblr's daddy issues and aging user base. These men tend to be somewhat more in line with the unhinged-ness of the Classic sexymen—not necessarily evil, but with a slightly higher tendency to be a weird, off-putting little freak than the Wet and Pathetic type. This is probably the result of a more settled identity, which is very attractive to those of us with back problems and a desire to stop masking all the damn time. You want him to take care of you or you want to take care of him (and sometimes taking care of him still means putting him in a hydraulic press, because you're on Tumblr and you can't act normal about your favorite characters).
That is Not a Human (for Monsterfuckers Et al.)
Mr. Ant Tenna (Deltarune)
Bill Cipher (canon version) (Gravity Falls)
Caine (The Amazing Digital Circus)
Kermit (The Muppet Show)
Does this one need explanation actually. This website is monsterfucker central. Includes object head characters, assorted pixels, monsters, aliens, cryptids, muppets, Transformers, faceless entities (you can argue for Cecil Palmer here), and literally anyone else that doesn't fall under the umbrella of "this person could theoretically pass as a human." Most broad and flexible Tumblr sexyman category.
Much like animal classification and other forms of taxonomy, these categories have wiggle room and crossover. (See Bill Cipher's placement into multiple categories above, for illustrative purposes and because I am a Gravity Falls fan who thinks he's neat.) Fellow Tumblr veterans and scientists: comments are open and debate is encouraged. We gotta peer review ts
(Also hiii @mimosa-sexypeople-contests-2026 if you see this please know that poll participants and your followers are the intended audience of this post and that's why it's in the sexyman poll tags. Ily thank you for hosting and enabling all this nonsense <3)
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free use is kind of a funny kink bc it relies on the idea that everybody wants to touch you and have sex with you but what if they don't. what if you tell everybody at the party you're free use but they all ignore you and mind their own business
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