batman or no man

Damian: NO

Jason: wait let him cook

Damian: dick physically cannot cook. Both literally and metaphorically.

Dick: I can cook!

Tim: no you can't. You literally burnt down the kitchen trying to make a salad.

Dick: I feel attacked.

Jason: you are attacked

Dick: shush.

Dick: soooooo, when you think of it, aren't buttholes the pockets of out body?

Damian:

Damian: NO.

Damian: PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDNT TRY THAT.

Jason: well, he has a point...

Tim: he does NOT have a point.

Dick: yeah but why? I mean, give me ONE reason it's a bad idea.

Tim: ...

Damian: ...

Tim: I mean-

Damian: ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Damian: DRAKE DONT YOU TELL ME YOU ARE ONBOARD WITH THIS ABSURD THEORY

Tim: they do sorta have a point ....

Bruce: what's all this noise about?

Dick: buttholes as pockets.

Bruce: NO.

Damian: finally!

Tim: why not though....?

Bruce: well-

Bruce: ...

Bruce: uhhhhh

Tim: rightttt?

Jason: told'ya he was cooking.

Damian: father you cannot possibly agree with this idea, right?

Bruce: ...

Bruce: ALFREDD

Alfred: yes, sir?

Bruce: buttholes as pockets.

Alfred: no.

Bruce: yeah, but why?

Alfred: ...

Alfred: well eventually you'll need to shit, no?

Dick: ...

Tim: ...

Damian: ...

Bruce: ...

Jason: fuck, he has a point.

Dick: damn....

Alfred: did you really consider using your asses as... Pockets?

Tim: IT MADE SENSE , OK?

Damian: that's never a good sign

Jason: if dick and I were drowning, which one of us would you save?

Dick: I don't like that question

Dick:....

Dick: me right? DAMIAN SAY YOU WOULD SAVE ME

Damian: ptt, don't you know how to swim?

Dick: no

Jason: theoretically

Damian: idiots

Dick: comeonnnnn who would you save?

Damian: my time and efforts..

Dick: -loud dramatic gasp-

Jason: say Tim, have you seen the clown that hides from gay people?

Tim: ...

Tim: no...?

Tim: oh wait

Tim: FUCK YOU TODD YOU'RE GAYER

Jason :AT LEAST I DONT SCARE OFF CLOWNS

Tim: AT LEAST I DIDNT DIE FROM A CLOWN.

Jason: ....

Tim: ....

Jason: dude....

Tim: fuck dude, too far?

Jason: ...

Tim: ...

Jason: nah just playing with you, you GAY

PART ONE OF : BATFAM SHIT TO AVOID REALITY

Ever thought about what Tim does with the average ten hundred photos he gets a day of the batfam and Gotham in general? So I have a theory.

I personally think that Tim started selling them as a joke online, once or twice, but the NEED for them was soooo big that Tim decided to just put on a few more.

After a while, people started coming to Tim with requests. Specific requests. VERY specific requests. And honestly I don't blame them, but Tim did.

So Tim started a small online shop for batfam photos, and had a whole page dedicated for nightwings ass (it has value, trust)

Slowly the batfam realised what Tim was doing but instead of getting al mad like you'd expect - they just jumped in.

Dick started posing for the camera, Jason started wearing hair gel, duke would shape the lightning just to help Tim, Bruce was very against this but he didn't really have a choice anyway,

But Damian. Oh Damian. He started going all in, asking Tim to take pictures of him in specific places, positions, and always with a pet or sword

So Tim lost the hype, and so did the people.

And the photos started to lose value, until Tim eventually closed the online shop.

Cuz I can totally see nightwing just sitting on someone's window and having a full on conversation with him after a bank robbery

Or red hood quietly near a batburger worker after arresting someone for assault.

Maybe red robin collecting gossip from teens at the skate park after a ruff sleepless night.

Robin could be found at the zoo, if you give him food for the animals he might give you a small appreciating nod.

The signal is always there if someone is missing a player at basketball , especially if there nothing to do.

I DO NOT WANT AN AI AVENGERS.

I DO NOT WANT AN AI OFFICE.

I DO NOT WANT AN AI BLUEY.

I DO NOT WANT THE NEW GENERATION GROWING ON AI DISNEY.

What's wrong with you guys😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Are you FR to lazy to do your job? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

what your favourite character from the batfam means on your personality!:

Batman: you're either a forty year old man, a five year old boy, or a depressed as fuck girl with daddy issues.

Nightwing: your anxiety is chronic but your ass is iconic , you slay in everythingggggg. If life of the party was a person? That's you

Red hood: secretly plan in their head how to kill random people. Also HOT AS FUCK

Red robin: middle child syndrome. Cannot function half of the time, but when you can? You're the most efficient person to exist.

Robin (Damian): adopts every second fictional character you see. Then when they're mentioned you get all excited and tell ME BABYYYYYYY

Cass: lowkey cool as fuck. Probably a lesbian. But that just makes you cooler

Babs: smart as fuck. And sassy as fuck, but some how gets away with it. Idk how. Nobody does.

Duke: likes yellow. Idk much about you people 😞

Jason: "dam, dam, dam, dam, dam, dam , damiiiii, dam dam"

Damain: "WHAT"

Jason: pointing at nothing "look under there!"

Damain: "under where?"

Jason: smirking "ha! Made you say underwear. Ya dirty mouth"

Damain:

Dick: giggling

Tim: "he did not just-"

Duke: "I think he did"

Babs: "he's gonna kill you"

Damain freaks out every time it's mentioned

Cass: recording it all