#babs

He looked through his children . Dick tried and failed to hold his tears. Jason with a locked jaw. Tim with his head down, pressing his ears. Cass, the always perceptive girl, remained silent as if going through her head looking for signs that she dismissed. Steph fidgeting with her fingers in an anxious state. Barbara looked through files, searching for anything that could help them with the younger one's situation. Damian, the one who could never be sincere with his sentiments, just fled to his room, needing some time alone.

“B, the files showed that, for almost a year, she had been going to the doctors regularly. She visited almost every hospital in Gotham, alone.”- Barb's words hung heavy in the room.- “Also, she paid it all with her allowance, when the money started to end was when she met the drug dealer. He sold anesthetics in cigarettes and in pills for a far more affordable price for her.”

The thought of the girl passing through all that alone makes Bruce tear up. He should have been there. God, his little girl endured all that without complaining once.

Getting up, Dick walked through the manor, leaving his family behind and going to his sister's room. On the way, he found Alfred, the older man carrying a somber expression, one he surely wasn't used to seeing, but he decided to leave the man alone with his thoughts and continued following his path towards the Y/N room.

The corridor was quiet when he came, only his own footsteps' sounds reached his ears. It felt awful, like mourning someone who was still alive. He knocked faintly in her door, not receiving any answer, so he entered with all the silence he could manage. She was sleeping soundly, her torso barely moving and a blood string coming out of her nose. 

Richard, walked carefully through the room, picking a cloth and wetting it in her bathroom. Soon he came back, and with all the delicacy he could have, he started cleaning his sister's face, wiping the blood streak. Memories of his dismissive demeanour flowed through his mind.

“i’m feeling sick, Dick.”

“You should talk about with Alfie babybird. Now I have to take Dami out.”

After finishing the cleaning, he sat at the end of her bed, his eyes hollow with sorrow. He kept drowning in his memories and his grief, that if it wasn't for the girl's sudden movement in the bed, he wouldn't notice that she had woken up. Gathering all her strength to sit on the bed, she looked to Dick with a confused look.

“What you're doing here?”

Grayson didn't answer, instead he hugged Y/N, who did nothing to get out of her brother's embrace.

“Isnt a bit too late for giving me your affection now?!”- She said in an ironic tone.

“I know…”- Hiding his face on the crook of her neck, he couldn't hold his tears, feeling the younger one's cold body.

“Why now?”- Her voice came out in a whisper.

“Because I took time for granted. Being the oldest, I thought I wouldn't see any more of my siblings being buried.”- His voice came out shaking.

“And yet, when I had all the time to be loved, you didn't give any of it.”

“Yes, and that's what hurts the most. Knowing that I took part in your dismissal and that I have no time to redeem myself about it.”

His arms tightened around your body, strength enough to keep you there but not enough to hurt you. Breathing shakily, tears still going down his chin, your cold body was a deep reminder of your fading existence. Dick opened his mouth to say more, but was interrupted by Alfred, knocking on the already open door. The butler carried a tray and in it a plate with porridge in it.

“Darling.”- His voice came out quietly.- “I heard you are having difficulty eating solid food, so i made you a porridge. I hope that the texture satisfies you.”

Richard let go of your body and moved away so Alfred could place the tray in front of you. Your heart warmed at the man's consideration. Picking up the spoon, you brought it to your mouth, and for the first time in eight months you tasted something that wasn't ice cream, soups or any other liquids. Tears prickled on your eyes. 

“Thanks Alfie. It tastes amazing.”

You never thought you would cry over food, but once one loses what has always been a constant, is when you notice how the little things in life are the ones that bring pleasure. Bringing himself down to one knee so he could look the girl in her eyes, Alfred held her left hand, feeling the limb devoid of any life.

“Miss, I know it is too much, but for the sake of this old man's peace of mind, would you do a last examination?”

Y/N looked at Alfred, the task was uncomfortable, but the man was the only one in the family who had taken his time knowing her and being family to her. She already had a bit of guilt to hide the illness from him, but she had decided that him being the only one to take care of the whole family needs, she couldn't put more on his plate.

“I’ll do it, Alfie.”

“Thank you, Miss.”- The man gave her a small smile and excused himself off of the room, taking Richard with him, so you would feel more comfortable eating.

The porridge felt warm in your stomach, a feeling you forgot since for last year your body drowned itself in cold. For the first time in months you were full, the feeling left you with a kind of satisfaction. After eating, you changed your clothes to a more comfortable one, you got down to leave the tray in the kitchen and soon you were at the mansion's gate.

It became quite a routine to you, getting out of the suffocating manor and taking a walk through the city, despite it being dangerous. But as soon as you set foot out of the gate, a voice stopped you. It was Jason.

“Where you're going?”- With his side pressed against the wall, your older sibling looked at you, mapping your movements. 

“To the harbor.”

Jason didn't question you, instead, he straightened his posture before walking towards you and grabbing your right arm and entwining with his own, giving you stability. 

“Let's go then.”

His walk was calm, matching your slow steps in a subtle way to show he knew you couldn't go faster. Reaching for his motorcycle, he got up first but still found a way to help you sit there. He drove slowly, the city’s cold wind whiplashing both your faces, until you reached the harbor. Getting out, you slowly walked yourself to sit at the one border of the deck, leaving Jason to walk behind you before also sitting with you. He left a text in the family group chat saying that you were with him and your location.

The silence stretched between both you, and despite the current circumstances, it didn't feel uncomfortable. The sea waves crash down, and you could hear the birds chirping far away.

“Y’know, my mom hated my eyes, she said they're just like Bruce.”- Jason turned to you, but didn't say anything.- “At the time, I hated it too, thinking if i didnt have them maybe mom would welcome more. But then, when I came to the manor and confided to Alfie about it, he brought me to the harbor.” 

Eyes fixed in the sea, you kept going.

“He told me to look at it. The sky is blue and so is the sea, he gave me a new meaning. The reason I’m rambling about all of this is ‘cause with my sight getting deteriorated day by day, I can barely see them anymore. It hurts more than I care to admit.’

Jason sighed deeply with a knot forming in his throat. 

“We are vigilants…”- He said calmly, afraid of dumpening even more in your mind.- “I died before knowing you.”

“I know…”

“Did you?”- he asked, a bit surprised.

“I don't know what is more ironic, you guys think I am dumb enough to not find out or how you overestimate your stealth ability.”

Jason left a small chuckle at the statement but soon got serious again.

“Joker killed me and-”

“Listen, it's not because I'm dying and that our relationship isn't in its best moment, that I want you to remember your trauma, okay?!”- You said fast, words barely making sense, which made Jason laugh a bit.

“Is not about trauma dumping, silly. Is that just… When i was dying i was so afraid, i was alone and that was the worst part of it, and knowing that you are going through this alone, hurts like hell.”- Jason turned his face to the sea again.- “I was supposed to be there for you, but you see, nobody taught me how to be a brother, actually there is only a bunch i know besides fighting and shooting, and that's not an excuse for neglecting you, is just that i thought that someone like me would be useless as your brother.”

For an instant the silence remained between the two of you, only the seagulls and the sea sound making its appearance. You didn't know what to say, you knew something had happened by all the arguing Bruce and Jason had, but it also had nothing to do with you. You came to the manor after all this happened and you did your best to bond with him, so it pained you that he could be a brother to all your other siblings and not you. Opening your mouth to answer, you were interrupted by his phone ringing, he answered the call and told you it was Alfred. It was time to go to the doctor.

The ride to the doctor was awkward to say the least. Alfred was driving, Bruce was on the passenger seat and beside you was Dick. It was supposed to be just you and the butler, but the other two insisted on coming. You looked through the window, being your best interest not looking at the gloomy feeling the car carried.

Alfred told that Dr. Thompkins was a really good professional, and that she wouldn't cross any boundaries with you, which eased your mind a bit.

After coming to her clinic, she explained to you all the procedures you're going under, making sure to keep you as comfortable as possible. The woman tried to keep her composure, but every time she examined and felt the weak response of your body she became uneasy.

In the waiting room, Alfred and Bruce sat and waited anxiously for the results, while Dick paced through the room. The results were the same you received along the many doctor visits you made, you carried no hope anymore and that's exactly what broke the woman's heart even more. To be so young and having no more hope to be fed. 

“Darling, I’m going to talk with Bruce. Do you mind waiting here a bit?”

“Not at all, ma’am.”- You already knew what was to be said and you certainly didn't want to go through it again.

The woman gave you a small nod and got out of the room, leaving you there. Outside, whatever minimal hope Bruce had shattered the instant he saw Leslie's expression. His eyes throbbed, he had cried too much already and had a migraine, though he knew that what was coming over wasn't the end of his sorrow.

“I… I have never seen anything like this before, Bruce.”- She started with a trembling voice.- “You must have seen her body temperature right?! It's like her limbs are getting frozen.”

Sitting down in front of the man, so she could ground herself more, she continues.

“She already lost the movement of her arm, her throat doesn't swallow correctly and she's losing her sight. But the worst of it all, her organs are slowly freezing up too.”

Bruce couldn't hold anymore, his tears fell freely through his face. There was nothing he could do to save his baby. On his side, Alfred asked what all of them were afraid of.

“What is the amount of time left, Leslie?”- His hand trembled in his lap. To him you were like a granddaughter, one he cherished too much and that now he was going to lose.

Sighing, the woman turned her eyes down, she couldn't look him in the eyes.

“In the best case, a few months. In the worst, she could go at any moment.”

For the first time in a long, Alfred lost his composure. He excused himself, leaving the other three there and entering the room you were at.

Seeing Alfred's broken expression hurt more than you ever thought it would. His shoulders were down and the man couldn't keep his sobs to himself. Opening your arms, the older man didn't think twice before embracing your body.

“Alfie…”- The man hummed faintly, you head tucked under his chin.- “I thought that being on death's door, i could let go of everything, but god i resent them so much.”

This time, you started to sob, staining the man's shirt with your tears. His hand came to caress your hair.

“You have all the right too, child.”

“I did it all alone, none of them were there. So why am I important now? They don't have this right, Alfie”

“They don't, young miss. They don’t.”

You hollowed your heart through your tears, the man kept easing you. You thought you had already got enough of this, but somehow the pain was still there.

“Alfie.”

“Yes, young lady.”

“Do you remember my first birthday in the manor?! It was just the two of us.”

“I do remember.”

“You gave me a bunny doll…”- Tightening your arms around the butler, you hide your head in his torso. “I want to get buried with it. Please Alfie, don't let my body rot alone.”

His heart broke even more than already was.

“I shall do so, lady.”

There were a few times Alfred felt useless in his life, but nothing felt like this. If only he could carry all your pain, maybe his heart would be at ease, but for now only this hopeless pain remained.