wasting my time gladly

I’ve never seen this with the update and it makes it so much funnier

eyes emoji was the perfect invention for nosy people. like 👀 whats going on over here 👀👀 i just wanna know #LetMeKnow 👀👀👀

my new poker strat: start tearing up after looking at my cards no matter what i got

this fetish stuff is getting out of hand what the fuck is word play

you have to forgive the printer because it's one of the most machine-ass machines we interact with on a day to day basis. that thing says kerchunk. hardly anything says kerchunk these days. you can't get mad at her when she kerchunks up a little.

Crazy that tech has gotten so bad that we're doing printer forgiveness now

source: mooseandpeach_ on instagram! https://www.instagram.com/mooseandpeach_

I like the nodding emoji 🙂‍↕️ for how at peace it is. when I use it I feel like a wise sage who has reached an enlightened truth of the universe. mmmm 🙂‍↕️ monkey

"This town is full of very very small criminals...."

I was going to say “weird and arbitrary things are marked with the threat of execution” but yours is funnier

problematic sudoku solving skills gap

you have GOT to get over god abandoning you when you were 2 like its not even uncommon

poor old granny scorpion-shoes. no one ever saw her death coming

it was pneumonia.

yes, her pet scorpion pneumonia, who lived in her shoe. tragic.

he shot her point blank