i am a thousand grapes for lunch

i'm like a fujoshi but for dead people

My partner and I noticed you from across the bar and uhh... give us the amulet

Use your PTO

the first thing about rpf to understand is that it is ultimately fiction and we will never understand the true inner workings of the lives of celebrities because there is always going to be a veil of performance clouding the way we perceive them. the second thing about rpf to understand is that it’s always true + real and it happened exactly as i imagine it in my mind

Ok. What you're gonna want to do is chop up a cucumber and put it in a bowl. Then you're gonna sprinkle a generous portion of salt on top. Then you're gonna drizzle them with a balsamic vinaigrette and gently shake to combine, leaving you with a cool and refreshing summer snack. In 15 seconds dangerous and burly men are going to drag me away to an unknown second location. Remember everything I've taught you. I love you

the thing about job searching is i see all these job postings and im like i dont wanna do any of this for any of you

Boss tries to fire me for poor performance but I punch the ground and spit out blood and say "No... this isn't how this ends" while my leitmotif plays

Boss fires me for my poorly-composed leitmotif

it's good that I will never be a dog breeder, bc I would make the elephant dog. long borzoi snout, chunky pitbull body, ears of a papillon