Some pain is okay

I say shit like "If my memory serves me" knowing damn well it serves the dark lord

blew a .15 blood mana on the breathalyzer at a necromancy checkpoint and the guardsman demanded to search my carriage trunk for skeletons. needless to say i went for his crossbow

they can't stop you from thinking about gay sex on company time

a former coworker is a kind of dead wife

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

elvis died because it wasnt getting enough fiber

ive never fucked up someones pronouns this badly before, sorry

brought nothing to the gun fight. whatever man

the beach that. makes you dead

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over