Lol

I think it's so cool when girls are having fun. I see girls having fun and I think it's a good thing and I'm like made happy by it. Welcome to my dark and twisted mind.

*at a therapy appointment* I mean sure, but what am I gonna do (doing a stupid voice) "heal?" *rolls my eyes and makes a jacking off motion*

you fucking idiot. you misread a social encounter. we're gonna fucking kill you

do we have to reflect on sucking the strap too?

Victor Frankenstein after achieving the impossible and building a fucking person from scraps of the dead: Oh god, ew, ew it's ugly! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew! Ew! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew!

(no beers in) So how do you perceive me in the privacy of your thoughts

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

not really sure how to get her out though

for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her

Asunder is basically the most classic way to be torn, and if you're looking to be cleft, in twain is a vintage but stunning choice

[ID: A gif of Anthony Bourdain smoking with a pensive expression. End ID]

i love sluts i love perverts i love dykes i love faggots i love aromantics i love freaks i love librarians i love ibuprofen

*coughs blood* youre all just jealous of my wound. yuore trying to make me get rid of it because you wish you had a wound this cool