To Live Would Be An Awfully Big Adventure

Remember in 2010 when Taio Cruz said "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes"? I appreciated his restraint. You can't just throw your hands up in the air whenever. There's a time and a place, and that time was 2010, and the place was the club.

must feel good as fuck to curse a prince for being rude to you while you were larping as an old woman for no reason

free use is kind of a funny kink bc it relies on the idea that everybody wants to touch you and have sex with you but what if they don't. what if you tell everybody at the party you're free use but they all ignore you and mind their own business

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

Someone on my town's local facebook chat is asking if anyone knows a good private local GP and we're all like "literally anyone who has time to slot you in is our 'good local GP'" and she's all like "nono they're not good enough, I need specialised care, the couple of local bulk billing places are too rushed, I need to know who the good local private clinics with lots of free time are" and we're all like. "You are not understanding us. This is a country town. If you can get a fifteen minute appointment in one of those 'bulk bulling places' then you are very lucky and need to jump on that opportunity immediately. The doctors you are seeking are all in the capital city six hours away."

My GP moved away very suddenly for a 'family emergency' about six months ago, claiming he would be back at Some Unspecified Time, and it's been a topic of ongoing gossip and speculation ever since. Everyone is obsessed with this guy and when he's coming back. Not because his life is at all interesting or even because he was a particularly great doctor (he was mostly fine I guess), but because he was one quarter of our local non-emergency healthcare system and some people are holding out a desperate hope that we might get that quarter back at some point.

Actually as far as I can tell all Victoria's brothels are in Melbourne, so most of your options on that front are six hours away too.

The doctor never came back btw

I was wondering when you were finally gonna circle back to that part.

Big!!! Steppy!!!

Taking her job very seriously

really recommend getting a partner with a different religion than you and very little knowledge of your religion because the opportunities for explaining things to each other are just exquisite

yesterday she told me some story about the Buddha's wife and child and I was like. Wait. He fucked? And she was like yeah of course he fucked, why wouldn't he, he was the most attractive and loveable and and wise and etc. person who ever lived. why would he not fuck.

this morning she looked perplexed in the kitchen at me and said "did Jesus not fuck?"

The cashier at Whole Foods just treated me like the village idiot because he told me to “look for the three little lines” on the app and i was like “I’m not seeing a hamburger. I see meatballs. Is that it?” And he said “maam you are looking for Three Little Lines”

"incurious" still GOAT insult. You could be better but you're not. You could learn but you won't, and for no good reason, just a base dispositional apathy. Get fucked