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Fly Me To The Moon : ÌÌâ Ryland Grace x Reader
Pairing: Teacher!Ryland Grace x Teacher!Reader
Summary: The entire school knew how close you and Ryland Grace had become since you'd joined Grover Cleveland Middle's staff a year prior. That knowledge only fueled the rumor mill, that one that ran between the staff and students alike, on just how close the two of you were. It didn't help that you were definitely head over heels for the slightly awkward and endearing science teacher.
Warnings: pre-Project Hail Mary and should not include spoilers but caution anyways just in case, pre-movie storyline, tooth-rotting fluff, idiots in love, workplace romance, friends to lovers, slightly suggestive-ish comments but no smut, female reader but no characteristics described, definitely some incorrect science information but I am not a scientist so apologies, I am also not a teacher so I am sorry for any inaccuracies there lol, lightly edited so apologies for any mistakes
Word Count: 14,596 words
Requests are open! : ÌÌâ Find my masterlist here
âCan anyone tell me why it was that Penelope asked her suitors to string Odysseusâs bow?â
The silence that followed was deafening. Your eyes shut for half a second, a tiny sigh escaping through your lips. Reopening your eyes, not a single one of your students had dared to raise their hands. No one except for Olivia, your star student, who waved her hand repeatedly in the air from the back of the classroom. A single glance to the clock told you all you needed to know.
11:55. These kids were already in lunch mode, and there was zero way you were getting them to listen to you.
With a sigh and a wave of your hand, you gave Olivia the okay to answer the question. She happily took your permission and ran with it, always the first to answer any questions you posed in class. If only the rest of these damn middle schoolers were as eager as she was.
âPenelope didnât want to marry anyone else, so she gave them an impossible task,â
âWhy does she always know everything?â
Marcus thought his comment was whispered just low enough that you wouldnât hear him in the first row, but he was never quite that lucky. He quickly shut his mouth and looked anywhere but in your direction the second he caught sight of the disapproving look you were casting directly at him.
âYou are exactly right, Olivia. Thank you for answering my question,â there were a few chuckles in the room at the obvious sarcasm laced through your words, as you hopped up onto your desk to relax and get a better look around the room full of kids. âPenelope knew the only person that could string her husbandâs bow, was her husband himself. She needed to buy time, especially when these suitors only really wanted to be the ones to inherit Ithaca-â
There was a loud knocking on the door to your classroom that had been left open for the last 20 minutes of class, interrupting your words. You werenât surprised in the slightest to meet the eyes of none other than Ryland Grace, the science teacher.
âUh- sorry! Didnât mean to interrupt important book talk stuff. Super important, you uh-you never know when Shakespeare will come up at your future desk job,â the cringe that Ryland physically did at his own comment was easy to see, even from across the room. He gave you a sheepish smile, his glasses barely hanging onto his face from their unconventional spot hanging off of one of his ears. The blonde held up the brown bag in his hand, and you could practically smell the food that rested inside. âIâm early, Iâm sorry. Didnât think youâd want to have a cold burger for lunch.â
âI told you!â Marcus still didnât understand the concept of a whisper, leaning over to his best friend Jason at the desk beside him, slapping him on the arm. âTheyâre totally dating!â
âAs if Mr. Grace could pull her,â
There was a chorus of snickers and laughter through the class, any semblance of order you mightâve had descending into chaos as every single one of your loveable, little shits just kept casting looks between you and Ryland, who still stood awkwardly in your classroom doorway with reddened cheeks.
Your face was surely no better, you were sure you could feel the heat that was emanating off of your skin, as you ran a hand down the burning skin of your face and wondered why you chose to teach these little menaces for the rest of your life. The world decided to be kind to the pair of you though, for once, letting the lunch bell save you from any further embarrassment from a group of 13 year olds.
âPlease come to class prepared to actually answer questions tomorrow!â you called out over the hustle and bustle of the class as they grabbed their things, eager to scurry off to their lunch hour and finally eat. âYour unit test is at the end of next week, and I would prefer not to fail all of you.â
They werenât listening, but by this point in the day you were hungry and didnât have the energy to try and argue with them.
Any of that tiredness they brought to your bones? It disappeared the second you watched the way they all interacted with Ryland on their way out the door.
Big smiles, every single one of them excited to see the schoolâs favorite science teacher lingering in the doorway to their English class. You could just barely hear the tail end of one of Rylandâs terrible science puns, something about a hungry planet needing a âlight snackâ that got a groan out of Marcus. All it did was bring a soft smile to your face, though, one that somehow softened even more at the quick, secret handshake Olivia shared with him before she was out the door.
Then, it was just the two of you, smiling like idiots as you locked eyes across the room again. And god, did you want that fluttering group of butterflies in your stomach to calm down for just a moment.
Having a crush on Dr. Ryland Grace, the former molecular biologist turned San Francisco middle school science teacher, was inevitable from the moment you turned up at the school for your first day over a year ago. Incredibly smart, amazing with kids, and so incredibly handsome you thought your heart stopped beating the first time you saw himâhell, Mrs. Doyle, the math teacher for over 5 years, said there were at least 4 other young teachers that absolutely had crushes on this man. You were far from the first.
He broke that perfect vision of himself you were building in your head within 5 minutes of meeting, tripping over his own two feet and knocking the stack of papers a mile high from the Principalâs hands, but you had only found it even more endearing.
âI didnât mean to interrupt,â he apologized again, long legs striding across the room and reaching your desk in a matter of seconds. âI had a free period before this, a-and you mentioned this morning you forgot lunch so I grabbed some for both of us-â
âSalâs?â you questioned, pointing to the bag of foot now sitting on your desk with the familiar logo. âTheyâre, like, 10 blocks away. Whyâd you go that far?â
âBecause I know theyâre your favorite,â
The flare of heat in your cheeks was instant. Ryland Grace, who rode a damn bike to the school every day, used his free period to ride 10 blocks away and pick you up lunch from your favorite spot, all because you mentioned offhandedly at 7 a.m. about forgetting your lunch for the day.
Well, he certainly didnât do that for the four fresh out of college teachers that had crushes on him. Youâd mentally consider that a hefty win in your book.
âHow sweet of you to remember,â Ryland simply waved you off, head turned away as he passed your wrapped burger into your hands, taking up space on your desk chair while you stayed comfortable on top of your desk. âYou even remembered tomatoes this time!â
âI forgot them one time and I never hear the end of it,â laughter was shared between you both for a moment as Grace took a bite of his own burger. âI caught the tail end of that discussion. Olivia answering all your questions like a champ?â
âIsnât she always,â you shot back with another laugh, turning slightly on your desk to better face him. âI swear sheâs the only one that I can ever get to answer any of my questions. She might be the only one that does any of my assigned readings.â
âTo be fair, can you blame her?â Rylandâs words were muffled slightly by the food in his mouth. You couldnât even contain the slight smile that grew as he managed to just barely catch the ketchup dripping off his burger before it could smear itself on the stack of papers that needed graded at your desk. âShakespeare was justâŠso interesting. Couldnât get enough of his stuff. Donât know why your kids donât want to read it.â
There was silence for a moment, your eyebrow quirked in his direction. The blonde stopped mid bite of his burger, looking back at you quizzically, trying to figure out what he had said wrong.
âYou know weâre currently learning The Odyssey, right?â
âYes?â
âIâll let you think about that for a second,â
He did, just slowly blinking in your direction. He glanced at the chalkboard behind you, covering in little notes youâd made throughout the class discussion, before they flickered to the copy of the book that sat on your desk. That was finally when you saw the light bulb flicker on above his head, Rylandâs eyes shutting as he let out a loud sigh.
â...that wasnât written by Shakespeare, was it?â
The laughter that bubbled out of you practically had you throwing your head backward.
âNo, but Iâm sure Homer wonât be too offended,â feet landing on the ground as you hopped off your desk, you gave Rylandâs shoulder a quick squeeze as you moved past him. âThe attempt was cute, though, it was a good try.â
Cute. Why in the world did you let that one slip? You were practically cursing yourself in your head for that one, taking another bite of your burger as you worked to erase the whiteboard to prepare it for your next class. You didnât dare steal a glance over at Ryland, in fear that your little slip-up was going to ruin everything.
There was only quiet for a moment before the single moment of awkwardness was gone.
âI promise you I know Homer wrote that. I swear!â
The desperation to believe him drew another laugh out of you. Sparing a glance in his direction, Ryland was giving you his best, exaggerated puppy dog eyes, begging you to believe him, as a smile just barely squeaked its way onto his lips.
âRight, of course you did. My mistake. Whatever you say, Ryland-â
âI mean it!â It was his turn to laugh this time, a sound that had those butterflies rattling around once more. âI was justâŠdistracted.â
âUh-huh, distracted,â as if you were preparing to scold one of your students, you turned to face him fully with a hand on your hip, eyebrow raised expectantly. âBy what, exactly?â
If a human being could buffer, Ryland Grace always seemed to be constantly buffering. Your eyebrow remained raised, waiting for him to piece together his response. All he could do was open and close his mouth like a fish, before looking away and taking another bite of his food.
âNevermind that, just finish your food before it gets cold. I did bike, like, three miles to get that thing,â
With a roll of your eyes that held zero malice what-so-ever, you made sure the blonde could see your next bite of your food, a satisfied smile on his face.
âBack to the previous topic,â you steered the conversation in another direction, wiping off the last bits of chalk on the board and writing down your next period at the top so that you could start the discussion on the reading over again. âI donât understand why itâs so hard to get some of these kids to just read the content. They all pay attention in your class!â
âI heard Jason make a comment yesterday during class that Marcus has a crush on Olivia. Maybe theyâre too distracted to read,â
You shot him a skeptical look.
âMarcus, crushing on Olivia? He was just making fun of her before you came in the room,â
Ryland averted his eyes, suddenly very interested in his ID badge hanging around his neck from his school issues lanyard.
âW-well, maybe he just doesnâtâŠknow how to express his feelings,â he spared a glance up at you, seeing you were still watching, as he tripped over his words again. âIt can be hard for boysâand menâof all ages, toâŠtell someone how they feel.â
âWell, I donât know where heâs learning from, but making fun of the girl you like isnât the right way to go about things,â you shot back.
âThen teach them!â Ryland sounded absolutely ecstatic, that light bulb over his head going off again as he looked like heâd come up with the worldâs greatest idea. âClassic literature, thereâs plenty of great love stories in there. Get his interest by teaching them about that, so he can learn from them.â
âAlright, give me an example then, Mr. Suddenly an Expert in Classic Literature,â
âRomeo and Juliet,â he said like it was the easiest thing in the world, balling up the remnants of his finished food and tossing it in the bag it came in. âGreatest love story ever told, so great Taylor Swift wrote a song about them.â
âExcept they donât run off and get married and live happily ever after, Ryland. Romeo thinks she is dead and kills himself with poison, and when Juliet realizes heâs dead she stabs herself,â
Rylandâs excitement fell slightly, his mouth forming a little âoâ shape.
â...oh,â
âDonât think thatâs what I want to teach young, impressionable pre-teens about love-â
âDaisy and Gatsby, then! He loved her so much he stood on that dock staring at the-the bright yellow light of a stoplight for her,â
âIt was a green light and it was the dock light, first of all. Iâm not even sure how you could be that off. Secondly, Gatsby is murdered at the end of the book and Daisy doesnât even attend the funeral, she and Tom move away and pretend it never happened,â
Rylandâs eyes are shut at this point, his fingers massaging his temples and those glasses just barely hanging on from their place around his neck.
â...does anyone not die in these old books?â
The sound of your laughter permeates the room and you sweep over, collecting his trash and combining it with yours. You never even spared him a glance, though you could feel his eyes on you, as you swept the trash away with you to the other side of the room, his voice echoing across to you.
âIâm going to get lucky on one of these guesses!â
What Ryland Grace was really lucky about was how adorable you found him, and how head over heels you were for him, because his lack of literary knowledge was astounding.
â€ïž
âIâm sorry, youâre trying to tell me that arenât currently fucking the eye candy that is the science teacher in room 305?â
âEvelyn!â
Evelyn Doyle was in her late thirties, married since she was 18, and already had three kids with her high school sweetheart. Since you had transferred into Grover Cleveland Middle, youâd become fast friends and she had become a great mentor.
She had, sadly, caught onto your pathetic crush on Ryland Grace before you had even fully realized it, and was now âvicariously living through youâ as she always said.
âThereâs not a single child left in this entire school right now,â she shot back, gesturing around her empty classroom, as she finished cleaning up anything her students had left around at the end of the day. You rolled your eyes at her excuse, perched on the edge of her desk. âPlease, Iâm tenured, what are they going to do?â
âIâm more so yelling at you for butting into my love life, once again,â was your reply through laughter. âRyland and I are good friends, thatâs it.â
It was her turn to laugh, finishing up her cleanup around the room before she joined you at her desk, packing her things away into her shoulder bag.
âOh please, you keep denying that little crush of yours-â
âI never said I was denying that,â you cut her off. âLord, you realized I liked him before I even did. But he and I arenât anything besides friends. Iâm not lying.â
Your pleas fell on deaf ears, like they typically did when you were around Evelyn. She simply waved your statement off, tossing her bag over her shoulder as you followed her out of her room and down through the quiet of the school hallway. The quietest the hallway ever was, in the hours right after students were sent home for the day. Youâd rather be anywhere else, preferably at home, but these mandatory once-a-month staff meetings were unavoidable.
âWhether youâre telling me the truth or not, you have to understand why everyone thinks soâteachers AND students. I think even some parents think so!â The only response she got was an eyeroll, her shoulder bumping into yourâs playfully. âHe brings you lunch at least once a week, meaning he rides that dingy bike to get whatever youâre craving that day.â
âItâs usually just something random-â
âConstantly in your classroom, or vice versa,â she cut you off, and you quickly realized you werenât getting a single word into this conversation. âIâm pretty sure Principal Marshall has considered, somehow, moving your classroom closer to his just so heâll stop being late to classes because heâs busy talking to you.â
OkayâŠyeah, you didnât have a retort for that one. Your classroom was on the opposite end of the school building from Rylandâs own, and yet every time he had even a split second he was somehow always leaning in your doorway. Even if it only resulted in a conversation that lasted all of a minute.
Many times those ended with your students having to remind him that the bell rang and he definitely had students in his own class unattended, waiting on their teacher. More than once heâd slipped as he tried to sprint back to his classroom from yours. It didnât matter how short those little conversations were, though, because every second around him was precious to you.
âAwe, look at you blushing about it-â
You slapped Evelynâs hand away, throwing her a look of disdain that didnât really hold any true malice to it.
âLook, all Iâm saying is the ball is in his court,â was the response you finally settled on as Evelyn propped the door of the small auditorium open for you to enter. âRyland is nothing but friendly to me, so if heâs interested then heâs got to show me.â
âYouâre acting as if youâve made your own feelings clear, honey,â
âNo, but I clearly donât do a good enough job of hiding them,â
Speak of the devil: there he was. Rylandâs head shot up the moment the pair of you walked into the auditorium. Those damn glasses hanging down from one side of his face, framing his stubbled jawline perfectly. A smile lighting up his face the second those blue eyes found yours, gesturing to the empty seat beside him.
A packed auditorium, as you and Evelyn were the last ones there. Every seat up practically filled, and yet Ryland Grace sat among a crowd of people, eyes trained on you and a single seat saved for you amidst it all.
All you could feel was the heat in your cheeks, and the touch of Evelyn patting your back as she laughed, voice low but loud enough to hear as she shifted past you to find a seat of her own.
âDoesnât have interest in you my ass,â
Her words swam through your head with every apology you muttered to the other teachers as you snuck past them in the cramped rows, happily taking the empty seat beside Ryland.
âYou didnât have to save me a seat, you know,â your voice held a hint of teasing to it, but it was soft. Filled with an adoration that you knew you were terrible at hiding. Luckily, Ryland was terrible at picking up on it.
âWanted to sit next to you,â he whispered back as Principal Marshall began to drone on about updates neither of you particularly cared about. He leaned in close, a hint of his breath wafting over the shell of your ear as he spoke. âYou make these slightly less boring.â
Close proximity to this man was your worst nightmare, and the cramped auditorium wasnât helping. That single touch of his breath against your skin was enough to send a simultaneous shiver down your spine and another round of heat to your cheeks. His suit jacket covered arm rested on the shared armrest between your seats, the edge of his bicep ghosting against the bare skin of your arm with every little shift he made, tapping incessantly against the armrest.
The slight action made you smile. He never could sit still in these meetings, always hated them.
âDid anything fun happen in class today?â you kept your voice low, eyes trained on the principal, as your head tilted slightly over to Ryland so he could better hear you.
âUh, if you count Madison telling me that she thinks the sun orbits the earth, then sure,â you had to stifle your laugh at that, casting Ryland a side glance as he grinned at you, doing a terrible job of whispering back at you as usual.
âHow could she possibly think that?â
âYouâd be surprised,â Ryland leaned just a tad bit closer, the side of his arm pushed up fully against your own. You could almost hear the smile in his voice without even having to look over at him. âThe National Science Foundation estimates that 26% of Americans still think the sun orbits the earth.â
âJesus, that many?â
âWell, 100% of them are stupid, so,â
Nasty looks from other faculty were shot your way that second you choked on your own breath, slapping a hand over your mouth in an attempt to stop yourself from breaking out into uncontrollable laughter. You gave them the most sympathetic look you possibly could, learning how to breathe normally again before mouthing sorry at them all.
Ryland didnât care in the slightest for the warning look you shot him, a bright smile on his face as his eyes seemed to trail over every inch of your face.
âIf you keep doing this in every faculty meeting, theyâre going to separate us, Ry,â
âI met Madisonâs parents for the first time last month for parent-teacher conferences,â he continued, ignoring your plea. Instead, he leaned in even closer, eyes locked on yours, and god it was impossible to look away. âThey are, 100%, undeniably, part of the Flat Earth Truthers Club.â
You shook your head, a smile creeping back up on your lips. Rylandâs gaze could still be felt on the side of your face as you turned back to face the front, eyes focused back on the principal again in an attempt to pay attention to the meeting.
âFlat earthers are ridiculous. Theyâre just scared of science,â
âWell, you know what they sayâŠthe only thing they have to fear is sphere itself,â
There simply wasnât enough time to clap your hand over your mouth and conceal your laughter, a split second of it breaking through the quiet of the auditorium. And Ryland? His smile was somehow even brighter than it was before, still locked onto your face, never having strayed once.
âDr. Grace, is there something you feel needs to be shared with the rest of your fellow faculty?â
Principal Marshallâs voice was enough to knock Ryland out of whatever trance he seemed to have put himself in. Eyes wide as if heâd just seen a ghost, hands barely able to catch his glasses as they almost fell right off of his ear where they dangled, a burst of red spread through his cheeks instantly as his deer-like eyes locked onto the unamused principal.
âI-I uh, no. No, nothing, Principal Marshall,â he scratched at the back of his head, ruffling up his already messy hair, a nervous tick youâd picked up since the moment youâd met him. You simply buried your head in your head, eyes trained on your shoes and Ryland out of the corner of your gaze, terrified to look up at your fellow faculty that youâd already apologized to once. âJust getting super jazzed about faculty updates. Hard to keep it in here. Iâm like a mushroom, getting allâŠhyphaeâŠâ
A collective groan sounded through the auditorium at the terrible biology pun that rolled off of him with ease. All you could do was smile into the palm of your hand.
âPlease justâŠpay attention to the meeting, Dr. Grace, before I separate you and your other half,â
Other half. Thatâs not how she meant it, but it was impossible not to let your mind wander to the idea.
Early mornings. Coffee, the smell of eggs and toast burning in the kitchen. Ryland and his hair that was surely even more unkempt that early in the day. The guarantee that he definitely had about 120 science puns ready to go at any moment.
Late nights. Curled up on a couch. A movie, a shared blanket, warm in the embrace of his arms. The quiet of just being with someone that made you happy in ways youâd never felt before. The promise of another day with them on the horizon.
It was becoming increasingly harder not to think about Ryland Grace like that every day, of what a life with the awkward, endearing science teacher could be.
And as Principal Marshall continued her meeting, and your eyes met the blue ones that were already looking at you: soft, kind, a hint of something you couldnât understand in them, you could only dream he thought the same thoughts when he looked at you.
â€ïž
âAlright, who can tell me the day of the first human space flight?â
Not a single middle schooler, packed into the buildingâs planetarium, raised their hands at first. Many of them started whispering to each other, confused looks on their faces, but Ryland just waited with a smile on his face. A brave soldier from Mr. Harkinâs class, Damien, finally raised his hand.
âUh, Mr. Grace? Wouldnât thatâŠbe today?â
âExcatly!â Graceâs clap echoed through the room as he pointed toward the young kid sitting in the front row of seats. âInternational Day of Human Space Flight, commemorating the first human space flight by Yuri Gagarin. It was a trick question, and you passed my tiny friend.â
Were you excited about losing a chunk of your day to escorting your class to the planetarium, along with other classes in the building, for a special science presentation? Absolutely not, especially not with how terribly your class did on their last The Odyssey assignment.
When you found out that Ryland was giving the presentation during your allotted time? Suddenly, The Odyssey meant nothing to you. Not when you could watch Ryland teach, something he did so effortlessly.
The way he captured every single childâs attention with ease. That glowing smile on his face every time they answered a question right, and simply the way he seemed to love what he taught. You were captivated every time you got the chance to see him teaching the thing he loved so much.
âYuri Gagarin was a Soviet cosmonaut who became the first person in space in 1961 aboard the Vostok 1,â the planetarium was lit up with the night sky, little stars reflecting down. You could almost see them in the students eyes, in their bright smiles as they looked up into the vastness of space. Your eyes trailed to Ryland, already looking at you with a soft smile of his own, before he cleared his throat and moved throughout the room, focusing back on the kids. âOver the course of 89 minutes, his ship traveled to a maximum altitude of 187 miles, as it orbited the Earth.â
âWait, so we werenât the first people in space?â one of your students, Lydia, called out. Ryland laughed, pointing over at her.
âNo, we kind of sucked,â you rolled your eyes with a grin at Rylandâs statement, though it drew a laugh from all of the kids. âNo, America had actually scheduled its first space flight for May 1961, so this was a huge blow to us. It really heated up the space race.â
âHe really is good with them, isnât he?â
Glancing over, Mr. Harkin had saddled up beside you on the edge of the room, head tilted toward you and voice low so as to not disrupt the lesson the kids were being taught. Your gaze drifted back to Ryland as he continued his lesson, eliciting more laughter from the kids. It only brought another soft smile to rest on your lips.
âHe is, in a way that I just donât understand,â
Those blue eyes youâd become so fond of met yours for a moment across the room, face illuminated by the light projecting onto the planetariumâs dome walls. The little grin he wore seemed to drop just slightly, gaze still locked on you but flickering every moment over to Mr. Harkin as he spoke to the students. Harkinâs elbow dug lightly into your side.
âCareful, youâre giving him major âheart eyesâ across the room right now,â
You did your best to conceal your laughter, shooting Harkin a look, Rylandâs gaze still felt on the side of your face even as you looked away.
âWhy do I feel like Iâm about to find out that every teacher in this school has a secret betting ring going on when it comes to Ryland and I?â
âI mean, itâs not a secret. Principal Marshall runs the damn thing,â
âMr. Grace?â one of the youngest girls in the grade, Aurora, called out, raising her hand up to get Rylandâs attention. âMy mom told me the other day that thereâs 8 planets in our solar system. What happened to Pluto?â
Ryland went to answer when Mr. Harkin beside you laughed, capturing the attention of everyone in the room, as he shook his head at his young student.
âNo, honey, scientists a couple years ago decided that Pluto wasnât a planet anymore,â
Your eyes flickered to Ryland, who was already staring at Harkin from across the room as he tossed his little crochet earth back and forth in his hand. His response was a bit of a forced laugh.
âWell, your teacher isnât wrong. Scientists classified Pluto as a dwarf planet a couple years ago,â he explained to the kids, eyes trained on the little crochet sphere in his hands. âBut thereâs 8 other very important, even closer planets that we should focus on. I mean, who really cares about a tiny, slow planet that takes 248 years to orbit the sunâhonestly, he should just accept that heâs slowly falling into obscurity and stop trying to steal the spotlight.â
The room got quiet. Your eyebrow raised slightly, head tilted, as everyone just seemed to stare at Ryland, who had yet to look up.
âUh, Mr. Grace?â some student in the back called out. âWhy did you call Pluto âheâ? Are the planets boys and girls like us, too?â
Rylandâs head shot up, as if he suddenly remembered he was in a room full of students. His eyes shot to you, his mouth opening, then closing, before he quickly looked away.
âIâwellâŠplanets donât reallyâŠIâm not trying to misgender the planets, you know? Thatâs not for me to decide, thatâs for them toâyou know what, does anyone else have any other questions that arenât related to Pluto?â
You really didnât want to laugh at Ryland, but only he would be able to accidentally turn a lesson about space and planets into almost a lesson on bodily autonomy. He caught your eye, his widening just slightly and you could almost see his cry for help written across his face, but it only made your laughter worse.
It was little Madison that raised her hand next, speaking before sheâd even been called upon.
âAre you sure the Earth isnât the center of the universe?â
Ryland hung his head in shame, the shaking of his head evident from across the room as a few of the kids around laughed at the young girlâs comment. You were quick to shoot them a warning look, not keen to hand out any detentions today.
By the time your gaze turned back to Ryland, he was already looking at you. His gaze flickered to Harkin, then back to you, and it was like a light bulb had just flickered on the way his eyes lit up.
âYes, Madison, Iâm sure the Earth isnât the center of the universe. And I can show you,â his long legs crossed the room in seconds, his body sliding between you and Mr. Harkin as his hands landed on your shoulders with a tiny little squeeze that sent your heart leaping through your chest. âBut to do that, Iâm going to need this volunteer that Iâm not quite giving a choice.â
âItâs not volunteering if you didnât ask, Ry!â
You exasperatedly tried to whisper to Ryland as he steered you across the room to stand before all the kids. He only shook his head as a bunch of your own students started cheering for you around the room, only worsening the red that coated your cheeks the second his hands had landed on your body.
âI need you for this,â he shot back hastily, positioning you in the middle of the room, standing in front of you. His body blocked the students from your vision, blue eyes boring down into yours, hands gently squeezing at your upper arms as you begged the blush in your skin to not be too obvious. âYou trust me?â
A ridiculous question, because the only answer was yes. You gave him a nod, and Rylandâs smile only widened as he turned back to the kids in the room.
âAlright, kids. Your gorgeous teacher here is the Sun,â
Little oohs and awes sounded from the kids around the room at Rylandâs little slip in of the word âgorgeous.â There was a sting in your bottom lip as you bit into it with your teeth, trying to contain your own smile. Marcus spoke up from across the room without raising his hand, as usual.
âThen whatâs Mr. Harkin?â
âOh, heâs Pluto,â Ryland shot back immediately, nodding his head. âSuits him.â
Laughter rang through the room, the young boys as rambunctious as ever. Ryland met your astonished look with a tiny wink of his own, one that forced a small laugh to tumble from your lips. Then, he began to slowly spin, walking around you in a circle.
âAnd I am the Earth,â he called out to the kids, and you could only hope he didnât trip over his own two shoelaces. âThe Sun holds 99.8% of the mass in our solar system, which means itâs packing some massive gravity.â
Ryland stopped spinning himself, still moving around you in a circle. He held his hand out toward you, and you slipped yours into it without hesitation, spinning in that circle slowly with him.
âBecause the Sun holds such intense gravity, itâs actually pulling Earth into it. But, Earth has such high forward velocity that it actually keeps us moving sideways. Put these two together, and it keeps Earth moving in an almost perfect circle around the sun. Can anyone tell me another fun fact about our movement around the sun?â
The words went in one of your ears and straight out the other. There was no paying attention, not when Rylandâs hand held your own. Soft skin, just slightly rough around the edges, and those blue eyes were so soft, locked onto you as if there was nowhere else he wanted to look.
âOur speed changes!â Olivia called out from somewhere in the back, but you didnât even try to look and find her. âWhen weâre closer to the sun in our orbit we move faster, and the further away we are, the slower we move.â
âVery good, Olivia!â Ryland called out, sparing just a quick glance over to the kids in the room as his hand held yours tighter, still spinning slowly together. âMadison, we also know this works because thereâs other sun-like stars out there that are also orbited by planets. Like Tau Ceti, which has four Earth-like planets orbiting it.â
âIs the sun important for other things, besides just being the center?â
Rylandâs eyes flickered to you, and you watched as he paused. The slight hesitation on his face, the bobbing of his Adamâs apple for a moment, before those blue eyes locked onto yours and refused to look away.
âI-It isâŠfor a lot of reasons. The Sun is the Earthâs entire reason for existing. The Sun gives the Earth life. The Sun is the reason the world is beautiful,â
Your breath hitched, eyes still trained on Ryland. There was something in his words, something in that earnest, raw look that he had written across his features as he looked at you that added a weight to his words. A weight that sent a tiny chill across your skin, raising the hair on your arms.
âWithout the SunâŠthe Earth would be nothing,â
There was quiet across the room. Then, a couple snickers, followed by Oliviaâs smug little voice.
âThe Sun sounds beautiful the way you talk about it,â
âShe is,â his voice was lower, softer than it was before. Until, he seemed to realize what he said, the red on both of your faces spreading further than before as his eyes shot wide. âTHE SUN I mean! I-Iâm talking about the sun, obviously, b-because this is a science presentation!â
Laughter rang through the room, little chants of your names mashed together coming from some of the kids as the bell rang and saved either of you from further embarrassment.
Ryland, being Ryland, chose that moment to finally trip over his own two feet. You pulled on his hand as hard as you could, saving him from plummeting to the ground as he instead just landed on his one knee.
âMake good choices,â Ryland commented lowly as some of the kids walked past the two of you, still snickering and giggling to themselves. You let go of his hands finally, simply resting it on his shoulder with a gentle squeeze. âDonât uh, I donât know, blow up the world during lunch or anything. Or pop those chip bags and give kids heart attacks, whatever you kids do these days.â
You laughed, stepping around Ryland as your kids lined up outside of the room, waiting for you. He shot you a sheepish smile from the floor, and your skin still burned with heat at the memory of his words as you looked at him.
âEvery time I think youâre doing well with those kids, they manage to knock you down a peg,â
âYeah, well, whatâs new?â
When you met your class outside, you didnât let them get a word in before you warned them not to say anything. You could still hear little comments talking about âshippingâ their English and Science teachers the entire way back to your classroom.
â€ïž
Ryland Grace didnât understand how he had ended up here.
Well, he did. Calling the leading scholar in his field a âstaggering waste of carbonâ at a UNESCO conference in Denmark was an easy way to get blacklisted from the field heâd studied in for many years in college. It was an easy explanation for how he ended up teaching middle school science at Grover Cleveland Middle in San Francisco.
Not that he had a problem with teaching! He actually loved it. Loved his kids, loved talking about science. He loved teaching the future little scientists of the world about why every facet of science was awesome. The pay wasnât great, though.
Especially when it was the reason he rode a bike to school daily.
And there was currently the equivalent of a monsoon raining down from the sky onto the pavement, the reason heâd been standing at the front doors for the last 20 minutes hoping that the rain would simply let up. The heavens didnât take pity on him, though, and it only rained harder and harder. His rain coat and bike were not meant to withstand heavy rain and damaging winds to this extent.Â
Best cast scenario? It takes him a little longer to get home on his usual 20 minute bike ride than normal. Worst case? He crashes and dies, dead in a ditch covered in mud.
âRyland, please tell me you arenât thinking of riding your bike home in this?â
Then there was you. You were probably the single greatest reason why he loved teaching at Grover Cleveland Middle. If he ever had the unfortunate chance to meet that scientist from the conference again, heâd thank him this time for being a staggering waste of carbon, because it led him down a path to you.
âI canât be that bad,â he tried to joke, waving you off as a crack of thunder seemed to shake the entire building, and his fake confidence faltered for a second. He glanced back at you, coat wrapped around your bag instead of yourself in order to keep its contents dry. âJust, you knowâŠthe slight threat of bodily harm.â
He really wished the path that led to you was less bumpy and full of himself looking like an idiot, but at this rate heâd take what he could get from the universe.
âYeah, absolutely not,â was your immediate reply, head shaking as she fished your car keys out of the bag still covered with your coat. âIâm giving you a ride home, canât risk the best science teacherâs life over a dumb storm.â
Ryland immediately shook his head, turning to face you beside him. He was not letting you risk your own life in the storm for him. If it really came down to it, heâd sleep at his desk. There was a change of clothes he kept in the bottom drawer, it wasnât the first time heâd had to do it.
âI canât let you-â
âThis isnât up for discussion,â Ryland snapped his mouth shut as you cut in once again, dangling your car keys up in front of him with a little shake. âIâŠcare about you, okay? I want to know you are home safe.â
There was no stopping the immediate heat that filled Rylandâs cheeks, and he knew it. There was red blooming across your own, but Ryland shook all wishful thinking from his mind. The AC unit in this school was unreliable, you were definitely just flushed from the heat. No other reason.
Ryland decided he wasnât going to put up a fight at this point, but he wasnât going to let you do this without anything in return. He shrugged the yellow raincoat hanging over his own shoulders off as he kicked the glass door in front of him open, the muffle sounds of the torrential downpour now louder as droplets of water splashed into the front door. He held the jacket out, hanging it above your head to protect you from the rain.
âAt least let me save you from getting drenched,â
âYouâre going to look like a dog that just had a bath by the time we reach my car,â Ryland only smiled at your joke, and the little giggle that fell through your lips. The close proximity didnât help as he held the jacket up around you.
âActually, itâs not windy today,â he shot back with a grin, nodding out the propped open door into the rain. âThat means if we run, Iâll be drier than if we walked, because the rain thatâs hitting us from above is proportional to time. Though, the rain hitting us from the front is proportional to distance, and when running-â
âRyland Grace, you are adorable when you get all science-nerd, but if weâre going to runâŠwe should run,â
Ryland was thankful that you couldnât see the renewed heat flooding his cheeks, as you were both too busy sprinting through the torrential downpour to the staff parking lot.
Being a gentleman (who was head over heels in love with you and too terrified to say a damn thing) was thrown out the window with how fast you were booking it to your car, the idea of shielding you from the rain with his jacket abandoned after just a moment booking it across the lot. He could feel the coolness of the water settling against his skin as it soaked through every layer of clothing he had, every few seconds having to furiously wipe at his glasses in hopes of seeing through them.
None of it really mattered in the end, not when he heard your laugh. The little shrieks of laughter as a particularly big drop happened to fall right in your eyes. Or the laughter as Ryland managedâin his signature fashionâto slip on the final step into the parking lot, and you had to double back in laughter to help haul him to his feet.
Heâs spring clumsily through the rain a thousand more times if he got to see you smile like that. And that is why his kids always told him that he was definitely âwhippedâ for you. Whatever that meant.
The second you had both jumped into your respective seats of your vehicle, doors slamming shut, there was only a moment of silence between the both of you. Ryland felt like his chest was going to explode, remembering why he always hated gym class, his heavy breathing mixed with yours as you both caught your breath, before you locked eyes over the center console.
Then the laughter resumed.
He held his hand to his stomach, feeling an ache settling in as he couldnât stop his own laughter. Yourâs grew slightly louder in his ear as you leaned over, trying to help him wipe at his glasses that were still covered.
âI was right, you look like a wet dog,â
Rylandâs only response was to shake his soaking wet hair like one, a simple reaction that earned yet another shriek of laughter from you and a light slap to his shoulder. You muttered something unintelligible under your breath, but Ryland found himself unable to tear his gaze away from your lips as you started the car and began to pull out of the staff lot. How soft they looked, the way the little beads of water running down your cheeks fell over them.
Whipped. He still didnât get it, but he agreed wholeheartedly with his kids at this point.
There was no driving fast in this rain, especially when the windshield wipers were moving at their highest programmed speed and it still wasnât enough. It was quiet in the car for just a moment as you pulled out of the parking lot, but Ryland broke it the second your phone had connected to the carâs bluetooth, music filling the space between him and you.
Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.
âFrank Sinatra,â Ryland couldnât help the growing smile on his lips as the familiar song flooded through the car speakers. He kept his eyes trained on the side of your face, watching the little smile grow on your own lips, eyes focused on the road conditions in front of you. âOld books and old music. Didnât know you had such an old soul.â
âYou calling me old, Ryland?â
âN-no!â Ryland immediately back track, hands flying up and shaking back and forth as his eyes went wide. âI might say some stupid stuff someâokay, most of the timeâbut I know better than to comment on a womanâs age.â
âIâm just teasing you,â he could thankfully hear the sincerity mixed in with the teasing lit to your voice. âBut yes, I do enjoy some old music. Always been a big fan of Sinatra, especially this one.â
âItâs a nice songâŠjust not scientifically accurate,â he caught the side eye that you threw his way for just a moment, another crack of thunder banging across the sky and almost shaking the car. Ryland couldnât help but jump slightly. âJupiter only has a 3.13° tilt to its axis, so it doesnât experience seasons like we do. Marâs would, though, because its axis is tilted at 25°, only 1.5° more than our own tiltâŠâ
Ryland trailed off as the car rolled to a stop at a red light, and he caught you fully facing him this time with a bemused expression written across your face. His smile dropped just slightly as he let out a sheepish laugh, adjusting his glasses as they slid back down the wet bridge of his nose.
â...I went full science-nerd again, didnât I?â
Your laughter drowned out the rain beating against the roof of the car as your attention returned to the road once more.
âYou always do, but I happen to enjoy it very much,â
If only teaching paid more, because the commute to Rylandâs apartment was a lot shorter than his bike ride home every day from work.Â
Parked in an open space across the road from the dimly lit apartment building, Ryland Grace hesitated with his hand on the handle of the door. His eyes swept out over the area around the vehicle, still being hounded with rain. The top of his road looked like the beginning of a river, the way the water was rushing down the small incline to pool at the bottom.
âThanksâŠfor this,â he gestured toward the weather right outside the card.
You moved to respond to him, when the weather alert on your phone propped up on your dashboard sounded out. Ryland could just barely make out the headline: FLASH FLOOD WARNING.
The roads were far too dangerous, and Ryland already knew from various conversations that you lived on the opposite end of town from him.
HeâŠcould ask you to stay for the night. Just for safety reasons, obviously! He was quickly trying to work through the pros and cons list in his head.
Pros: his only friend that just so happened to be the woman heâs been head over heels in love with for the last year would be safe and not driving in this storm.
Cons: his only friend that just so happened to be the woman heâs been head over heels in love with for the last year would be inside his tiny little apartment that looked like it had been hit by a separate hurricane than the one it felt like they were currently suffering through.
âI should probably get home-â
âStay,â Ryland cut in, quickly continuing his words after his vague statement. âI-Itâs just, the roads are bad, and you live on the other side of town. This storm is just going to get worse, and I-Iâd hate to know something happened to you.â
You hesitated, he could tell, shaking your head.
âRyland, I couldnât ask you to let me stay,â
He hesitated himself for a moment, every feeling heâd kept bottled up for a year now threatening to escape past his lips. Instead, he settled on echoing your own words.
âIâŠI care about you. I want to know youâre safe,â
Moments later, he had his rain coat draped over your head as he rushed you inside his apartment to shelter from the storm.
Rylandâs hands shook the entire time as he put his key into his front doorâs lock. The last time he had guests overâŠwas never. His apartment was built and designed for him and his brain, scattered with notes and books and piles of arts and crafts that he worked on in order to decorate his classroom. It was not meant for visitors, especially not ones as pretty as you.
âDonât, uh, mind the mess,â he mumbled, holding the door open and motioning after you, allowing you to take a step inside his apartment as he let out the small breath he didnât realize he was holding.
Chucking off his sneakers, little puddles of water forming below them on the ground, his jacket found its way into a pile with them. Ryland wiped his hands nervously against the thighs of his jeans, the action doing nothing against the soaking went material, as he watched you take in his apartment.
The apartment that looked like it had been ransacked, at least partially. Stacks of books relating to a thousand different topics were stacked on the ground by the tv stand, on top of the coffee table along with the coffee cup heâd abandoned there early in the morning in a haste to get to the school, and and by his desk that had a stack of papers scattered around it after her strewn them about in order to find one specific slip of paper at 11 p.m.
It was a mess, and Ryland regretted everything.
âItâs not messy, itâs homey,â your reply sent a burst of heat through his skin as you turned to him with a bright smile, leaving your own bag and coat by his pile of wet items before gesturing to your own soaking wet clothing. âDo you maybe have something a little lessâŠwet?â
He scurried away into his bedroom, trying to ignore that little section of his brain that took your comment in a MUCH different way.
His bedroom was worse. Ryland wasnât letting you sleep on the couch, but he surely wasnât letting you see his room in a state like this.
Clothing was thrown across the room and Ryland quickly ran about, shoving piles of clothing away into corners where he was certain you wouldnât be able to see any of it. Throwing it into his closet and slamming the door before it could fall out, pushing it down in his laundry basket, kicking it under his bed so it was out of sight and out of mind, whatever he could think of.
âGreat idea, Ryland,â he muttered to himself, pulling on a dry pair of sweatpants and a tshirt for himself, trying to shake the remaining water out of his hair as he rummaged for something you could wear. âAlmost get the woman youâre in love with killed by letting her drive you home in a monsoon. Invite her to stay the night in your apartment that makes you look like an even bigger loser than you are. Amazing idea. A doctorate in molecular biology and this is the best you can do.â
You were waiting by the couch in his living room, just glancing around at everything with a smile, when he reappeared. Sheepishly, he handed the folded clothing over to you, hand running through his soaking wet hair as he pointed down the hall.
âYou can take my bed for the night. Uh, just leave your clothes in the bathroom, I can throw them in the dryer in a bit. I can scrounge up something to eat in the meantime,â
âThanks, Ry,â your hand reached out, squeezing his upper arm lightly, and he felt the heat in his skin instantly bloom under your touch. âFor all of this.â
If it wasnât for the giant crack of thunder that flickered the lights of the building for a moment and made Ryland jump out of his skin, he wouldâve forgotten how to breathe again.
He rummaged through every part of his kitchen, desperately trying to find something that he could make the two of you to eat that also wouldnât make him seem pathetic. All he could come up withâŠwas a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, and a jar of jelly.
Yesterday. Heâd stayed late after the end of the day to help in tutoring. He forgot to go grocery shopping. Ryland let out a sigh at his realization, back to his fridge door and head banging back against the stainless steel, hand running down his face and dragging against his skin as his glasses were knocked off, hanging off of one ear.
âGreat,â he muttered into his palm. âJust absolutely freaking great, Ryland.â
Ryland Grace desperately wished he had the guts, the bravery, to just simply tell you how he felt.
From the moment he met you, when you had arrived for your first day at Grover Cleveland Middle, he was a goner. It had been a long time since heâd had a partner, his last one certain that he was too busy with his head in the clouds to pay attention to her, and she wasnât wrong. But from the moment he looked at you, waving and smiling as you introduced yourself to all of the teachers that had gathered to welcome you, you were suddenly the only thing his brain wanted to focus on.
He had been so focused on you, too busy admiring every inch of you in silence, that in his typical clumsy fashion he tripped over his own two feet and knocked Principal Marshallâs papers out of her hand, spreading them five feet across the floor. But youâd joined him on the ground, laughing lightly to yourself, as you helped him clean up the papers, and Ryland knew he was a goner for you.
It only continued every single day, getting worse, and you somehow became his friend. His only friend, if he was being quite frank. So he tried to hide the way he really felt, too scared to mess anything up. Heâd rather have you in his life in any way he could, then mess this up and lose you forever.
Keeping those feelings in was getting increasingly harder in the last few months. Which explained why heâd traveled cross town just to get lunch from your favorite place, or compare you to the sun and basically called you his entire reasoning for living in front of a bunch of children-
Either Ryland was going to blurt it out at some point, or he was taking these feelings to the grave with him.
âPeanut butter and jelly? Sounds like weâre eating like royalty tonight,â
He shouldnât have looked over at you. He really, really shouldnât have. Leaning against the opposite wall of the kitchen, hair still damp and dripping onto the cheesy âI had potentialâ shirt heâd been gifted by one of his students the following year. Sweatpants that were bunched up around your ankles so that you didnât trip over the length, waist tied in as tightly as possible so they didnât just slide right off your hips.
Ryland Grace had never thought it possible that you could look more gorgeous than you did every day, but he stood corrected. He felt more in love than he ever had just looking at you right in this moment.
âSorry, I donât exactlyâŠlive a life of luxury,â Ryland awkwardly laughed as he spoke, pulling out two sad paper plates from the cabinet next to him and flashing them in your direction, shaking them lightly in the air. âHope this doesnât ruin my perfectly curated image.â
His eyes followed you as you brushed past him, humming to yourself with a little grin. You fumbled through every drawer in the kitchen, looking for something, when Ryland quickly popped open the one right next to him, showcasing his small selection of utensils. You flashed another heart-stopping grin at him before digging out two knives from the drawer.
âThat image cracked a long time ago, Ry. Like that time you let Marcus perform some chemical reaction and got the fire department called to the school,â
The tall blonde groaned to himself, rubbing at his temple as you pushed past him to throw some of the bread down onto the plates and crack open the jars of peanut butter and jelly set out.
âThat was one time!â he tried to defend himself, saddling up beside you as you passed him one of the knives. He almost completely missed the opening of the peanut butter jar, eyes too transfixed on the sight of you in his clothing. It was still up in the air if his heart was actually working correctly yet. âI learned my lesson very quickly not to let him handle any more chemicals.â
âDonât worry. I made the mistake of doing popcorn reading when we were working on The Outsiders. Marcus seemed to end up with every single instance of profanity in the book, which he would yell at the top of his lungs,â
Ryland snapped his fingers, glancing down at you at his side with a teasing smile.
âYou know what? That explains that really loud âHELLâ I heard across the school a couple months ago. I was so sure that it was going to shatter the windows of my classroom,â
âOh, shut up! It wasnât that bad!â
Your laughter permeated the air, elbow digging into his side as you spoke. And when your eyes locked with his, and Ryland got the perfect look at every square inch of your face, he could see it so clearly in his head.
Mornings just like this, where youâd both struggle to get out of the warmth of the blankets. The way he would surely annoy you with his very disorganized morning routine, but heâd make up for it with coffee already set out for you, just as you liked it. The lingering moments by the door, too wrapped up in each other because you didnât want to leave the peace of this space, even though you were going to the same place.
Late nights, curled together on the couch with some movie playing on TV that neither of you were particularly paying attention to. Whispered words, laughter shared. Kisses that lingered, hands that trailed-
Thunder broke Ryland from his spell, thoughts gone in a flash. He was back in his dingy kitchen, with you just inches away, staring up at him as the picture of true beauty.
âT-This is nice,â he cleared his throat, turning back to his sandwich as he spread his toppings along the bread, heat blooming across his cheeks again. It always did around you. âMaking dinner with someoneâŠno matter how sad the dinner is. I havenât done this in awhile.â
âRight,â your voice responded after a momentary pause. âSarah, wasnât it? You were dating her when we first met. What, uhâŠwhat ever happened to her?â
âOh, we broke up a long time ago,â Ryland waved the comment off, shaking his head. âShe just, uh, thought my head was too far in the clouds. Didnât think I wanted to be down here on Earth. She wasnât wrong. It was for the best, though. She hatedâŠall of this. The rundown apartment, the lack of a car, my love of science. She just never understood it. I was justâŠtoo much for her. But sheâs with Mark now, so Iâm sure sheâs happy.â
Ryland chose not to mention that his last relationship had been dead long before it officially ended, the pair not having seen each other in well over a month by that point. If his math was right, which it usually was, Sarah had started dating Mark before sheâd even broken it off with him.
He also failed to mention the relief he felt inside when she had called it off, knowing his heart had belonged to you the moment your eyes had locked with his.
Fingertips just barely ghosted over Rylandâs cheek, and he froze in place. Eyes trained on the plate in front of him, he could feel the way your hand curled around his cheek. The way your thumb glossed over his skin, back and forth, and the way your other fingers barely grazed over the shell of his ear. He couldnât help the way he instantly leaned into the touch, a touch he hadnât felt in so long.
Ryland turned his head, still resting in the palm of your own, to look you in the eyes. You gave him the softest smile, hand trailing across his cheek and ghosting over his jawline. His eyes watched it move, the way your fingers gently curled around the frame of his glasses dangling precariously from his face, and placed them gingerly back where they belonged, resting on the bridge of his nose.
His breath caught, your body so close to his, as your hand trailed back down and rested on his chest for just a moment, your own gaze flickering to its resting spot while his gaze stayed on your face.
âYou are never, and will never be, too much, Ryland. Not for the right person. Theyâll love every part of you. The clumsy parts, the nerdy parts, every part that makes youâŠyou,â
The Sun. Thatâs what you were to Ryland Grace. He meant every word he had said in that planetarium that day, driven by the rare jealousy of seeing Harkin that close to you.Â
The Sun was the reason Earth had life. Without the SunâŠthe Earth would be nothing.
Without youâŠwell, Ryland Grace had accepted long ago that he didnât understand what it was like to truly live until heâd met you.
Your eyes flickered for just a second, and Ryland took in an audible breath, swearing they settled on his lips for just a second. The apartment was quiet, except for the hum of the fridge and the pattering of the rain against the living room windows.
The moment shattered with yet another terribly timed clap of thunder, your body jolting away from his, focus turned back to the counter in front of you, face hidden from his wide eyes.
âY-you knowâŠI canât tell you the last time I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,â
Ryland shook his head, smiling slightly to himself at the little stutter in your own words, turning back to finishing his own food as well. But the moment still lingered in his head, the heat that bloomed from where your skin touched him still lingering.
âSince peanut butter is banned in school for allergies, probably awhile,â
âI almost forgot that rule a couple weeks ago and almost packed peanut butter crackers,â you joked back, before Ryland heard you snap your fingers. âOh! Speaking of work, did you put yourself down to volunteer for the school dance next week?â
Sandwiches finished off, Ryland packed the ingredients away and stashed them back in their appropriate spots, laughing awkwardly to himself.
âHah, uh, no I didnât. I chaperoned last year and kind of left covered in punch, became the kidsâ favorite âmemeâ for a week afterward since one of them got a picture of it,â
He turned back to you. Leaning against the island counter, holding your sad little sandwich in your hands, face still lit up red as you smiled toward him.
âI think so far it's me, Doyle, and Harki, plus Principal Marshal and I think Katie and Dawson from the front office. We could really use another teacher,â he swore the fluttering of your lashes was on purpose just to kill him and his resolve. âSign-up? For me?â
Well, there was no universe in existence where Ryland said no to a request like that.
Rejoining you at the counter, he held his own sandwich in his hand, reaching out and tapping it against yours as if you were sharing a toast.
âFor you? Totally,â
Even as you both took a bite of your sandwiches, eyes still locked together, Ryland felt as if something had shifted in the air. Your eyes were still as kind, your smile still bright, but it felt like there was a new weight to your gaze as you looked at him.
And he sworeâand hopedâfor just a split second, that your eyes had just flickered down to his lips again.
â€ïž
The student council had outdone themselves with this end of the year dance.
As you stepped through the main doors of Grover Cleveland Middleâs building, the smile on your face grew immediately at the sight before you. The walls were lined with little fairy lights, little styrofoam planets hanging down from the ceiling at various lengths, glow in the dark stars right around them and glowing. Silver streamers hung around the fairy lights, with the check in desk decorated with tons and foam and lights behind them to look like twinkling lights in the clouds.
âA space theme?â you called out as the two kids in front of you ducked away from the registration desk. Evelyn Doyle finally looked up from the sign-in sheet, grin growing as she took in the sight of you and rounded the desk. âI hadnât heard anything from the student council on the theme, but they did well.â
âNevermind the theme, youâre finally here!â you laughed as you threw her arms around you, reciprocating the hug, before her hands landed on your shoulders in order to get a good look at you, eyes trailing you up and down. âAnd look at this dress, oh my god!â
The deep yellow dress fell right around your knees, the fabric light and airy as it swooshed through the air with every move you made. Buttons lined the front down to the tie around your waist, leaving just enough room for the little gold necklace resting against your collarbone. You thanked yourself for choosing a short sleeve option, already feeling the heat in the building from how many kids were all packed in and dancing together.
âThank you,â was the sheepish reply you gave your friend as she let you go. âIâm sorry Iâm late, I caught one of my studentâs parents in the parking lot and they turned it into a mini parent-teacher conference, sadly.â
âNot a problem,â she waved the comment off, gesturing toward the doors of the gym just off to the left of you both. âJust get on in there, have some fun, and keep those slow dancers at least 12 inches apart at all times.â
If the hallways were gorgeous, the inside of the gym shone even brighter. Bathed in blue and purple, even more little lights twinkled around the room, hung off the walls, the ceilings, and on every surface they could possibly find. Moon and star decals, made by the art students, hung off the walls and from the ceiling, almost glowing under the lights.
Your eyes trailed over all of your children, scattered throughout the room, already having been dancing for at least thirty minutes. The smile on your face grew as you watched each one of them, gathered with their friends as they danced together in groups, or even stood off to the sides and just observed from beyond the dimly lit dance floor.
Mr. Harkin had been stationed at the punch table, and you could hear him from across the room warning these middle schoolers not to try and spike the punch. You could only giggle to yourself, shaking your head at his antics, before your eyes swept over the crowd once more-
The music seemed to stop in your ears, breath hitching, the second you laid eyes on him across the room. Ryland Grace.
He wasnât in anything fancy. A nice pair of jeans, the worn pair of black dress shoes youâd seen by his apartment door that night. A dark green shirt was tucked into his jeans, adorned with a worn, navy blue suit jacket overtop, and those same glasses almost falling off the bridge of his nose as he spoke animatedly to Olivia.
Ryland looked good. Too good, in your eyes.
For just a second, he looked up, and his eyes happened to meet yours across the room. You thought for sure youâd forgotten how to breathe.
Whatever had happened that night, in the silence of his apartment with only the beating of the rain against the windows and the roof as a witness, had shifted something. From the moment your fingertips had ghosted along his skin, your hand had rested against his chest, and youâd been close enough to see the specs that danced in those ocean blue eyes of his up close, nothing had been the same.
Like the little bubble you had been existing in with your harbored crushed had finally popped. Like a toe had dipped just slightly over a line, and there was no going back from then on.
You always blushed around your friend, every time heâd manage to fumble his way through a comment that borderlined on a kind-of-not-just-friendly compliment. But since that day just a week or so ago, every time he has been within a few feet of you, your face lit up like a hot summerâs day.
Moments where heâd find a second to linger in your classroom door, held a new weight to them. Sharing lunch together, fingers just barely brushing for a second as you both reached for your food, to moments when youâd simply be walking together down hallways, back of hands brushing along each otherâs but no one making any moves to stop it from happening.
Something was different, and you werenât sure you wanted to go back to how things were before. Not after touching his skin, or existing in his orbit like that. Not when youâd seen the side of him beyond these school walls.
You were in love with Ryland Grace. You had been for a long time. And, finally, you were done trying to pretend that there wasnât at least a small chance that he felt the same.
âI need your help,â
The heated staring contest between you two was broken by the sound to your right. You turned, just to see Marcus standing directly beside you and reaching up to pull on the sleeve of your dress. His hands wrung together, foot tapping incessantly on the ground, and you immediately knelt down in front of him to get a better look at his face that he was trying to hide from you.
âMarcus? Honey, whatâs wrong?â you asked gently, hands coming to rest on his arms as you tried to get him to look at you.
âIâŠI like Olivia,â
Oh. It was one of those problems. The anxiety you felt in that moment finally washed away, an easy smile falling to your lips as you took a quick glance over in Ryland and Oliviaâs direction, the formerâs eyes still locked onto you from across the room.
âI did hear a rumor about that. Olivia is a great girl,â
âShe is,â he said quickly, finally looking at you. His nerves were basically written across his face. âI-Iâve been really mean to her. I didnât mean to be.â
âI know, honey. Sometimes feelings can be confusing,â you stood up, hands on your hips as you looked down at him with a smile. âDo you want to dance with her?â
âI do,â
You held your hand out toward him with a smile.
âThen why donât we start by going and apologizing to her?â
With Marcusâs hand in yours, you confidently led him across the room, eyes locked back onto Rylandâs as you approached. He stood with Olivia at his side, who was talking his ear off, a dopey looking grin on his face as he nodded to whatever she said as he continued to watch as you approached him.
âDr. Grace, Iâm sorry to interrupt you and Olivia,â you announced yourself to the pair with a grin of your own, hands on Marcusâs shoulders and you lightly pushed him forward. âBut Olivia, thereâs something that Marcus here wants to say to you.â
The young boy shuffled awkwardly forward, hands wringing together again as he stood in front of his crush.
âI, uh, I wanted to say I was sorry. For being really mean to you. I didnât mean it,â
Oliviaâs eyes went wide, as she too shuffled uncomfortably for a second. Ryland saddled up to your side, the pair of you sharing a glance as you watched the interaction happen right before your eyes. His hand graced over yours lightly, and it took everything in you not to reach out and lock your fingers with his.
âOh! Itâs, um, itâs okay. Thank you,â
âSay, Marcus?â Ryland called out to them both, catching the boyâs eye and gesturing toward Olivia with a wink. âWhat do you think of Oliviaâs dress?â
âIâŠI think she looks really beautiful,â
That comment finally seemed to catch Olivia off guard, her eyes wide in shock as she giggled nervously.
âOh! IâŠthank you, Marcus. You look really nice too,â
âThank you,â his posture seemed to straighten out at Oliviaâs reaction, like seeing her accept his compliment gave him the confidence he needed. âDo you want to dance with me?â
Olivia shot you and Ryland a look, and you both immediately gave her a thumbs up. Then, your happy eyes could only watch the two pre-teens awkwardly shuffle away together to the dance floor, not daring to meet the eyes of the other.
âLook at us, playing matchmaker for middle schoolers,â
âI think they did that for themselves, we just helped,â you laughed, turning your head. The laughter died on your lips the second your eyes met with Rylandâs, voice low and breathy as you whispered to him through your smile. âHi.â
âHi,â he whispered back just as breathily. His hand came up to the back of his head, running through his hair for a moment, and you could see the red and pink hues that lit up his cheeks. âI got worried when I didnât see you. I was ready to call you.â
âYou couldâve,â
âIâll remember for next time,â he shot back, hands finding their way to rest in the front pockets of his jeans. His eyes moved back over the crowd, finding your two young students once more. âIâm proud of him for that. ThatâŠmust have taken a lot of guts to do.â
You followed his gaze, landing on the pair as they danced together, laughing and talking like old friends.
âLike you said before, it can be hard for boys to express their feelings. All he needed was to pull up his big boy pants and ask her,â
Ryland laughed beside you.
âYeahâŠI should probably follow in his footsteps,â
You glanced back to him, seeing him already watching you. A single eyebrow raised toward him quizzically, even though your heart felt like it was ready to beat directly out of your chest.
Rylandâs mouth opened, then closed, then opened again, as if he were trying to force out words that he couldnât quite seem to get right. You didnât even realize you were holding your breath, hoping inside that whatever he wanted to say would address the weight that seemed to be hanging between your gazes.
âStay here,â
There wasnât even time for you to respond before the tall blonde rushed away, almost tripping as he dashed over to the DJ booth across the way from the makeshift dance floor. He whispered something to the DJ, and you could see the thumbs up he got in return, before he rushed back over to you, panting slightly.
âRyland?â you questioned softly, the man who held your entire heart without knowing it standing just a foot in front of you with a nervous grin on his face. âWhat did you just do?â
As if on cue, the song changed, and familiar lyrics floated through the room, bouncing off the walls.
Fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars
âIâm pulling up my big boy pants,â he responded with a nervous laugh, his hand outstretched toward you. âAnd asking you to dance with me.â
Nothing else existed the second that you slid your hand into Ryland Graceâs without hesitation, letting him pull you in. You werenât in the school, not in a room decorated for a middle school dance, and certainly not surrounded by middle schoolers and a bunch of faculty that had placed bets on you both.
It was just you and Ryland Grace. Thatâs all you wanted it to be.
Your arms found a place to rest around his shoulders, fingertips just barely brushing past the strands of hair that tickled the back of his neck. There was a fluttering in your chest the second that his hands made their way to your waist, curling around the divet just above your hip bone, pulling you into him just by another inch.
In other words, hold my hand. In other words, darling, kiss me. Fill my life with song, and let me sing for ever more.
"I didn't tell you yetâŠ,â his voice was soft, words whispered just between the two of you in a crowded room. âBut you look beautiful,"
"You don't have to flatter me, Ryland,"
"No, really, you look-"
"Like a banana in this yellow dress?"
He paused. His tongue poked out, running along his bottom lip, and you could see the nervous bob of his Adamâs apple before he spoke again.
"...like the sun,"
You are all I long for, all I worship and adore.
Oh. That fluttering in your chest was back, and suddenly, you werenât at a middle school dance anymore. You were back in that planetarium, spinning in circles. And this time, there were no doubts in your mind. You were the Sun, and he was the Earth. And what was the Earth, without its Sun?
"Ryland-"
"I wasn't lying,"
You cocked your head.
"...about what?"
"That I knew Homer wrote The Odyssey,"
That drew a short laugh from you, but you could still see the nerves that were laced through Rylandâs smile.
"Right, you were just distracted,"
"I was. By you. I'm always distracted by you,"
In other words, please be true. In other words, I love you.
You took a deep breath. Heâd crossed the line for you, thrown himself onto the other side, and was waiting for you with open arms. It was just a leap of faith.
âIâm always distracted by you, too. Since the day we met,â
The song faded away, melting into the next. There couldâve been eyes on you both, either from students or from faculty, but nothing would break either of your gazes away from the other.
Ryland took a quick look around the room, before his hands took hold of your own, bringing them down between you both. He gave you a grin, one filled with more happiness than you had ever seenâand you knew your own matched his perfectlyâbefore he tugged you toward the doors of the gym.
âCome with me,â
âRy, weâre supposed to be chaperoning!â
âI donât see Principal Marshall anywhere. Whatâs the worst she could do, fire us?â
âQuite literally, yes!â you shot back with a laugh.
Ryland only shrugged his shoulders, tugging you again, and you didnât even try to fight back. Your feet simply moved with him.
âWorth it,â
Hands clasped together, fingers intertwined, your laughter echoed off the walls of the empty hallways as Ryland Grace ran you down them, a destination clear in his mind. Every few seconds heâd look back, just smiling at you as his eyes trailed over every single inch of you, before youâd yell at him to look at his own feet before youâd both be sprawled across the linoleum floors.
The door to his classroom was open as you flew inside, hand slipping from his as you caught yourself on the projector cart sitting in the middle of the room. Spinning on your heel, you caught his eye just as he shut the classroom door behind him, and the silence enveloped you both once more. Finally alone, no prying eyes to watch.
The momentarily confidence that seemed to seize hold of Ryland dissipated in that moment. He wiped his hands against the front of his jeans, chuckling awkwardly as he took a few steps toward you.
âWhat was your plan here, Dr. Grace?â you teased, taking a couple steps toward him as well, too high on the feeling of everything youâd just finally realized. High on the feeling of finally not denying what your heart knew long ago: you and Ryland Grace were never just friends.
âIâm not going to lie,â he shot back, coming to a stop just in front of you, barely an inch or two separating you. âI hadnât thought this far ahead.â
âThen stop thinking,â
No one had leaned in first. It had been both of you, as if drawn together like two magnets, as your lips finally found one another's.
Goosebumps rose across your skin as Ryland Graceâs mouth moved against yours with an ease that shouldnât exist between two people that have never kissed before. It was like a perfect dance between two partners that knew each other better than anything.
Your lips never left his, moving against his as if you couldnât believe you had deprived yourself of this for so long, as your hands wound around his shoulders. Fingers curled into his hair, finally carding themselves through the blonde strands that felt so soft between your fingers.
The slightest little moan, enough to send heat coursing through your body the second you heard it, slipping from Rylandâs mouth into your own. His hands grasped at your hips, winding around your back to press into your lower back and tug you as close as humanly possible, as if he was a starved man that craved to touch you in any way that he could.
His lips were soft, a feeling that you knew you were going to crave for the rest of your life now that youâd had a single taste of them. You pressed further into him, a small mewl tumbling from your own lips and swallowed by his mouth as you pressed every inch of yourself into him, desperate to hang onto the moment in case the world would be cruel and wake you from this dream moments later.
The need to breathe was what finally separated you, but not far. Rylandâs forehead pressed to yours, his breath fanning out across your skin. His hands still gripped at your hips, holding him to you, as yours stayed carded through his hair, nails gently scraping at his scalp as you chest heaved as it tried to level your breathing back to normal.
âIf I havenât made it clear already, youâre my best friend,â his words were breathy, accented by the way he was still trying to catch his breath. But his smile was bright, his eyes almost shining, as he looked down at you. âAnd Iâm completely in love with you. Literally, since the moment we met.â
You laughed, trapped in this little bubble with him, as your hands slid from his hair to instead cup his cheeks. The tip of your nose just barely brushed against his, and he bumped his right back against yours without hesitation.
âIâm completely in love with you too, Ryland Grace. Since the moment you tripped over your own two feet,â
The sound of your laughter filled the empty, dark science classroom again as Rylandâs hands came to scoop you up around your thighs, spinning you in relentless circles. All you could do was hang onto his broad shoulders and smile, his lips peppering a thousand kisses to every inch of skin he could possibly reach.
The Earth needed the Sun, like how Ryland said he needed you. The person that makes it all worth it, that makes the days brighter, that makes this short little life worth it.
has anyone noticed that after the porn ban of 2018 tumblr was essentially killed from the mainstream and everyone flocked to other social media sites like twitter and meta. then those sites got enshittified to where twitter became Nazi Central and meta sites had an entire meme around getting âzuccedâ aka mark zuckerberg himself would ban you for saying a no-no word like fuck. and then the mainstream shifted to tiktok where infamous toddlerspeak sentences like âhe got unalived by a pew pewâ were born because if you once again say a no-no word like kill or gun or any other word that isnât corporate i mean kid friendly then the algorithm will bury your post into the ground. and somehow weâve come full circle and tumblr is now the most bearable social media site because although we canât have female presenting nipples we can at least talk to each other like adults. has anyone noticed that at all or is it just me and the flaming skull
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summary: You are the kindhearted third grade teacher who brings baked goods to the local fire station every Saturday. Bucky, the retired vet only eats the things he makes. Until one day he eats one of your pastries.
word count: 19.0k+
pairing: firefighter!bucky barnes x fem!reader
notes: thank you to that big, beefy firefighter i saw at walmart with my mom that inspired this fic. you will not be forgottenđ«Ąalso, GO LISTEN TO MADISON BEER OR I WILL HEX YOU!!!
edit: this fic has been done since i think november, and it's finally being released from it's cages! enjoy :)
warnings/tags: no use of y/n, firefighter!bucky, teacher!reader, teacher!wanda, firefighter steve, sam, natasha, and joaquĂn, fluff, slow burn - once again, I LIVE AND DIE SLOW BURN. IF I DON'T THEN AM I REALLY ME??, reader bakes, grumpy!bucky, grumpy x sunshine, touch starved!bucky, bucky is soft only for you
The fire station always smells faintly of coffee, soap, and smoke. Not the harsh, burnt kind that clings to memories, but the faint ghost of long days and habitâpeople who spend their lives surrounded by heat, yet somehow still manage to make the place feel cold. Youâve been bringing desserts here every Saturday for almost six months now, and every single time, itâs the same: JoaquĂn greets you like sunshine just walked through the door, Natasha waves from wherever sheâs buried in paperwork, and then thereâs Buckyâsitting at the far corner table, stainless steel mug in hand, watching the world with that low, unamused scowl that never quite reaches his eyes.
You set the covered tray down on the counter, the tin still warm through the towel you wrapped it in, and start unpacking the brownies you stayed up too late baking. Youâd told yourself you werenât doing it for him, but youâd still checked three times that they werenât too sweet. He never eats anything you bring, not once, but you keep hoping. Not because you need him to like your dessertsâbut because every week you see the smallest shift in his shoulders when you arrive, like the world gets a fraction lighter for him, even if heâd never admit it.
Samâs the first one over, of course. âIf these are anything like last weekâs lemon bars, Iâm declaring you honorary station chef,â he says, already stealing one. You laugh, shaking your head, sliding the foil aside. The sound makes Bucky glance up from his coffee. Just a glanceâbarely half a secondâbut it catches you. His gaze is steady, unreadable, the color of blue steel and morning smoke. You smile at him out of habit, soft and polite. He looks away like he didnât see you at all.
You tell yourself you imagined itâthe way his jaw moved like he was fighting back a smile. Maybe you want to imagine it. Maybe thatâs why you keep coming back, tray after tray.
The station is quieter today, a rare lazy Saturday afternoon. Someoneâs got the radio humming low, a classic rock station playing something worn and comfortable. You pour coffee for whoeverâs around and settle by the counter, chatting with Sam about the upcoming charity event for the school. The talk is light, easyâexactly the kind of thing you love about this place. Then you catch Buckyâs reflection in the glass cabinet door across the room; heâs watching the tray.
Itâs subtle, barely there, but his eyes linger. Not on youâon the food. You hold your breath, pretending not to notice, but Sam does notice. You can tell because he suddenly stops talking mid-sentence, and his grin grows almost mischievous. âHey, Buck,â he says casually, âyou sure you donât want to try one? These got your name written all over them.â
âDonât trust other peopleâs cooking,â comes the same gruff answer, quiet but final. You donât miss the faint flush at the top of his ears though, and itâs enough to make something warm unfurl in your chest.
âSuit yourself,â Sam shrugs, but when he turns back to you, his eyes sparkle. You both know that was progress.
After a while, you find yourself leaning against the counter beside the coffee pot. Buckyâs still there, half in shadow, flipping through a newspaper that hasnât been printed in years. You donât try to talk to himâyouâve learned not to force conversation. Instead, you slide one brownie from the tray and wrap it in a napkin, setting it on the table near him without a word. Itâs not an offering, not really, just a quiet, small gesture.
Youâre halfway through cleaning up when you hear the softest soundâa fork scraping across foil. You look up without meaning to. Buckyâs still reading, still silent, but the brownieâs gone from the napkin. His shoulders are looser now, the tiniest bit of tension drained from his posture, and you swear, just for a second, his lips twitch like the start of a smile.
You donât say anything. You just pack up the empty containers and hum under your breath, the tune quiet and content. The song fades into the murmur of the radio, into the hum of the refrigerator, into the rhythm of a place that, for all its noise and steel, suddenly feels a little softer around the edges.
When you finally head toward the door, Sam calls after you. âSee you next week, sunshine!â You grin and wave. You expect Bucky to ignore youâhe usually does, but as you step outside, his voice follows, low and gruff.
âThanks for the⊠whatever that was.â
You turn, surprise flickering through you. âBrownies,â you say, smiling. âAnd youâre welcome.â
He nods once, barely meeting your eyes, and then goes back to pretending he didnât say anything at all. But you see itâthe faintest smudge of chocolate on the corner of his thumb.
And maybe, just maybe, next Saturday, youâll make something just for him.
By the next Saturday, youâve talked yourself out of caring. You told yourself you wouldnât overthink itâthat the brownie probably just looked good, that he mightâve been hungry, that it didnât mean anything. But when you catch yourself checking the oven timer more times than necessary while your new batch of blondies bakes, you already know youâre lying to yourself.
You tell yourself youâre doing it for everyone. For Sam, whoâll inhale anything with sugar; for JoaquĂn, who always pretends to ration his desserts but ends up sneaking seconds; and for Natasha, whoâs too polite to take one until you practically shove the container toward her. Youâre doing it because you like baking, because the kids at school drive you to the edge by Friday, and this has become your calm. But somewhere in the middle of folding in the white chocolate chips, you add a pinch more brown sugar, just in case someone else decides to try one again.
The air outside carries that quiet, late-autumn chill that makes the world feel still. When you step into the station, the warmth hits instantlyâcoffee brewing, the faint scent of detergent and pine cleaner. You hear laughter before you even see anyone. Samâs voice, low and teasing, followed by Steveâs steady calm trying to reel him in.
âMorning, teacher,â Sam greets as soon as he spots you, grinning like always. âYouâre about to save our Saturday again, I hope.â
You hold up the container. âBlondies. And I brought apple muffins too, for breakfast since you people apparently eat nothing but caffeine.â
Natasha snorts from the couch. âThatâs an exaggeration. Sometimes we eat protein bars.â
You laugh, and the sound fills the kitchen easily. You catch a glimpse of Bucky at the back table, leaning against the counter with a coffee mug that looks practically welded to his hand. He doesnât speak, but you feel his attention like static in the airâmuted, cautious, curious. You smile at him and keep moving, setting out plates, napkins, and paper cups. He watches every motion, pretending he isnât.
Steve ambles closer, taking a muffin and murmuring his thanks, and then, as heâs biting into it, says casually, âBucky told me your brownies were good.â
You nearly drop the lid. âHe what?â
Steveâs eyes crinkle in quiet amusement. âHe didnât say it exactly like that, but Iâve known the man long enough to translate. You made an impression.â
You glance over again, Buckyâs pretending to read something on his phone, and thereâs no chance he canât hear you, but the faint color on his ears tells you he absolutely can. You bite back a smile, warmth blooming under your ribs.
Itâs a calm day again, paperwork and banter, the radio humming. JoaquĂnâs sitting at the kitchen table fiddling with some gadget; Natashaâs nursing a mug of coffee while half-listening to Samâs story about a neighborhood dog that keeps chasing their truck down the street. You take the seat beside her, listening, laughing, and slowly you notice the smallest thingâBucky doesnât leave. The last few weeks, heâd always disappear to the garage or the supply room when the noise started. But today, he lingers.
He doesnât say much, just throws Sam a deadpan look when the man starts exaggerating, or mutters a dry comment that makes Steve choke on his drink. And somehow, those tiny, reluctant pieces of his personality make you grin more than you mean to.
Eventually, when the laughter quiets and the others drift toward chores or calls, you find yourself cleaning up the kitchen. You hum a little tune under your breath as you stack plates and rinse cups. The sound feels at home here now, tucked under the low buzz of fluorescent light.
Behind you, thereâs a shuffle of movement. âYou donât have to clean all that,â Bucky says, voice low but clear enough to make you turn. Heâs standing a few feet away, drying his hands on a towel, expression unreadable but not cold.
You smile, shaking your head. âI donât mind. I made the mess.â
He hesitates, then steps closer. âYou make a mess every week.â
The words might sound gruff, but his tone isnât sharp. Itâs teasing in the smallest, clumsiest way, like heâs trying it on for size. You laugh quietly. âYou keep inviting me back.â
âThatâs Sam.â
âI donât remember him being the one who ate a brownie last week.â
That earns you a lookâone brow slightly raised, the hint of embarrassment tightening his jaw. He doesnât deny it. He just exhales through his nose and mutters, âyou caught that, huh?â
You shrug lightly, rinsing another cup. âIt was hard to miss.â
Thereâs a beat of silence. You can hear the creak of the building settling, the hum of the fridge, the soft tap of his mug setting down beside the sink. And then, unexpectedly, he starts helping. Drying dishes beside you, movements neat, efficient. You glance up, and for a moment, the light hits his face just rightâsoft edges, tired eyes that look less guarded, mouth relaxed. âYou bake every week?â he asks.
You nod, setting another cup in the rack. âUsually. Itâs how I unwind after teaching. My kids are⊠a lot. Itâs nice to do something that doesnât talk back.â
He huffs out a short laughâbarely a sound, but genuine. âCanât argue with that.â
The air between you shifts. Not heavy, not awkward, just quiet and comfortable. When you reach for the towel heâs holding, your fingers brush his. Itâs nothingâjust the lightest contactâbut his hand goes completely still. You feel it immediately, the static between skin and skin. He doesnât pull back right away, his eyes flick up to yours, and for half a heartbeat, neither of you move.
Then you take the towel, pretending not to notice the way his shoulders straighten again. âThanks,â you say softly.
He nods once. âSure.â
When you finish, he walks you to the door. Itâs unnecessary, but he does it anyway, holding the door open with a quiet sort of courtesy that feels almost shy. You turn back before stepping out, smiling at him again. âSee you next Saturday?â
He leans against the frame, eyes flicking to your container. âYou bring those blondies again, maybe.â Itâs the closest thing to a smile youâve seen on him yet.
And as you step out into the crisp afternoon air, the thought sticks with you the whole walk homeâthat maybe this time, youâre not the only one waiting for Saturday.
The third Saturday starts gray and cool, the kind of morning that feels like itâs been steeped in fog. You pull your sweater tighter around your arms as you balance two containers in your handsâone with your usual dessert, the other with something new. Youâd made cinnamon rolls this time, because Sam had mentioned missing his momâs recipe, and because youâd caught yourself wondering if Bucky liked cinnamon. Youâre not sure why that thought stuck with you all week, but it did.
When you walk into the station, the smell of coffee is already there to greet you, warm and grounding. The radio hums somewhere in the background, and you can hear Samâs voice echoing down the hallâloud, teasing, familiar. You smile before you even see them. âMorning, sunshine!â Sam calls, appearing around the corner. âTell me you brought somethinâ good.â
âAlways do,â you say, lifting the containers. âCinnamon rolls and some kind of experiment involving brown butter and chocolate chips. No guarantees.â
âBrown butterâs never a mistake,â Natasha says from the couch, flipping a page of her magazine. She glances up, offers one of her rare, knowing smiles. âGood morning.â
âMorning,â you echo, setting the boxes down on the counter.
Steveâs at the stove making another pot of coffeeâhe always makes the second one too strongâand JoaquĂn is balancing on a chair trying to fix the overhead light again. Buckyâs there too, sitting at the table near the back, sleeves rolled up, forearms braced against the wood as he scrolls through his phone. He looks up once when you arrive, just once, then goes right back to whatever he was doing.
You pretend not to notice, but you do.
You start plating the cinnamon rolls, their warm scent filling the kitchen. Sam is the first to steal one, no surprise there. JoaquĂn jumps down from the chair, swiping his own before Sam can hog them all, and Steve gives you that gentle, polite âthank youâ that always makes you feel like you brought something meaningful instead of just sugar and flour. Natasha takes one, tooâeventuallyâand hums quietly after the first bite, which feels like a glowing five-star review coming from her.
Bucky doesnât move. He never does, not right away. But heâs watching.
You can feel it in the way his gaze lingers just past you, pretending to be indifferent but landing too often on the tray. You could call him out on it, tease him the way Sam would, but you donât. Instead, you just slide one of the rolls onto a small plate and set it at the corner of the table near him, like always. He glances at it, then at you. âWhatâs the trick this time?â he asks, voice low, almost cautious.
âBrown butter in the icing,â you say, smiling a little. âAnd extra cinnamon.â
He studies the plate for a moment, then his fingers curl around the fork. He doesnât say anything, doesnât make a show of itâjust cuts off a piece and takes a bite. The world doesnât stop, the room doesnât go silent, but you swear you feel it. Like something subtle and quiet shifting.
He chews slowly, expression unreadable, and thenâbarely, almost imperceptiblyâhis mouth twitches.
You keep your smile to yourself, pretending to busy your hands with cleaning up a bit of icing from the counter. Natasha sees it though, the faint curve of your lips, and you catch her smirk from across the room.
âGood?â you ask, when you canât take the silence anymore.
Buckyâs gaze flicks up to yours. âNot bad.â Itâs the gruffest possible compliment, but it makes your heart skip anyway. He finishes the rest without another word, and when heâs done, he stands, rinses his plate, and sets it neatly in the drying rack. Youâre pretty sure thatâs the closest thing to a thank you youâre ever going to get, but then he hesitates by the door, mug in hand. âYou teach third grade, right?â he asks suddenly, eyes still on the floor.
You blink, caught off guard. âYeah. I do.â
He nods once, still not looking at you. âThatâs⊠brave.â
You laugh, startled. âBrave?â
He looks up then, just a little, the corner of his mouth lifting. âI couldnât handle that many eight-year-olds. One of âem would start talkinâ back, and Iâd lose my job before lunch.â
âOccupational hazard,â you say, grinning. âYou get used to it.â
âI donât think I would.â
Thereâs a hint of amusement in his voice now, something warmer threading through the usual gravel. He takes a sip of his coffee, leans against the counter, and you realize this is the first time youâve actually seen him stay in a conversation. Not just endure it, stay.
The others drift in and out of the kitchen as the day stretches lazily on. JoaquĂn heads out to run errands, Natasha disappears into the office, and Steve starts sorting some equipment by the back door. Samâs napping on the couch, his snores filling the otherwise calm space. And still, Buckyâs there.
You watch the way he relaxes as he talks, his voice softening, hands moving just slightly when he describes something. He still avoids too much eye contact, still glances down often, but his walls are lower today. You can feel it.
Eventually, Steve calls something from across the room about checking a delivery in the garage, and Bucky pushes his chair back with a low grunt. You gather your empty mug, standing too. When he reaches to take it from you, your fingers brush for a second, not even a full secondâbut long enough.
His touch is rough, calloused, but careful. You notice the way his hand pauses, the faint inhale that catches in his chest. Itâs nothing, really, just contact, but itâs the first real one, and you both feel it. He clears his throat softly, taking the mug from you like itâs fragile. âGot it.â
You murmur thanks and smileâgentle, easy. âSee you next week?â
âYeah,â he says, almost before he can stop himself. Then, quieter, âbring those rolls again.â
You walk out of the station with that small sentence echoing in your head. It shouldnât feel like anything. But it does. It feels like the first crack in the armor. And when you glance back through the door before leaving, you catch him watching you go, a faint, unguarded look in his eyes that tells you exactly what you hopedâit wasnât just about the food anymore.
You wake early the next Saturday with a kind of energy you pretend is just normal weekend motivation, but you know better. You replay that momentâbring those rolls againâmore times than youâd ever admit. You tell yourself not to romanticize it, not to interpret it like something bigger, but your hands are already moving before youâre even fully awake, kneading dough, rolling butter and cinnamon into spirals, letting the house fill with that warm, sweet smell that feels like comfort itself.
These rolls arenât for the whole station this time. Theyâre for him.
You still make a second dessert, because you donât want anyone calling him out, not yet. Sam would tease him into hiding, and Natasha would smirk and Bucky would retreat behind a wall so fast youâd never climb over it again. So you make blondies for the groupâeasy, reliable, a crowd favorite, and definitely not something Bucky also likedâand you pack the cinnamon rolls in a smaller container, frosting separate so they wonât get soggy. Bucky deserves them really good, better than the first time. You donât want to mess up the first thing he actually asked you for.
When you walk into the station, a wave of warmth and familiar noise greets you immediately. The TV is on, Sam and JoaquĂn are arguing about who should get credit for winning last weekâs pool game, and Natasha is leaning back in her chair looking like she has already judged both of them twice before breakfast. Steveâs by the coffee machine again, heâs always by the coffee machine.
They all greet you, except Bucky. Heâs thereâbut he doesnât look up right away. Heâs sitting at the table cleaning his gloves, movements precise, meticulous. You set the blondies on the main counter first, letting Sam pounce like he always does. Natasha takes one too, slow and deliberate. You laugh with them, talk lightly, and the dynamic is familiar and effortless.
But thereâs a second moment happening under that. You move to Buckyâs table. He finally looks up when you stop in front of him, eyebrows lifting just slightlyânot irritated, not cautious, but expectant.
You set the smaller container down in front of him. You donât open it, you just slide it across the table gently, giving him space to choose. He glances at the way itâs packagedâdifferent container than the blondiesâlike he knows immediately.
âThese are the rolls,â you say softly.
He holds your gaze for a slow, solid second, then he closes his cleaning kit, pushes it aside, and pulls the container toward him. He opens it with careful fingers, like he wants to savor this. You hand him the small jar of frosting without even thinking and he takes that too, almost gently. âYou made extra icing,â he says, tone unreadable.
âYou asked for them again,â you answer, smiling. âFelt right to get it perfect.â
He doesnât comment on that. But he coats the top of one roll and takes a bite, in front of everyone this time. No hiding, no pretending. The room keeps going around you, Sam still talking, JoaquĂn still pretending heâs above stealing another blondie, Natasha sipping her coffeeâbut it feels like time pauses around that single bite.
Bucky closes his eyes just barely for half a heartbeat. Then he exhales like that first taste knocked some weight off his ribs. âThis isâŠâ he starts, then stops. You wait, heart thudding quietly against your ribs. He tries again, voice lower. âItâs really good.â
You donât tease him. You donât downplay it. âThank you,â you say. âIâm glad you like them.â
He eats another bite before speaking again. âYou didnât have to make these just for me.â
Thereâs no accusation in it. Just quiet, vulnerable acknowledgement. You soften a little, leaning a hand on the back of the chair across from him. âYou asked me to. That was enough.â
His throat works like he wants to say something elseâlike he wants to say a dozen thingsâbut instead he just nods. Then he gestures at the seat beside him with the smallest tilt of his head, like an invitation. You sit next to him easily, not making a big deal of it, and he doesnât move away. His knee stays close to yours, his arm resting comfortably where it is instead of shifting away to protect some kind of invisible line.
The others absolutely notice. Steve glances once over the rim of his mug, faint amusement playing at the edge of his mouth. Sam looks confused for a second, then like heâs silently screaming in victory. JoaquĂn smirks, nudging Natasha, who simply lifts an eyebrow like she called this three Saturdays ago.
But they donât say anything out loud, they let him have this moment.
You and Bucky sit there together, legs nearly touching, sharing quiet conversation while he eats something you made, openly, without hesitation, like a small ritual that belongs only to the two of you.
It starts with the smallest things. It isnât cinematic. It isnât some dramatic shift. Itâs quiet. Itâs domestic. Itâs the kind of change that sneaks up on both of you without either realizing it until itâs already inside the ribcage, forcing breath to come different.
You start noticing it because he sits closer now, not directly next to you every time, but close enough that you feel the warmth of him. When you speak, he leans in slightly like the world between you is somehow always shorter than it appears. His attention isnât lazy anymoreâitâs tuned in, like heâs cataloguing you the way he does storms and weather patterns he trusts from decades of instinct. He doesnât look away when you talk now. He actually listens.
And for Bucky, the noticing becomes almost unbearable in a way thatâs brand new.
The first time it happens, you donât even think about it. You were reaching behind him for the sugar jar in the station kitchenette because it somehow always ends up behind his mug, and your fingers brush briefly over his forearm. Just a soft, passing graze of your fingertips to warm skin through fabric. Nothing intentional, nothing suggestive, but Bucky goes still like something hit him point blank. The sensation lingers under his skin like heat that wonât dissipate. He stands there after youâve already moved away, hand flexing unconsciously at his side, eyes a little distant.
That touch lives rent-free in his head all week.
He tries to ignore it, pretend it meant nothing, pretend it didnât short-circuit something in him to feel such uncomplicated, gentle contact for no reason beyond necessity. He tries to move on, but itâs the only thing he thinks about when heâs lying in bed at night staring at the ceiling, trying to remember the last time someone touched him without expectation, without noise, without motive. The memory of your fingers feels soft enough to unspool him.
By the next Saturday, something shifts in how he moves around you. Itâs small, almost invisible, but you feel it.
When you hand him a container lid, his fingers brush yours intentionally this time. Barely. Just enough that you feel the ghost of contact. When you walk past him in the hallway, he steps a little closer so your shoulders graze. When you sit beside him at the table with your coffee, his knee rests against yours for a breath too long before shifting like heâs convincing himself it was an accident.
You donât call attention to it. You just quietly validate it by not pulling away. And that choice⊠that tiny, shared permission⊠is how the fixation begins.
One afternoon, youâre leaning in to show Natasha a little video clip your student sent you of their class hamster âlearning math,â which is basically the hamster running across number tiles. Youâre laughing, shoulder slightly turned, and Bucky stands behind you to look over your shoulder. His handâhesitant yet pulled by instinctâsettles lightly on your upper arm to balance himself for just a moment.
It should be nothing, it should be casual, it should be something people donât think twice about. Except Bucky feels everything about it. The softness of your cardigan, the warmth beneath it, the way you didnât flinch or stiffen or look uncomfortable. You just kept laughing with Natasha, leaning back into the space without even thinking.
He withdraws a second later, but he spends the next hour replaying that single point of contact in his head like a song loop. Sam tries to get him into a debate about which action movie trilogy is superior, and Bucky answers all wrong because heâs barely registered actual words. Steve gives him a suspicious side-eye when he zones out while cleaning equipment.
He is a grown man knocked absolutely senseless by a hand on an arm. You donât see that happening inside him, but you feel the aftereffects slowly appear. He starts finding reasons to stand beside you rather than across. When passing you utensils or napkins or tupperware, his fingers linger those fractions longer than needed. When you take a seat at the table, he takes the chair next to yours without hesitation now, casual like itâs obvious thatâs where he belongs.
And every single touch is feather light, polite, testing, non-assuming, but dripping with meaning. He never demands, he never grabs, he never rushes. He just lets himself slowly relearn the language of contact.
The station doesnât tease him about it. Somehow, collective unspoken agreement settles that nobody should scare him back inside his armor. Not when heâs finally stepping out piece by piece. Natasha catches a few moments between you two, her eyes sharper than anyone elseâs, but she simply smirks to herself because she sees the blessing of quiet healing when itâs right in front of her.
And you⊠you find yourself anticipating those small touches as much as he does. You donât chase them, you donât force them, you just gently meet them halfway every time he reaches.
And in the slow, silent corners of the station, where coffee steam curls in the low kitchen light and cinnamon and sugar linger in the air from last weekâs rolls, you watch a man rediscover something he hasnât allowed himself to want in years, the simple luxury of being touched without fear.
And Bucky learnsâone soft brush of skin at a timeâthat he wants more.
The next two Saturdays become this quiet study of small proximityâlike the space between you is its own gravity field and Buckyâs learning the pull of it in real time. It never happens in big gestures, never anything dramatic that would make the guys at the station crack jokes or ruin the fragile pace the two of you have found.
One Saturday you bring blueberry crumble bars. Natasha eats two, Sam tries to pick at the entire tray before Steve smacks his hand away like a disappointed parent. And Bucky sits next to you like that is the most natural place in the world to sit.
He doesnât even think about choosing another chair anymore. His body makes the decision before his mind can get in the way. His arm rests on the back of your chairânot wrapped around you, but behind you.
He doesnât even seem aware heâs doing it until halfway through your story about one of your students making up a conspiracy theory about why pencils exist, which was unhinged and adorable and your favorite thing all week, and then you see him slowly realize how close he actually is.
He should move, he knows he should move, but he doesnât.
You feel the warmth of him at your back, the way his presence curls lightly around your spine like a secret he forgot to keep hidden. You donât call it out, you donât flinch or shy away. You just stay exactly where you areâand you watch the moment he realizes youâre not pulling from him. His shoulders settle like a slow exhale.
Later, when Steve asks you to grab something from the supply closet, Bucky follows without thinking. He insists he needs to get new gloves too, though youâre almost positive every glove in that closet is alphabetized by size and condition like his personal religion. But heâs there, standing behind you as you reach for the plastic bin on the second shelf. You stretch a little further and lose your balance by just a degreeânot even enough to cause chaosâjust enough for your feet to shift.
Bucky catches your elbow. Not a reflex of panic, but a reflex of instinct. His palm slides warm and steady around the bend of your arm, fingers wrapping gently just above your wrist, grounding you with more tenderness than pressure. The touch is nothing more than supportâbut the gentleness in it makes your breath catch mid-inhale. âYou good?â he asks, voice low.
âYeah,â you say, turning toward him slightly with the bin held against your chest. Your arm is still in his hand. âJust misjudged how far back they shoved this.â
He doesnât drop your arm right away. His thumb shiftsâjust onceâin a tiny, unconscious sweep. Itâs barely movement, but it feels like a full sentence. And Bucky looks like he realizes in that exact millisecond that heâs gotten used to touching you. That he wants more of it.
He clears his throat and drops his hand, stepping back a respectable amountâbut the air between you stays charged. You donât push it, you just smile at him and head back out into the kitchen like nothing monumental happened, even though both of you are now thinking about nothing but that touch.
When you leave that evening, Bucky walks you to the door again. He always does now. No one calls attention to it. Itâs just routine. Your routine. At the door, you shift your bag higher on your shoulder and his hand rises automaticallyâlike heâs going to take it from youâlike heâs ready to help you carry it without thinkingâbut he catches himself halfway and lets his hand fall back down. Itâs so small. So ordinary. So charged. You give a soft smile, almost teasing, but not quite. âSee you next week?â
Thereâs no hesitation anymore. âYeah,â he says, eyes warm in a way thatâs new, edges less sharp. âIâll save you a seat.â
You donât know if he realizes how much more intimate that sounds compared to anything else youâve sharedâbut you leave with that sentence echoing through you the entire walk home.
By the next Saturday, Bucky starts waiting for the sound of your footsteps before youâve even parked your car outside. He doesnât tell anyone that, of courseâhe sits at the kitchen table with his mug like always, pretending heâs been there all morning, pretending he doesnât check the clock every five minutes. Sam catches him glancing toward the door once and smirks, but he doesnât say a word. No one does anymore. The teasing stopped the moment they realized something was happening quietly between the two of youâsomething delicate and steady that didnât need noise.
You always come in the same way: soft knock on the frame, a smile first, your voice warm with that teacher-bright tone that seems to filter out the stationâs gray edges. The kitchen fills with you as soon as you enter, like you bring your own weather with you. Today, your hair smells faintly like sugar and butter, and Bucky feels that scent settle somewhere low and calm inside him.
He greets you now, which still surprises you a little every time. âHey,â he says, voice still rough but softer around the vowels. He stands up when you walk inânot because he means to, but because it feels wrong to stay seated while youâre carrying something heavy. You hold up your containers and he reaches automatically, taking them from your hands before you can protest. The brush of fingers is so casual now that neither of you pause, but the quiet electricity is still there, pulsing underneath everything.
âGot your favorite,â you tell him, pointing to the smaller container. âCinnamon rolls. The others get the cookies this time.â
He gives a small nod, lips twitching at the corner. âYou really donât have toââ
âYou said to bring them again,â you interrupt, teasing. âYou canât take it back now.â
âDidnât say I was takinâ it back,â he mutters, and you catch the faintest ghost of a smile. Itâs there and gone in an instant, but itâs real.
You unload the cookies while Bucky takes the rolls to the far counter. He doesnât let anyone else near them until youâve had your share. Sam groans dramatically when he notices. âOh, so the rolls are exclusive now? Is that it?â Sam says, eyeing the container like heâs preparing for a heist.
âYeah,â Bucky says simply, not even looking up. âThey are.â
The room falls into a stunned silence for half a beat before Sam bursts out laughing, shaking his head. Natasha smirks from her corner with a knowing hum, and Steve hides his grin behind his coffee mug. Youâre half-laughing, half-embarrassed, warmth spreading through your chest like sunlight. Bucky doesnât even seem embarrassed about claiming themâor youâin that small, quiet way. He just sits down, pulls the lid off, and starts spreading frosting over one like itâs his ritual.
When you join him at the table, he slides the second roll toward you without looking, like itâs already decided. âMade sure I saved you one before Wilson tried to steal it.â
You take it with a small laugh. âThank you.â
The rest of the morning unfolds gently, the rhythm familiar now. You all linger in the kitchen longer than necessary, talking about nothing importantâschool stories, local events, the fair coming up in a few weeks. Natasha mentions volunteering for the kidsâ safety booth, and Bucky glances up when you say youâll be helping there too. He doesnât comment, but you see the flicker in his eyesâinterest, curiosity, something softer you canât quite name yet.
After a while, Sam and Steve head out to check equipment, and JoaquĂn leaves to run errands, leaving just you, Bucky, and Natasha in the kitchen. She excuses herself after a few minutes, mumbling something about needing peace before the chaos returns. That leaves the two of you alone at the table, the low hum of the fridge filling the quiet between sentences.
You start to stand to wash a few dishes, but Buckyâs hand finds your forearm before you can move. Itâs the lightest touchâbarely thereâbut his thumb brushes once against your sleeve. âLeave it,â he says. âYou cooked. Iâll clean.â
You freeze for half a second, not at the words, but at how naturally he touched you. He doesnât even seem to realize heâs done it until you look at him. His fingers stay there a second longer than they need to, warm and steady, before he lets go and reaches for the plates instead. You sit back down, quiet, watching him.
Heâs methodical when he cleansâcareful and exact. You catch the way he hums softly under his breath, a habit youâve never heard from him before. Itâs low and tuneless, but peaceful. When he turns to grab a towel, you stand and move beside him to help, not saying anything. The two of you move around each other easily, unspoken choreography. At one point, your hand reaches for the same mug heâs drying, and your fingers brush again. He doesnât freeze this time; he looks at you instead, his eyes flicking up, blue and tired and open.
âThanks,â you murmur, taking the mug.
âAnytime,â he says quietly.
You finish cleaning in silence, but itâs comfortableâthe kind of silence that feels shared rather than empty. When you finally pack up to leave, heâs leaning against the counter again, towel slung over his shoulder, hair a little damp from running his wet hands through his hair. He looks at you for a long moment before speaking. âYou always bring something,â he says, almost like heâs thinking out loud. âEven when youâve got a long week. Even when you look tired.â
You shrug, smiling a little. âItâs my way of winding down. And you all appreciate it. Mostly Sam,â you add with a laugh.
He huffs a laugh too, short but genuine. âI appreciate it more than I say.â
That catches you off guard, but you meet his eyes and see that he means it, completely. âI know,â you say softly. âI can tell.â
He nods once, then takes a breath like heâs going to add something else but decides against it. Instead, he steps closer and opens the door for you. You pass him on the way out, the scent of soap and cinnamon filling the small space between you. He doesnât move right away. The side of his arm brushes yours, just a whisper of contact, but the simplicity of it makes the moment feel big. âSee you next Saturday?â you ask, tilting your head slightly toward him.
His mouth quirks, barely a smile but enough to feel like one. âYeah. Wouldnât miss it.â
As you walk away, he lingers by the doorway for a moment, watching you until you turn the corner. When youâre gone, he looks back at the kitchenâthe empty mugs, the faint traces of cinnamon on the counter, the chair you always sit inâand for the first time in a long while, he realizes the week ahead feels like the wait between good things instead of the grind toward the next shift.
Saturday used to be just another day in the rotation. Now it feels like the only one that matters.
You show up to the station one Saturday and the kitchen is already⊠set up. Someone went and made space on the counter, like theyâd been expecting you and your containers. Someone laid out the cutting board, the butter knife, the napkins. Someone rinsed out the carafe and made a fresh batch of coffee thirty minutes before you arrived, just to make sure it would be hot when you walked in.
Itâs Bucky. Obviously.
He pretends he didnât. Pretends thatâs just how the kitchen always is. But Sam catches your eye and mouths you did this to him the moment Bucky walks away to grab mugs.
You hide your smile in your sleeve.
When you open your container today, you notice Bucky doesnât wait. He doesnât hang back like he needs to âpretend to think about it.â He comes to the counter first. He claims his plate first. He doesnât bother letting anyone else investigate what you brought before he does. He scoops icing and spreads it over his cinnamon roll with the same careful concentration youâve come to adoreâlike food is a language too, and slow is how he honors it.
No flashy commentary. No teasing. Just soft ownership. He bites in, eyes shuttering, jaw going slack for a millisecond before he pulls it back under control. You see his shoulders drop a fraction, like sweetness somehow releases tension in his spine. And then⊠he actually speaks before anyone else does. âThese are even better than last week.â
Sam nearly chokes on his coffee, Natasha quietly grins behind her cup like she just saw a planet finally rotate into alignment, and Steve pretends heâs not impressed, but he looks away to hide the way heâs smiling too hard.
And you just stand there, your heart doing something absurd, gentle, and painfully tender in your chest. Because he didnât say it begrudgingly. He didnât say it like he was forced or pushed, he offered praiseâvolunteer level, willingly.
You hand him a fork but he doesnât take it the regular way anymore. He takes it from your fingers directly, brushing skin intentionally this time. That subtle slide of his fingertip across yours is deliberate. It lingers a half beat longer than necessary. He could easily avoid contact but he chooses not to.
You sit beside him with your own roll, and for a good twenty minutes the room just fills with quiet chatter and slow chewing and contentment. It feels absurdly domestic, like a messy little chosen weekend breakfast you donât want to end. He doesnât fidget. He doesnât armor himself from the world. He doesnât isolate from the noise of his friends. He sits with youâlike this is where he fits.
At one point youâre telling him a story about a field trip your class is taking to the petting zoo and how youâre worried about one particular child trying to smuggle out a goat. He listens, leaning his chin into his palm, eyes on you the entire time like nothing else competes for his attention. Every few sentences he makes these tiny reactionsâlips pursing when you mention chaos, eyes softening when you describe their excitement, a quiet huff laugh when you mention bribes in the form of stickers.
Itâs this subtle emotional matching that sneaks up on you.
He isnât just listening.
Heâs attuning.
When your plates are empty, he takes them from you automatically to rinse and dry. You donât even have to ask. You donât even have to offer. Thatâs just the role he takes now, unspoken. You cook. He cleans. Itâs the smallest domestic ecosystem that somehow feels like the most intimate thing youâve ever built with someone.
On your way out hours later, Steve and JoaquĂn are arguing about grill season, Natashaâs flipping through her paper, and Sam is half-dozing on the couch. Itâs loud but warm. Familiar but safe.
Bucky walks you out like always.
And this time, when you turn to say goodbye, he doesnât hover awkwardly or shove his hands into his pockets to protect himself. He stands a little closer and his eyes find yours without darting away. And in that space between breath and reason, his fingers catch the strap of your bag gentlyâjust hooking it in place as if helping settle it on your shoulder is second nature now. Itâs nothing dramatic. It doesnât send shockwaves. Itâs just⊠soft. âYou drive safe, alright?â he says, quiet but earnest.
You nod once, smiling. âI will.â
He lets his fingers slide away slowly. Not rushed. Not nervous. Because somewhere between cinnamon and quiet mornings, youâve become part of his weekend. Youâve become the only break in his routine he actually looks forward to.
And when the door closes behind you, the entire station sees the way he lets out a breath like holding himself together took effort he didnât want to spend anymore. Sam doesnât tease, Natasha doesnât smirk, and Steve just claps him once on the shoulder on his way past.
Bucky doesnât say it out loud, but everyone knows. Saturday is no longer just the day he endures. It has become the day he lives for.
By the time the school fair starts creeping closer on your calendar, youâve gotten comfortable in the routine. Saturdays are Bucky days now. Theyâre warm and easy and slow in a way that feels almost sacredâlike everything else in the week exists just to lead toward them. You donât say this out loud to anyone, obviously, not even Wanda, even though she definitely sees something changing. She sees it before you are ready to claim it.
Itâs Wednesday afternoon and youâre both in your classroom after dismissal. Wanda is perched on your desk, sipping from her tea, grading spelling tests and occasionally laughing under her breath at some of the answers. Youâre organizing your materials for the spring fair games, sorting little giveaway bags, taping up the poster that says âFOLLOW THE FOOTPRINTS FOR PRIZESââall glitter marker and 3rd grade chaos charm.
You think about the fair and immediately think about Bucky.
It pops into your head so naturally that it catches you off guard. Before, it wouldâve felt like a stretch⊠like worlds couldnât possibly overlap. But now, your worlds have already started to bleed into each other. He knows about your classroom, he knows your kidsâ nicknames, he knows your habit of stress-baking. And more importantly, he listens. Thatâs the part you canât let go of. The part where this man, who trusts almost nothing outside his own hands, trusts you.
Wanda glances over and catches that particular expression on your faceâthat soft internal conflict hovering at the edges of possibility. âYouâre thinking about something,â she says knowingly.
You blink. âWhat makes you say that?â
âYouâve been staring at the same sticker sheet for two full minutes,â she says with a little smirk. âAnd you only do that when youâre overthinking something.â
You look down and yeah, you are literally holding the same sheet of star stickers, frozen mid-air like your brain has been suspended in amber. You try to look casual, not suspicious. âI was just thinking⊠maybe I should ask someone to come. You know. Just for moral support. Itâs going to be chaos andââ
Wanda doesnât even let you finish. âYou should invite Bucky.â
You inhale sharply. âI didnât say it was Bucky.â
âYou didnât need to.â She laughs softly, finishing her tea before setting the mug down. âEvery time you talk about him you smile like someone just lit a candle inside you.â
You open your mouth to deny it, but she raises an eyebrow. The kind of eyebrow that says donât insult both of us by pretending. You sigh then, leaning back against the wall beside the glitter poster. âItâs different with him,â you admit quietly. âI donât⊠want to push him. Heâs slow. Heâs careful with everything.â
âAnd you already match him there,â Wanda says gently. âYouâre not rushing him. Youâre just⊠letting something grow.â
You chew your lip for a moment. âDo you think heâd even want to go? Itâs a school event. Loud kids, small town noise, crowds.â
âMaybe thatâs exactly the kind of trust bridge this kind of thing needs,â she counters, eyes soft. âItâs safe, itâs you. And he likes spending time with you, he lights up on Saturdays. Iâve literally seen it happen.â You flush, warm, because hearing it aloud makes your chest ache in a good way. Wanda leans closer, lowering her voice like this is a secret spell sheâs whispering just for you. âInvite him out of his world⊠and into yours.â
You look down at your glitter poster again, the little stars catching the classroom lights. You imagine him here, awkward but warm, secretly charmed by the kids, maybe helping you hold things or laughing at their terrible knock-knock jokes. You imagine his hand brushing your wrist as he hands you a prize bag. You imagine just⊠existing with him outside stainless steel tables and cinnamon rolls.
And suddenly it doesnât feel impossible. It feels⊠right. You exhale, steadying your voice. âOkay,â you say quietly. âIâll ask him on Saturday.â
Wanda smiles like she already knew you were going to say that. She reaches for her grading stack again, finalizing her last test. âGood. Because I think he needs to see that he belongs somewhere outside that station. And I think he deserves to see where you shine.â
You donât say anything for a moment. You let those words sink deep. And for the rest of the afternoon, while you staple more posters and prep game bins, your heart feels different. Lighter. Braver. The idea of inviting him doesnât feel terrifying anymore.
It feels hopeful. It feels like the next natural step in the slow burn youâve been building togetherâone cinnamon roll at a time.
Saturday comes, and you spend the morning trying not to overthink the invitation. Itâs ridiculous, reallyâyouâve spent months in the same room with Bucky, talking, laughing, baking, brushing hands and pretending itâs casual. Youâve built a rhythm. But this feels different. Asking him to the fair means stepping out of that familiar bubble. It means letting your two worlds touch. It means giving him a window into the life you built before he was part of it.
You bake early to keep yourself busy. Chocolate chip muffins this timeâsimple, comforting, impossible to mess up. You tell yourself youâll just see how the day goes. If it feels right, youâll ask. If not, no harm done. But even as you think it, youâre already choosing which words to use, rehearsing them under your breath while the muffins rise.
The station hums like always when you walk inâlow music, the sound of someone sweeping, laughter echoing from the common room. Youâre met with the same warmth thatâs become ritual, the same voices calling your name, the same easy energy that makes you feel like you belong.
But Buckyâs the first person you see. Heâs standing at the counter, sleeves rolled to his elbows, forearms dusted with flour. Heâs cookingâactually cookingâsomething in a skillet. The sight freezes you in place for a second. Itâs not because heâs cooking, though thatâs impressive enough, but because itâs the first time youâve ever seen him share that space the way you do. âMorning,â he says, glancing up from the pan. His voice is rougher than usual, but softer somehow. âYouâre early.â
âSo are you,â you tease, smiling. âDidnât peg you as the Saturday morning pancake type.â
He smirks faintly. âIâm not, but Samâs been bragging about his cooking all week, so I thought Iâd remind him what good actually tastes like.â
From the table, Sam yells, âyouâre using my recipe!â
Buckyâs smirk grows. âAnd somehow still making it better.â
You laugh, moving to set down your container of muffins. He looks at it, then at you, a flicker of curiosity in his eyes. âThose for us?â
âAlways,â you say. âFigured you might need something to go with your⊠culinary competition.â
He takes one of the muffins without hesitation. Itâs something youâll never stop noticingâthat small act of trust, how it still feels like a quiet miracle each time. He breaks it in half, steam curling up, and nods in quiet approval. âGood,â he says simply, like itâs law.
You help with the dishes while he finishes cooking, falling into that easy rhythm again. You hand him a towel, he hands you a spatula, the two of you brushing against each other in that familiar, subtle orbit youâve built. Every accidental touch feels intentional now. Every small space between you feels electric.
When everyone sits down to eat, you slide into the chair beside him automatically. Itâs become your seat; no one questions it. Bucky makes a show of setting your plate in front of you first, then his own. You catch Natasha watching him, her smirk small and secret, and you fight the urge to hide your smile behind your fork.
The conversation flows as it always doesâbanter, teasing, casual updates. You wait for the right moment, the right lull in the noise. When Steve gets up to grab more coffee and Sam starts talking about a neighborhood dog that wonât stop following their truck, you finally look toward Bucky. âHey,â you say quietly, just enough for him to hear over the chatter.
He glances at you, eyes steady. âYeah?â
âSo, my schoolâs having its spring fair next weekend,â you start, picking at your napkin. âItâs kind of a big thing for the kids. Games, food, chaosâgood chaos. I usually work one of the booths, but itâs a lot of running around.â
He listens closely, nodding a little. You can tell heâs trying to picture it.
You take a breath, deciding to just jump. âI was thinking⊠maybe you could come? You donât have to stay long, I just thought you might like to see it. Wandaâs volunteering tooâyouâd like her, sheâs great.â
Buckyâs brow furrows slightly. âYou want me to come to a school event?â
Thereâs no teasing in itâjust genuine surprise, a soft disbelief that someone would want him there. âI do,â you say simply. âYouâre good with people, even if you think youâre not. And I think youâd enjoy it. Plus, youâve heard about these kids for months, feels only fair you meet the legends.â
His mouth curves, small but real. He looks down at his plate, then back up at you. âYou really want me there?â
âYeah,â you say softly. âI do.â
He studies you for a long moment, like heâs trying to make sure this isnât pity or obligation. When he finally nods, itâs slow, thoughtful. âAlright,â he says. âIf youâre sure, Iâll come.â
You smile, warmth blooming in your chest. âGood. Iâll save you some cotton candy.â
He huffs out a quiet laugh. âNot sure I trust fairground food.â
âThen Iâll bring snacks,â you counter easily. âMy snacks. You trust those.â
His eyes linger on you, and something flickers thereâsomething softer, something that looks dangerously close to fond. âYeah,â he says quietly. âI do.â
The rest of the day passes like it always does, filled with chatter and work and the easy rhythm of routine. But beneath it, something new hums. You can feel it every time he looks at you, every time his hand brushes yours as you move around the kitchen.
And later, when you leave, he walks you to your car like he always does. The afternoon sun is soft on the pavement, the world unhurried. You turn to him before getting in, hand resting lightly on the door. âThanks for saying yes,â you say quietly.
He shrugs, but his voice is warm when he answers. âCouldnât let the kids down, could I?â
You grin. âOr me?â
He doesnât answer right away, just gives a small, almost shy smile. âYeah,â he says finally. âOr you.â
When you drive away, you see him still standing there in the rearview mirror, hands in his pockets, head tilted slightly like heâs still watching you go. And as you turn the corner, your chest feels full in a way thatâs new and familiar all at once.
Heâs coming into your world next week.
The fair day dawns bright and loud, the kind of spring morning that feels like sugar in the airâkidsâ laughter already echoing down the main street, vendors setting up booths, music floating from the community speakers. The smell of kettle corn and fried dough hangs over the whole town like a promise. You arrive early, wearing one of the school T-shirts with your name on the back, arms already full of poster boards and tickets. Itâs chaos, and you love it.
You help Wanda set up the game boothâring toss, bean bags, a giant jar of jellybeans for kids to guess at. Sheâs wearing sunglasses, sipping tea, looking like she owns the place, and occasionally humming in amusement every time a student runs up to greet you like youâre a celebrity. âThey worship you,â she says, adjusting the rings on her table. âYou know that, right?â
âTheyâre eight,â you laugh. âThey worship whoever gives them stickers and sugar.â
Still, the affection warms you. You love your kids, the energy, the noise, the chaos. But as the crowd thickens, a part of you canât stop flicking toward the street, scanning faces as if youâre expecting someoneâhoping, really. Wanda catches the motion. âYouâre looking for him,â she says without even pretending itâs a question.
You shrug, trying to seem nonchalant. âHe said heâd come. He doesnât have to, though. I wouldnât blame him ifââ
Wanda interrupts you with a small smile. âHeâll come. Heâs a quiet one, not a liar.â
You try not to overanalyze it, you focus on your booth, the crowd, the small joys of the morning. You laugh with your students, cheer when they win prizes, and help clean up spilled lemonade. Itâs easy to get lost in the noise, the blur of color and movement.
And thenâthere he is.
You donât see him approach right away. You feel him first, a subtle shift in the air behind you, the quiet weight of someone standing close but not too close. You turn, and Buckyâs there at the edge of the booth, one hand shoved into his pocket, the other holding a small brown paper bag. Heâs dressed differently than usualâstill simple, still him, but softer somehow. Jeans, a plain gray henley, sleeves pushed to his elbows. The sunlight catches in his hair, a faint breeze teasing it.
You freeze for a beat, because something about seeing him here, in your world, out of uniform and duty, hits deeper than you expected. âYou came,â you manage finally, voice caught between surprise and warmth.
He gives a small, lopsided smile. âTold you I would.â He holds up the paper bag. âBrought backup snacks, just in case fair foodâs as bad as I think it is.â
You laugh, the sound bubbling out of you too easily. âYou really didnât trust my cotton candy plan?â
âDidnât say I donât trust you,â he counters, and the way he says itâsteady, quiet, completely earnestâmakes your chest tighten.
Wanda materializes beside you like smoke, smiling at Bucky with that curious teacherâs-eye look she gives to every new person she meets. âSo youâre the infamous firefighter,â she says, extending her hand. âSheâs told me about you.â
Bucky shakes her hand politely, shooting you a look thatâs equal parts suspicion and amusement. âAll good things, I hope.â
âMostly,â Wanda says, smiling. âYouâre taller than I pictured.â
He huffs a soft laugh. âI get that a lot.â
You glare at her playfully, but she just waves and says, âIâll go check the dunk tank before the kids decide to flood it early,â before wandering off.
The two of you stand there, momentarily caught between laughter and quiet. Around you, the fair buzzesâkids running past, someone yelling about funnel cake, the smell of caramel apples thick in the air. But somehow, it feels like itâs just the two of you. âWant me to show you around?â you ask, trying to keep your voice steady.
âYeah,â he says softly. âLead the way.â
You walk through the fair together. He doesnât talk much at firstâhe doesnât need to. He listens, hands in his pockets, occasionally making some dry comment that makes you laugh. You take him past the art booths, where your studentsâ projects hang in rows of color, and he stops in front of one labeled with your name. Itâs a collage your class madeâa field of handprints in paint, each signed by a child, surrounded by cut-out letters that spell The Best Teacher Ever! Itâs uneven and smudged and perfect.
Bucky studies it longer than you expect him to, a faint softness pulling at his mouth. âThey really love you,â he says quietly.
You shrug, embarrassed. âTheyâre good kids.â
He glances down at you, something thoughtful in his eyes. âYouâre good with them,â he says simply. âIt shows.â
The compliment lands heavier than he probably intended. It isnât the wordsâitâs the way he says them, steady and sincere, like itâs not even a question, like itâs a fact.
You move on, showing him everythingâyour favorite stall for handmade candles, the game where the kids always cheat, the bake sale Wanda and the PTA moms are running. At one point, you find yourself next to him in front of the cotton candy machine, and you laugh as a gust of wind blows sugar threads into your hair. Without thinking, he reaches out and brushes them away.
The touch is brief, featherlight, but his fingers linger at your temple for half a second before dropping. His breath catches. Yours does too. âYouâve got, uh,â he mutters, clearing his throat. âSugar in your hair.â
âTragic,â you say, your voice a little too soft.
âCatastrophic,â he agrees, mouth twitching.
You both laugh, a little shy, a little stunned, and move on. But the touch stays, and it hangs there like a memory neither of you wants to disturb.
Later, as the afternoon fades and the crowd begins to thin, you sit on the curb with a paper cup of lemonade, your knees almost touching. The air smells like sun and sugar and pavement. You donât talk much, you donât have to, the silence feels full instead of empty.
âYou were right,â Bucky says finally, nodding toward the fairgrounds. âWasnât so bad.â
You smile at him, eyes squinting against the last bit of light. âTold you.â
He looks at you thenânot the quick glances he used to give, not the cautious observation from behind a wall, but openly, with quiet awe. Like heâs finally seeing how you look in your own world. Surrounded by color, laughter, tiny sticky hands tugging your sleeves, your voice still warm even after hours of talking.
For Bucky, something settles deep in his chest that he canât name. Itâs not attractionâheâs already been living in that. Itâs something deeper, more domestic. Itâs the feeling of home.
You notice the look but donât name it either. You just smile back, soft and unguarded. âThanks for coming,â you say quietly. âIt meant a lot.â
He shrugs, but thereâs no deflection in it this time. âAnytime,â he says, voice low. âI liked seeing your world.â
You sit there a little longer, until the lights start flickering on and the first stars slip out behind the clouds. And when you finally stand to leave, he offers his handânot out of obligation, not because itâs polite, but because itâs instinct now. You take it without hesitation. His palm is warm, steady, a little calloused. You hold on just a heartbeat longer than necessary.
And when you walk back through the fairgrounds, side by side, your hands brush again and again until they finally stay that way. Fingers linked loosely, not claiming, not rushing. Just⊠together.
The crowd hums around you, the night growing soft, and Bucky realizes something simple and terrifying all at once:
He doesnât just like your Saturdays anymore.
He likes you everywhere.
He starts showing up in small ways outside Saturdays. Youâll be in your classroom after school prepping next weekâs math centers and there will be a knock at the door. You look up and heâs leaning in the doorway, one hand tucked in his jacket, holding a thermos of coffee like itâs the most casual thing in the world. He pretends heâs dropping it off because Steve accidentally made too much at the stationânot because he just wanted to see you.
But the second he steps into your room and sees your kidsâ artwork taped to the walls and your desk covered in glitter glue and fidget toys and half laminated name tags, he looks around like heâs inside something he never imagined existed: harmless chaos. âYou deal with this every day?â he murmurs, stunned but not mocking, eyes darting around like heâs trying to translate children in their natural terrain.
âAnd willingly,â you tease, passing him a marker so he has something to do with his hands before he overloads. âSome people like adrenaline. I like sticker negotiations and âplease stop licking the bookâ diplomacy.â
He huffs out that tiny almost laugh he doesâthe one at the edge of softnessâand helps you hang up a few more student drawings without saying anything else. And itâs the way he stands next to you, shoulder brushing yours every so often, that tells you he didnât come here because of extra coffee at the station at all. He came because he wanted to be here. Because being near you doesnât drain himâit restores something.
He starts noticing when youâre tired now, too. Not in a pitying wayâhe doesnât talk to you like you need fixing. He just quietly slides a container of his meal prep toward you when you mention skipping lunch. He brings extra apples one day and tosses one to you without even looking up from the newspaper. He casually hands you his jacket when you shiver taking trash out to the dumpster behind the station, acting like itâs not a big deal while his eyes track you the entire way back inside.
And you start to see how much he craves small, steady connectionâeven if he doesnât know how to ask for it. When you walk beside him now, he reaches for your arm lightlyânot tight, not possessive, just guiding. When you laugh, he leans in closer, almost subconsciously. When you hand him a napkin or utensil or anything at all, he always touches your fingers first before taking it from you. Like contact is becoming a language.
Sam notices before you do. One afternoon at the station, you reach across the table to pass Bucky a spoon and his hand slides along yours like muscle memory, like instinct, and Sam chokes mid swallow until Steve kicks his ankle under the table with military precision. Natasha doesnât say a wordâshe watches with narrowed amusement like she always knew this was exactly where the slow burn was heading.
And Bucky? He just keeps doing it. Little touches. Little claims disguised as casual nothing gestures. He doesnât call attention to them and neither do you. You just lean in gently, matching his pace, letting him guide in the small quiet ways heâs comfortable with.
The first time you walk outside together after a long Saturday shift and the night air settles cool against your skin, he reaches out and hooks his hand lightly behind your elbowâbarely pressure at allâbut you can feel how deliberate it is. You can feel that he wanted that contact. That he wanted you closer. âYou okay?â you ask softly, turning toward him.
He takes a slow breath before answering, looking almost surprised at himself. âYeah.â His voice is quiet, steady-sincere. âJust⊠making sure you donât get lost on the sidewalk.â
The excuse is thin. Laughable. Ridiculous. And when you look up at him with that sunshine softness he pretends doesnât undo him, he tries to scowl and fails. You donât call him out, you donât burst his cover. You just lean closer and bump your shoulder into his gently. âGuess Iâm lucky youâre here to keep me on track,â you say.
And he breathes in slow like your words went somewhere deeper than lungs. Because thatâs the part thatâs melting him the most. Not the baking, not the quiet weekends, not the familiar routine. Itâs the fact that when he reaches for youâhowever small, however hesitantâyou reach back without fear. And that kind of safety is something he hasnât let himself want in a very, very long time.
The kids were wild because itâs almost spring break, you spilled half your coffee down your front before first bell, and someone tried to feed the classroom fish a Cheez-It. Upstairs chaos and glitter. But you got luckyâthis week the lunch schedule shifted because of standardized testing, so you have a full, rare, unheard-of long lunch break. Wanda gives you a lazy little smirk and a sing-song âuse it wiselyâ before disappearing to the teacherâs lounge.
Youâre sitting at your desk when you hear the soft knock on your door. You donât even look up at firstâexpecting a student who forgot a water bottle or who needs a pencil sharpened even though class ended twenty minutes ago.
Then his voice fills the doorway, that calm, low, gravelly voice that already lives in your body now. âYou free?â
You look up so fast your neck might actually crack. Bucky stands just inside the threshold, one hand shoved in his jacket pocket, the other holding his helmet. A motorcycle helmet. He looks like the kind of trouble thatâs good for a soul no matter how you try to reason yourself out of it. You blink at the helmet, then at him. âWhat are you doing here?â
He shrugs, like itâs the most normal thing in the world that a stoic firefighter has just casually appeared in your classroom like he belongs there. âNatasha said you had a long lunch today. Thought Iâd steal you.â
You stare for a second and itâs embarrassing how warm your face gets. âSteal me?â
âBorrow,â he corrects, pushing off the doorframe and stepping deeper into the room. His eyes scan the chaosâmarkers everywhere, spelling posters half laminated, glitter flakes stuck to the tile floor, handprint art drying on the window sills. He takes it all in like he always does, curiosity softening him around the edges. âLunch?â
âYeah,â you breathe out, still a little startled. âYeah, Iâm free.â
He walks toward your desk slowly, eyes holding yours the entire time. âI brought the bike,â he says, lifting the helmet slightly so the light catches on the visor. âHope youâre not scared of motorcycles.â
You donât even hesitate. âIâm not.â
Something flickers across his face thenâsomething predatory but soft, like he just discovered a shared secret before itâs spoken. He holds out the helmet. You step around your desk and take it from him, fingers brushing over his as you do. His hand lingers against yours a second longerâsmall, steady contactâand your pulse kicks up instantly. âYou ready?â he asks, voice lower now. Warmer.
You grab your sweater, turn off your overhead lights, and slip out the door beside him. He rests his hand at the small of your back as you exit the building, guiding you gentlyânot pushy, not claiming, but protective in a way that feels instinctive and natural.
The bike is parked right outside the staff lot. Sleek, black, and intimidating in a beautiful way. You put the helmet on and he adjusts the strap for youâcareful thumbs brushing your jawline as he tightens it. His fingers tremble just slightly, barely there. âTrust me?â he asks.
You donât look away. âYeah. I do.â
The answer lands between you like something more binding than a promise.
He swings on first and you climb behind him, your hands hovering awkwardly for a half second before he reaches back and taps your thigh. âHold on,â he says quietly. You slide your arms around his waist, fitting against his back, cheek brushing between his shoulder blades. His muscles go taut, breath catching like that single contact might overload him. Then he settles, breathing you in slowly.
And then youâre moving.
The wind hits your body, the speed curling around your legs, your arms tightening instinctively around him, your cheek pressing into the soft worn cotton of his shirt. You feel the rumble of the bike beneath you, the warmth of his torso under your palms, the faint scent of woodsmoke and soap and something inherently him. It feels like flying through something youâve been waiting for without knowing it.
He takes you to a small diner on the edge of townâquiet, low key, with mismatched mugs and the best grilled cheese on the planet. He orders for both of you, gently nudging your knee under the table like heâs testing another version of contact heâs still learning he can have.
You talk about the fair again. You talk about his last call where nothing big happened and how Sam nearly got into a verbal duel with a neighborhood terrier. You tell him about a kid in your class who keeps trying to prove he can talk to worms. He listens like heâs cataloguing every detail, like your words are safely being stacked and labeled inside him.
When the check comes, you try to grab it but he gives you a look that says donât. You let him. And when you climb back onto the bike, he doesnât need to say hold on this timeâyou just do, arms sliding around him naturally.
The ride back is slower. Heâs not showing off this timeâheâs savoring the closeness. Back at the school parking lot, he helps unbuckle your helmet, fingers brushing your cheek, eyes locked on yours like the world shrank to three inches of space between you.
âThat was nice,â you say quietly.
He nods, voice low and certain. âYeah, we should do that again sometime.â A beat. âNot just Saturday.â
You feel it settle warm in your chestâthis gentle shift into something that looks and feels dangerously real. You smile. âIâd like that.â
He steps back reluctantly, like he doesnât actually want to put space back between you yet. But he does. Slowly. Respectfully. He tilts his head toward the school doors. âGo teach the tiny chaos gremlins,â he says, almost smiling. âIâll see you this weekend.â
You watch him leave on the bike, wind whipping his hair as he pulls away. And as he disappears down the street, you press your palm to your sternum and realize something with bone-deep certainty, he didnât steal you from school for lunch. He brought you into his world and let himself into yours again. And these small worlds are starting to not feel so separate anymore.
He doesnât tell Sam, or Steve, or anyone really. But little shifts start to happen when youâre not around. One day he shows up to the station with a different creamer in his bagâone heâd seen you use in your coffee at the diner. He puts it in the fridge under the guise of âsomeone left it at the store cheapâ but Sam wasnât born yesterday.
Another day, he spends an hour quietly fixing the hinge on the supply cabinet at your classroom when he stops by after a runânot because it was broken in any way that mattered functionally, but because you were frustrated with how it squealed every time you opened it. He doesnât tell you until you open it and it swings smoothly and youâre staring at him, dumbfounded.
âOh,â he says, shrugging like he didnât just spend his entire break doing it. âJust needed tightening.â
You start realizing he shows up when you need someone without you ever asking. And he doesnât make a spectacle of solving problems. He doesnât announce his presence or his help like some kind of performative hero thing, he just does it. And that quiet reliability begins to sink into you in a way that feels deeper than just comfort.
One afternoon after school, youâre sitting on the floor of your classroom grading math quizzes. Wanda is stapling a bulletin board. Youâre telling her about the lunch day with Buckyâthe motorcycle, the dinerâand youâre trying to say it calmly, rationally, like itâs not burning itself into your skin in the fondest way possible. Wanda just smiles a little, shaking her head as she aligns the border at the corner of the board. âYouâre already in it,â she says.
âAlready in what?â you ask, though your pulse spikes because you know. You absolutely know.
âThe middle of it,â Wanda says. âWhatever this is with him. Youâre already there.â
You want to deflect. Or joke. Or hide behind sarcasm. But instead, you sit back on your palms, expression softening. Thereâs no dramatic âaha moment.â Itâs just the quiet acknowledgment that sheâs right. Youâre already in it.
Later that week, Bucky ends up at the station kitchen with Steve late at nightâquiet, low music humming through the empty room. He sits with a mug between his hands, thumb brushing the rim in slow thought. Steve washing out a pot stops and just regards him for a moment. âYou really like her,â Steve says suddenly, not unkind, just observant.
Bucky doesnât look up right away. He stares down at the mug like it holds the answer. He doesnât smirk. He doesnât deflect. He doesnât growl his way out of it. He just breathes once through his nose and lets the truth exist between them. âYeah,â he says quietly. âI do.â
Steve smiles faintly, shaking his head. âI havenât seen you this relaxed with anyone in years.â
âItâs different,â Bucky says, still not meeting his eyes. âSheâs⊠soft. And steady. Doesnât push. Doesnât expect anything from me I canât give.â
Steve leans back against the counter, arms crossed. âSheâs good for you.â
Buckyâs jaw works for a second. He finally looks up, blue eyes tired and open. âI think I want to be good for her too.â
Steve doesnât tease him for it. He doesnât smirk or make a comment about feelings. He just nods once. âThen let it happen. Donât think your way out of it.â
Bucky sits there long after Steve heads to bedâhands cupped around warm ceramic, staring into nothingârealizing there was no wall left to pretend to hide behind. Because somewhere between cinnamon rolls and motorcycle rides and tiny classroom repairs⊠he already stepped out of it.
And on the other side of town, you lay in bed later that night under the soft glow of your bedside lamp, re-reading your lesson plan, unable to fight the quiet smile that keeps pulling at your mouth every time you remember how he looked at you today. How he stood closer. How he listened with that focus of his like you were the only thing he wanted to absorb in the room.
This isnât an almost-crush anymore. This isnât âsomethingâs maybe happening.â This is real. This is slow and gentle and certain. And both of youâwithout ever saying it out loudâfinally understand it.
One Saturday morning at the station, youâre helping Sam chop fruit for some post-cleaning brunch and Bucky walks in, hair still wet from his shower. You smell the cedar shampoo on him before he even speaks. Without hesitating, he comes to stand beside you at the counter, close enough that his arm presses firmly against your side. He doesnât move away. Doesnât pretend he didnât notice. His shoulder stays flush with yours while you slice strawberries, like touching you is now his default starting point instead of a privilege that surprises him.
Sam glances at the way your bodies align and mutters something dramatic about âthe universe shiftingâ before Bucky casually kicks his shin under the island counter, not even looking up from the fruit bowl. Sam hobbles away laughing to himself and Natasha smirks from the corner because sheâs been waiting for this exact evolution.
Later, when you and Bucky take a break outside, youâre leaning against the front of the firetruck, sipping iced tea from a plastic cup. The early spring sun is warm against your skin. Bucky stands closeâclose enough that when the breeze hits, your sleeve brushes his forearm. He doesnât shift away like he used to; instead, he rests his hand lightly against the small of your back.
Your breath catchesânot because you werenât expecting it, but because it feels so wonderfully normal. Instinctive. You donât even look at his hand; you just lean gently into the contact, letting your body melt into that simple warmth like it belongs. âYou got any plans later?â he asks, voice rough from the cool air.
âJust grading and laundry,â you answer. âNot exciting.â
He hums, thumb stroking the back waistband seam of your jeans in a small unconscious arc. âI could come by after shift. Fix that shelf you said was wobbly. We could order something in.â
You turn your head toward him, heart thudding slow and heavy. âIâd like that.â
He nods, eyes soft. No tease, no guard, just quiet meaning sitting heavy in the air between you. When you part ways later, his fingers trail gently along your wrist before letting go. Itâs not accidental. Itâs not subtle. And the feeling stays in your skin the entire drive home.
A few days later, it happens againâthis time in your classroom when he stops by with coffee. Youâre busy sorting folders and he leans against your desk, watching with that soft, observant attention heâs only ever given you. When you reach for the stack beside him, his hand covers yours and he holds it thereânot just a brush of fingertips, but a slow, deliberate press. âTake a break,â he murmurs.
You look up at him, pulse fluttering under his palm. You donât pull away and he doesnât either. The stare lasts longer than it ever hasâno one darting their eyes away this time. He lifts your hand slightly, thumb brushing small circles into your skin, almost reverent in how gentle it is. Like heâs memorizing the shape of you by touch alone.
And then, one night after dinner at your placeâheâs fixing that shelf just like he said he wouldâyou end up sitting on the floor organizing books and he ends up sitting beside you. The shelf is done, but neither of you move. His knees are bent, long legs stretched out in front of him, and your hip leans against his thigh where you sit shoulder to shoulder.
At one point, you shift to reach for a new stack of books⊠and he catches your hand again. But this time he doesnât release it. This time his fingers slide slowly, intentionally between yours, interlacing like itâs the most natural progression in the world. Both of you freezeânot in panic or shockâbut in sudden, quiet awareness.
The world goes gentle around the edges. His thumb strokes the inside of your hand again, slow and almost absent-minded like this is something heâs been wanting to do for weeks. You watch his eyes drop to your joined hands before lifting back to yoursâopen, calm, quiet.
No one speaks first because this moment doesnât need narration. It is already declaration. Your head tilts slightly into his shoulder, and he exhales slow against your hairâlike every tension he used as armor for years is starting to melt.
This isnât guiding. This isnât accidental. This isnât helping. This is wanting. And for the first time, Bucky isnât afraid to show that he wants you.
Itâs a Tuesday. The school is hosting a district-wide teacher workshop, and youâre surrounded by colleagues you only see a few times a year. Thereâs a lunch spread in the libraryâhalf sandwiches, fruit, and cookies that look far better than they taste. Bucky had texted you that morning to tell you he was swinging by later with a container of stew, âreal food,â he called it, so youâre in good spirits.
Thatâs when Adamâthe new P.E. teacherâwalks in. Heâs all easy smiles and too much cologne, with that comfortable charm that gets him volunteered for every fundraiser and assembly. You know him in passing; heâs nice enough, good with the kids, harmless in the way men who havenât been hurt often are. He waves when he sees you and walks right over.
You chat politelyâjust small talk about class schedules, the fair last month, his new after-school soccer program. Itâs perfectly innocent. But when he leans closer to joke about your third graders and the âmystery glitter epidemic,â his hand brushes your elbow in a way thatâs friendly but too familiar. You donât think twice about it, laughing it off.
Except thatâs the exact moment Bucky walks into the library.
You spot him over Adamâs shoulder instantlyâdark jacket, thermos in one hand, that quiet confidence he wears like second nature. He was supposed to wait in your room, but of course he found you first. He always does. His expression is unreadable at first, all neutral and calm, but then his gaze dips to where Adamâs hand lingers near your arm before you move away.
Itâs barely a flickerâa tightening of his jaw, a small stillness in his bodyâbut you feel it. You know him well enough now to recognize the quiet current under the surface.
You excuse yourself from Adam politely and cross the room to meet Bucky halfway. His eyes soften as soon as youâre close, like the act of you coming to him defuses whatever sparked that flash of heat in his chest. âHey,â you say gently, smiling. âYou found me.â
He nods, voice low. âYeah. Library wasnât hard to guess.â
You glance down at the thermos and laugh. âYou brought lunch.â
âStew,â he says simply. âDidnât want you living off whatever those are.â He nods toward the sad sandwiches, and you grin.
âYouâre my hero.â
He tries to hide the faintest twitch of a smile, but itâs there. The jealousy isnât ugly in himâitâs quiet, protective, edged in something vulnerable. You see it in the way he stands slightly closer to you than usual, the way his hand finds the small of your back while you walk toward an empty table, a small gesture that says youâre mine, right? without words.
You sit together, sharing his stew from the same thermos, and the world narrows until itâs just you and him. He doesnât bring up Adam, doesnât say a word about what he saw, but itâs in the way his fingers brush yours when he hands you the spoon, lingering a little longer than necessary. Itâs in the way he looks at you when you laugh, softer now, calmer.
âThanks for this,â you say, blowing on your spoon. âIâd be starving without you.â
âCanât have that,â he mutters.
The silence after that isnât awkwardâitâs thick with unspoken things. You can practically feel what heâs thinking. Later, when the workshop ends and youâre walking him out to the parking lot, you bump his arm lightly. âYou okay?â you ask.
He glances at you, startled by the question. âWhy wouldnât I be?â
âYouâve been quiet.â
He exhales through his nose, rubbing at the back of his neck. âJust⊠didnât like seeing that guy touch you, thatâs all.â
You stop walking, blinking up at him. His tone isnât sharpâitâs hesitant, almost sheepish, as if heâs embarrassed by his own honesty. You step a little closer, voice gentle. âIt wasnât anything. Heâs just friendly.â
âI know.â He shrugs, half-smiling but not looking at you. âStill. Didnât like it.â
You study him for a momentâthis big, careful man whoâs spent years keeping everything locked up tightâand your heart squeezes. You reach out, curling your fingers around his wrist until his hand relaxes in yours. âYou can tell me stuff like that,â you say softly. âYou donât have to swallow it.â
His gaze lifts slowly to meet yours. âYou donât think itâs⊠too much?â
You shake your head. âI think itâs kind of sweet, actually.â
That earns a small, reluctant grin from himâhalf relief, half self-deprecation. He looks down at your joined hands, turning them slightly so his palm faces up and your fingers slide together more naturally. âGuess Iâm bad at playing it cool,â he admits.
You smile. âI like you better when youâre not trying to.â
Something warm flickers in his eyes at that, something unguarded and bright. He squeezes your hand once, firm and sure, and you both start walking again. And later that evening, when he drops you off at home, he doesnât just walk you to the door. He hesitates there, hand still in yours, thumb tracing your skin like heâs memorizing it. âJust so you know,â he says, voice quiet but steady, âIâm not going anywhere. Even if thereâs a line of guys waiting to bring you sandwiches.â
You laugh, soft and easy, leaning into him slightly. âI think Iâll stick with the guy who brings real food.â
That earns you his real smileâthe one that breaks slow and a little shy before it settles into something sure. He bends just enough to press a light kiss to your forehead, lingering there for one heartbeat longer than he should. And when he pulls back, his voice drops to a whisper meant only for you. âGood. âCause I donât plan on sharing.â
Itâs not possessive, not sharp. Itâs gentle, warm, threaded with affection thatâs been waiting months to breathe. And as you stand there with his hand still holding yours and the faint smell of stew and smoke between you, you realize something simple and certainâBucky Barnes may not know how to be loud about his feelings, but when he loves, he does it with his whole, careful, deliberate heart.
His place is small, warm, and lived-in in a way that feels startlingly intimate without being messy. You notice instantly that the kitchen is the heart. Sharp knives hung neatly, cast iron pans seasoned black from years of use, spice jars lined and labeled by hand.
He hands you a wine glass the moment you shrug your coat off and hangs your cardigan himselfâcasual, like heâs always done that. The steady domesticness of it hits you like a soft weight in the chest.
âWhatâre we making?â you ask, leaning against his counter, watching the way he moves around his kitchen.
âSomething simple,â he says, pulling out vegetables like itâs second nature. âRoasted chicken thighs, potatoes, salad. Nothing fancy.â Then a tiny ghost of a smirk. âDonât wanna scar you with my seasoning ratio math first round.â
You laugh, take a sip of the wine, and step beside him. âYou seriously think Iâd be scared?â
âYou saw Sam try to replicate my marinade,â he says dryly. âIt traumatized him.â
Cooking together becomes its own language. When he hands you ingredients, his fingers linger along yours instinctively. When you reach for a bowl beside him, his arm brushes yours and he doesnât pull away. You chop alongside him at the butcher block and thereâs something about the quiet, rhythmic slide of the knife and the way he nudges your hip lightly with his own that feels almost like dancing.
He moves around you with this ease that tells you he memorized your presence alreadyâadjusting without thinking, making space for your elbows, brushing his knuckles against your arm occasionally as if grounding himself. The silence isnât empty. Itâs that warm kind that fills the walls with comfort.
Halfway through seasoning the chicken, you catch him watching you. Not intensely like he does sometimes when he studies you⊠but soft. Affection written plain across his face. He realizes heâs staring and blinks, looking down like heâs embarrassed, but you reach out and touch his wrist gently.
You donât say anything. You donât need to.
When the food goes into the oven, he pours you both fresh wine and you settle on the couch while the kitchen timer ticks quietly in the background. The moment you sit down, he hesitates only a second before sitting beside youânot at the other end like he mightâve weeks ago. He sits close. Knee against your thigh. Shoulder brushing yours.
The TV hums some sitcom rerun neither of you actually watch. You talk about small thingsâyour terrible indoor plant survival rate, his disdain for store bought marinades, a kid from your class who insisted Jupiter is a portal to a toy dimension. He listens, relaxed and open, eyes slipping lower and lower the longer you talk.
Then, not suddenly but naturally, he lets his head rest against the back of the couch closer to you. Heâs angled toward you, body soft, guard down. His hair brushes your shoulder and you feel this tugâthis impulse that youâve been resisting for months.
You lift your hand and brush a stray strand behind his ear and he goes still immediately. You pause. âOkay?â
He swallows once, nods once, slow. âMore than okay.â
So you let your fingers slowly slide through his hairâsoft, deliberate, carding through it gently. He exhales like it pulled breath from somewhere deep inside his sternum. His eyes flutter shut, jaw slackening, posture melting deeper into the couch as if his body doesnât remember how to hold tension with you touching him like this.
He leans into your touch. Not subtly. Fully. His head tips closer to your shoulder, his hand finds your knee lightlyâjust resting there, warm and steady. Thereâs this magnetic, quiet honesty in the way he seeks contact now. Heâs not shy about wanting more time in your hands. âThis feels⊠good,â he murmurs, voice rough with something vulnerable, something unused. âHavenât had someone touch me like that in⊠I donât even know.â
You slow your fingers slightly, cupping the back of his head gently. âI like doing it,â you whisper. âYou can ask for this anytime.â
His hand tightens a fraction on your knee. He turns his head a little toward youânot kissing you, not rushing anythingâbut close enough that you feel his breath soft against your collarbone. And when he opens his eyes again, the softness in them is so intense it makes your heart stutter.
The oven timer breaks the momentâbut even when he stands to go check the food, he does it reluctantly, like heâs leaving something warm and important behind on that couch.
Dinner is cozy and quiet and shared from the same side of the table like that closeness is the new normal. And afterwards, when he walks you to the door and helps you into your coat, his fingers slide up your arms, gentle and warm and slowâlike heâs memorizing the shape of you again before you step away. âYou coming by Saturday?â he asks softly, thumb brushing your wrist one last time before he lets go.
You nod, leaning a little closer because you donât want to leave that softness behind yet. âI wouldnât miss it.â
He opens the door, but before you step out, he brushed his knuckles lightly across your cheek. The smallest gesture. But it feels like he just placed something inside your ribs thatâs going to keep burning all week until you see him again.
The station usually rotates who does the big supply run for the weekâmostly because Sam buys random snacks he wants, Steve buys everything organic like a betrayed suburban mom, JoaquĂn buys the weird cereal no adult should ever want, and Bucky considers grocery ingredients sacred resources not to be compromised by chaos.
This week, Sam insisted it was a âteam building group outingâ and for reasons unknown to humanity⊠they all agreed. And you ended up coming along because Natasha texted you casually that morning: bring Bucky snacks and come entertain me, I donât want to shop with these idiots alone.
You show up to the station first, in soft jeans and a sweater that Bucky immediately notices because he looks up from tying his boots and does a slow blink like his brain took a picture of you before he remembered to breathe. He doesnât say anythingâhe just gives a barely-there smile and murmurs, âhey,â like the word feels different when itâs directed at you.
The grocery store is busy the way Saturday late morning always isâfamilies, couples, old women with coupon binders, teenagers attempting independence with energy drinks and frozen pizza.
Natasha pairs off with JoaquĂn because she doesnât trust him not to buy âexperimental spicy cerealâ and Steve and Sam argue over protein shakes. Which leaves you and Bucky in produce.
Youâre holding the list Sam scribbled and reading out loud, âtwo bags spinach, bell peppers, potatoes, berries, sourdoughââ Heâs already grabbing things methodically, moving with quiet focus. And you follow along beside him, gently teasing him about being aggressively efficient. âYou plan grocery trips like tactical missions,â you comment, watching him inspect potatoes like they might carry classified intel.
âBad produce ruins meals,â he says simply, shrugging as he rolls a potato in his palm. âCanât risk it.â
You laugh, shaking your head. âYouâre such a snob.â
His eyes flick toward yours and warm slightly. âYou like that Iâm picky with food.â Your heart does that absurd jump again. Because heâs rightâyou absolutely do.
At one point, you reach up to grab something from a higher shelf, coffee beans that Sam wrote three underlines under, and Bucky steps behind you automaticallyânot hovering, not crowdingâbut close enough you feel his presence like a shield. His hand settles briefly at your waist as if steadying you. Just a moment. But long enough for warmth to spread through your body.
You donât rush away from the contact this time, you lean back slightly into it, and he doesnât pull his hand away as fast as he used to. Instead, he lets it linger. His thumb brushes, deliberately gentle, like a silent word.
When you turn toward him again thereâs something new in his faceâsoft certainty. You move further down the aisle together, the list half done, and somewhere between yogurt and granola bars, a toddler in a dinosaur hoodie barrels past you both and nearly knocks into you. Buckyâs reflex is instantâhe reaches out, steadying your elbow, guiding you smoothly aside before the tiny chaos tornado continues screeching toward frozen waffles.
You laugh, a little breathless. âWow. Good reflex.â
He hums, unconsciously stroking your arm once before letting go. âYears of dealing with Sam.â
You start walking again, your fingers brushing his at your side. And this time when they touch⊠he turns his hand palm-up.
Offering.
Not an accident, not a hesitant brush disguised as movement. He wants you to take it.
And you do.
You slide your fingers into his slowly, threading them together, palm against palm, skin warm and certain. His grip tightensânot forceful, but firm. Intentional. Claiming in the quietest, softest way. He looks down briefly, as if memorizing the sight of your hands together, then looks forward again like heâs grounding himself in this moment.
Thereâs no panic in his breathing. No tension in his shoulders. Just that gentle steadiness heâs slowly letting himself have with you.
And he doesnât let go the entire rest of the store trip.
Not while you check out. Not while you help load groceries in the cart. Not even when Sam comes back and does a double take so dramatic Steve smacks him in the back of the head and says, âdonât scare it, let it happen naturally.â
Natasha doesnât even react. She just gives you this tiny knowing smirk when she sees your joined hands like sheâs been waiting for this exact beat for weeks. When you all walk out of the store, Bucky carries the heavier bags and keeps your hand in his free one like itâs just what his body does now. Like this is a new base state.
When you get to the cars, before anyone else climbs in, he shifts closer, thumb brushing along your knuckles as the morning sun warms the pavement between you. âThat alright?â he asks quietly, nodding toward your hand in his. âThis?â
You squeeze his hand once, soft and certain. âYeah. More than alright.â
And the look he gives you thenâopen, relieved, a little overwhelmed and entirely devotedâtells you everything you need to know, hand holding wasnât a milestone for him. It was him choosing you openly, without fear.
Itâs late, the stationâs been busier than usual that week, and Buckyâs more tired than youâve ever seen him. Youâd stopped by with dinnerâhomemade soup, still warm in the containerâand stayed to help clean up after the teamâs shift meal. The others trickled out one by one, voices fading upstairs or into the night until it was just you and him left in the kitchen.
The lights are low, humming quiet. The sink runs with a steady rhythm while he dries a pan, towel slung over his shoulder, sleeves rolled to his forearms. Youâre leaning against the counter beside him, sipping tea from one of the chipped mugs they all use. Itâs comfortable, easy silenceâthe kind that fills up a room instead of emptying it.
He glances sideways at you occasionally, eyes softer than the dim light should allow. âYou didnât have to stay,â he says finally, setting the pan on the rack.
You shrug, smiling into your cup. âDidnât want you cleaning up alone.â
He hums in quiet agreement, folds the towel carefully. âYou always stay.â
âGuess I do,â you murmur. âYou mind?â
Bucky turns toward you then, leaning against the counter with his hip, one arm resting loosely over the edge. âNo,â he says. Then, after a beat, âI think Iâve started counting on it.â
The air thickensânot heavy, but aware. You set your mug down, fingers curling around the edge of the counter to keep them busy. Heâs close enough that you can feel the heat off him, the faint smell of cedar and smoke that always clings to him. Your heart beats a little too loud for the quiet in the room.
His gaze drops brieflyâto your hands, then to your mouthâand thatâs when something in your chest breaks open. He doesnât move closer yet, but you feel the intent in him. The restraint, the quiet question thatâs been there for months.
You donât answer with words. You step forward, just a fraction, until youâre standing directly in front of him. His hand, resting on the counter, twitches once. His throat works in a slow swallow. âBucky,â you whisper, voice barely carrying.
âYeah?â he answers, the word soft and hoarse, like itâs dragged up from somewhere deep.
âI think Iâve started counting on it too.â
For a heartbeat, neither of you move. The air feels like itâs holding its breath with you. Then his hand liftsâhesitant but deliberateâfingers brushing along your jaw, thumb grazing the corner of your mouth. Itâs reverent, almost uncertain. You can feel him trembling faintly, not from nerves but from the sheer weight of wanting and the fear of breaking the moment.
You lean into his touch, just enough to let him know itâs okay.
Thatâs all it takes.
He leans forward, slow, eyes flicking between your eyes and lips until the space between you collapses. The first touch of his mouth is so soft it barely registers as a kissâmore like an exhale, a testing of pressure, a question whispered against your skin. He starts to pull back, unsure, but you chase him forward, catching his bottom lip between yours and answering the question he didnât dare ask.
The second kiss isnât hesitant.
Itâs slow, yes, but sureâlike something heâs been building toward for months. His hand slides from your jaw to the back of your neck. Your hands find his shirt, gripping lightly at his chest as if to steady yourself against the quiet, dizzying rush of it all. He tastes faintly like coffee and something darker, something entirely him. He kisses like he touchesâgentle but grounding, all patience and careful strength.
When he finally pulls back, he doesnât move far. His forehead rests against yours, his breath warm and uneven. You stay like that, neither of you ready to break the fragile stillness. Heâs the first to speak, voice low and rough at the edges. âBeen wantinâ to do that for a while.â
You smile, still breathless. âYeah,â you whisper. âI know.â
He huffs a quiet laugh, the sound vibrating where his chest meets yours. His thumb traces a slow path along your jaw, memorizing. âDidnât think Iâd get here. Not really.â
You pull back just enough to meet his eyesâthose tired, storm-blue eyes that have softened into something that feels like home. âYouâre here now,â you say softly. âThatâs what matters.â
He nods once, eyes still locked on yours, and you can see the truth settle into him. Whatever walls heâs spent years holding up, theyâve finally stopped being barriers between you. Now theyâre just backgroundâthe ruins of something that doesnât need rebuilding because what youâre creating together is better.
He leans in again, kissing you slower this time, longer, his hand splayed against your back, anchoring you both in that quiet, golden kind of certainty that doesnât need words. And when you finally part, the clock ticks softly in the background, the world outside the station hushed and distant.
He brushes his thumb across your bottom lip, voice barely more than a whisper. âI want this. I want you.â
You nod, heart full enough to hurt. âThen youâve got me.â
He doesnât say thank you, he doesnât need to. He just smilesâsmall, real, a little dazedâand presses one last kiss to the corner of your mouth before pulling you gently against his chest.
And for the first time in years, Bucky lets himself simply exist in the quiet peace of being held.
One Year Later
The first thing Bucky notices when he wakes is the space beside him. Itâs warm but empty, the sheets folded back, the soft indentation still in the pillow where youâd been. His hand finds that spot instinctively, fingers brushing over the cotton like maybe youâd only just left. He breathes in onceâslow, easyâand the faint smell of something buttery and sweet reaches him before he even opens his eyes.
He knows where you are. He always does on Saturdays.
The clock on the nightstand reads a little past seven, sunlight already spilling through the curtains in pale ribbons. He stretches, lazy and slow, rubbing at the back of his neck before swinging his legs off the bed. The floorboards creak softly under his bare feet as he stands, tugging on the flannel pants he left draped over the chair last night. The air smells like sugar and pastry, something faintly tart beneath itâraspberry, he realizesâas he heads down the short hallway toward the kitchen.
Youâre there, exactly where he expected, standing at the counter in one of his old shirts, with the sleeves rolled up. The radio hums softly from the windowsill, some old song you probably found in one of those âweekend morningâ playlists you love. The kitchen is alive with the sound of itâmetal trays clinking, the gentle hum of the oven, your quiet hum matching the music as you drizzle chocolate over neat, golden pastries cooling on a wire rack.
He stops in the doorway, leaning a shoulder against the frame. For a long moment, he doesnât say anything. He just watches you, watches the way your body moves so easily in this space that used to be only his. The way the light catches on your hair and the corner of your smile when you hum along to the song. The way this apartment smells like home now, like you.
âSmells dangerous,â he finally says, voice still gravelly from sleep.
You turn, eyes lighting up instantly when you see him. âYouâre up.â
âCouldnât sleep through that.â He gestures toward the pastries, walking over until heâs close enough to rest a hand on the small of your back. âYouâre making the station spoiled.â
âThey asked for raspberry this time,â you say, grinning up at him. âAnd I couldnât say no.â
âYou never do.â His thumb brushes along your spine, slow and absent, a quiet kind of affection thatâs become as natural as breathing.
You lift one of the pastries carefully from the tray, holding it toward him. âQuality control,â you offer.
He leans in to take it but stops halfway, eyes glinting as he murmurs, âyou sure this isnât bribery?â
âMaybe a little,â you admit.
He huffs a laugh, low and warm, and takes a bite. The pastry flakes against his lips, sweet and tart, the chocolate melting just enough to coat his tongue. âYeah,â he says after a moment, voice thoughtful. âThatâll do.â
You roll your eyes, laughing softly as you turn back to the tray. âHigh praise, chef.â
Bucky steps closer behind you, hands sliding around your waist until his chest presses lightly against your back. You let yourself lean into him, the rhythm of his breathing syncing with yours as he rests his chin on your shoulder. He smells like sleep and warmth, and his voice when he speaks next is soft enough that it feels like part of the morning air. âYou gonna take all these to the guys?â
You nod. âMost of them. I promised Natasha a box but I thought Iâd save a couple for us.â
He hums approvingly, lips brushing against your temple. âGood plan. JoaquĂnâll inhale his before you even park.â
You laugh quietly, shaking your head. âThatâs why I make extras.â
For a while, neither of you speak. The oven ticks as it cools, the radio shifts to another song, and his hands stay splayed comfortably against your stomach, fingers tracing small, slow circles through the fabric of his shirt that youâre wearing. When you finally turn in his arms, your palms slide up his chest until they rest against his shoulders.
He looks down at you, eyes half-lidded, the kind of soft he only ever gets with you. You rise onto your toes and kiss himânothing rushed or desperate, just the familiar, grounding kind of kiss that feels like a language you both invented together. When you pull back, he follows slightly, just enough that your noses brush. âMorning,â you whisper.
âMorning,â he echoes, voice low, a tiny smile tugging at his mouth. âYou got flour on your face.â
You laugh, rubbing at your cheek. âDo I?â
He leans in and kisses the spot instead, the faintest graze of lips against skin. âGot it,â he murmurs.
You shake your head, grinning, and reach up to ruffle his hairâsomething you do every time he gets too serious. He catches your wrist gently before you pull away, turning your palm so he can press a kiss into the center of it. Then he lets go, stepping back just enough to look around the kitchen. âNeed help packing these?â
âYeah, actually,â you say, reaching for the containers. âIf you can box up the ones for the guys, Iâll do Natâs.â
He nods, already moving toward the counter. âYou sure you trust me not to eat âem?â
âIâll count them before we leave,â you tease, bumping his hip with yours.
He chuckles, grabbing a pastry anyway and taking another bite before you can protest. âYou didnât count this one,â he says around a mouthful.
You swat at him with the edge of a towel and he laughsâreally laughs, the sound filling the whole apartment until it feels like the walls themselves are smiling. Itâs easy, this life with him. Easy in the way mornings like this feel endless. The light through the window. The smell of raspberries and coffee. His hand brushing yours as you both reach for the same pastry box.
When everythingâs packed and youâre slipping your shoes on by the door, he comes up behind you again, arms wrapping around your waist from behind, chin resting in the crook of your neck. âYou sure you donât wanna stay here?â he asks softly. âWe could keep the raspberry ones hostage.â
You tilt your head just enough to brush your cheek against his. âTempting,â you say. âBut I already promised. And besidesââ you turn, smiling up at him, ââI like bringing them something sweet.â
He smirks, kissing your forehead before letting go. âYeah. Theyâre lucky to have you.â
You pick up the pastry box, glancing back at him. âYou ready?â
âAlways,â he says, and means it. He takes the keys from the counter, holds the door open for you, and when you step out into the hallway, he reaches for your hand without even thinkingâhis fingers finding yours like they always do.
And as the door closes behind you both, the scent of raspberry and sugar lingers in the air, curling softly through the quiet apartment thatâs no longer just his, and never will be again.
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everyone on replies is terrified of this fact but i just think it's so sweet and heartwarming. she's holding our hand and leading us somewhere secret and we're both giggling like kids. i love her
Summary: A wounded Sheriff Barnes seeks shelter in a young widowâs home, and finds himself wrapped in a warmth he no longer believes he deserves, and longing for something he thought long buried.
Word Count: About 6.7k.
Note: Old West Bucky, just because.
She forced herself out of the warm bed, groggy and resentful of the cold that crept from every crack in the old wood walls. The sun had been up for hours. Errands -postponed too many times- piled at her with obligation, so she folded back the quilt with a sigh and let her bare feet hit the frigid floor.
The curtains were stiff from the cold when she opened them, but the frost-laced glass flared gold for a moment. Maybe the sun would heat the place a little, while she got the stove going. She rubbed her arms through the sleeves of her nightdress, crossed to the kitchen corner, and bent to arrange kindling into the firebox. The cold bit into her hands as she fumbled with the matches with a curse.
Then she caught a movement in the corner of her eye.
She promptly turned toward the window, and through the murky pane, she saw a figure moving slowly across the edge of the wild hay meadow. Long black coat dragging in the snow, matching black hat pulled low. He didnât look like much, -no rifle, no saddle- but the way he walked made her breath stutter, just a little.
Not like a man who meant harm.
Like a man trying hard to stay on his feet.
One of his knees buckled, sudden and ugly, sending him listing sideways. The white behind him bloomed red.
She pressed a hand to the glass. He tripped on something under the drift -maybe a stone, maybe nothing at all- and crumpled, hard, face-first into the snow. He didnât move. The black of his coat sprawled out like an ink stain across the white.
She didnât think. She just moved.
----
She reached him just as the wind picked up, scattering loose snow across the meadow in dry, hissing gusts. Kneeling beside him, she pressed a hand to his shoulder, the fabric of his coat was soaked through and cold to the touch. He flinched like a spooked horse, jolting upright onto his knees and lifting his head, looking at her with an impossibly blue gaze.
Then his eyes rolled back.
His body folded on itself, collapsing again into a heap of dark leather, blood, and limp limbs.
She panicked. He was going to die out here.
She hooked her hands under his arms and tried to lift him, grunting with the effort, but he was heavy and slack and offered nothing to work with. The cold was stealing him by the minute. Her breath fogged fast as she scanned for something -anything- and then, she scooped a fistful of snow, and smeared it across his face.
He groaned, low and miserable. Still alive.
Good.
She slapped him. Hard.
"Wake up!"
His head jerked. A curse slurred past cracked lips. He pushed himself onto one elbow, swaying, and that was enough. She ducked under his arm and dragged it across her shoulders, locking her other arm around his waist. He stank of blood and iron, sweat and gunpowder, and her knees almost gave under his weight, but she held fast.
âWe are going to the house now,â she hissed against the sharp wind, with her cheek brushing against his stubble. âI need you to move, because I canât do this alone.â
He grunted, barely conscious, but his legs obeyed enough to shuffle, stagger. Step by step, they moved toward the porch. His hair fell across her face, chestnut strands tickling her lashes as she leaned into him. She was too focused on the door, on the fire she hadnât lit, on the bed sheâd just left, when something hard knocked against her hip.
She froze. Shifted. Felt it again.
A pistol. Holstered under his coat.
So, not unarmed after all.
----
She wrestled the quilt aside just in time before they toppled onto the bed, both hitting the mattress in a graceless heap, with his full weight sagging over her until she twisted, shoved, and managed to roll him off her with a grunt. The room was freezing, the stove still unlit, but she felt sweat prickling along her spine.
"Donât die," she muttered, more to herself than him, as she bent and started on his coat. The leather stuck to his body, frozen and soaked through with blood. She peeled it back, inch by inch. Waistcoat next, then the shirt. His chest was heaving shallow, and his skin was pale beneath the streaks of dirt and gore. She fumbled fast, tearing open fabric until she found the wound, just under the ribs, on his left side.
âDamn it.â
A neat hole. Clean, if blood could ever be called clean.
She pressed her hand under his back and felt the sticky mess there, another hole, just above his waist. She exhaled, shaky.
"Through and through."
It was something.
Blood still pooled thick beneath him, though. He'd been walking like this. Bleeding like this. God only knew how far he'd come or how long he'd been dragging himself through the cold like a ghost looking for somewhere to fall.
She reached for the basin on the table, filled it with what water hadn't frozen overnight, and tossed in a kettle from the shelf. Itâd be warm in a minute if she got the fire going.
But firstâŠ
She went back to him. Looked at him.
His shoulder-length dark hair clung damp to his temple. His face was unshaven, with a jaw that looked carved from stone. He looked hard. Worn. Tired. The kind of face that had seen years too fast.
Her gaze drifted lower, to his torso, lean muscle beneath the blood, scars and bruises, and something caught the light.
A glint of metal, nestled against his side, half-tucked under the folds of his waistcoat. She reached for it.
A silver star. Dull, scratched, but unmistakable.
A sheriff badge.
She stared at it for a long beat.
A sheriff was bleeding out in her bed
----
She cleaned the blood away with water and vinegar, soaked into a rag until it turned rust-brown, wiping carefully like she could scrub death off him with enough effort. The bullet hole wept dark blood with each shallow breath he managed to pull in. He hadnât stirred since she got him into the bed. Not even when she pressed down to see how deep the wound ran.
She lit a candle and threaded the needle by its shaky light. The thread was thick and waxed -meant for mending saddle leather, not flesh- but it would hold. She'd done this before.
Dozens of times.
The needle pierced skin, and her hands didnât tremble. Not once.
She'd stitched up gashes, tears, and ugly farm accidents when Cole had come limping in from the fields with blood on his shirt and his mouth twisted in pain. She could still hear his voice, grumbling softly while she worked, trying to distract her.
Cole.
If he were alive, heâd be the one dealing with this. Wouldâve hauled the stranger in himself, dragged him out of the snow with strong arms, and laid him out with confidence, not panic.
But Cole had been dead for two years.
Two winters of silence, of watching the fields change and learning how to do what needed doing whether or not it broke her.
These were the cards.
And this was the hand she played.
She tied off the last stitch and cut the thread with a scissor. Then she sat back, wiped her palms on her nightdress, and stared down at the sleeping lawman bleeding on her sheets.
She uncorked the turpentine with numb fingers and poured it straight onto the wound. He flinched -just a twitch, not enough to wake- but his body jerked like it knew how to scream even if he couldn't.
His face had gone gray, and his lips, the color of ash. Too much blood gone. She pressed her knuckles to her mouth and thought, hard.
He needed something in him. Something warm.
She stumbled into the pantry, shivering in her nightdress, and pulled down the bottle sheâd never used. Bought it in hope, and tucked it away when that hope became vain. She filled a pot with milk from the day before, added water to thin it, and honey to sweeten it. The teat was stiff from disuse, but it softened as she worked it between her fingers.
Back in the bedroom, she pressed it to his mouth.
He didnât drink. His lips parted slack, and the milk dribbled out, warm and wasted down his chin. She cursed low under her breath, brushed her hair from her eyes, and did what had to be done.
She climbed onto the bed.
With effort, she shifted his weight, stuffing pillows behind him until he was propped just enough, and then settled beside him on her knees, feeling his head heavy against her chest. She cradled the back of his skull with her forearm, grabbed the bottle, and rubbed his throat gently with her empty hand.
He groaned. Not awake. But there.
She tilted the bottle again, angled it just so, with her fingers still coaxing along his throat.
This time, he drank.
Suckled hard, desperate, and instinctual. Like his body wanted to live even if his mind wasnât aware of it. She didnât speak at first, just watched, mesmerized by the motion, the hollow pull of his cheeks, the faint rise of color in them.
When he paused, she rested her hand on his cheek. Cool, rough with stubble. "Youâre doing good," she murmured, low and close to his ear. "Come on, just a little more."
No answer, but he kept drinking.
And she stayed like that, curled around a half-dead lawman, feeding him from a bottle meant for a child she never had.
----
After three days, she had a routine. She pushed the door open with her hip, balancing the basin, a clean rag, and the bottle in her arms. Her boots thudded softly on the floorboards, and she didnât even glance toward the bed at first, she was halfway to setting the basin down when she felt his eyes on her.
He was awake.
Propped up slightly on the pillows, with the blanket bunched at his waist, and his face still pale but alert. His blue eyes were sharp, almost piercing.
They stared at each other for a long second. Neither moved.
"Where am I?" he rasped.
"At my house," she answered, calm but cautious, tightening her grip on the bottle. "Youâre safe here."
His shoulders didnât relax. âAnd you areâŠ?â
âY/n. You collapsed inside my property and I brought you here.â
He blinked slowly, as if chewing the words, and then glanced at the bottle in her hand. His expression changed to one more open. âThank you, maâam,â he said, stiff and formal. âIâm sorry for inconveniencing your family, being another chore-â
âOh, itâs just me,â she cut in, with a lighter tone than she really felt. âYouâre only disrupting my less-than-exciting week.â
His gaze dropped again to the glass bottle.
She followed his eyes. Paused. And then felt the heat crawl up her neck.
âOh. Thatâs why you thoughtâŠâ She fumbled with the bottle and nearly dropped it. âActually, I made this for you.â
His brows pinched together, slow and confused. âWhyâŠ?â
âI- um- I've been feeding you with this. Since you couldnât swallow, and I figured⊠you needed the strength.â
His expression shifted, his eyes widened, and a faint red crept over the tops of his cheekbones. âThat so?â
âYou were so weak,â she hurried, mortified. âYou couldnât even hold your head up. And you needed nourishment, and I didnât know what else to-â
âAll right.â He lifted a hand, sluggishly but firm. âI understand the whole picture. No need toâŠâ
He made a vague gesture, then dragged his palm down over his face and groaned low in his throat. The thought of this fine woman kneeling beside him, cradling his head, easing a damn baby bottle between his lips, nearly made him wish he'd bled out in the snow.
But he didnât. And now he owed her.
âThank you, maâam.â His voice was softer now. Less wary. âIâm Sheriff Barnes. James Barnes. Iâve been in town for three months now. Never saw you before.â
She crossed her arms, leaning on the bedpost. âOh, I donât go too often to town and surely didnât cross paths. Maybe thatâs why.â
He nodded slowly, with his eyes still on her. He went quiet for a beat. Then-
âI imagine I made quite an entrance.â
She shrugged like she hadnât spent the last few days feeding him in her arms. âWell, not every morning one finds a dying man at home.â She fiddled with the rubber teat, until it came loose with a soft pop. âHere. I already made it⊠it'll do you good-â
He took it with a slow nod, brought it to his mouth, and drank. Just a sip, just enough to coat his throat, but the moment the warm sweetness touched his tongue, that creeping, cursed heat returned. His ears burned. He could still imagine her hand at his jaw, coaxing, soothing. Her soft voice whispering encouragement like he was some wounded thing, some child.
âSo you live out here all alone?â he asked quickly, trying to think on anything else.
âI lived here with my husband.â Her tone didnât waver. âHe died two years ago.â
He straightened up a little. âIâm sorry for your loss.â
âThank you.â
A pause.
âIâm not that alone. I rent most of the land to my two neighbors. Theyâre decent folks. Help out from time to time, or their wives come around to chat when they want to gossip.â
âThatâs good to hear.â He finished another sip and placed the bottle on the nightstand with a soft groan, and his muscles shifted in his bare torso, slow and deliberate. She noticed -of course she did- and quickly turned away, busying herself with the basin and gauze.
âI have to change the bandage now.â
âI can-â
âYou canât.â Her voice came out final. âYou canât be moving around yet or the stitches will tear.â
âIt wouldnât be the first time I-â
âIt is the first time Iâve had a man bleeding out on my bed,â she noted, crossing her arms and arching one brow. âSo be a good sheriff and let me do this.â
He exhaled slowly and long, leaning back into the pillows with a look that said he knew better than to fight her. âSuit yourself.â
She dipped the rag into the vinegar water, but before she could begin, she paused. âOh! before I start. Do you have to pee?â
He blinked at her. âWhat?â
âTo pee, Sheriff Barnes. You know. That yellow-â
âDonât say it.â
She gave him a flat look. âWell?â
He pressed his head back and pinched the bridge of his nose. âI might need to use the bathroom, yes.â
âAlright.â She reached behind the nightstand and pulled out a dented tin jar with a handle, the kind that had seen use. She reached for the quilt.
His hand shot out, pinning the fabric down. âWhat are you doing?â
âYou said you wanted to relieve yourself. I was going to-â
âThank you, maâam, but I wonât⊠do it there.â His voice cracked slightly, with mortification blooming again hot on his face. Goddammit.
âYou donât have many options,â she said gently, matter-of-factly. âI wasnât going to look, just put it down there. No offense, but how do you think Iâve been managing you until now? The jar is an improvement. Iâve had to put towels between your thighs and your-â
âOkay.â He stared at her, then at the quilt covering his hips, then closed his eyes with a grimace. âOkay. Just⊠gimme the thing. Iâll manage.â
She handed him the jar and turned her back with the dignity of a queen.
âAsk for help if you need it,â she said, with infuriating cheer.
He groaned like a dying man all over again.
----
He watched her as she worked -silent and focused- like the shape of his naked body didnât bother her at all. Like the scars werenât there. Her hands were warm against his chilled skin, and he hated how good that felt. Hated that he noticed.
A lock of hair slipped from her bun and swung against her cheek. She didnât fix it. The sunlight caught on her skin, and the neckline of her work dress, on the soft outline of her breasts shifting beneath the fabric as she leaned forward. She didnât wear a shawl. And damn him, it had been so long since a woman touched him without fear or hurry. Since heâd seen something so gentle up close.
âSoâŠâ He cleared his throat. âWhy donât you come into town more often?â
She didnât look at him right away. Just kept cleaning the wound, slowly, squeezing the cloth over the basin.
âWell⊠I go. For groceries. Things I need from the general store.â She dipped the rag again and wrung it out. âBut it feels strange, wandering alone. And thereâs always someone bringing up Cole- my husband.â
He gave a small nod, not wanting to interrupt.
âAnd then, sometimes itâs the whispers,â she added, quieter. âMen think I donât hear âem. The young widow who lives alone out there, renting to men, with no husband or family around. Must be doing more than sewing curtains.â
He stiffened and frowned.
She smiled, small and humorless. âPeople get real creative when they donât have anything better to do.â
âAnd you just let âem?â
âWhat should I do, sheriff? March in and shout Iâm not fucking the tenants?â She shook her head as she wrung the cloth out. âAnyway, since Iâm already damaged goodsâŠâ She shrugged. âTheyâre not so judgmental. Even save me a spot in church on Sundays.â
He watched her for a long beat.
âYouâre not damaged,â he said, with a rough voice.
She chuckled. Couldnât believe a man like him didnât catch the meaning. âIâm not a virgin, sheriff. Itâs a commodity I donât have anymore. Thatâs why some of them talk, but in the end, itâs not like I could trick a man into something thatâs not real. Pretend theyâre the first and all that, since, well, itâd be odd for a widow to never have laid with her husband.â
Oh. That.
He felt the heat crawl up his neck like a stupid boy.
âWell,â he said, clearing his throat, âin my opinion, maâam, they ought to mind their own damn business. And if anyone says a word about the woman who saved my life⊠well, they wonât like how that ends.â
"Thank you,â she said softly, standing up and brushing her hands on her skirt. âSpeaking of town, now that you're awake and probably can pass a couple of hours alone, I should go fetch the doctor," she suggested, looking at his tired face.
The smile vanished, and his body tensed under the quilt. âI donât think thatâs necessary,â he said. âYou did a good job.â
âIâm no doctor, and neither are you.â
âIâve been shot a couple times,â he muttered. âSeen more bullet wounds than a man should. In my experience, this looks promising.â
She arched a brow at him.
âI promise you, when I can mount Iâll borrow a horse and be off your back.â He murmured
âYou may have a point. But itâs not about you being a bother, sheriff.â Her tone softened. âIsnât it better if someone knows where you are? Just in case?â
âActually⊠no.â His voice dropped a note. âDonât mean to scare you, but if word spreads Iâm here -injured and on the outs of town- some folks might see it as an opportunity to⊠take care of me permanently. If you catch my meaning.â
She did. And her stomach turned a little at the thought.
She nodded once. âRight. No doctor then.â Then she thought. âHow about your wife?â she asked, keeping her voice casual. No ring on his finger didnât mean he hadnât left someone behind.
He gave a tired chuckle. âAinât a Mrs. Barnes out there to miss me. Maybe Deputy Wilsonâll shed a few tears.â
She looked down quickly, fiddling with the hem of her apron. Stupid, how relieved she felt.
âMaybe give word to your deputy, then?â she said, not quite looking at him as she rearranged the basin and cloth. âSo he knows youâre alive and⊠maybe fetch you some clothing?â
Bucky ran a hand through his hair, exhaling slowly. âYeah. Thatâs a good idea. Iâll write him a letter if itâs no trouble for you. AlsoâŠâ He scratched at the scruff along his jaw, scanning the worn floorboards with tired eyes. âCould ask him to bring a rifle.â
She stopped tending him and tilted her head. âA rifle.â
âYeah.â
âWhat are you, a man or an army?â She folded her arms, with a teasing tone in her voice. âYouâve already got two pistols and a pair of knives in my cupboard.â
He huffed out a breath, almost a laugh, or close to it. A flash of something that nearly passed for a smile curled one corner of his mouth. âThe job comes with its risks.â
Looking at his wound, her eyes narrowed. âCan see that,â she murmured.
----
The fresh gauze and clean bandage were already in her hands, as she traced the rim of the wound with a featherlight touch of the cloth, with more tenderness than he expected, almost reverently. The muscles of his abdomen twitched under her fingers, and he cursed himself inwardly for the reaction.
âSorry,â she said, not quite meeting his gaze. âI needed to dry the moisture.â
He wasnât looking at her either, fixing his gaze somewhere behind her shoulder, clenching his jaw. That wasnât precisely what hurt. âItâs... alright.â
She reached behind him. âCan you lift yourself just a little so I can wrap this around you? It'll be so much easier that way.â
âYes, ma'am.â The words came through grit teeth.
He pushed himself up with trembling arms, catching his breath in his throat from the flare of pain that tore down his side. But he held it. He had to. Sheâd been dragging his half-dead weight around like a sack of flour for days. If he could do this one simple thing, he'd damn well do it.
She wrapped the bandage with quick hands, brushing his sking with warm fingers. He focused on the sound of the wind rattling against the windowpane, the creak of the mattress, and the feel of her arm briefly pressed to his ribs.
But it was hard not to think about how fucking good her hands felt against his skin. The way her fingers ghosted over his ribs, and how the scent of her hair -lavender water and woodsmoke- drifted close, and he caught himself wanting to bury his fingers in that bun, and tug it loose just to set it free.
Pathetic. Half-dead in a strangerâs bed and his touch-starved, half-feral body had the gall to ache for more.
She could feel his stare, like a weight. It made her fumble. When heâd been unconscious, it was easier. He wasnât a man then, just a body in need of tending. She could wash him, move him, press cloth against his skin, and ignore what it meant. But now⊠now he was watching her, and his body wasnât slack anymore. His breath caught at her touch. And he was handsome, damn it. That didnât help a bit.
She forced her hands to finish, too quick, too clinical. âThere you go,â she muttered helping him lean back into the pillows. âIâll fetch you pen and paper so you can write the deputy.â
âMaybe... it'd be better a pencil,â he rasped. âMaâam, I already bled on your sheets, donât wanna stain âem with ink.â
She blinked, then smiled despite herself. âThat is very considerate of you. Thank you.â
He just nodded, slow and heavy-lidded. His face was unreadable, but the tips of his ears had turned red.
----
She entered the bedroom with a glass of water and a plate of crackers. Her hair was combed into a neater bun now, tucked under a wide-brimmed hat tied beneath her chin with a pale ribbon. A thick shawl was draped over her shoulders, knotted above her chest, the heavy wool taming now the shape of her body heâd gotten used to seeing in thinner cotton.
Bucky blinked. She looked⊠respectable. Buttoned up like a preacherâs wife.  He kind of missed the sight of her work dress, with the sleeves rolled up, and her hair slipping wild around her ears. Somehow this -this distance of her appearance- made the bed feel colder.
âDid you write the letter?â she asked, setting the plate and glass on the nightstand with a careful clink.
âYes, maâam.â He handed her the folded paper. âDeputy Wilson should be at the office. If not, I wrote his address there for you.â
She tucked the note into her satchel and glanced at him. âAlright. Do you need anything else?â
âNo, maâam. Just⊠sleep.â
âSeems fair. You just woke up.â She reached for her gloves. âIâll try not to linger much, hm? So youâre not here alone too long.â
He nodded. Aloneâs the usual state of things anyway.
âCareful on the road, maâam,â he said instead. âPut a blanket up over your legs.â
That got a soft breath of laughter from her. âWell now, ainât that thoughtful.â
He didnât answer, just watched her as she pulled the shawl tighter and walked out.
----
The afternoon light spilled gold across the dirt path as her cart clattered into town, with the wheels creaking softly over the uneven road. Â A few townsfolk tipped their hats or nodded her way. Mr. Granger from the tannery, old Miss Routh hobbling along the storefronts, and she nodded back, polite, reserved. The wind tugged gently at her hat ribbon.
She pulled the cart at a short distance from the sheriffâs office and tied the reins to the hitching post, patting the mareâs neck once before stepping down. Her boots crunched against the packed earth and dirty snow as she made her way toward the squat brick building, with its door half open. The scent of tobacco and dust met her first.
Inside, who she think it was Deputy Sam Wilson looked up from where he sat at the desk, chewing through a sandwich. He froze, mouth half-full, eyes wide with surprise.
âOh- uh- morning, maâam. Beg your pardon, I-â
She raised a hand before he could scramble upright. âNo need to fuss, deputy. You go on.â
He swallowed and wiped his hands on a kerchief.
She hovered by the desk a moment, smoothing a fold in her shawl before reaching into her satchel. âSheriff Barnes asked me to give you this.â She offered the folded letter, a little hesitantly.
Sam quirked a brow and took it from her fingers. As he unfolded the page, his expression shifted: surprise morphing into concern, then loosening into something softer as he read the last lines.
âWell, that explains the absence,â he muttered with a huff, setting the paper down. âMan always did have a knack for showing up bloodied and half-frozen like it was a hobby.â
She gave a little chuckle, folding her arms lightly. âHeâs been... decent company. Quiet. Polite. If heâs trouble, heâs not shown it.â
Sam leaned back in the chair, and laughed at that. âMaâam, I donât know who youâve got laid up in your spare bed, but that sure doesnât sound like the James Barnes I work with. Grumpier than a bear with a sore tooth most days.â
She smiled, a little more relaxed now. âWell, then I suppose the snow knocked some manners into him.â
He stood with a grunt and disappeared into the back room. She heard the clatter of a cabinet, the rustle of canvas, and then he returned with a wrapped bundle, long, narrow, and unmistakable even beneath the cloth. He laid it on the desk and tied the covering snug with firm hands.
âHis rifle,â he said, nodding toward it. âLost it, he said?â
âSnow buried it. Or carried it off. Either way, itâs gone.â
âWell, heâll be glad to have this one. Tell him to sit tight. Iâll keep things running over here until heâs back on his feet.â Sam tapped the letter with two fingers, then watched as she reached for the rifle.
He lifted a hand. âWait a moment, please.â
She paused, puzzled, as he turned and disappeared into another room, this one closer than the back storage, maybe the Sheriffâs quarters. There was a muffled sound of rummaging, drawers opening, and something heavy shifting. Then he returned with a small leather satchel in his hand. He set it down on the desk with a soft clink: the unmistakable chime of coin against coin.
Her brows drew together. âThere are no shops on the road for him to-â
âNo, maâam,â Sam said gently, already anticipating her. âThisâs not for him. He asked me to give this to you. For the inconvenience.â
She shook her head, taking a step back. âI canât accept that.â
âHe figured youâd say that,â he cut in, folding his arms over his chest. âAnd insisted. Said to tell you heâs not the sort to eat a woman out of house and home without paying properly.â
She stood still.
Sam gestured to the satchel. âIâve seen that man come back from a week on the trail, and let me tell you, when he starts eating again, itâs like a plague of locusts. Heâll feel guilty as soon as he can stand upright for long. Just take it, maâam.â
She hesitated for a moment longer, then sighed and stepped forward, picking up the pouch. It was heavier than she expected. She tied it to the inside of her satchel with care.
âThank you, deputy.â
He gave her a nod and an earnest smile. âYou let me know if he gets outta line. Iâll come drag him back myself.â
----
She eased the door open with her shoulder, careful not to let the parcel slip from beneath her arm. The cabin was quiet, steeped in the scent of faint wood smoke. The fire had burned low, and the ash grayed the edges of the hearth. She shut the door with a soft press, set the wrapped rifle, satchel, and products down on the table, and poured water into the kettle, placing it over the coals.
Then, she walked quietly down the hall.
He was awake, barely. His eyes tracked her slowly as she entered the room. though his face stayed slack with exhaustion. The tension in his shoulders and weird posture gave away that heâd tried to push himself up and lost the will halfway. His breathing was shallow through his nose.
âIâm back. You alright?â Her voice was soft, instinctively hushed, already drawing closer to his bedside.
He blinked once, then nodded. âDidnât set the place on fire, so⊠yeah.â
She gave a soft, breathy snort and pressed the back of her fingers to his forehead. His skin was cool to the touch. No fever.
âI brought your rifle. And some fresh things from the grocer,â she said, shedding her shawl and draping it over the chair. âDeputy Wilson gave me coin. From you. I told him I didnât need it, but he said youâd pitch a fit if I came back empty-handed.â
His gaze drifted to the little satchel sheâd carried in. âDidnât want you footing the cost. Feeding me. Patching me up. Itâs already too much.â
âWell,â she said, undoing the hat lace, âI used some of it to buy food. He said you eat like a bear after hibernation.â She glanced at him and gave a crooked smile. âIâll make soup in a bit.â
A flicker of a smirk crossed his face, faint as a shadow, then gone. His voice came rough, almost sheepish. âThank you, maâam.â
She glanced up, straightening. âYou donât have to thank me every time I do something decent, sheriff. Thatâll get exhausting for both of us.â
He looked at her then, for a long moment, with heavy-lidded eyes and something unreadable flickering there behind the pain. âForce of habit, I guess.â Then, quieter: âI didnât want to make trouble.â
She stepped to the bedside and folded the blanket down from his ribs, careful not to pull at the dressing. Her fingers brushed the edge of the gauze, checking for dampness. âYouâre not trouble,â she said plainly. âYouâre injured. If I didnât want to deal with the mess, I wouldnâtâve dragged your bleeding body through the door, would I?â
That made him exhale something between a laugh and a wince.
âIâll get the soup started,â she said, smoothing the blanket back over him with her palm, pausing halfway up his chest. Her hand lingered a moment, just a beat, then withdrew. She hesitated near the foot of the bed, then nodded toward the old tin jar next to the nightstand. âDo you have to⊠you know. Use the jar?â
His gaze darted away, and he clenched his jaw, sensing his cheekbones ruddy with embarrassment. ââŠYeah.â
âAlright. Can you manage it on your own like before, or do you need-?â
âIâll manage, maâam.â
----
From where he lay, too battered to do more than breathe and not split his wound open, he could hear the creak of floorboards as she crossed from the little guestroom -where she seemed to sleep now- to the kitchen, the brief creak of a cabinet opening, the clink of tin on enamel. Water being poured. Her voice, low, warm, humming something, a tune to pass the time.
He let his eyes fall shut. Not from sleep. From the weight of the situation. From the foreign comfort of knowing someone else was taking care of the fire, the lighting, the food.
Then the smell hit his nose, onion, garlic, maybe a touch of rosemary, something hearty and meaty.
Christ, when was the last time heâd had a meal that wasnât lukewarm beans or the dry-ass bread some rancher shoved into his hands after a day of work? Before the hotel deal, it had been mostly tinned shit: whatever could sit on a shelf for two winters without sprouting something alive. Since coming to town and becoming sheriff, the hotel owner had insisted on bringing him food daily. He didnât trust the old manâs idea of nourishment, meat stringy as tendon, coffee like mud, potatoes with the consistency of river clay. But he had worst.
Still⊠none of it held a candle to the smell in this house.
His stomach gave a weak groan of approval, then turned on him for remembering the chalky paste they used to serve at the orphanage. Gruel. Oatmeal so thin it wept down your throat and stuck to your throat like lard. He remembered trying to swallow around it, trying to keep his tongue from touching the roof of his mouth just so the bland texture wouldnât coat everything. He made a face. That shit had been the closest thing to punishment without a whip they had. Even now, decades later, his mouth remembered the dull horror of its taste.
Now, for the first time in a long time, he felt the ghost of something he hadn't dared name, longing, maybe. Or homesickness. The cruel kind. The one you feel when you realize youâve never really had one.
----
She came in slowly, with the enamel bowl balanced carefully on a wooden tray, and the warm, savory promise of meat, veggies, and a thick slice of bread, with a golden and imperfect crust perched beside it. She crossed the room, and sat beside the bed with her knees nearly touching the mattress.
"You can manage or-"
"Yes, ma'am."
She gave a short nod, setting the tray aside on the nightstand and sliding an arm behind his shoulders and chest to help him sit. Her palms were warm, and his skin twitched where her fingers brushed it, his ribs, and the slope of his shoulder. It shouldnât matter, not after she'd cleaned and seen all his body, and bandaged him. But for some reason, this felt different.
Maybe because he was watching her now. Maybe it was because he wore that ragged charm like a second skin, paired with unpolished courtesy.
âHere we go,â she murmured, settling the tray over his thighs.
âTry to go slow. Itâs been days since your stomach held anything more than milk. Donât want it coming back up.â
She turned to leave, but then paused, catching on the shape of his mouth, the rough way he held the spoon, wary of every gesture, like his body didnât quite trust itself.
And there it was again.
The memory, vivid and close. The warmth of his weight slumped against her chest. Her hand curled at the base of his skull, her fingers tangled in sweat-damp hair. The way his throat worked helplessly when she coaxed him to swallow. His lips around the rubber teat of the bottle, desperate and fevered. How close sheâd held him. How instinct had guided her words, with soft, gentle encouragements, like a mother to a baby, except it hadnât felt maternal. Not then. Not now.
She felt the heat bloom in her cheeks and turned away quickly, clearing her throat.
âIâm going to eat my share,â she announced, too casually. âIâll come back later to pick up the plate. Wonât offer you seconds today, letâs see how your stomach reacts to this.â
He didnât answer right away, bringing the trembling spoon to his mouth.
Paused.
Swallowed.
His eyes drifted half-closed for a second like he was relishing the taste. He looked at her then, with a ghost of a smile on his face. âThank you.â
He waited until her footsteps faded down the hall before letting the spoon hover again over the soup. The steam curled into his face, coaxing something low and needy in his gut. The scent -fresh vegetables, meat boiled down to silk- threatened to undo him more than a bullet ever could. It was good. Not just edible, not just hot. Good.
Goddamn.
His hand trembled weakly, but he managed another mouthful. His whole body urged him to shovel it in, to tip the bowl and gulp it down like an animal, but he didn't. Couldnât. He knew how this worked. The second he gave in to the desperation, was the second his stomach would revolt, and then sheâd be back, cleaning his vomit off the sheets.
He wouldnât put her through that.
So, he paced himself. Spoon by spoon. Each swallow was a battle against the part of him that still lived as heâd die with an empty belly. The part that remembered starvation not as a story but as a sensation tattooed behind the ribs.
He let his eyes drift shut after the third or fourth spoon. The flavor dragged bad memories of meals eaten on cold steps, hoarded crusts, and bitter coffee watered down to stretch for two days. This was also not that hotel swill they shoveled into him because it came with the badge, not the canned shit he kept in his desk at night.
His mind wandered, tracing the fight.
Thereâd been five. No insignias, no uniforms. Thought theyâd found easy prey. Maybe they had. Still, he didnât go down soft. The pistols had emptied first, then the blade, then his goddamn fists. They had shot his horse. He remembered that clearly. Heard the scream, the crash of its knees giving up.
And then the rest got murky.
But he mustâve finished it. Mustâve finished them, because if they were alive, theyâd have sniffed their way here by now. Itâd been four days, and no one came knocking. No creak on the porch. No shadow against the curtains. Just the soft noises of the maâam in the other room, humming.
Still. He didnât regret dragging his broken ass to the kitchen cupboard when she was away. Nearly passed out, but he'd found what he needed. The Colt was back in hand, tucked under the pillow. Cold comfort, but comfort nonetheless.
He took another spoonful. Let it sit in his mouth. Thought about the way sheâd held him, how careful her hands had been, how warm her eyes were.
Summary: A wounded Sheriff Barnes seeks shelter in a young widowâs home, and finds himself wrapped in a warmth he no longer believes he deserves, and longing for something he thought long buried.
Word Count: About 6.7k.
Note: Old West Bucky, just because.
She forced herself out of the warm bed, groggy and resentful of the cold that crept from every crack in the old wood walls. The sun had been up for hours. Errands -postponed too many times- piled at her with obligation, so she folded back the quilt with a sigh and let her bare feet hit the frigid floor.
The curtains were stiff from the cold when she opened them, but the frost-laced glass flared gold for a moment. Maybe the sun would heat the place a little, while she got the stove going. She rubbed her arms through the sleeves of her nightdress, crossed to the kitchen corner, and bent to arrange kindling into the firebox. The cold bit into her hands as she fumbled with the matches with a curse.
Then she caught a movement in the corner of her eye.
She promptly turned toward the window, and through the murky pane, she saw a figure moving slowly across the edge of the wild hay meadow. Long black coat dragging in the snow, matching black hat pulled low. He didnât look like much, -no rifle, no saddle- but the way he walked made her breath stutter, just a little.
Not like a man who meant harm.
Like a man trying hard to stay on his feet.
One of his knees buckled, sudden and ugly, sending him listing sideways. The white behind him bloomed red.
She pressed a hand to the glass. He tripped on something under the drift -maybe a stone, maybe nothing at all- and crumpled, hard, face-first into the snow. He didnât move. The black of his coat sprawled out like an ink stain across the white.
She didnât think. She just moved.
----
She reached him just as the wind picked up, scattering loose snow across the meadow in dry, hissing gusts. Kneeling beside him, she pressed a hand to his shoulder, the fabric of his coat was soaked through and cold to the touch. He flinched like a spooked horse, jolting upright onto his knees and lifting his head, looking at her with an impossibly blue gaze.
Then his eyes rolled back.
His body folded on itself, collapsing again into a heap of dark leather, blood, and limp limbs.
She panicked. He was going to die out here.
She hooked her hands under his arms and tried to lift him, grunting with the effort, but he was heavy and slack and offered nothing to work with. The cold was stealing him by the minute. Her breath fogged fast as she scanned for something -anything- and then, she scooped a fistful of snow, and smeared it across his face.
He groaned, low and miserable. Still alive.
Good.
She slapped him. Hard.
"Wake up!"
His head jerked. A curse slurred past cracked lips. He pushed himself onto one elbow, swaying, and that was enough. She ducked under his arm and dragged it across her shoulders, locking her other arm around his waist. He stank of blood and iron, sweat and gunpowder, and her knees almost gave under his weight, but she held fast.
âWe are going to the house now,â she hissed against the sharp wind, with her cheek brushing against his stubble. âI need you to move, because I canât do this alone.â
He grunted, barely conscious, but his legs obeyed enough to shuffle, stagger. Step by step, they moved toward the porch. His hair fell across her face, chestnut strands tickling her lashes as she leaned into him. She was too focused on the door, on the fire she hadnât lit, on the bed sheâd just left, when something hard knocked against her hip.
She froze. Shifted. Felt it again.
A pistol. Holstered under his coat.
So, not unarmed after all.
----
She wrestled the quilt aside just in time before they toppled onto the bed, both hitting the mattress in a graceless heap, with his full weight sagging over her until she twisted, shoved, and managed to roll him off her with a grunt. The room was freezing, the stove still unlit, but she felt sweat prickling along her spine.
"Donât die," she muttered, more to herself than him, as she bent and started on his coat. The leather stuck to his body, frozen and soaked through with blood. She peeled it back, inch by inch. Waistcoat next, then the shirt. His chest was heaving shallow, and his skin was pale beneath the streaks of dirt and gore. She fumbled fast, tearing open fabric until she found the wound, just under the ribs, on his left side.
âDamn it.â
A neat hole. Clean, if blood could ever be called clean.
She pressed her hand under his back and felt the sticky mess there, another hole, just above his waist. She exhaled, shaky.
"Through and through."
It was something.
Blood still pooled thick beneath him, though. He'd been walking like this. Bleeding like this. God only knew how far he'd come or how long he'd been dragging himself through the cold like a ghost looking for somewhere to fall.
She reached for the basin on the table, filled it with what water hadn't frozen overnight, and tossed in a kettle from the shelf. Itâd be warm in a minute if she got the fire going.
But firstâŠ
She went back to him. Looked at him.
His shoulder-length dark hair clung damp to his temple. His face was unshaven, with a jaw that looked carved from stone. He looked hard. Worn. Tired. The kind of face that had seen years too fast.
Her gaze drifted lower, to his torso, lean muscle beneath the blood, scars and bruises, and something caught the light.
A glint of metal, nestled against his side, half-tucked under the folds of his waistcoat. She reached for it.
A silver star. Dull, scratched, but unmistakable.
A sheriff badge.
She stared at it for a long beat.
A sheriff was bleeding out in her bed
----
She cleaned the blood away with water and vinegar, soaked into a rag until it turned rust-brown, wiping carefully like she could scrub death off him with enough effort. The bullet hole wept dark blood with each shallow breath he managed to pull in. He hadnât stirred since she got him into the bed. Not even when she pressed down to see how deep the wound ran.
She lit a candle and threaded the needle by its shaky light. The thread was thick and waxed -meant for mending saddle leather, not flesh- but it would hold. She'd done this before.
Dozens of times.
The needle pierced skin, and her hands didnât tremble. Not once.
She'd stitched up gashes, tears, and ugly farm accidents when Cole had come limping in from the fields with blood on his shirt and his mouth twisted in pain. She could still hear his voice, grumbling softly while she worked, trying to distract her.
Cole.
If he were alive, heâd be the one dealing with this. Wouldâve hauled the stranger in himself, dragged him out of the snow with strong arms, and laid him out with confidence, not panic.
But Cole had been dead for two years.
Two winters of silence, of watching the fields change and learning how to do what needed doing whether or not it broke her.
These were the cards.
And this was the hand she played.
She tied off the last stitch and cut the thread with a scissor. Then she sat back, wiped her palms on her nightdress, and stared down at the sleeping lawman bleeding on her sheets.
She uncorked the turpentine with numb fingers and poured it straight onto the wound. He flinched -just a twitch, not enough to wake- but his body jerked like it knew how to scream even if he couldn't.
His face had gone gray, and his lips, the color of ash. Too much blood gone. She pressed her knuckles to her mouth and thought, hard.
He needed something in him. Something warm.
She stumbled into the pantry, shivering in her nightdress, and pulled down the bottle sheâd never used. Bought it in hope, and tucked it away when that hope became vain. She filled a pot with milk from the day before, added water to thin it, and honey to sweeten it. The teat was stiff from disuse, but it softened as she worked it between her fingers.
Back in the bedroom, she pressed it to his mouth.
He didnât drink. His lips parted slack, and the milk dribbled out, warm and wasted down his chin. She cursed low under her breath, brushed her hair from her eyes, and did what had to be done.
She climbed onto the bed.
With effort, she shifted his weight, stuffing pillows behind him until he was propped just enough, and then settled beside him on her knees, feeling his head heavy against her chest. She cradled the back of his skull with her forearm, grabbed the bottle, and rubbed his throat gently with her empty hand.
He groaned. Not awake. But there.
She tilted the bottle again, angled it just so, with her fingers still coaxing along his throat.
This time, he drank.
Suckled hard, desperate, and instinctual. Like his body wanted to live even if his mind wasnât aware of it. She didnât speak at first, just watched, mesmerized by the motion, the hollow pull of his cheeks, the faint rise of color in them.
When he paused, she rested her hand on his cheek. Cool, rough with stubble. "Youâre doing good," she murmured, low and close to his ear. "Come on, just a little more."
No answer, but he kept drinking.
And she stayed like that, curled around a half-dead lawman, feeding him from a bottle meant for a child she never had.
----
After three days, she had a routine. She pushed the door open with her hip, balancing the basin, a clean rag, and the bottle in her arms. Her boots thudded softly on the floorboards, and she didnât even glance toward the bed at first, she was halfway to setting the basin down when she felt his eyes on her.
He was awake.
Propped up slightly on the pillows, with the blanket bunched at his waist, and his face still pale but alert. His blue eyes were sharp, almost piercing.
They stared at each other for a long second. Neither moved.
"Where am I?" he rasped.
"At my house," she answered, calm but cautious, tightening her grip on the bottle. "Youâre safe here."
His shoulders didnât relax. âAnd you areâŠ?â
âY/n. You collapsed inside my property and I brought you here.â
He blinked slowly, as if chewing the words, and then glanced at the bottle in her hand. His expression changed to one more open. âThank you, maâam,â he said, stiff and formal. âIâm sorry for inconveniencing your family, being another chore-â
âOh, itâs just me,â she cut in, with a lighter tone than she really felt. âYouâre only disrupting my less-than-exciting week.â
His gaze dropped again to the glass bottle.
She followed his eyes. Paused. And then felt the heat crawl up her neck.
âOh. Thatâs why you thoughtâŠâ She fumbled with the bottle and nearly dropped it. âActually, I made this for you.â
His brows pinched together, slow and confused. âWhyâŠ?â
âI- um- I've been feeding you with this. Since you couldnât swallow, and I figured⊠you needed the strength.â
His expression shifted, his eyes widened, and a faint red crept over the tops of his cheekbones. âThat so?â
âYou were so weak,â she hurried, mortified. âYou couldnât even hold your head up. And you needed nourishment, and I didnât know what else to-â
âAll right.â He lifted a hand, sluggishly but firm. âI understand the whole picture. No need toâŠâ
He made a vague gesture, then dragged his palm down over his face and groaned low in his throat. The thought of this fine woman kneeling beside him, cradling his head, easing a damn baby bottle between his lips, nearly made him wish he'd bled out in the snow.
But he didnât. And now he owed her.
âThank you, maâam.â His voice was softer now. Less wary. âIâm Sheriff Barnes. James Barnes. Iâve been in town for three months now. Never saw you before.â
She crossed her arms, leaning on the bedpost. âOh, I donât go too often to town and surely didnât cross paths. Maybe thatâs why.â
He nodded slowly, with his eyes still on her. He went quiet for a beat. Then-
âI imagine I made quite an entrance.â
She shrugged like she hadnât spent the last few days feeding him in her arms. âWell, not every morning one finds a dying man at home.â She fiddled with the rubber teat, until it came loose with a soft pop. âHere. I already made it⊠it'll do you good-â
He took it with a slow nod, brought it to his mouth, and drank. Just a sip, just enough to coat his throat, but the moment the warm sweetness touched his tongue, that creeping, cursed heat returned. His ears burned. He could still imagine her hand at his jaw, coaxing, soothing. Her soft voice whispering encouragement like he was some wounded thing, some child.
âSo you live out here all alone?â he asked quickly, trying to think on anything else.
âI lived here with my husband.â Her tone didnât waver. âHe died two years ago.â
He straightened up a little. âIâm sorry for your loss.â
âThank you.â
A pause.
âIâm not that alone. I rent most of the land to my two neighbors. Theyâre decent folks. Help out from time to time, or their wives come around to chat when they want to gossip.â
âThatâs good to hear.â He finished another sip and placed the bottle on the nightstand with a soft groan, and his muscles shifted in his bare torso, slow and deliberate. She noticed -of course she did- and quickly turned away, busying herself with the basin and gauze.
âI have to change the bandage now.â
âI can-â
âYou canât.â Her voice came out final. âYou canât be moving around yet or the stitches will tear.â
âIt wouldnât be the first time I-â
âIt is the first time Iâve had a man bleeding out on my bed,â she noted, crossing her arms and arching one brow. âSo be a good sheriff and let me do this.â
He exhaled slowly and long, leaning back into the pillows with a look that said he knew better than to fight her. âSuit yourself.â
She dipped the rag into the vinegar water, but before she could begin, she paused. âOh! before I start. Do you have to pee?â
He blinked at her. âWhat?â
âTo pee, Sheriff Barnes. You know. That yellow-â
âDonât say it.â
She gave him a flat look. âWell?â
He pressed his head back and pinched the bridge of his nose. âI might need to use the bathroom, yes.â
âAlright.â She reached behind the nightstand and pulled out a dented tin jar with a handle, the kind that had seen use. She reached for the quilt.
His hand shot out, pinning the fabric down. âWhat are you doing?â
âYou said you wanted to relieve yourself. I was going to-â
âThank you, maâam, but I wonât⊠do it there.â His voice cracked slightly, with mortification blooming again hot on his face. Goddammit.
âYou donât have many options,â she said gently, matter-of-factly. âI wasnât going to look, just put it down there. No offense, but how do you think Iâve been managing you until now? The jar is an improvement. Iâve had to put towels between your thighs and your-â
âOkay.â He stared at her, then at the quilt covering his hips, then closed his eyes with a grimace. âOkay. Just⊠gimme the thing. Iâll manage.â
She handed him the jar and turned her back with the dignity of a queen.
âAsk for help if you need it,â she said, with infuriating cheer.
He groaned like a dying man all over again.
----
He watched her as she worked -silent and focused- like the shape of his naked body didnât bother her at all. Like the scars werenât there. Her hands were warm against his chilled skin, and he hated how good that felt. Hated that he noticed.
A lock of hair slipped from her bun and swung against her cheek. She didnât fix it. The sunlight caught on her skin, and the neckline of her work dress, on the soft outline of her breasts shifting beneath the fabric as she leaned forward. She didnât wear a shawl. And damn him, it had been so long since a woman touched him without fear or hurry. Since heâd seen something so gentle up close.
âSoâŠâ He cleared his throat. âWhy donât you come into town more often?â
She didnât look at him right away. Just kept cleaning the wound, slowly, squeezing the cloth over the basin.
âWell⊠I go. For groceries. Things I need from the general store.â She dipped the rag again and wrung it out. âBut it feels strange, wandering alone. And thereâs always someone bringing up Cole- my husband.â
He gave a small nod, not wanting to interrupt.
âAnd then, sometimes itâs the whispers,â she added, quieter. âMen think I donât hear âem. The young widow who lives alone out there, renting to men, with no husband or family around. Must be doing more than sewing curtains.â
He stiffened and frowned.
She smiled, small and humorless. âPeople get real creative when they donât have anything better to do.â
âAnd you just let âem?â
âWhat should I do, sheriff? March in and shout Iâm not fucking the tenants?â She shook her head as she wrung the cloth out. âAnyway, since Iâm already damaged goodsâŠâ She shrugged. âTheyâre not so judgmental. Even save me a spot in church on Sundays.â
He watched her for a long beat.
âYouâre not damaged,â he said, with a rough voice.
She chuckled. Couldnât believe a man like him didnât catch the meaning. âIâm not a virgin, sheriff. Itâs a commodity I donât have anymore. Thatâs why some of them talk, but in the end, itâs not like I could trick a man into something thatâs not real. Pretend theyâre the first and all that, since, well, itâd be odd for a widow to never have laid with her husband.â
Oh. That.
He felt the heat crawl up his neck like a stupid boy.
âWell,â he said, clearing his throat, âin my opinion, maâam, they ought to mind their own damn business. And if anyone says a word about the woman who saved my life⊠well, they wonât like how that ends.â
"Thank you,â she said softly, standing up and brushing her hands on her skirt. âSpeaking of town, now that you're awake and probably can pass a couple of hours alone, I should go fetch the doctor," she suggested, looking at his tired face.
The smile vanished, and his body tensed under the quilt. âI donât think thatâs necessary,â he said. âYou did a good job.â
âIâm no doctor, and neither are you.â
âIâve been shot a couple times,â he muttered. âSeen more bullet wounds than a man should. In my experience, this looks promising.â
She arched a brow at him.
âI promise you, when I can mount Iâll borrow a horse and be off your back.â He murmured
âYou may have a point. But itâs not about you being a bother, sheriff.â Her tone softened. âIsnât it better if someone knows where you are? Just in case?â
âActually⊠no.â His voice dropped a note. âDonât mean to scare you, but if word spreads Iâm here -injured and on the outs of town- some folks might see it as an opportunity to⊠take care of me permanently. If you catch my meaning.â
She did. And her stomach turned a little at the thought.
She nodded once. âRight. No doctor then.â Then she thought. âHow about your wife?â she asked, keeping her voice casual. No ring on his finger didnât mean he hadnât left someone behind.
He gave a tired chuckle. âAinât a Mrs. Barnes out there to miss me. Maybe Deputy Wilsonâll shed a few tears.â
She looked down quickly, fiddling with the hem of her apron. Stupid, how relieved she felt.
âMaybe give word to your deputy, then?â she said, not quite looking at him as she rearranged the basin and cloth. âSo he knows youâre alive and⊠maybe fetch you some clothing?â
Bucky ran a hand through his hair, exhaling slowly. âYeah. Thatâs a good idea. Iâll write him a letter if itâs no trouble for you. AlsoâŠâ He scratched at the scruff along his jaw, scanning the worn floorboards with tired eyes. âCould ask him to bring a rifle.â
She stopped tending him and tilted her head. âA rifle.â
âYeah.â
âWhat are you, a man or an army?â She folded her arms, with a teasing tone in her voice. âYouâve already got two pistols and a pair of knives in my cupboard.â
He huffed out a breath, almost a laugh, or close to it. A flash of something that nearly passed for a smile curled one corner of his mouth. âThe job comes with its risks.â
Looking at his wound, her eyes narrowed. âCan see that,â she murmured.
----
The fresh gauze and clean bandage were already in her hands, as she traced the rim of the wound with a featherlight touch of the cloth, with more tenderness than he expected, almost reverently. The muscles of his abdomen twitched under her fingers, and he cursed himself inwardly for the reaction.
âSorry,â she said, not quite meeting his gaze. âI needed to dry the moisture.â
He wasnât looking at her either, fixing his gaze somewhere behind her shoulder, clenching his jaw. That wasnât precisely what hurt. âItâs... alright.â
She reached behind him. âCan you lift yourself just a little so I can wrap this around you? It'll be so much easier that way.â
âYes, ma'am.â The words came through grit teeth.
He pushed himself up with trembling arms, catching his breath in his throat from the flare of pain that tore down his side. But he held it. He had to. Sheâd been dragging his half-dead weight around like a sack of flour for days. If he could do this one simple thing, he'd damn well do it.
She wrapped the bandage with quick hands, brushing his sking with warm fingers. He focused on the sound of the wind rattling against the windowpane, the creak of the mattress, and the feel of her arm briefly pressed to his ribs.
But it was hard not to think about how fucking good her hands felt against his skin. The way her fingers ghosted over his ribs, and how the scent of her hair -lavender water and woodsmoke- drifted close, and he caught himself wanting to bury his fingers in that bun, and tug it loose just to set it free.
Pathetic. Half-dead in a strangerâs bed and his touch-starved, half-feral body had the gall to ache for more.
She could feel his stare, like a weight. It made her fumble. When heâd been unconscious, it was easier. He wasnât a man then, just a body in need of tending. She could wash him, move him, press cloth against his skin, and ignore what it meant. But now⊠now he was watching her, and his body wasnât slack anymore. His breath caught at her touch. And he was handsome, damn it. That didnât help a bit.
She forced her hands to finish, too quick, too clinical. âThere you go,â she muttered helping him lean back into the pillows. âIâll fetch you pen and paper so you can write the deputy.â
âMaybe... it'd be better a pencil,â he rasped. âMaâam, I already bled on your sheets, donât wanna stain âem with ink.â
She blinked, then smiled despite herself. âThat is very considerate of you. Thank you.â
He just nodded, slow and heavy-lidded. His face was unreadable, but the tips of his ears had turned red.
----
She entered the bedroom with a glass of water and a plate of crackers. Her hair was combed into a neater bun now, tucked under a wide-brimmed hat tied beneath her chin with a pale ribbon. A thick shawl was draped over her shoulders, knotted above her chest, the heavy wool taming now the shape of her body heâd gotten used to seeing in thinner cotton.
Bucky blinked. She looked⊠respectable. Buttoned up like a preacherâs wife.  He kind of missed the sight of her work dress, with the sleeves rolled up, and her hair slipping wild around her ears. Somehow this -this distance of her appearance- made the bed feel colder.
âDid you write the letter?â she asked, setting the plate and glass on the nightstand with a careful clink.
âYes, maâam.â He handed her the folded paper. âDeputy Wilson should be at the office. If not, I wrote his address there for you.â
She tucked the note into her satchel and glanced at him. âAlright. Do you need anything else?â
âNo, maâam. Just⊠sleep.â
âSeems fair. You just woke up.â She reached for her gloves. âIâll try not to linger much, hm? So youâre not here alone too long.â
He nodded. Aloneâs the usual state of things anyway.
âCareful on the road, maâam,â he said instead. âPut a blanket up over your legs.â
That got a soft breath of laughter from her. âWell now, ainât that thoughtful.â
He didnât answer, just watched her as she pulled the shawl tighter and walked out.
----
The afternoon light spilled gold across the dirt path as her cart clattered into town, with the wheels creaking softly over the uneven road. Â A few townsfolk tipped their hats or nodded her way. Mr. Granger from the tannery, old Miss Routh hobbling along the storefronts, and she nodded back, polite, reserved. The wind tugged gently at her hat ribbon.
She pulled the cart at a short distance from the sheriffâs office and tied the reins to the hitching post, patting the mareâs neck once before stepping down. Her boots crunched against the packed earth and dirty snow as she made her way toward the squat brick building, with its door half open. The scent of tobacco and dust met her first.
Inside, who she think it was Deputy Sam Wilson looked up from where he sat at the desk, chewing through a sandwich. He froze, mouth half-full, eyes wide with surprise.
âOh- uh- morning, maâam. Beg your pardon, I-â
She raised a hand before he could scramble upright. âNo need to fuss, deputy. You go on.â
He swallowed and wiped his hands on a kerchief.
She hovered by the desk a moment, smoothing a fold in her shawl before reaching into her satchel. âSheriff Barnes asked me to give you this.â She offered the folded letter, a little hesitantly.
Sam quirked a brow and took it from her fingers. As he unfolded the page, his expression shifted: surprise morphing into concern, then loosening into something softer as he read the last lines.
âWell, that explains the absence,â he muttered with a huff, setting the paper down. âMan always did have a knack for showing up bloodied and half-frozen like it was a hobby.â
She gave a little chuckle, folding her arms lightly. âHeâs been... decent company. Quiet. Polite. If heâs trouble, heâs not shown it.â
Sam leaned back in the chair, and laughed at that. âMaâam, I donât know who youâve got laid up in your spare bed, but that sure doesnât sound like the James Barnes I work with. Grumpier than a bear with a sore tooth most days.â
She smiled, a little more relaxed now. âWell, then I suppose the snow knocked some manners into him.â
He stood with a grunt and disappeared into the back room. She heard the clatter of a cabinet, the rustle of canvas, and then he returned with a wrapped bundle, long, narrow, and unmistakable even beneath the cloth. He laid it on the desk and tied the covering snug with firm hands.
âHis rifle,â he said, nodding toward it. âLost it, he said?â
âSnow buried it. Or carried it off. Either way, itâs gone.â
âWell, heâll be glad to have this one. Tell him to sit tight. Iâll keep things running over here until heâs back on his feet.â Sam tapped the letter with two fingers, then watched as she reached for the rifle.
He lifted a hand. âWait a moment, please.â
She paused, puzzled, as he turned and disappeared into another room, this one closer than the back storage, maybe the Sheriffâs quarters. There was a muffled sound of rummaging, drawers opening, and something heavy shifting. Then he returned with a small leather satchel in his hand. He set it down on the desk with a soft clink: the unmistakable chime of coin against coin.
Her brows drew together. âThere are no shops on the road for him to-â
âNo, maâam,â Sam said gently, already anticipating her. âThisâs not for him. He asked me to give this to you. For the inconvenience.â
She shook her head, taking a step back. âI canât accept that.â
âHe figured youâd say that,â he cut in, folding his arms over his chest. âAnd insisted. Said to tell you heâs not the sort to eat a woman out of house and home without paying properly.â
She stood still.
Sam gestured to the satchel. âIâve seen that man come back from a week on the trail, and let me tell you, when he starts eating again, itâs like a plague of locusts. Heâll feel guilty as soon as he can stand upright for long. Just take it, maâam.â
She hesitated for a moment longer, then sighed and stepped forward, picking up the pouch. It was heavier than she expected. She tied it to the inside of her satchel with care.
âThank you, deputy.â
He gave her a nod and an earnest smile. âYou let me know if he gets outta line. Iâll come drag him back myself.â
----
She eased the door open with her shoulder, careful not to let the parcel slip from beneath her arm. The cabin was quiet, steeped in the scent of faint wood smoke. The fire had burned low, and the ash grayed the edges of the hearth. She shut the door with a soft press, set the wrapped rifle, satchel, and products down on the table, and poured water into the kettle, placing it over the coals.
Then, she walked quietly down the hall.
He was awake, barely. His eyes tracked her slowly as she entered the room. though his face stayed slack with exhaustion. The tension in his shoulders and weird posture gave away that heâd tried to push himself up and lost the will halfway. His breathing was shallow through his nose.
âIâm back. You alright?â Her voice was soft, instinctively hushed, already drawing closer to his bedside.
He blinked once, then nodded. âDidnât set the place on fire, so⊠yeah.â
She gave a soft, breathy snort and pressed the back of her fingers to his forehead. His skin was cool to the touch. No fever.
âI brought your rifle. And some fresh things from the grocer,â she said, shedding her shawl and draping it over the chair. âDeputy Wilson gave me coin. From you. I told him I didnât need it, but he said youâd pitch a fit if I came back empty-handed.â
His gaze drifted to the little satchel sheâd carried in. âDidnât want you footing the cost. Feeding me. Patching me up. Itâs already too much.â
âWell,â she said, undoing the hat lace, âI used some of it to buy food. He said you eat like a bear after hibernation.â She glanced at him and gave a crooked smile. âIâll make soup in a bit.â
A flicker of a smirk crossed his face, faint as a shadow, then gone. His voice came rough, almost sheepish. âThank you, maâam.â
She glanced up, straightening. âYou donât have to thank me every time I do something decent, sheriff. Thatâll get exhausting for both of us.â
He looked at her then, for a long moment, with heavy-lidded eyes and something unreadable flickering there behind the pain. âForce of habit, I guess.â Then, quieter: âI didnât want to make trouble.â
She stepped to the bedside and folded the blanket down from his ribs, careful not to pull at the dressing. Her fingers brushed the edge of the gauze, checking for dampness. âYouâre not trouble,â she said plainly. âYouâre injured. If I didnât want to deal with the mess, I wouldnâtâve dragged your bleeding body through the door, would I?â
That made him exhale something between a laugh and a wince.
âIâll get the soup started,â she said, smoothing the blanket back over him with her palm, pausing halfway up his chest. Her hand lingered a moment, just a beat, then withdrew. She hesitated near the foot of the bed, then nodded toward the old tin jar next to the nightstand. âDo you have to⊠you know. Use the jar?â
His gaze darted away, and he clenched his jaw, sensing his cheekbones ruddy with embarrassment. ââŠYeah.â
âAlright. Can you manage it on your own like before, or do you need-?â
âIâll manage, maâam.â
----
From where he lay, too battered to do more than breathe and not split his wound open, he could hear the creak of floorboards as she crossed from the little guestroom -where she seemed to sleep now- to the kitchen, the brief creak of a cabinet opening, the clink of tin on enamel. Water being poured. Her voice, low, warm, humming something, a tune to pass the time.
He let his eyes fall shut. Not from sleep. From the weight of the situation. From the foreign comfort of knowing someone else was taking care of the fire, the lighting, the food.
Then the smell hit his nose, onion, garlic, maybe a touch of rosemary, something hearty and meaty.
Christ, when was the last time heâd had a meal that wasnât lukewarm beans or the dry-ass bread some rancher shoved into his hands after a day of work? Before the hotel deal, it had been mostly tinned shit: whatever could sit on a shelf for two winters without sprouting something alive. Since coming to town and becoming sheriff, the hotel owner had insisted on bringing him food daily. He didnât trust the old manâs idea of nourishment, meat stringy as tendon, coffee like mud, potatoes with the consistency of river clay. But he had worst.
Still⊠none of it held a candle to the smell in this house.
His stomach gave a weak groan of approval, then turned on him for remembering the chalky paste they used to serve at the orphanage. Gruel. Oatmeal so thin it wept down your throat and stuck to your throat like lard. He remembered trying to swallow around it, trying to keep his tongue from touching the roof of his mouth just so the bland texture wouldnât coat everything. He made a face. That shit had been the closest thing to punishment without a whip they had. Even now, decades later, his mouth remembered the dull horror of its taste.
Now, for the first time in a long time, he felt the ghost of something he hadn't dared name, longing, maybe. Or homesickness. The cruel kind. The one you feel when you realize youâve never really had one.
----
She came in slowly, with the enamel bowl balanced carefully on a wooden tray, and the warm, savory promise of meat, veggies, and a thick slice of bread, with a golden and imperfect crust perched beside it. She crossed the room, and sat beside the bed with her knees nearly touching the mattress.
"You can manage or-"
"Yes, ma'am."
She gave a short nod, setting the tray aside on the nightstand and sliding an arm behind his shoulders and chest to help him sit. Her palms were warm, and his skin twitched where her fingers brushed it, his ribs, and the slope of his shoulder. It shouldnât matter, not after she'd cleaned and seen all his body, and bandaged him. But for some reason, this felt different.
Maybe because he was watching her now. Maybe it was because he wore that ragged charm like a second skin, paired with unpolished courtesy.
âHere we go,â she murmured, settling the tray over his thighs.
âTry to go slow. Itâs been days since your stomach held anything more than milk. Donât want it coming back up.â
She turned to leave, but then paused, catching on the shape of his mouth, the rough way he held the spoon, wary of every gesture, like his body didnât quite trust itself.
And there it was again.
The memory, vivid and close. The warmth of his weight slumped against her chest. Her hand curled at the base of his skull, her fingers tangled in sweat-damp hair. The way his throat worked helplessly when she coaxed him to swallow. His lips around the rubber teat of the bottle, desperate and fevered. How close sheâd held him. How instinct had guided her words, with soft, gentle encouragements, like a mother to a baby, except it hadnât felt maternal. Not then. Not now.
She felt the heat bloom in her cheeks and turned away quickly, clearing her throat.
âIâm going to eat my share,â she announced, too casually. âIâll come back later to pick up the plate. Wonât offer you seconds today, letâs see how your stomach reacts to this.â
He didnât answer right away, bringing the trembling spoon to his mouth.
Paused.
Swallowed.
His eyes drifted half-closed for a second like he was relishing the taste. He looked at her then, with a ghost of a smile on his face. âThank you.â
He waited until her footsteps faded down the hall before letting the spoon hover again over the soup. The steam curled into his face, coaxing something low and needy in his gut. The scent -fresh vegetables, meat boiled down to silk- threatened to undo him more than a bullet ever could. It was good. Not just edible, not just hot. Good.
Goddamn.
His hand trembled weakly, but he managed another mouthful. His whole body urged him to shovel it in, to tip the bowl and gulp it down like an animal, but he didn't. Couldnât. He knew how this worked. The second he gave in to the desperation, was the second his stomach would revolt, and then sheâd be back, cleaning his vomit off the sheets.
He wouldnât put her through that.
So, he paced himself. Spoon by spoon. Each swallow was a battle against the part of him that still lived as heâd die with an empty belly. The part that remembered starvation not as a story but as a sensation tattooed behind the ribs.
He let his eyes drift shut after the third or fourth spoon. The flavor dragged bad memories of meals eaten on cold steps, hoarded crusts, and bitter coffee watered down to stretch for two days. This was also not that hotel swill they shoveled into him because it came with the badge, not the canned shit he kept in his desk at night.
His mind wandered, tracing the fight.
Thereâd been five. No insignias, no uniforms. Thought theyâd found easy prey. Maybe they had. Still, he didnât go down soft. The pistols had emptied first, then the blade, then his goddamn fists. They had shot his horse. He remembered that clearly. Heard the scream, the crash of its knees giving up.
And then the rest got murky.
But he mustâve finished it. Mustâve finished them, because if they were alive, theyâd have sniffed their way here by now. Itâd been four days, and no one came knocking. No creak on the porch. No shadow against the curtains. Just the soft noises of the maâam in the other room, humming.
Still. He didnât regret dragging his broken ass to the kitchen cupboard when she was away. Nearly passed out, but he'd found what he needed. The Colt was back in hand, tucked under the pillow. Cold comfort, but comfort nonetheless.
He took another spoonful. Let it sit in his mouth. Thought about the way sheâd held him, how careful her hands had been, how warm her eyes were.
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âŠRead on a03! - Bucky Masterlist - Main MasterlistâŠ
âŠpairing: Bucky Barnes x female!readerâŠ
âŠsummary: You fall in deep, deep love with Bucky Barnes. But you keep it far, far down. Everyone thinks he feels something back, but you don't believe them. Until something shifts. And Bucky might feel just as much as you.âŠ
âŠwarnings/tags: assistant!reader, friends to lovers, falling in love, anxiety, light angst, fluff, pining, shameless smut, love confessions, (hair pulling kink, praise kink, trying to keep quiet, oral f!receiving, p in v sex, softdom!bucky), no use of y/n⊠âŠauthor's note: rewatched thunderbolts last week. very normal about post-credit scene bucky hair. enjoy!.âŠ
You have a bad habit.Â
You donât fall in love halfway. You donât feel halfway. Thereâs no middle ground, between smiling at someone and wondering if they feel the flutter of your heartbeat, and staring at them until youâve memorized them. Until you can close your eyes in bed, and fantasize like a movie is playing on the ceiling.Â
Itâs a little obsessive. Itâs the only way youâve known how to be. And nothing is ever acted on. No lines are ever crossed. You donât steal things, or stalk.Â
You just fall in quiet, one-sided love. Never speak of it, in case youâre wrong. Flirt, but poorly. Try to make them notice you, without stepping out of line. Most of these obsessive little crushes slowly wither down, the less time you spend with the person. Once you graduate, or change jobs, or one of you moves. Sometimes you try to hold onto it. Just so you have someone to think about.
But it fades. And you keep going, because it never really mattered in the first place. Not one of your little fantasies has ever come true. You never didâand never would haveâdone anything to act upon it. More than anything, your love was just for you.Â
And youâre good, at separating it from real life. The guy in collegeâwith a lazy smile and body that probably might be too big for his brainâmight have gotten help on his homework, and you might have chosen a class just because he was in it. But you also did well in the class. And youâd needed to take it anyways. Same at your first job, which you applied because he was.Â
You got it. He didnât.Â
And youâre not so pathetic that when he told you, you stepped down. It was a good job. With connections.Â
Connections that you built, while dreaming about the new guy. His neat, tailored business suits and smug expression that did something to your gut. Heâd teased you, and youâd teased back. You got lunch together, even though you hated the Mediterranean place he brought. you to. There was a better one on fifth street, but you never told him. In case it made him dislike you.Â
At the holiday party, heâd brought a shiny girlfriend, wearing diamonds and gold and looking at you like you were something sheâd like to carve up. Youâd smiled at her, even as your heart split in half.
You spoke to him every day.Â
Heâd never mentioned a girlfriend.
He hadnât stop teasing you after that, but youâd stopped indulging him. You didnât leap up to get his reports any more. You turned down a few lunches, just for your own sanity. Because you knew heâd be able to suck you right back in, if you werenât careful.Â
After that was the guy at your coffee shop. Your age. White-toothed smile and the most expensive watch youâve ever seen. He attached sit with you, and listen, and laugh. Youâd giggle, and paint a picture about how he was secretly in love with you, coming to this coffee shop every day. Just thinking about you after he left, right up until he saw you again.Â
Like that wasnât exactly what you were doing.Â
Like he didnât give you his numberâyou hadnât even askedâthen vanished without a trace.Â
You needed to get a better type. Fall for someone who didnât treat you like you were something second-hand and easy, even if you were.Â
The dream was to be held up like a diamond, even if you knew you were barely more than a particularly shiny beach rock.Â
No more douchebags, is what you told your heart.Â
It had hummed. Settled for a while, until you started job searching again. Clicked on executive assistant, further detail upon interview. The listing had been odd, and secretive. But it had payed six fucking figures, so it could be a scam to steal your kidney and youâd take the gamble.Â
It hadnât been a kidney scam.Â
It had been worse.Â
Valentina had hired you on the spot. Told you that you were the first candidate who didnât seem like a complete buffoon.Â
âThank you?â Youâd said, smoothing out your skirt, and sheâd smiled.
âYou are welcome. I mean, everyone else?â Sheâd laughed. âThey would have gotten eaten alive, by the buffoon brigade. Youâre a lion. Lions? Thatâs what I need. They eat buffoons for breakfast.â
That didnât seem true. But correcting Valentina hadnât seemed like a good idea, so youâd smiled and laughed politely, then asked when she wanted you to start.Â
Quickly. Youâd gotten thrown into the deep end. Valentina had hustled you through the system, almost dragged you through the tower, then shouted into the comms that every one of them needed to be in the control room, or sheâd be cutting off the wifi for a week.Â
Youâd shifted on your feet next to her, as theyâd all shuffled in with varying degrees of scowling. Yelena had looked you up and down, then sighed dramatically.Â
âAnother one? Valentina, we have told you, we do not need a babysitter-â
âShe isnât a babysitter. Sheâs an assistant. If none of you acted like children, it wouldnât feel like babysitting.â
Yelena had rolled her eyes, and the man next to herâJohn Walker, in his little beret that you werenât allowed to laugh atâhad examined you, standing at a tall attention like he was trying to either intimidate you, or about to do a very strange mating dance.Â
âHas she served?â Heâd asked. âYou. New girl. Whatâs your military history? Your hands look soft, have they ever even held a gun-â
âSheâs an assistant, Walker.â Another womanâpretty, long hair, nice accent, Ghostâhad drawled. âIf we do our job, sheâll never need to hold a gun.â
âYou never know, she needs to be able to defend herself in this line of work-â
âI will teach doe-girl to fight!â The large, older man had shouted, and the rest of them had cringed at the noise. âShe will be most formidable assistant in America! Crush all others under iron fist, from training of-â
âDonât say Red Guardian.â Yelena had sighed. âWe have talked about this, Alexei. Do not refer to yourself like that in front of civilians.â
Alexei had frowned, and looked to the quiet, blonde kid in the corner. Heâd shrugged, and given Alexei and apologetic smile.Â
âIt can be a little unnerving. Most people donât, um- Do that.â
âBut we are not most people, Bob. And I am Red Guardian. She should know.â Alexei had nodded to you. âShe will receive best training in West-â
âYeah.â Walker had jumped in. âBecause Iâll train her.â
Alexei had frowned. âI called first, Walker.â
âWell,â Walker had shrugged. âI have more experience. And I wonât shout at her.â
Yelena had snorted, and Walker had shot her glare.Â
âWhat-â
âYou will not shout at her.â Yelena had laughed. âThat is funny. You yelled at the toaster, two days ago.â
âIt was broken. As long as she isnât broken, weâll be fine-â
âYou will not be fine,â Alexei had snapped. âBecause I am training her!â
âNo, you arenât. Drop it-â
âI will not drop it. It was my idea. Mine. You do not steal it-â
âEveryone. Shut up.âÂ
From the back of the room, with barely a raised voice, Bucky had cut Alexei off. Shot John a warning look, when heâd opened his mouth. And theyâd all listened.
Heâd been sitting on a chair, almost hidden behind the noise of the rest of them. Your eyes had found him for a moment, when he came in, but heâd just looked tired. Bored. Staring into space, as Valentina introduced you.Â
Youâd seen him on the news before. His hair had been both shorter, and longer.Â
He was too handsome, either way. With strong features, tanned skin, and bright eyes that seemed to drive right into you. Youâd be lying, if you said your gaze hadnât lingered on the TV whenever he showed up.
In person, it was catastrophically worse. There was a gravity to him, that almost pulled your heart out of your chest. His voice was deep and smooth, those blinding eyes fixed on yours as he spoke. It almost made you lightheaded.Â
âNobodyâs training her.â Heâd muttered, still looking at you. âAvaâs right. If we do our jobs, we wonât have to.â
That had been the end of the conversation. For all the in-fighting that seemed to happen, for the almost sibling-like rivalry they all seemed to be locked into, Bucky spoke and they listened. Valentina had moves on, to what they were and werenât allowed to ask of you.Â
Bucky had kept looking at you. You know, because youâd been watching him in your periphery, forcing yourself not to lose track of why you were here. To work.Â
But his eyes had dragged over your body. Assessing for a threat, youâd guessed. Trying to see if youâre made of something strong enough to handle this.Â
So youâd relaxed and tipped your chin up.
Bucky had sighed softly, and gone back into staring at nothing. Youâd risked one last glance, before youâd followed Valentina out of the room.Â
He hadnât been looking at you. His head had been tipped back, eyes closed and mouth in a thin line. Even the column of his throat had looked strong, and hands had been clasped together between his knees, and fuck, his thighs were thick-Â
No.Â
Youâd promised yourself you wouldnât do that. Not here.Â
So youâd tried to fight it.
You really had.Â
The first few months were so rough, it hadnât given you the chance to be distracted, to tumble down into Buckyâs gravity. The New Avengers quickly became less like celebrities and mythical figures, and more like petulant children, angry they were being given a new nanny. Yelena kept giving you harder and harder tasks, like she was trying to test exactly what would make you break. Alexei made you listen to fifty differentâyet somehow identicalâstories about Russia and the glory days, asking you questions after to test if youâd been paying attention. Walker had a habit of shouting orders at you, and trying to test your survival instincts. Ava made passing, frank comments about how you carried yourself, and kept trying to guess everything about your history. Sheâd nod to herself when she got something right. Like she was putting together a puzzle, and just found another piece.Â
Bob tried to play nice, offering apologetic comments about the rest of them, but also never really asked you for anything either.Â
Bucky ignored you. So that made it easier, to not feel anything. You barely saw him at all.Â
Then things started to shift. You didnât break. Youâve been through far worse than this, and for what Valentinaâs paying youâmore money than youâve seen in your lifeâone of them could try to fucking shoot you and you wouldnât quit.Â
The change happens, when Yelena asks you to drive to fucking Chicago, to get a cake from a bakery she found online.Â
âNo jet.â Sheâd said. âBad for the environment. Drive.â
Walker had grinned. They were trying to, at least, get rid of you for a few days. Maybe finally make you snap, and quit.Â
But you donât break. You find the bakery, realize itâs a chain, and head out without a complaint. Get the exact cake, from the place in Brooklyn, and drive back. It takes about an hour.Â
Yelena had frowned, when you came back.
âI said no jet-â
âI drove.â Youâd shrugged, dropping the cake on the counter. âYou can check the receipt. Itâs exactly what you wanted.â
âNo, I wanted it from Chicago-â
âThey make these in factories, Yelena.â Youâd said coolly. âI promise you, itâs the same in Brooklyn that it would be in Chicago, or LA, or the middle of butt fuck nowhere. Enjoy your cake.â
Yelenaâs eyes had narrowed, as you walked away. Right past Bucky, whoâd tracked your movements with an expression youâd been too tired to analyze.Â
Bucky had found you, that evening. Stood across from you, as you ate your dinner at the counter. Heâd cleared his throat, and youâd looked up with a sigh.
âBarnes, Iâm off the clock-â
âWe both know youâre never off the clock.â Heâd said pointedly, and youâd swallowed.Â
Heâd been staring at you. His eyes were so blue, his lips pink and full, his body almost taking up your vision, even from a few feet away. Focus.
âWell, I-â Youâd flushed, and looked down to your soup. âCan I please finish dinner, first? I just- I havenât eaten, but then I can help you-â
âNo, I donât want your-â Heâd paused, then frowned. âYou havenât eaten?â
Youâd nodded. His frown had deepened.
âItâs almost 10pm.âÂ
âI know.â
âAnd⊠You havenât eaten.â
Youâd sighed, turning the spoon in your fingers. âItâs been⊠Busy.â
Bucky had grunted, a strange, firm expression on his face. âTheyâve been working you.â
âItâs my job.â
âHm.â His tongue had flicked over his lips. âYou havenât quit. They usually quit.â
âWhat can I say.â Youâd shrugged. âIâm good with children.â
Buckyâs lips had twitched. Heâd chuckled, and shaken his head.Â
âIâll talk to them.â
Heâd walked away. Leaving you alone with your soup, trying to figure out what had just happened. Heâd been here. Talking to you. You donât think heâd said your name, but heâd looked at you. Like you were important. Like you could be important to him.Â
Then things had started to change. Suddenly. So suddenly, it was like a switch had been flipped. None of them looked at you like you were a parasite or vermin, intruding upon their space. Like you were just an unwelcome limb of Valentina, and it would be nice if they could chop you off.Â
There were no more insane demands. No snide comments, or strangely veiled, crazy tests. Everything changed so drastically, that for a second it felt like you werenât doing your job at all. They didnât ask anything of you, for almost a month.Â
Bucky said something to them. And whatever it was, theyâve stopped trying to drive you out. You force yourself not to think about why. What could make him do that for you. If he did it for youâjust youâor because he was tired of handling them all by himself.Â
If you think about it. Youâre thinking about him. His soft looking hair, and that small smile, and the way his arms had flexed when heâd braced them on the counter. His voice, when heâd said your name. How heâd said your name. How it sounded right.Â
Donât think about it. Youâre not doing this again.Â
You have other things to focus on, anyway. Just enough to distract you from doing anything more than flushing, whenever you pass Bucky in the halls. Because now that you werenât treading water, trying desperately not to drown, you could actually do your job.
Their schedules stop being thrown together around midnight, now that you have the time to organize them. You reach out to all the contacts that have been sitting in the folder Valentina provided you, scheduling building maintenance, public appearances, and everything else that had taken the back burner. You even get all of them doctors, and update their personal profiles. Alexeiâs emergency contact is still Mother Russia. It takes an hour to convince him to change it, but he listens with a grumbling sigh.Â
And you start to learn their habits, as well. Yelena liked honey in her tea. There was a specific mug she used, but rarely cleaned, so you did it for her. Walker liked to watch the news, but pretend he wasnât watching the news, so no one made fun of him. You stared printing out stories and setting them front of his door, with the sections youâd noticed heâd linger on highlighted. Ava had trouble sleepingâmost of them didâso you started making her tea as well, keeping it bitter and passing it to her without a word after dinner.
Alexei stopped with the stories, but youâre pretty sure heâs ingrained them into your brain.Â
Heâs telling a story in the common area, none of them paying attention, and you look up from your laptop. Youâve been planning out their schedules, locked into timing and color-coding and staggering Bucky and Avaâs around talking the press, because theyâre bad at it. Just a few words of Alexeiâs story breached your thoughts, tugging up a memory of the same story from before.Â
âThis is the one where you save the Prime Minister, right? And prevent another world war?â
Alexei grins at you, chest puffed out, and claps his hands together. âYes! Finally, someone who appreciates my heroing-â
âHeroism.â Ava mutters, but sheâs looking at you strangely.Â
But they all are. Yelena, Walker, even Bob. Theyâre looking at you. Not like before, or the past few months.Â
Like theyâre actually seeing you. And they donât mind it.
You swallow, face heating. Glance over to Bucky.Â
Heâs reading in the corner. Hasnât looked up since he sat down.Â
But thereâs that small smile on his face. The same one from the kitchen.
And youâre gone.Â
Youâre in love again. And this might be the worst one yet.Â
Heâs different. You say that about all of them, but this time itâs true. Buckyâs quiet. Less boastful, even with the face of a god, and a strong, broad body that almost radiates heat. Thereâs no humbleness, but rather just⊠A lack of thought. He doesnât blink, when he picks up the whole couch because you dropped your pen. Thereâs no smugness, or suppression of it, when theyâre on a mission and he takes out twenty men with his bare hands. No boasting, when theyâre all debriefing, and Yelena announces that Bucky climbed the elevator shaft and outran the truck.Â
Bucky just sighs. Like itâs not something worth pointing out.
And you flush, losing track of your notes as you imagine him grabbing your waist and throwing you over his shoulder like you weigh nothing. His hands on your bare hips, fingers digging into your skin as he flips you over. His muscles rippling around you, as you just hug him. Slow dance in the kitchen, his handsome face inches from yours, his tongue flicking over his lips, everything in you consumed by his gaze and presence-Â
Someone says your name. You cough, and look anywhere but Bucky. âYes?â
âYou okay, bumblebee?â Yelena frowns at you, and you smile.Â
âYeah! I- Iâm good.â Your thighs press together. You can feel his gaze. âWhatâs up.â
Yelena gives you a strange look, but keeps going.Â
Buckyâs still looking at you.Â
He looks at you a lot. Or really, not all that much, but more than he looks at other people. Which has to mean something.Â
You turn it into something. Every time he talks to you, even about work, your head spins with heâd never ask anyone else to go over his mission report.
Itâs no one elseâs job. You decide not to focus on that part. Heâs talking to you.Â
You smile at the ceiling that night, grinding into your sheet and picturing Buckyâs face as heâd asked you. If heâd been nervous. Hopeful. A little less bored than usual, because was talking to you. If heâd brushed your hand on purpose, as he handed you the papers.Â
How his fingers had felt. Thick and calloused. Warm.Â
Your hand wanders between your thighs, as you picture them toying with the line of your panties. Sliding between your pussy lips. Dragging circles around your clit, and-
You muffle your cry of his name, into your pillow.Â
In the morning, when you make him his coffee, his face is oddly red.
âDid you sleep okay?â You ask, worry worming in your heart.
Bucky coughs, and nods. âYeah- Uh- Good. Slept good.â He pauses. âYou?â
âAlso good.â You mumble, trying to focus on his bicep. It doesnât help. Your mind wanders to it wrapped around your neck. Tight but gentle, as your back is pressed to his chest and his hand slaps against your cunt-Â
âGood.â Bucky says, and you blink at him, flushing. âItâs- good. That you- Slept good.â He coughs. âIâm gonna go- Do stuff.â
He walks away before you can say anything else. Leaving you stranded in the kitchen, trying to combat the ache between your thighs without doing anything fucking insane.Â
Work. You have work to do.Â
And for everything youâve put into the rest of the team, youâve been putting more into Bucky. You try to reign yourself in, keep it just enough that it doesnât seen like special treatment, but youâre not good at loving halfway. You donât make anyone else coffee in the morning. Donât drive all the way to Queens for anyone else, for the good farmers market that has the plums and honeycombs he likes. You have everyoneâs preferences and schedule memorized, but you donât just find yourself in the gym when Walkerâs there. Donât turn on Yelenaâs k-pop, when sheâs in the library.Â
Donât cling to Ava, when youâre at crowded press events.Â
âThatâs a lot of people.â You mumble, looking out to the crowd.Â
Bucky chuckles. The sound rolls through you, even without a touch. âYeah. Guess it is.â
âDo you- Want some water-â
âIâm fine, doll.â He gives you a firm look. âYou should breathe.â
You nod weakly. That seems like a good idea.Â
Itâs only after theyâre all on the stage, that you realize he called you doll.Â
And his hand lingers on your lower back, when he opens the door for you.Â
He probably didnât even think about it. You spend the whole event bouncing on your toes, fingers reaching back to trace your spine where heâd touched you. Trying to think of how you can get him to call you doll again.Â
Trying to figure out if that meant anything. It doesnât really matter if it did.Â
It still makes it into your dreams that night, where Bucky walks you back against a wall. Crashes his mouth over yours, mutters that youâre his, his pretty, smart doll, then falls to his knees and presses his face between your thighs.Â
You wake up, underwear ruined and face heated. Bucky stares at you, while you eat breakfast. During the meeting. After.Â
Sometimes, it helps to remember that youâre technically his employee. Youâre not supposed to even really be friends.Â
But it doesnât help how, since things changed, theyâve all been treating you like theyâre one of them. Yelena takes you to her favorite knife shop, and teaches you how to throw. Ava lets you watch cartoons with her, as long as you swear not to tell anyone else. Alexei makes you dinner of great Russia, and Bob talks to you about his books. Even Walker is nicer and nicer. He orders cookies, from some place on the west coast. No one else is allowed to touch them, because they have a sad sentimental value.Â
He gives you one, though. Without barely a word. Just shoves it into your hand.Â
âThank you.â He grunts. âFor getting these. And- Giving me the day off.âÂ
You nod, and youâd forgotten you even did that. Heâd just been getting quieter and quieter, which was unnerving. Youâd figured he deserved a break.Â
âHis partner died, this time two years ago.â
You look up, and find Bucky in the doorway, arms folded over his chest. âJohn?â
Buckyâs jaw ticks, but he nods. âYeah. John.â
âOh. I didnât-â You swallow, looking down to your cookie. âThatâs sad.â
âYep.â Bucky grunts. âYou gave him the day off.â
âHe⊠Looked like he needed it.â
âThatâs sweet of you.â Bucky mutters, and you shrug.
âI guess.â You break your cookie in half, and hold it up. âDo you want some of my cookie?â
Bucky stares at you. Stiffens. His throat bobs, and he shakes his head.Â
âIâm alright. Thanks, doll.â
He walks away again, and you flush. Maybe you offended him. Or crossed the invisible line youâve been so careful about. You just want him to like you, and you think he doesâeven if itâs not how you wantâbut itâs Bucky, and you donât think youâre ever going to be able to tell.Â
Sometimes, you lie awake at night and try to measure it. Run through the day, picking apart every word and action, stringing them up for examination. Bucky would clear anyoneâs plate, because heâs a gentleman, and heâs done it before for Bob. He wouldnât just sit next to anyone during movie night. Wouldnât let anyone borrow one of his books, except maybe Bob. He would grab anyone an apple from the kitchen if they askedâgentlemanâbut heâd probably grumble about it. He hadnât grumbled when youâd asked.
Heâd brought you water, too. Muttered that you havenât been drinking enough. He wouldnât have noticed that about anyone else.Â
He wouldnât have stayed up with anyone else, either. Waited until you murmured you were going to bed, to do the same.Â
He hadnât walked you to bed. He had said good night, and touched your shoulder. He wouldnât do that with anyone else.
Except Bob. Heâs said goodnight to Bob, before. Clapped his shoulder.Â
Maybe Buckyâs in love with Bob.
You need to go to bed.Â
It only keeps growing, though. The love you have for him. And Bucky is different, because youâre only blooming around him. There are no anxious butterflies. Just comfort at his presence. A glowing feeling in your chest, whenever he gives you attention.Â
He trusts you. Thatâs something else no one else gets. He eats with youâhe never eats with anyoneâand turns his back on you when heâs grabbing a book in the library.Â
Itâs not a cold shoulder.Â
Youâve never seen him turn his back on anyone else.
âHave you seen the Lord of the Rings movies?â You ask, and he frowns.
âI donât like most movies, now. They got⊠A lotta colors.â
You giggle. âColors? You donât like colors?â
He rolls his eyes. âJust ainât used to them, movies shouldnât be tryinâ to blind me, they should be telling a story.â
âOkay. You should watch Lord of the Rings.â
Bucky sighs. âI just said-â
âI know.â You shrug. âAnd I think youâll still like it.â
He pauses. Watch you carefully, then glances down to the book in his hands.
âYou gonna watch it with me?â He mutters, and you flush.
Nod, before you can think better of it. âYeah. Sure.â
Bucky grins at you.Â
He doesnât grin at anyone else.Â
Doesnât stay up until midnight, with anyone else. Doesnât share food, or let anyone else bring him a drink. When you fall asleep, in the middle of the movie, you wake up on the couch with a blanket wrapped around you, and Bucky reading in the other chair.Â
âDid you,â you yawn, squinting at him through your sleep. âDid you like it?â
âThe movie?â
You hum, and his lips twitch.
âYeah. Loved it.â He clears his throat, and looks back to his book. âWe should do the second one. Next week.â
You beam. âOkay.â
And Yelena notices first. Youâre making a sandwich, and she grabs her mug out of the cabinet. Stares at you, head tilted slightly.Â
âWhat?â
âNothing.â She shrugs, walking over to the tea kettle. âBucky Barnes is in love with you.â
You cough. Drop your knife in shock, and it nicks your finger. You yelp in pain, wrapping the cut in a towel, and gape at her.
âNo- Thatâs- Youâre- What-â
âHe is in love with you.â She shrugs. âThere are band aids. In top cabinet-â
âI know, I put them there- What do you mean, Buckyâs-â
âHe makes puppy face. Like-â Yelena pouts her lips, making her eyes big and sad, and that looks nothing like Bucky. âHe adores you. All mission, it is about you. He got you old book, in Scotland. It is disgusting.â
You shake your head, thoughts racing too fast to filter. âNo, itâs- Heâs- I never got a book- And Bucky isnât-â
He shouts your name. Stomps into the kitchen with a scowl, grabs your hand, and pulls the cloth back to reveal the cut.
âJesus, doll, how did you-â He glares at Yelena. âThe hell did you do to her?â
âNothing. Not everything is an evil plot, Bucky Barnes.â
His jaw twitches, and he looks back to you. âAre you-â
âIâm okay.â You try to sound collected. Soothing. Your voice is too breathy, because heâs so close. He smells like pine trees and rain. âWe were just talking, and I- I dropped my knife.â
âHm.â He grunts, scanning over your features. âYou need to be more careful.â
You nod weakly. âOh- Okay.â
Yelena sighs dramatically. Mutters something under her breath that even Bucky doesnât seem to hear.
Bucky picks you up and sits you on the counter. Heâs examining your finger like itâs going to turn into a bullet wound.Â
You ignore Yelenaâs pointed look. Youâre too lost in Bucky anyway.Â
Touching you. Taking care of you.Â
You stare at the band aid, hours later. Youâre supposed to be working. All you can think about is how delicately heâd touched you. How heâd stood between your legs, then finished your sandwich so you wouldnât have to work. You sigh dreamily, like a lovesick schoolgirl.Â
Bob notices next.Â
Bucky smiles at you, before they go off on a mission. You smile back, so wide your cheeks hurt. The door closes behind them, and you bounce on your face with a stupid, giddy expression.Â
Bob clears his throat next to you.Â
âDid- Yelena talk to you?â
You shake your head. âAbout what?â
âBucky.â
You flush. âI- I donât know- She- Thatâs- Why would she need to talk to me about Bucky?â
âNo reason.â Bob says quickly. âJust⊠His feelings. And- Being careful with them?â
That doesnât make any sense. You frown at Bob, and he sighs.
âIâd never seen Bucky smile before.â He mutters, almost apologetically. âItâs good! But- I donât know. We just wanted to tell you? So that it doesnât,â he turns a little red under your stare. âGo back to being grumpy Bucky? But also, thereâs no pressure, even if Ava thinks you like him back-â
âAva thinks what?!â
Your shriek echoes off the walls, and Bob flinches.Â
âNothing?â
âBob-â
âOkay, weâve just- Weâve all noticed how close you and Bucky are, and itâs nice, and I love love! Love is cool! Can you please stop looking at me like youâre about to- Um- Explode?â
âNo, Iâm not-â You take a deep breath. Itâs fine. Itâs all fine, as long as Bucky doesnât know. âWhat do you mean, weâve all noticed?â
âUm⊠That weâve all noticed?â
âOh.â You wrap your arms around your stomach. âOkay.â
And Bobâs not exaggerating. They all seem to have something to say about you and Bucky. You gently pry them, one at a time. Avaâs blunter that Yelena, grumbling that sheâs never seen something so pathetically adorable as Bucky, trailing after you like a puppy. Alexei goes on a long ramble about Bucky smile like new dawn, when he looks at you. John just rolls his eyes, and grumbles that you canât not see it. Itâs obvious.Â
Is it?
You donât think so.Â
They all seem to be seeing what they want. You and Bucky are friends.Â
Youâre in love with him, but that doesnât mean heâs in love with you. Youâd know. Youâve dedicated a whole year, to pretending heâs in love with you in your dreams. To devoting time and effort, just to try and get him to love you back. Spent meetings daydreaming about his touch, and whole dinners and plane rides just staring at his lips. Youâd notice, if he actually loved you back. You would.Â
Yelena mutters that sheâs never seen Bucky as awkward, as he is around you. You just donât think he talks to her all that much.Â
You donât tell Bucky, what theyâve been saying. You donât let it change anything, because thatâs the rule. You love him, obsessively and silently. Write his name on your heart, and never show him. Nothing happens. Nothing changes. No moves are ever made, because that crosses the line from pining into weirdo.Â
Everyone can look at you, all smug and knowing, as much as they want. Nothingâs going to change. Youâre sure of it, because you spend all your time with Bucky, and he doesnât stare at your lips. Doesnât accidentally-on-purpose touch you. He just accidentally touches you. Stares at your face, because Bucky stares. Thatâs how he is.Â
Then, something shifts.
You canât pinpoint it. Canât give it a name. Itâs just another move night. You end up a little closer to Bucky than you need to be, but without any strength to pull away. His arm wraps around the back of the couchâaround youâwith his thumb brushing your shoulders. You shiver, but donât speak. Heâs done that before. You donât think he knows, what it does to you. That heâs even doing it at all.Â
The movie ends, after midnight. Everyone else had long gone to bed, leaving just you and Bucky.Â
âThat was good.â You mumble, and he hums.
âYeah. One of the better ones.â
You giggle. âOh, the highest form of compliment.â
Bucky grunts. âOnly for you, doll.â
âWhat an honor. I feel so important-â
âYeah, alright. Donât get smug.â
âI have never been smug.â
âYes, you have. And you,â he pokes your side, and you squeal. âGet mouthy.â
âI do- No-â You whack his hand, scrambling back as he tries to poke you again. You chuck a pillow at his head, and he grabs one of your ankles.Â
You kick him, right in the nose, and he drops your foot with a grunt.Â
âBucky- Fuck-â You scramble forwards, grabbing his face between your hands. âIâm sorry- I didnât mean to-âÂ
He mutters your name. ââm fine-â
âI know, just-â Your thumb traces the slope of his nose, and you rise a little higher on your knees. Youâre trying to see if anything is broken, if he needs any more attention-Â
Bucky grunts your name, and grabs your wrist. âDoll. âm okay.â
You look down at him.
Heâs looking back.Â
Your breath catches, and you whisper, âHi.â
Buckyâs lips twitch, eyes shining up at you. âHello.âÂ
Thereâs something in his gaze.Â
Something adoring.Â
And there it is.Â
The change.Â
Or no change at all. Maybe youâre just seeing him look, for the first time. You swallow, your fingers tugging at the blanket. Buckyâs eyes drop to your lips, then fly back up.Â
His tongue flicks out.
Heat floods between your legs.Â
And Bucky groans.
âWhat?â You whisper, and he shakes his head.
âNothinâ. Nothinâ that you-â He sighs. âDonât worry about it, doll.â
âBucky-â
His voice drops. âDonât.âÂ
You press your lips in a tight line. Scan over his face, trying to find the answer written on his features.Â
The air is wired, as the silence continues. The heat of Buckyâs body, it sinks into your skin. His gaze still drives into you.Â
You lean a little further forward, as his gravity grabs you by the throat. Youâre over him, now, and his hands fly to your waist. Buckyâs nostrils flare, but he doesnât lean away.Â
And if this is what everyone sees, when he looks at you, there arenât many looks you can take out of it. Buckyâs eyes are gleams, in the dark. His fingers are curling into your sides, sending sparks through your body.Â
âItâs late.â He mutters, and you nod.
âIt is.â You breathe. âWe should go to bed.â
âYeah. We should.â
He doesnât move. You donât either.Â
âWhat was wrong?â You whisper, and his eyes flash. You can almost see him thinking. Trying to weigh if itâs worth telling you. If youâre worth being told, and the heat itâs going to make you explode if something doesnât happen soon-Â
âI can smell it.â He rasps. âWhen you⊠Feel things.â
Your mouth falls open, and you try to lean away from him. You need to run away. Flee the state. Flee the country. Flee the fucking planet. âBucky- I- Iâm sorry-â
âDonât.â He holds you firmly, almost. âIâm not tellinâ you cause I- Iâm expecting anything-â
âBucky-â
âBut itâs⊠maddening.â Something wild flashes over his features. âI have lost my mind, night after night, lost sleep, lost appetite because there is only one thing I want to-â
He cuts himself off with a groan, and you realize youâve leaned so far over him, your leg is pressing into his crotch.Â
Where heâs harder than a rock.Â
And when youâve dreamed of this, itâs been grand. He chases after you in the rain, gets on his knees, and gives a long, romantic speech about everything he loves about you. How heâs tried to fight it, but he canât, and he just needed to tell you. Once. Because if he never said it, he wouldnât have been able to forgive himself.Â
But this. The silence, as something passes between you.Â
Itâs better.Â
Itâs yours.Â
âYelena thinks youâre in love with me.â You say, because heâs crossed the line first, and now thereâs no going back.Â
Buckyâs jaw clenches. âYelenaâŠâ He says slowly. âHas made a career out of watching people. And⊠Predicting how they will behave.â
âOh.â
Bucky hums, his thumb drawing small circles on your wrist. âYou call my name. In your sleep.â
âI- I do.â You say, so softly you almost canât hear yourself. âI think of you all the time.â
Bucky nods slowly, looking back to your lips. His tongue does the move again. You shiver, leaning down until youâre pressed to his chest.
Your noses bump. Bucky looks back up you, raising his brows.Â
You nod. Ghost your lips over his.Â
Bucky grabs the back of your neck, and drags you down into a rough, deep kiss. His lips demanding but soft over yours, his arm wrapping around your lower back and dragging you close. His hips jerk up, as he pins you against him. You gasp, grabbing his shoulders to keep yourself upright. Your nails drag down the broad panes of his chest, and you fist at his shirt. Pull him closer with a moan, letting him press his tongue between your lips.Â
You melt over Buckyâs body, the kiss becoming sloppy and wet. He tastes sweet from the soda and candy, with something a little more salty and purely Bucky beneath it. His metal hand slides up under your shirt, up your spine, and you arch into the touch.Â
Moving you clothed pussy right over were heâs straining in his jeans. You start to grind down, chasing any friction, grabbing Buckyâs face and trying to pull him closer. He dips his face down, sucking a sensitive spot on your neck. You yank his hair, trying to drag him back up into you.
Bucky moans. Openly moans against your skin, slamming his hips up into you. You yelp, yanking again, and another, deeper moan rolls through his body. It vibrates in your chest, and you throw back your head, trying to gasp for air as he keeps rutting up into you. His warm hand grabs the back of your neck, forcing your gaze back down. You watch him under you, looking up with open hunger and adoration.
Watch his metal hand play with the band of your panties, cold fingers sending electric shivers through your body. You nod weakly. He smirks, and shoves his hand down.Â
Your mouth falls open, as cold fingers find your clit. Tease is, with feather-light brushes, making you shake in Buckyâs arms. Heâs pinned you against him, so your breasts are pressing into his face and his cock is resting right against your entrance through the cloth. Heâs just watches you, chest heaving as you unravel so quickly. From just his teasing.Â
âBu- Bucky-â You bite down a moan, trying to writhe into more friction. âMore, please more-â
He hums. Spanks your clit, sending a sharp rush through your body. You almost scream, and Bucky pulls you back down into a bruising kiss. Swallowing the sound.Â
âGotta keep quiet.â He grunts against your lips. âIâll give you anythinâ, babydoll, just keep quiet fâ me.â
You nod, biting on his lower lip as he spanks your clit again. He chuckles, and you press further into him.
âYou gonna be good?â
âYes.â You breathe. âI need it, Bucky- I- Iâll-â
âSay it.â He grunts, pressing his thumb down harshly over your swollen nerves. âSay it for me, pretty girl, câmon-â
âGood. Iâll be good,â tears are already starting to prick your eyes. âBucky, please, Iâll be good-â
He kisses you again. This time is sweeter. You whine happily, and only realize heâs moving you onto your back when youâre fully settled in the cushions.
âI know you will be.â He mutters, kissing you again. âKeep quiet.â
You expect him to shove his fingers into you. Make you cum on his hand.Â
But Bucky is a man of determination. Of taking things slow.Â
He pulls your shirt over your head, then kisses his way down your body, lazy and smug. There isnât a place his lips donât find, that his fingers donât caress. You try to buck your hips up, into him. His pins you back down, open mouth kissing your breasts. Swirling his tongue around your nipple, then going lower.Â
And lower.
He drags down your shorts, sucking on your inner thigh. You wrap your legs around him, trying to pull his mouth were you want it, but he drags them back apart. Nips at the little bruise heâd formed, then kisses a little to the side. Further. Over the hood of your clit, then to your other inner thigh.
You yank his hair again, desperate.Â
He grunts, and that might have been a mistake. Slow flies out the window.Â
Bucky slams his face into your pussy, moaning against you and devouring you with such force you can feel it everywhere. Your hips fly up, but he holds you down. Keeps your legs spread, for his ministrations. His tongue works up and down your swollen lips, pressing flat on your clit before, making out with your dripping cunt. Your eyes roll back, your free hand scratching at the sheet.Â
He starts to kitten lick your clit, and you almost fly off the couch. Your hand flies to your mouth, muffling your moan, and Bucky hums.Â
Open mouth kisses your clit, and starts to work it faster. His beard rubs on your thighs, his tongue twisting into your pussy, and you think heâs trying to make you break.Â
You breathe fast into your hand, grinding weakly to meet his mouth. Youâre close. So close. You whimper his name into your hand, yanking on his hair so he keeps moaning against you, and-
Bucky stops. You scream, because you were right on the fucking edge and he stopped, why the fuck did he stop-Â
âI said be quiet.â He mutters, crawling back over your body. âYouâre lucky you look so pretty, all fuckinâ wrecked. Otherwise might have to teach you somethinâ.â
Your eyes flutter, pussy clenching around nothing at the thought of Bucky teaching you something. His kisses you softly, though, and every hazy thought is chased from your head as you feel him.
Dragging up and down your pussy lips. Coating himself in your arousal, the tip catching on your aching entrance.
âDonât have protection,â he grunts, and you shake your head.Â
âI- Iâm on the pill. You- Please-â You spread your legs wide, and he groans.
âDoll, donât just say that-â
âWant it.â You whisper, batting your lashes up at his tight face. âWant you to fill me up, James, please.â
You donât know what makes you say it. Youâve never called him that before, and it just slipped past your lips.Â
Bucky lets out a sharp breath, licking his lips. His voice becomes hoarse.
âSay that again.â
You swallow. âPlease. James, please-â
Bucky crashes down, kissing you into the cushions as he slides in with one, smooth thrust. You almost scream again, and he keeps kissing you. You think his goal is to make you so breathless you canât make any sound.
Itâs working.Â
âOh- Fuck.â He whispers against your lips. âSo damn tight, doll, youâre so- God-â
You clench around him, and he moans again.Â
âMove.â You gasp into his mouth. Heâs pressing right against your deepest, most sensitive spot without moving. Youâre going to go insane. âBucky, move-â
âAh.â He kisses your neck, rutting into you. You bite down a squeak, as Bucky growls against your skin. âTry again.â
âJames.â You breathe. âMove.â
He hums. âHm. Relax for me, doll, youâre squeezinâ too-â
You go limp quickly, and Bucky blinks down at you. Chuckles, and kisses the corner of your mouth.
âGood girl,â he murmurs. âQuiet.â
Then he starts to move.Â
And this he doesnât waste time on. There are two, slow, experimental thrusts. Then he nods to himself, rolls his hips, and starts to fuck you. Rough and proper, slamming up into your cervix with his balls slapping against your ass. You try to cover your mouth again, as the pleasure overwhelms you. Bucky grabs your wrist and drags it over your head, fucking you faster. Your fingers tangle together, and you squeeze him tight for dear life as he pounds into you like a man possessed.Â
You couldnât scream if you tried. You so lost in the daze of his cock, splitting you open, that all you can do is breathe. Soft pleas, and calls of his name. Bucky presses his brow to yours, and fucks you harder. His breath is hot over your lips, and he spits into your open mouth.Â
That drags an open moan out of you, and your eyes meet his.Â
No oneâs ever looked at you like that. With such hunger and adoration.Â
You flutter around him, tears springing into your eyes from the perfect pain.Â
Bucky leans down and kisses you, so gentle for how heâs splitting you in half, thoroughly wrecking your pussy for anyone else.Â
His free hand, the metal one, snakes between your bodies and finds your clit. Rubs it in fast, tight circles that keep time with his increasingly sloppy thrusts. The temperature difference makes your body seize up in shock and delight.Â
Your orgasm slams into you, knocking any remaining air out of your lungs. Bucky moans again, fucking you through it, lewd and wet sounds filling the room.
He kisses you as his cock slams home, and you feel him paint your pussy white. You cling to his neck, tugging his hair, and his hips jerk as he mindlessly fucks it back into you.Â
Slowly, your breathing both settles, even as Bucky remains deep inside of you. His face presses into your neck, and he takes deep, ragged breaths. You stare, glossy eyed and dazed at the ceiling. Youâre going to need to hire five separate cleaning teams, for the room. Block it off until itâs been bleached and everythingâs been replaced. You canât risk someone turning over a cushion, and finding it⊠stained.Â
You giggle, a little shocked and still floating in the pleasure. Bucky rises up over you, brushes the hair thatâs stuck to your brow, and mutters your name.Â
âYou areâŠâ He shakes his head, voice rough and quiet. âSo beautiful.â
You flush, but smile at him. âYou too-â
âNo. I- Thatâs not what Iâm sayinâ.â He takes a deep, ragged breath. âYouâre gorgeous. âCourse youâre gorgeous. Prettiest fuckinâ thing Iâve ever seen-â
âAnd youâve seen a lot.â You giggle. Bucky rolls his eyes.Â
âYes. I have. And-â He grabs your chin, tipping it up. Forcing you and your dizzy smile to meet his gaze. âNothinâ comes close to you, babydoll. Nothinâ. Not like this,â he ruts against you, and you squeal. âOr like this.â
He drags your hand up, and places it over his heart. You stare up at him with wide eyes. Bucky squeezes your hand, offering you a small grin.Â
âYou got me,â he mutters his name. âHad me since you walked in, lookinâ like the best, sweetest kinda trouble in the world.â
You swallow, everything but Bucky turning to a blur.Â
âDo IâŠâ He takes a heavy breath. Leans down until your brows are pressed together. âHave you?â
You smile.Â
Nobody has ever had you, so thoroughly. Where you say it, aloud. Where you feel it, outside of your chest and in the air all around you.
âYeah.â You whisper. âYou got me, Bucky. You got me.â
âŠEnd note: When will i find love like this. plz tell me.âŠ
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