swirled you into all of my poems

Steven has always been attentive to his scent. Before buying perfume, he always checks the notes, carefully selecting them. Out of the boys, he’s the only one that shows a particular interest in perfumery though Marc and Jake also enjoy spraying their favorites on their necks.

However, to Steven—perfumery is personal.

You remember him smelling sweetly, yet fresh, like lavenders that were enriched with the notes of spices and coffee, merging with his love for books. Masculine in a way, but soft and old. A perfect description of his personality.

He has always been the most sensitive, concerning his identity. Marc and Jake were confident, recognising themselves for who they were, and saw each other as an extension of the body and the life they shared. However, Steven had a different opinion. Of course, he loved Marc and Jake, and couldn’t possibly imagine his life in another way, but he often felt as if he were in their shadow, or simply forgotten.

That’s why for as long as you could recall, Steven was attentive to every detail regarding him: to the way his messy hair sat, the way his clothing stood out, or the way he talked, expressed himself. Especially how he smelled.

To some it would seem natural as every person had a need to be themselves, but you knew— You knew that to him it was a way to feel himself as a separate person among the other identities.

Often in the calm evenings, as the two of you would cuddle in the bed after long shifts, he would lay his head on your chest, pleading you to play with his hair. Sometimes, when he would feel like opening up, you would hear him vent:

“I feel like nobody remembers my name. Even at work I’m a ‘Stevie’, but not Steven. It makes me feel so… I don’t know. I feel like a nobody. Like I’m not even there. I’m just this… Ghost, floating around. Kind of useless, really.”

A few nights before, you’ve made a crucial mistake. Accidentally, of course, but nonetheless you hate yourself for it, knowing how deeply it must have wounded him.

Unknowingly, in the middle of passionate kisses, you gasped a different name: Marc.

By the time you grasped the situation, Steven had grown cold. At least you sensed it, though he dismissively claimed that it meant nothing, smooching your hand before going back to his books.

He spent the rest of the night with them.

You knew how much it must have hurt him. He was distant for the past few days, keeping himself occupied with books and work, barely sparring you his attention. You didn’t blame him at all, giving him space to adjust with his personal dilemma, as you’ve apologised for too many times to count.

You wished you could make it up for him, maybe turn back the time. You could do anything, offer him anything, though maybe that would do even more damage.

That’s why you decided to keep it to yourself, patiently waiting for him to settle in his emotions and forgive you.

However, you never expected this to happen.

You woke up to darkness, though you are sure it was a bright Sunday morning.

Once your consciousness was fully awake and your senses returned, you felt a thin dark fabric blinding your vision. A belt tied your wrists together to the bed. The air gushing over your skin signalled that you were completely naked.

Immediately, anxiety overwhelmed you whole, fearing that an intruder might have done so.

Then you thought for a moment or two, evaluating all possibilities, and realising that most likely that’s not the case. Most likely Jake wants to freak you out as he had a tendency to play with bondages.

The unexpected morning was kind of exciting, kinky, making you nibble your lip in an attempt to suppress a giggle.

Regardless, you decided to stay quiet, fearing that maybe you were wrong and someone else was in the room, waiting for you to wake up.

Suddenly, you heard the bed creak, bending underneath you, as someone crawled towards your exposed body.

As you were about to open your mouth, almost whispering Jake, you stopped. That someone must have been hovering above you as a scent reached your nostrils.

Somehow it smelled familiar, though you couldn’t wrap your finger around it, trying your hardest to recognise the notes.

And you almost jumped out of your skin, as the unknown man placed a kiss behind your ear. It gave you an opportunity to lightly graze his neck with the tip of your nose, inhaling the perfume with your eager lungs.

He quickly retreated, kissing your neck instead, just above the pulsing arteries. The kisses were slow and sloppy, with a rough tongue caressing your sensitive skin. It felt intimate, loving, he must have been fully aware of the spots that formed goosebumps. Yet, he avoided using his teeth. It also seemed like he had fun teasing you while sucking your neck, causing you to accidentally exhale louder than intended from time to time.

You began connecting the dots. Jake? No, it couldn’t be Jake. He’s loving, of course, but vulgar and rough. He definitely would’ve bitten your neck by now, marking every inch of you—

The kisses moved to the other side of your neck, planting kisses in the exact manner as before. It was sensual and precise. The aroma drugged you, making you sigh softly and arch your back, aching for more. Touches, you wanted to be touched by the hands. Sadly, your desperation was heartlessly rejected by the executioner.

You guessed in your mind again, biting down your lip just to muffle your sounds. Marc? No, it couldn’t be Marc. Though he’s more careful than Jake, he would’ve run his hands over your body by now, occasionally slapping your ass with passion. No, he would’ve definitely wrapped your legs around his torso—

Then the mysterious man pushed his body on top of yours, humping against your core, seemingly realising that he can’t be as mysterious as he had intended. Only then did you realise that he was fully clothed, though in sweatwear.

He continued moving downwards, bringing his attention firstly to your collarbones, then your chestbone, then your nipples.

Steven? No, it couldn’t be Steven. He’s too sweet to be doing this, though he is very affectionate. He usually wants you to take the lead, guide him through the spectrum of your lust—

Then you inhaled the scent again, piecing the notes together.

Sweet, yet masculine, with a hint of softness, yet assertiveness. Rich and old.

The strong lavender and faint green tea plant, old books, coffee, and leather.

Then the realisation hit you, making you gasp out loud with guilt for not recognising sooner, “Steven?”

No response, though the friction between your bodies deepened, and you couldn’t help but grind yourself right against his hardness.

A silent whine escaped from his lips.

That’s him, surely.

How unexpected. How arousing!

“Steven,” you sighed again, rolling his name with your tongue so seductively.

His hands finally landed on your bare flesh, sweaty, yet so attentive to your anatomy. They ran along your figure, slowly rubbing the sides and finally your hips. His fingers couldn’t contain themselves, drawing circles on your thighs as he moved further down, finishing up with sloppy kisses on your abdomen before pulling away.

“Steven!” you called out, huffing from the desire coursing through your body. You couldn’t handle the sudden departure, especially in the state that you’re in. “Steven, I know it’s you, please… I’m sorry—”

Your prayers were heard as he mouthed over your sex.

Just like before, he knew exactly what you liked and where to place his attention with his tongue. What to suck, what to lick, where to show his appreciation. How to hold your shaky thighs, how to assist them from collapsing.

He loved you so much, more than himself, it was clear from how he managed to hold himself together up to this point. You understood how badly he was trying to impress you. To please you and to honor your sensuality. To show you that Steven can be as sexual as anyone else.

In a way, his busy mouth spelled ‘sorry’ without you knowing.

All of it made your head spin, as the blindfold aggravated your sensations, forcing your soft moans to come out of your mouth naturally. It motivated him further, preparing you for the inevitable not only by his mouth, but his fingers as well.

“Steven, I know it’s you,” you breathed out again, raising your hips so he could reach even sweeter spots. “I love you, Steven— Steven, I love you so much, so very—”

That made him pause again, but before you could register, you heard what sounded like clothing dropping down on the wooden floor.

A hot body pressed itself against you; rigid hands wrapped your legs around the waist. You tried your best to hold them in place though they were sliding off his sweaty flesh.

A sudden push inside of you, sense of fullness, overtook you. A foreign, warm and hard object soon sled in and out repeatedly, yet carefully, as if trying not to hurt you.

The unfamiliar world of senses.

The bodily sensations.

The tasty tension on your wrists while you would try to tug them down. The large hands roaming around your body. The gentle lips clashing against yours, a greedy tongue poking your mouth. The feeling of his sweat becoming your own. The close skin-to-skin contact, making you feel as though the flesh is merging into a singular mass. His cock lovingly pressing down on every nerve bud inside of you with passion.

The sounds.

Of slapping skin as his hips thrusted into you, angling differently just to notice your shifting voice and reactions. Wet pops, loud kisses. The clicks of teeth hitting one another. His whimpers and moans, grunts, combined with your own, as the pleasure overwhelmed you both.

The odor.

The reek of sweat mixing with Steven’s perfume. The smell of Steven, a strong lavender pushing through the others, making you dizzy.

Made for you, so you could recognise him without seeing him. That it’s Steven who’s making love to you.

You wanted to consume him, swallow him whole; he smelled too good, especially as the hot skin evaporated the scent quicklier.

“Steven,” you whispered into his ear again, once your lips separated.

“That’s right, love…” he grunted finally, thrusting faster, holding onto your fingers with one hand, while the other landed on your hip, securing you in place. He sounded so desperate, so close to crying. “Say my name. Please— Say it again, love!”

You fulfilled his wish by chanting his name outloud with lust. It drove him mad, you guessed, as you couldn’t see his expressions.

And you were right, feeling how his hips snapped right then. He kissed you while taking your breath away, absorbing everything you could give him.

“Love,” he moaned, pressing his nose against yours. “When did you know?”

“I—” You understood what he meant, though you couldn’t reply through pleasure, as he pressed gentle kisses all over your neck again. Somehow, you found the strength to speak onward, wishing to gaze into his eyes at such an intimate moment. “You smell like Steven. You kiss like Steven. You express yourself like Steven. You show your love to me like Steven. You embrace me like Stev—”

Your voice eventually broke down when he slammed himself into you a couple of times, whining out your name with a cry.

His cock twitched inside, creaming your insides, while you shook from the orgasm rippling through your whole body like a wave, overcoming the senses.

Finally, coming down from your high with loud breathing, he removed the blindfold from your eyes.

You were met by his flushed face, both from crying silently and experiencing something so bodily.

“Steven, why—” you began.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” He tried to control his emotions, smiling down at you so sweetly. “I wanted to please you. I love you, you know that I can’t be mad at you. It’s just that I… God, I’m so silly, aren’t I? I just wanted you to know that it was me who was pleasing you. Without seeing me. I’m sorry if I went overboard—”

“Well, I’m down for a second round if you could…” you interrupted, tugging at your restraints with a sly smirk.

He laughed, following along, feeling brighter once you saw him for who he truly was.

Oceanside California felt foreign to Pope Cody when he stepped out from behind the gated prison walls of Folsom. He hadn’t told anyone he was getting out; there was no one waiting for him as the gate doors closed behind him. No open arms for him to run into or noisy brothers clapping him on the back.

As much as a part of him missed the familiarity of his old room, he didn’t return home right away. He wanted some free time to himself before Smurf got her filthy hands on him again—before she tainted what little chance of starting over Pope clung on to. Before she made him into the dangerous guard dog she so carefully convinced him he was.

He found himself wandering the streets alone instead, shoulders and jaw stiff and tense; like any moment he’d wake up or a guard would appear and drag him back into the grey walls that haunted his nightmares when he was actually able to sleep.

Pope’s memory spun as he took in familiar buildings—places that had been there practically his entire life. The beach air still wafted through the breeze, still smelled the same. Still dusted his skin with the pricklings of ocean salt. If his hair hadn’t been shaved down in a shitty prison cut; his curls would’ve picked it up too. He longed to feel the salty breeze float through his hair again; lull him into a calmness.

His brow furrowed a little at all the new shops and businesses that had popped up since he’d been gone, ones that definitely weren’t there before he went in. Random places like mini grocery stores and self-employed insurance companies. A new book store that he pushed to the back of his mind to visit later.

That’s how he found you; at the new little diner on the corner with bright red letters on the sign. At first glance it looked like a cozy surfer hut or beach shop. Blue and white striped canopy over the door, stickers on the windows. A few tables outside with blue chairs on either side. A couple plants that caught the sun. He stood outside it longer than he probably should’ve, feet weighed down like cement. His fists opened and closed at his sides before he finally forced himself to go inside. The bell on the door rung above him, the smell of fried food wafted around him with the air conditioning. He welcomed the coolness with an exhale from his nose; much more comfortable than the scorching heat outside.

He didn’t realize that you had noticed him as soon as he walked in from your spot near the order window—passing a paper order back to one of the cooks. He was someone new that you hadn’t seen before. Handsome with his dark brown eyes and sharp features. His short buzzed hair making his ears stick out all cute. He looked a little awkward, scanning the entirety of the inside; from corner to corner in front of him. Immediately—you already wanted to know more about him; heartbeat picking up as you watched him take in his surroundings.

Pope’s eyes drifted around, clocking all the exits and the people around him. A few of the booths and tables were occupied—along with a couple of the stools at the counter. The inside wasn’t decorated in a decade specific theme like he expected it to be; like most of the diners he’d been to in his life. Rather it was more…homey. More bright and airy inside; pale yellow walls that looked almost white and light blue leather seats. A few framed music posters hanging from the walls, a surfboard or two on the other. Two big monstera plants on either side of the front door. It felt like walking into someone’s home with a mother cooking in the kitchen.

There were pies on plates under glass displays on the counter, a large white board with specials and prices on it. The floor was clean, making Pope’s shoulders relax a little. The patterned tile almost matched the leather seats. He wiped his feet on the mat by the door—jaw ticking as his mind reeled and took everything in. His hands clenched and unclenched again at his sides.

Finally, he chose the booth in the furthest corner; tucked away from the center of the room and all the buzzing of conversation. He clung to the quiet he’d almost definitely lose once he returned to Smurf’s.

The leather made a soft noise under him when he sat down, a menu was already lying on the table in front of him. Shakers filled with sugar, salt and pepper sat up against the window—ketchup and packets of coffee creamer tucked up next to them. Utensils sat neatly against the white table; wrapped up in napkins.

Pope found himself drumming his fingers lightly on the table before reaching carefully for the menu. It wasn’t sticky like some diners he’d been too; much more clean and carefully typed out and laminated to be easily read. Decorated with blue designs in the corners.

He scanned the menu, not really reading it or taking in anything it said; just breathing in the air around him and letting himself exist in a place that wasn’t controlled by guards or a boring grey. Someplace he didn’t have to worry about being tortured or made a spectacle at the entertainment of guards. Somewhere he could just sit and enjoy the quiet; where he could just for the first time in three years—be Andrew.

He didn’t notice you approach him at first, too caught up in his thoughts and pretending to read the menu to realize you were now standing next to his table. He hadn’t seen you when he walked in—just the older lady working behind the counter and a few bus boys cleaning tables.

He only looked up when you finally spoke.

“Hi!”, You said cheerfully, bright smile on your face.

Pope froze. Eyes drifting up to your face, shoulders a little guarded at being spoken to.

His demeanor softened when his eyes landed on you.

Soft lashes and cheeks, soft hair that was pulled back with a few strands framing your face. Bright eyes that pulled him in. He glances at your name-tag, eyes flicking back to your face and deciding that it suits you. He found himself appreciative that you had a real uniform; shorts and a tee shirt with the diner’s name on it rather than some skimpy skirt and hat the themed diners always made the waitresses wear. He found that in poor taste; companies forcing women to show off their bodies in hopes to make a bigger income.

Pope didn’t say anything at first, just watched you look down at him. Your smile didn’t waver as you shifted on your feet, pulling your notepad and pen up closer to your chest.

“Can I get you started with something?”, You asked.

Pope found himself at a loss for words, he hadn’t expected someone so…beautiful and lively to be standing next to him now. He still hadn’t read the menu, wasn’t that hungry. He shifted a little again on the seat, leather crinkling under him.

“What do you recommend?”, He finally asked.

Your eyes lit up at the question, making Pope’s heart hammer harder in his chest.

“Oh! Goodness…well it depends how hungry you are”, You start, a small laugh escaping your lips; “The breakfast platter is really good if you want breakfast! Club sandwiches if you’re in more of a lunch type of mood. The coffee here is really good! I always make it with cinnamon, makes it taste better.”

Pope finds himself scanning your face as you ramble—blood rushing through his veins in a way that makes his cheeks hot. He notices the way your nose scrunches when you smile, how expressive your face is. He wonders if you do that for everyone or just certain people.

He sets his menu down, fingers drumming again.

“Uh, the coffee”, He says; “Just the coffee…black.”

He watches you scribble it down on your little pad before pocketing it and offering him another bright smile.

“Great! I’ll have that right out for you.”

Your ponytail sways behind you as you walk away, sneakers squeaking lightly on the floor. Pope commits it all to memory, much like he does with most people he meets. But this felt different—you were being nice to him.

Pope finds himself gazing out the window next to him while he waits. A few people walk by walking their dogs, a few families. There’s a business owner across the street taking trash out to the dumpster. The parking lot across the street is mostly empty except for a few cars—people opting to walk or bike in the nice weather. His fingers twitch once in anticipation, a longing to get back to the beach tugging at him; back to the private spot he found years ago—away from tourists and practically empty of people.

He’s pulled out of his daydream by a mug sliding softly across the table in front of him. He looks up, finding you smiling down at him again.

“Here you go, one coffee”, You say.

Pope nods once in acknowledgment, wrapping his hands around the warm ceramic. The heat seeps into his hands immediately—just hot enough that it’s not quite burning. He expects you to leave, to walk away again and leave silence behind. But he soon realizes; you’re still looking at him.

He shifts a little in his seat, eyes flicking awkwardly around the room before they find your face again.

“Sorry”, You say with a breath; “I just…I’ve never seen you in here before. Are you new in town?”

Pope blinks; “Lived here my whole life. Just uh…been away for a while.”

You nod; “Just missed home enough to come back, huh?”

“Something like that”, Pope says, fingers flexing against warm ceramic.

If he’s being truly honest; he’s not really sure what really being home feels like.

Silence falls between you for a moment before you speak again; “I like it here too.”

Pope almost lets himself smile at that; lips twitching at the corner. But he holds himself back—still staying quiet.

You brush a stray hair out of your face, shifting on your feet as you pull out your notepad—another customer waving you down.

“Well, enjoy your coffee”, You say with another smile; “Let me know if you need anything!”

You turn on your heels at that, making your way to the customer in a booth towards the front of the diner. Pope watches you go, eyes flicking carefully over your frame.

With a sigh, he finally brings the mug to his lips and takes a sip.

The flavor washes over him immediately—still black coffee, but something warmer rests beneath it. Almost what he thinks Christmas smells like; all spice and comfort. A vision of his first few memories of the holiday washing over him—before things were complicated. He feels again like he’s sitting in a house with someone’s mother or grandmother in the kitchen. He decides right then and there; that he’ll never take his coffee any other way again.

Pope stays for a while, longer than he initially intended to. But something about you and the atmosphere around him pulls him in deep. Keeps him tethered to his spot in the booth. He drinks his coffee slowly, savoring the flavor. Each sip ignites something in his chest. He can see the horizon starting to turn pink outside, fewer people roaming the streets.

He doesn’t know what time it is, really he could look at the clock on the wall if it mattered that much; but for once he doesn’t seem to care. The diner around him lulls before it starts filling up with the dinner crowd. But Pope stays in his spot in the booth in the furthest corner. Orders another coffee when he finishes the first one.

He’s been there almost two hours when he finally decides to leave, placing a few more bills than necessary down on the table.

You’re rushing around in front of him, talking to a few customers as you move; not completely looking where you’re going. It doesn’t take long for you to come in contact with a chair that hadn’t been fully pushed in, a small sound leaving your lips as you stumble over the legs. The menus in your hands go flying; scattering across the floor with a small smack sound.

Pope’s feet move before he realizes they are, kneeling down next to you as he starts collecting the fallen menus. You’re quick to kneel down with him, but he beats you to most of them—leaving you with only two in your hands.

He hands them back to you softly without a word once he’s stood fully again, silently checking you over for any injuries; which he thankfully finds none.

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry!”, You rush out; “God, I’m so clumsy.”

Pope doesn’t say anything, instead bending down to pick up your notepad that you’d somehow dropped in the process; holding it back out to you.

“Oh!”, You say; “Thank you…”

You trail off, only then realizing that you still don’t know his name.

“Andrew”, Pope says, hands clasped at his sides.

You offer another smile to him again; this one somehow warmer than all the others.

“See you around, Andrew”, You say.

Pope’s heart flutters at the sound of his name leaving your lips. He tries to push the heat taking over his face back down; but he knows he’s failing miserably. His breath quick and eyes a little wider than usual.

He watches you walk away, going to head to the front door himself when you pause and look back at him.

“Don’t be a stranger”, You say, face heating to match his own before you turn away again.

Pope freezes by the door—bell chiming above him again—finally letting a small smile take over his lips; you want him to come back.

─ ─── ─── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ─── ─── ─

It didn’t take long after Pope’s first visit for you to figure out who he was. People talk, the cook and other coworkers had told you that night during closing. About all the stories and rumors surrounding the Cody family. But you didn’t care, you liked Andrew. Were intrigued by him—you could make your own decisions about things; and he was one of them.

As the next few weeks went by, Pope found himself frequenting the diner more and more. Every other week, he’d step through the front door with the sound of the bell chiming above him. Wiping his feet on the mat below him, the same way he had the first time he walked in.

You greeted him with a smile every time.

Every other week became every week, then slowly turned into a few days a week—until he was sitting in his corner booth almost every day.

Sometimes he wouldn’t even come inside, he’d find himself sitting in his truck in the parking lot across the street; keeping an eye on things. He’d pretty much learned your schedule, which car was yours—always parked in the same spot unless you’d walked to work.

Pope didn’t like when you did that. He knew how people could be, had dealt with enough bad people in his life to know what could happen. But he didn’t go as far to do anything about it. He didn’t want to scare you away—even if he had become good at watching and following people discreetly over time.

He found himself automatically driving to the parking lot if he’d had a stressful day. If Smurf had been on him, or a rough job. Just to get a glimpse at you. He’d sit there, tucked away under the tree in the corner—shaded and out of view. He could see perfectly through the big windows of the diner, where you often stood behind the counter.

He’d watch you work, the smile on your face as you talked to customers sitting at the counter. The way you laughed. It settled something inside him. Something he didn’t know was still there.

You knew when it was him coming through the front door after only a few weeks; you no longer had to look up. His heavy footsteps and pause in the doorway gave him away. No matter how many times he’d been inside; he still scanned the place and checked all the exits.

No matter what you were doing, you’d stop and offer him a big soft smile and greet him; “Hey, Andrew.”

Pope loved the way his name sounded coming from you. Nobody ever called him Andrew unless he was in trouble or he was being threatened by his mother. But with you? He didn’t mind it.

A few months in, you’d find yourself standing next to him again as he sat in his booth—just like the first time he’d come in. Your break had started a few minutes before and something in you told you to go for it.

So you stood next to him, your own coffee in your hand and a plate of fries.

“Mind if I join you?”, You’d asked, catching Pope’s attention and pointing to the empty spot across from him.

Pope looked up at you, cheeks flushed red until the rosy hue reached his ears; “No. Go ahead.”

You slid in across from him, smile never wavering as you started in on your fries. Reaching for the ketchup as you looked him up and down; half-drank coffee sitting on the table in front of him.

“So Andrew”, You start, popping a fry into your mouth; “What do you like to do for fun?”

Pope froze, taken aback by your question. Nobody had ever cared enough about him to ask. He couldn’t really remember the last time he had real fun—if he wanted to do that he’d have to sneak away from his family to do it.

He liked to sneak away to small beaches only a few people knew about, where the waves were mostly non-existent and the water was always warm. To the small skate park that was largely unoccupied; especially in the middle of the night when he tended to frequent it. On the nights he couldn’t sleep no matter how hard he tried. When he couldn’t stand to sit in his new empty apartment a second longer.

Smurf had sold his place while he was locked up. Took it away from him like it wasn’t one of the places he was most comfortable. He was still trying to get used to where he was at now. Barely decorated with only a bed and a folding chair by the window.

“Skate”, Pope says, voice a little quiet; “Surf, too.”

Your eyes light up; “Surfing is cool! I’ve always wanted to try but…well as you’ve seen i’m a bit clumsy. I’d probably fall off the board and drown.”

Pope’s lips quirk at the corners.

“Bet you know some pretty good beach spots then, huh?”, You ask.

Pope shifts in his seat; “A few.”

“Maybe you could show me one sometime.”

The twitch of Pope’s lips turn into a real, small smile.

“I could do that, yeah”, He says.

As you start talking about something else, rambling on as you eat your fries—hands waving in the air—Pope barely hears a word you’re saying. His heart’s beating too fast in his ears. The idea of seeing you outside of the diner thrumming under his ribs.

It becomes almost normal after that. Pope coming in and sitting in his usual spot. You sliding in across from him on your breaks, rambling about something new each time. Your hands never stop waving in the air, you always bring food with you—offer him a bite. Sometimes you sneak a dessert or two. You learn he likes the cinnamon rolls and apple pie the best. Pope suddenly finds solace there; sitting across from you with warmth in his chest. He likes listening to you talk—commits things you tell him to memory.

Your favorite song and color, where you lived before moving to Oceanside. How you drench your fries in vinegar and ketchup. The way your nose scrunches when you get excited; the sparkle in your eyes when you talk about something you’re passionate about. He files everything he learns away safely.

Soon enough, going to the diner is the first thing on Pope’s mind every morning. He blows off going to Smurf’s house or a meeting about a job. He just nestles into his booth, a cup of coffee already on its way over the second you saw him walk in. He starts to feel like you know him, and that he knows you. Even if you really don’t.

Pope’s answers are always short, only a word or two or a grunt in response. He still doesn’t talk much. But you like that about him. How shy he is. His hair’s grown out over time; soft auburn curls swirling around his ears. You like him like this even more—he looks a little softer. Still stiff and awkward; still holding himself with tight shoulders and impossibly straight posture. But the sun hits him perfectly in his booth, turning the side of his face golden; bringing out every shade of red in his curls.

Still, you did learn a few things from what little bit you got out of him. He had two brothers, a niece who he often took care of. He’s the oldest, and likes to work on fixing things or build them. But for the most part—he was quiet.

He’d sit in the golden light and listen, hands grasped around the ceramic mug in front of him. Sometimes lying curled into loose fists on the table top. Twitching to reach out for you. To know how soft your hair is, feel your smaller hand in his. Would his heart beat faster? Would yours? Would you let him hold your hand?

Your laugh breaks him from his thoughts, eyes crinkled in a smile from whatever story you were telling him. His jaw ticks a little, not angry—just controlled. Forcing himself not to scare you away like he thinks he would. But you’d never be scared away, not by him.

He listens as you tell him about a few new menu items.

“Oh! We also have chocolate chip pancakes now, I finally got it on the menu”, You tell him.

“My niece likes them like that”, He says, tracing the outside of his coffee mug.

“What? You don’t like chocolate chips?”, You ask, brow quirked.

A soft sound that almost sounds like a laugh leaves his mouth. Eyes unblinking, lips twitching at the corners; “No I do.”

You laugh across from him, soft and filled with enjoyment at getting him to smile again.

“I’m just messing with you”, You say.

Pope’s small smile doesn’t waver across from you, fingers tapping against the table as you start listing other items that are new. He settles into himself again, too caught up in you to really hear what you’re saying.

Overtime, as Pope continued to frequent the diner—something shifted between you.

Andrew slowly became Andy.

The sound of the bell chiming above the door hits your ears the same time the sound of his heavy boots do. You smile to yourself before looking up. Your breath catches in your throat when you see him.

His hair is damp from a fresh shower, black jeans still tight over his thighs. A dark grey t-shirt clings to his wide frame in place of his usual button ups. He’s bigger than you thought. Sure, you always knew he was strong under those neat shirts—but seeing him in a t-shirt brings it out in a whole new way.

Your face softens at the sight of him, watching his eyes search the exits before they land on you. He walks up to the counter this time, hands hesitantly resting against the top of it—the metal edge cool against his skin.

“Hey, Andy”, You breathe.

He looks you up and down, fingers twitching the same time his lips do. Drawing towards one side of his face in the way that you love so much. His version of a small smile, you’ve learned.

“Want your usual?”, You ask him.

Underneath the small quirk of his lips; his eyes look a little nervous—hesitant maybe.

Still he nods slowly.

“Yeah”, He says softly, and then; “Can I get it to go today?”

You furrow your brow as you pivot from his usual ceramic mug to the paper to go cups. The idea of him not staying sitting heavy on your chest.

“‘Course”, You say, turning towards the coffee machine.

You watch him as he waits; eyes flicking around more than usual. Checking his watch and phone a few times. His fingers drumming quicker against the counter top. He’s anxious, you think—obviously in a hurry.

You pop the lid on top of his to-go cup, sliding it across the counter towards him.

“One coffee to go”, You smile.

He offers the same sideways quirk back, digging into his back pocket for his wallet.

“That’s ok”, You tell him; “It’s on me today.”

Pope freezes, eyes flicking over your face to check if you’re sure—like he’s waiting for you to change your mind.

“You sure?”, He asks.

“Yeah”, your bottom lip slides between your teeth; “All good.”

His shoulders relax a fraction as he reaches for the cup in front of him, his lips parting to say something—but the sound of his phone buzzing cuts him off.

You don’t miss the way his brow furrows as he checks the caller ID, tension setting heavy between them. He looks back up at you, phone still in hand as he turns to leave.

“Thanks”, He says, voice still soft; “For the coffee.”

You nod in acknowledgment, lip still between your teeth as you watch him head towards the door, hand already grasping around the metal bar to push it open.

“See you soon, Andy”, You say.

His lips quirk again, a soft nod coming in return as he pushes the door open fully. A bit of hesitance in his movements; like he doesn’t want to leave but knows he has to. Then he’s gone, stepping all the way out of the diner and onto the sidewalk in front of it. The Oceanside heat engulfing him, salty wind messing his curls around.

─ ─── ─── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ─── ─── ─

A week had gone by after that with no sign of him. No heavy boots against the welcome mat. No rustle of the leather seat in his corner booth. No sideways quirk of his lips. No sight of his auburn curls or warm cologne. No Andrew.

You didn’t realize how much you had looked forward to seeing him every day until he stopped coming. A hole had developed in your chest, aching to be filled by his presence. Your shifts seemed to drag on longer without him, you weren’t as cheerful—and others noticed.

A few of your regulars asked if you were ok, your boss pulled you aside to check in on you. Your coworkers asked about him. You reassured them you were fine, but inside you realized you weren’t being completely honest with yourself; you missed Andrew.

You didn’t know why this person who randomly showed up in your place of work one day meant so much to you. He was nice to you, kind with his soft hazel eyes that stared into your soul. The red curls on his head made your heart flutter—and when he smiled at you? It had you weak in the knees.

This soft spoken, shy and slightly awkward man had found himself a place in your heart in only a few months. Nestled somewhere close under your ribs. You wanted to take away whatever pain was hiding behind those tense shoulders—you wanted to be someone that would never hurt him; someone he could count on.

It hit you all at once. Never in a million years did you think you’d feel this way when you watched him walk through the front door all those months ago. You cared about Andrew, you wanted him around, felt lost when he wasn’t. The realization washed over you without warning—you had feelings for Andrew.

The sound of the bell above the door chiming pulled you out of your thoughts. The familiar sound of heavy steps filled your ears—but something about them was off. There were two other mismatched sets of heavy steps along with them. Two louder voices filled the room, both deep as they stepped further inside the door.

A man with short blonde hair caught your eye first; short beard and slightly furrowed brows as he gestured with his hands in his jacket pockets. The other man next to him had dark long hair pulled back into a bun, slightly longer facial hair that matched. They were both tall, definitely strong; but in a more lean way.

“Craig, it’s never gonna happen man. She wasn’t even looking at you”, The blonde man says.

“You don’t know that! I got Nicky—“, The other man—Craig—starts.

“You got lucky, man. She still left you for J.”

Craig rolls his eyes; “Shut up, Deran.”

Beside them, the heavy footsteps you knew all too well stepped fully inside. Your eyes flicked away from the other two men, heart hammering against your ribs as they finally landed on the one person you’d been looking for all week—Andrew.

There he was, shoulders a little tense as he stepped under the diner lighting. A new bronze tint to his skin—maybe he’d been able to frequent the beach more often lately—you hoped he had. A pair of dark wash jeans sat snug on his hips, his signature button up was back; nestled under a jacket similar to the blonde man—Deran’s. Andrew’s hair was somehow a little longer than the last time you’d seen him, tousled from the salty breeze with a few curls sticking out at his nape and around his ears.

You’d grabbed your notepad and pen before they fully even sat down. Andrew’s eyes landing on you as he did his routine of scanning all the exits; the serious look on his face softening when you lock eyes. The furrowed crease between his brows easing along with it.

He slid into the booth next to Craig; Deran sitting across from them. Not his usual booth in the corner, something tells you he wouldn’t share that with just anyone. He still sat impossibly straight, completely tuning out whatever the other two men were talking about; his eyes staying on you as you approached the table.

Relief washed over you the second you stood in front of him, a wide smile etching across your face that you wouldn’t care to try and suppress even if you could.

“Andy, hey”, You breathed, like you’d been holding your breath since the last time you’d said it.

Both men furrowed their brows.

“‘Andy?—‘”, Craig teased, tilting his head to look at Pope with a smirk on his lips.

He was cut off by Pope’s foot hitting his shin under the table; hard.

“OW!—“, He shot Pope a glare; “What the fuck man?”

“Craig”, Deran said; “Shut up.”

But you didn’t even register the interaction, you were completely entranced in Andrew.

“Hi”, Pope says, voice soft.

You swear he sounds just as relieved as you do.

Silence settles at the table, Pope’s eyes raking over you before settling on your face—you doing the same to him. The time he’d been away had settled heavy in his shoulders, dragging along with him as he worked through multiple jobs that he would’ve rather skipped out on. Being pulled back in by Smurf and the evil grip she grabbed at him with; using him for her dirty work.

But seeing you now, the weight on Pope’s shoulders released a bit. His back grew less tense, posture a little more natural than being rigidly and painfully straight. Still impossibly straight the way he always was—but not as forced.

Deran cleared his throat beside you.

“Uh…can we get some coffee?”, He asked.

You blinked a few times, realization washing over you as you jumped a little on your feet; turning more towards the blonde man.

“Oh! Yes of course! Sorry!”, You rushed out, holding your pad and pencil up in front of you; “What can I get you?”

As you scribbled down orders, you could feel Pope’s eyes still on you. Boring into the side of your head in a way that most people would find uncomfortable. But you weren’t most people to him. It made a heat climb up your neck, shifting on your feet to try and pay as much attention as you can to the orders being spoken to you. But all you can focus on is Andrew.

Andrew who hasn’t moved his eyes from you since the moment he walked through that door a few minutes ago. Andrew who hadn’t realized how important you were to him until he was forced to be away from you. Andrew who found himself entirely lovesick without truly knowing that’s what he was feeling deep in his chest—fluttering behind his ribcage. Andrew who’s cheeks were dusted with a heat similar to yours, the tips of his ears burning pink as he fought back a twitch of his lips.

“Alright! I’ll have that right out for you”, You chirp, turning towards Pope; “Andy, your usual?”

Pope froze. Stilled by your sudden direction at him, like he’d been caught staring. But truthfully—he didn’t really care.

He nodded back, a soft look on his face as you smiled at him—turning on your feet and walking back behind the front counter to put their order’s in. He ignored his brother’s gazes and the looks they were sending his way. The exchange of their eyes, the way their brows quirked with every mention of his name from your lips. All he could focus on was you.

Behind the counter, you passed back their order slip; finding your coworkers’ eyes on you.

“What?”, You asked, hands on your hips.

The older woman next to you shook her head knowingly; “You know what.”

You felt the heat on your face; “He’s just a friend.”

The woman gave you a look; “Could’ve fooled me.”

You bit your bottom lip, eyes flicking towards the table you’d just come from. Finding Pope’s eyes already on you.

Beside him, Craig pushed at his shoulder.

“Earth to Pope??”, Craig smirked, rather enjoying the glare he earned from his brother.

Pope grunted in annoyance, forcing himself to look away from you.

“Seriously Pope”, Deran tried, a little nicer than his brother’s approach; “What’s gotten into you, man?”

Pope’s jaw ticked, chin jutting out a little bit. Maybe he’d actually answer Deran truthfully—if they were alone. But not with Craig sitting next to him with the attitude of a teenage girl listening in for the good gossip.

“Nothin’”, Pope mutters, hoping it’ll get them to drop the topic.

Craig opens his mouth to say something, cut off by you approaching the table. You set the drinks down with ease, passing a few extra creamers out across the table before standing up straight again—notepad out in front of you.

“Can I get you guys something to eat?”, You ask, feeling Pope’s eyes on you.

“Yeah, can I get a cheeseburger with fries?”, Craig says, passing the menu back towards the end of the table.

You nod, writing down his order and turning towards Deran.

“Anything for you?”

Deran ponders for a moment, before passing his menu back as well; “I’ll have the same.”

He offers you a small smile as you put his menu under your arm—only turning back to Pope after a second.

“Anything for you, Andy?”, You ask, voice softer.

You watch him think it over, brows scrunched and lips slightly pursed before he finally speaks.

“Apple pie?”, He says softly, almost as if he’s asking if you still have it.

You nod, writing his order down; “‘Course, saved you the last slice.”

Taking Pope’s menu, you turn on your heels to put the orders back to the kitchen; before being called over by another customer.

Pope watches you talk to them, laughing and smiling like you’ve known them forever. A confident pep of excitement in your step. You were like that with all customers, always friendly, always talkative. But you never sat down with them—not like you did with him.

“Jesus Pope, you’re gonna burn a hole through her”, Craig scoffs, following his gaze.

Pope grunts something in response, not turning back to look at his brother; jaw ticking once.

“She seems nice”, Deran says, trying to ease the tension.

Pope’s eyes flick towards him, jaw relaxing just a bit; “She is.”

Deran drops the topic after that, sending a warning glare Craig’s way and discreetly filling them in about a possible job. Pope forces himself to listen, letting his eyes wander around the diner every so often. They always somehow end up landing back on you.

The older lady behind the counter brings their food out while you’re still bustling around to your other tables. Pope finds himself a little disappointed. The customers smiles around you never waver. Your laughter drifts to his ears every few minutes. He likes seeing you like that. Likes hearing it. Happy, content.

Deran and Craig talk next to him between bites of hamburger and mouthfuls of fries. Craig downs half his diet coke in one sip, a low rumbling burp leaving him that has Deran rolling his eyes.

Pope ignores it all, quietly eating his apple pie and pretending like he’s listening. The warm cinnamon of his coffee settling into his bones. His body sinks a little further into the cushions, and he finds himself thinking if he closes his eyes; maybe he could picture himself just sitting here with you. No noisy brothers, no other customers calling your name. Just the two of you.

Eventually you return with the bill, placing it gently on the end of the table.

Pope’s digging in his pocket before either of his brothers can move. Even if Deran really would be the only other one to offer to pay. Craig shifts beside him, sitting up straighter.

“So how do you know Pope?”, He asks.

Blunt. Straight to the point. Pope clenches his jaw next to him, freezing over his wallet as he looks up at you.

But you just smile, ignoring the nickname; eyes sparkling a little.

“Oh! He comes in a lot. Probably my best customer”, You chirp.

“Best customer, huh Popey?”, Craig rumbles, nudging his brother’s shoulder; “He didn’t tell us that.”

Pope stays quiet as he sets a fifty down on the table before shoving his wallet back into his pocket—taking the last swig of his coffee.

He blinks at Deran once—who seems to understand what he means without saying it—rising to his feet along with him.

“Keep the change…and thank you for the pie”, Pope says, gentle with a little bit of urgency in it.

You don’t falter as the two men follow behind him towards the door, expression the same as Pope pauses to look back at you.

He offers you that same crooked smile, weakening your knees as you wave at him; “See you soon, Andy.”

You watch as the door swings shut behind them, Craig smacking a large hand across Pope’s shoulders and shaking him a little. Deran standing as far away as he can without stepping off the sidewalk in case one of them decides to swing. Pope doesn’t look at either of them, watching his feet as he digs for his keys.

The excitement of seeing him doesn’t waver. You just hope this time soon means sooner than last time.

─ ─── ─── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ─── ─── ─

Later that night you find yourself standing alone in the empty diner, scrubbing at the counter. The last customers had long gone home, the cook and other waitresses had cleared out. All you had to do was finish cleaning and lock up.

The sound of the front door bell ringing echoes through the quiet space. Even though you swore you locked it.

“We’re closed”, You call, not looking over your shoulder.

“I know”, A familiar voice says back.

His footsteps hit you right after his words, making you turn abruptly on your feet. You freeze when you see him standing there, just inside the front door. Fists opening and closing at his sides, eyes still scanning all the exits.

“Andy”, You breathe; “W-What’re you doing here?”

“Needed to see you”, He says, voice low.

He takes a few steps forward; “I can go if you want me to—“

“No!”, You blurt; “It’s-it’s ok.”

The streetlight from outside casts through the windows, panning over his face. Only then do you realize he’s hurt.

A nasty gash along his cheekbone, bruising under his eye and along the opposite side of his jaw. He looks tired; exhausted. Barely standing on his feet.

“Andrew”, You breathe, breaths ragged as you step up in front of him.

Your hands hover over his arms, then his face, not wanting to hurt him further but afraid he’ll slip away; “You’re hurt.”

Pope adjusts his weight, feet shifting below him before he’s reaching out for a chair next to him to steady himself. Your hands jut out quickly, bracing on either side of him to keep himself steady. He grunts once, gripping at his side—but he doesn’t push you away.

“Oh my god, Andy!”, The words leave your lips quickly; “Come on, let me help you.”

You guide him to the counter, forcing him to sit down on one of the stools before hurrying towards the back. He looks around the empty diner, peaceful and quiet. The smell of your perfume lingering around him. If he wasn’t hurt it would be exactly like the way he imagined it earlier.

You return a few moments later, opening a first-aid kit on the counter. Something sterile in your hands as they hover over the cut on his cheek.

“This might sting a bit”, You warn him.

He hisses a little when the cold alcohol touches him, eyes pinching shut for a moment.

“Hey, keep looking at me”, You tell him, trying to get him to focus on something else.

Pope doesn’t hesitate, hazel eyes opening and wandering over your face. Wide and slightly blown with adrenaline and something else you couldn’t quite place.

“There you go”, You say softly, dabbing the alcohol gently against his cheek.

You pull back, searching for a bandage in the kit.

“What happened?” You ask, rummaging around a little quicker than you’d like.

“Just work”, He mumbles, eyes not leaving you.

You don’t have to ask to know what that means. You just keep searching until you find a butterfly bandage, peeling it open and gently placing it over the wound; touch gentle against his skin.

“Your friends seem nice”, You offer, trying to start up a conversation to keep him distracted.

“My brothers”, Pope says; “They’re ok.”

You chuckle softly, eyes flicking over his face; “Ah, makes more sense…They seem to care about you.”

Pope doesn’t answer, shifting a little in his seat.

Grabbing a new cloth, you move to dabbing gently underneath his nose; cleaning the dried blood there. Pope doesn’t wince this time, just watches you.

“I don’t think it’s broken”, You say, putting the cloth down; “Probably gonna be sore for a while.”

“S’okay”, Pope mumbles.

You furrow your eyebrows, hand coming up to rest against his jaw, thumb hovering over the dark purple bruise forming there.

“Does it hurt?”, You ask softly.

Pope leans into your touch, eyes flicking over your face before they flutter shut. Lashes brushing gently against the top of his cheeks.

“…A little”, Pope breathes, eyes slowly opening again.

You frown, moving closer until your face is close to his.

“Can I?”, You whisper.

Pope’s breath catches in his throat, but still; he nods softly.

So you press a soft kiss to his jaw, careful not to put too much pressure on the bruise. When he doesn’t back away, you move to his cheek; pressing a soft kiss just below the bandage. You can hear him breathing now, watching intently as you move again; pressing another soft kiss to the bridge of his nose.

Pope sits straight, impossibly rigid with restraint. Forcing his hands to stay at his sides, to not reach out for your waist and pull you closer.

When you pull back, it’s only a few inches. Enough to look in his eyes. The sound of his rapid heartbeat fills your ears. Consistent and thrumming. Matching the way his chest rises and falls. Your breath fans across his face, intermingling with his own.

His eyes are fully blown now; almost no glimpse of the whiskey hue left. Clearly wanting the same thing you do. But he holds himself back. His lips part a little, a soft breath escaping him.

“Y-You don’t want this”, He says softly; “I’m not good for you…my family—me, I’ve done bad things.”

You cup both sides of his face, thumbs smoothing across the smile lines by his eyes. You don’t move away.

“You think I don’t know who you are?”, You ask, making him furrow his brows; “People talk in Oceanside. I was told about the Cody’s a long time ago.”

He frowns a little, trying to wrap his mind around it; “So this whole time you’ve?—“

“Been getting to know you?”, You stop him before he can spiral, stepping a fraction closer; “It doesn’t scare me. I care about you, Andy. Not your last name.”

Something flashes behind his eyes, making them go soft. Still dark and full of want, but something else lingers there with it.

He finally lets go of his restraint, reaching out to settle his hands on your hips; pulling you closer. His nose bumps yours, breath hot on your skin as he desperately searches your face for any sign he should stop. But all he finds is you mirroring him.

He leans in with an intense ferocity, encapsulating your lips with his; pressing every feeling that had been growing in his chest the past few months into it. You startle for a moment, letting your brain catch up before kissing back with the same intensity. Pushing yourself closer and closer to him like nothing would ever be enough.

He opens his knees, letting you slot in between them; caging you in with his thighs—hands traveling up towards your ribs. Your hands find home in his curls; finally feeling the softness of them under your touch. You tug gently on the curls at his nape; a soft sound leaving his throat. You open your lips, breathing it in and letting his tongue in to dance with yours.

It’s breathless, your lungs burn. But all you can feel are his hands and lips against your skin. Burning from anticipation in finally breaking through whatever invisible walls had been set between you. Never to be seen again.

When you finally pull back to catch your breath, you find him staring back at you. Eyelashes fluttering open; lips pink and swollen and kiss-bitten.

He looks beautiful. Perfect. Like Andrew.

Freckles illuminated by the remaining diner lights, shadow sculpting his features. He brushes his nose against yours again, resting your foreheads together as he catches his breath.

“Been wanting to do that”, He breathes; “For so long.”

You smile; “Yeah?”

He nods in return, letting a crooked upturn take over his lips.

“I’m glad you finally did”, You say, fingers flexing in the curls on the back of his head.

You bite your bottom lip, looking up at him with wide eyes matching his own—blown out and wandering.

“So how about you show me that beach spot now?”, You say, nuzzling against him.

Pope laughs softly, hands settling around your waist and against your back.

“I can do that”, He says quietly, tongue poking out to lick his lips once.

Then they’re on yours again soft and heated, something so uniquely him underneath it all. Tongue swiping against yours, pulling you into his lap; your hands careful of his side.

You’re not sure how much time passes, how long you stay there in Pope’s embrace. Lips against each other’s like you’ve done it forever.

Pope leans into it, finally relaxing completely and letting himself be completely free. Completely himself with you. In the low light of the empty diner, he finds himself content where he’s at. Feeling like home. No jobs, no Smurf, no noisy brothers. Just you and him, like he’d been longing for since day one.

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On one hand, you take comfort in knowing that you’re more likely to wake up quickly at the sound of potential threats. On the other hand, it can be exhausting to wake up at every little thing that goes bump in the night.

Hell's Kitchen isn’t exactly a quiet place. The average night is filled with sounds of police sirens and noisy neighbors. Shouting, stomping, fucking, fighting – you name it. Over the course of the year that you have lived here, you have grown accustomed to it – and with the help of melatonin and a white noise machine, you're able to drown most of it out. Usually.

Usually does not typically include the sound of gun shots in the alleyway below your apartment in the middle of a random Thursday night, however.

The initial shot causes you to jolt upright in your bed. Before you can process what you heard, another shot fires from somewhere outside your window, this time unmistakable.

Instinctively, you roll off of your mattress and onto the floor, using the bed as a barricade in case any bullets come flying through your window. Your heart feels as if it’s going to beat right out of your chest, and you try your hardest to regain control of your breathing while not moving a muscle.

Thirty seconds pass, then a minute, and then two while you wait for the sound of another gunshot that never comes. You’re unsure of how long you lie on your floor before finally sitting up and reaching into the drawer of the bedside table directly above your head. You pull out the Glock 42 that you purchased prior to moving to this part of town, though you haven’t truly worried about needing to use it until right now.

As quietly as you can, you crawl with the gun in hand to the opposite side of your bed, closer to the window. Your curtains are closed, and you intend on keeping them that way, but there’s a big enough gap between the fabric and the window for you to peek outside.

At first, you see nothing out of the ordinary. There’s enough light from a streetlamp at the mouth of the alleyway that you’re able to make out the trash bins and a dumpster that belongs to the bakery next door to your apartment building. You watch with bated breath, waiting for any kind of movement.

Just when you’re convinced that the shooter (or shooters) have fled the scene, a flash of movement catches your eye from the far end of the dumpster. You can tell that it’s a man – he had been hiding behind it, just out of your field of view. His head peeks around the corner, as if checking to make sure the coast is clear.

He steps out from behind the dumpster, taking several wobbly steps before leaning against the metal siding for support. Thanks to the streetlamp and tonight's full moon, you’re able to see that the side of his head is caked in what is presumably blood – whether it’s his or someone else’s, you have no idea. You watch as the man pulls back his coat, revealing a white t-shirt soaked in dark red near his shoulder.

You can’t stop the small gasp that escapes from your lips. You immediately cover your mouth with your hand, backing away from the window to search for your cell phone. He has clearly been shot, you need to call for help—

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit,” you whisper as renewed panic begins to surge through you.

Your fucking phone is dead. You press the power button repeatedly, hoping for it to miraculously turn on. You worked a sixteen hour shift at the hospital yesterday and crashed as soon as you got home. Didn’t eat anything for dinner, didn’t shower, didn’t even change out of your scrubs…and didn’t plug your phone in to charge.

You peer out of the window again. The man is still slumped against the dumpster, seemingly clutching at his wounded shoulder in an attempt to slow the bleeding.

You rack your brain, knowing that you need to do something. You’re a trauma nurse for Christ’s sake. You see this kind of thing and worse every day. You can’t just leave him to bleed out in the street while you watch from the comfort of your apartment.

You fear that if you turn your bedroom light on, he’ll see the light from the cracks in your curtains and attempt to run away. So you fumble around in the dark until you find a pair of slippers and a coat, cramming your pistol into an interior pocket.

You want to help – but you have no way of knowing why he was being shot at. The assailant could have a reasonable excuse as to why they put a bullet in this man’s shoulder. He’s injured, yes, but what if he deserves to be?

Your brain and your heart go back and forth with each other the entire trek down the apartment building’s stairwell. Ultimately, your heart wins, and you ease open an emergency exit door that leads directly into the alley where the man still sits with his back against the dumpster.

The second that he notices you step out of the building, he forces himself to his feet. He turns away from you, but not before you note just how much blood is all over him. He tugs the hood of his jacket over his head and begins to walk in the opposite direction, still obviously unsteady on his feet.

“Hey!” You call after him against your better judgment. “Judging by the way you’re walking and the amount of blood on you, I’d bet that you’ve lost a fair amount.”

You notice that he has a bit of a limp that causes him to walk slowly, but he doesn’t stop or so much as look back at you.

“’M fine, lady,” he grunts over his shoulder. “Don’t worry about me, just go back inside.”

You know that you should listen to him. Every rational and logical part of your brain is screaming at you to do as he says – turn around, go back to your apartment, and lock the fucking door.

But the pain etched in his voice roots you right where you stand. If he had any desire to harm you, why wouldn’t he do so right now? There’s no one else around. But he isn’t jumping at the opportunity to attack you – he’s actively trying to distance himself from you.

“I can help you,” You implore, your voice a bit louder this time. “I’m a trauma nurse. Let me help you.”

He stops, bracing a hand against the brick wall beside him for support. He glances back at you over his shoulder – just enough to give you a view of his side profile. Even from here, you can tell that his nose looks broken.

“See,” you continue, opening your coat enough to let him see the mauve colored scrubs that you had fallen asleep in. “No cops,” you add, reading the hesitation on his face. “I just wanna patch you up so I can go back to sleep with a clear conscience.”

Still, he says nothing. He turns, eyeing you up and down like he’s weighing the pros and cons of putting his trust in a stranger.

Truthfully, you should be doing the same right about now.

You shiver, closing your coat once more at a sudden gust of wind. “Or bleed out,” you shrug. You take a step backwards, towards the emergency exit you had come out of. “At least I know that I tried.”

You turn around, grabbing the door handle but freezing before pulling it open when you hear him finally speak.

“Wait,” he starts, his voice gruff and strained. You look back at him expectantly. “No cops?” he reiterates.

“No cops,” you promise. “Just a nurse trying to do what she went to school for.” You pause. “And maybe get some good karma out of it.”

You hold the door open for him, motioning with your head as if to say after you. He hesitates for a second longer, and then begins to limp towards you. The thought crosses your mind to help him up the stairs to your apartment on the second story, but you quickly remind yourself that you do not know this man. You’re already being risky by simply offering him help – you should at least attempt to keep some amount of space in between the two of you.

He hobbles up the stairwell, one hand clutching the railing and the other holding pressure to his shoulder wound with his t-shirt that is already soaked through with blood. You can tell he’s in a decent amount of pain, despite how he tries to conceal it.

You open your door for him before you can talk yourself out of it, mentally saying a prayer to whatever higher power may be listening that you don’t end up regretting this.

“You can take a seat on the couch,” you say as you close the door behind you. “And remove your coat and shirt, if you can. I’ll gather my supplies.”

You instinctively begin to shrug out of your own coat, but then remember the pistol that rests in the pocket and decide it’s safer to resume wearing it. He is a complete stranger, and a bloody, bruised one at that.

With his back still turned to you, he slowly slips off his coat and then carefully pulls the blood-soaked t-shirt over his head. He hisses in pain, which isn’t shocking considering the intense bruising that decorates the thick muscles of his back.

Your gaze lingers for a moment longer than it should before you start gathering the necessary supplies from around your small apartment. Towels, sterile saline, medical shears, gauze, bandages…

When you reenter the room a moment later with everything you managed to scrounge together on such short notice, he’s already sitting on the couch, fiddling absentmindedly with the wilted petals of the dead flowers in a vase on the table in front of him.

Your eyes are instantly drawn to the entry wound just under his clavicle, near his left shoulder, and you breathe a small sigh of relief. Though it still leaks dark red, it isn’t gushing as you had feared it would be.

“I’m going to do a basic assessment first,” you tell him as you take a seat on the edge of the coffee table in front of the couch, your voice doing little to conceal how nervous the newfound close proximity makes you. You reach for his left hand, which you take in your own. “Any numbness or tingling?”

He shakes his head after a split-second. “No.”

“Can you wiggle your fingers for me?”

He does so without hesitation, the calloused, blood-streaked fingers flexing against your palm.

“Good,” you murmur, bringing two of your fingers to check his radial pulse.

He makes a low sound, something halfway between a laugh and a grunt. “Am I dead?” He hums, voice gravelly but light with amusement.

You roll your eyes. “Not yet.” You pause, feeling the steady beat of his pulse beneath his skin. “I’m just making sure you’ve got good blood flow to this arm and hand.”

“And?”

“And you got lucky,” you tell him, dropping his hand to reach for a towel and the bottle of sterile saline. “Another inch to the left and the bullet would’ve nicked your subclavian artery. You would have already bled out behind that dumpster.”

“Lucky,” he scoffs, the word dripping with sarcasm. “If I’m lucky, it’s only because I chose the right alley to get shot in tonight.”

You snort a laugh without meeting his gaze as you begin to wipe away the excess blood from his skin, the words and the rough timbre of his voice sending goosebumps across your skin.

“Try not to make it a habit,” you mutter, forcing yourself to focus on the wound instead of the pair of dark brown eyes that appear almost black in the dim lighting of your living room.

The man is silent while you work to clean up all of the blood that is dried to the skin of his neck and chest.

“What about you?” He asks when you pull the now red-tinged towel away for a final time. “Do you make a habit of bringing strange, wounded men into your home?”

“Can’t say that I do. You’d be the first.” Then, because the way he’s looking at you makes you feel like you’re the one who lost a liter of blood, you speak again before he has a chance to respond in that voice that makes it hard for you to focus on what you’re supposed to be doing here.

“There‘s no exit wound, so that means the bullet is probably still inside. I’m going to leave it there, because attempting to extract it here could do a lot more harm than good.”

He gives a nonchalant half shrug. “Wouldn’t be the only bullet to live inside me.”

“Oh?” You quip, somehow only mildly surprised by the admission. “You collecting them?”

The corners of his mouth tug upwards into something resembling a smirk. “Something like that.”

As curious as that makes you, you don’t pry. You don’t think you could possibly like the answer. You do the rest of your work in the kind of silence that doesn’t actually feel quiet because it only gives your thoughts time to get louder and louder.

You blot a few fresh droplets of blood. What the hell is this guy involved in?

You place a sterile dressing over the wound. If this isn’t his first time getting shot, how many times has he been shot?

You secure the dressing to his chest with medical tape. What is his name?

As soon as you pull your hands away, he starts to stand in front of you. “Oh,” you squeak, “No, I wouldn’t stand up quite yet. You should give it a few minutes to make sure your bandage doesn’t soak through—”

The man, now towering over you, shakes his head. “This should hold me together. I’ve had worse.”

Jesus Christ.

“At least let me give you something for the pain,” you try to reason with him, standing up. When you do, your chest is only a few inches from his, still bare in front of you. You instantly start to put some space between you. “Seriously, that’s going to fucking hurt—”

He chuckles low, cutting you off. “Extra strength ibuprofen doesn’t really do much for me these days, but I appreciate it.”

You’re at a loss for words for a moment, and you aren’t even sure why. It’s not like you should be thinking of an excuse to make the man hang around your apartment for any longer than necessary. You’ve done what you set out to do - bring him inside, make sure he isn’t going to bleed out, and patch him up. Mission accomplished. Now all that’s really left is to send him on his way and lock the door behind him.

“Right,” you huff a humorless laugh. “Well, I would tell you to stay out of trouble, but something tells me it wouldn’t do much good.”

He grabs his jacket and blood-soaked t-shirt off of the couch, choosing to forgo the latter and instead slip only the zip up hoodie back on.

“No, probably not,” he deadpans, the huskiness of his voice making your apartment feel hotter than it actually is. “Thank you, though. I appreciate this. You didn’t have to help me.” He pauses, looking you directly in the eye, his expression grave and unreadable. “And if you were smart, you wouldn’t have. So let’s keep this the one and only time you do this, yeah?”

The way he’s looking at you gives you very little confidence to fight him on that. Every smart retort that pops into your head dies on your tongue under his stare.

You only nod, and after another wordless, tense moment, he begins to show himself out.

“You at least gonna tell me your name?” You call after him, willing your voice not to crack.

He doesn’t so much as look over his shoulder when he answers with another humorless laugh.

“I promise, it’s better for us both if I don’t, angel.”

ִֶָ. ..𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ🪽་༘࿐

Three days pass, and with each one, you’re a little more convinced that the man with the haunted, espresso-colored eyes who sat bleeding in your living room was nothing more than a figment of your imagination.

Then you see the blood-stained hand towel you had used to wipe his skin clean, and you’re reminded that it was not a fever dream. He really had been here, and you had helped him, and you have no reason to believe you’ll ever see him again now.

That is, until a knock from outside your bedroom window wakes you up at seven o’clock in the morning on your day off.

At first, you think you dreamed it. But then you quickly remember what happened last time you heard something from outside this very window, and before you’re fully awake, you’re swinging your legs over the side of your bed and walking the short distance to the window. You peak out of the curtain, and upon first glance, you see nothing.

What would there be to see, anyway? You’re on the second story. Someone would have had to climb your fire escape to—

You glance down and freeze, your entire body going rigid at what lay on the platform of your fire escape.

Flowers.

It’s nothing extravagant. A small bunch of wildflowers tied together mid-stems with a string. But still, flowers. On your fire escape at seven o'clock in the morning.

A folded piece of paper rests beneath the stems, enticing you to open the window and see what it says. To see who the hell they could possibly be from, though a specific, bruised face already pops into your mind in answer.

You look around again, peering both ways down the alley outside your window. There’s nothing but a few trash cans and the same dumpster that your mysterious, after hours patient had hid behind.

If not him…then who the hell else? You can’t even recall the last time someone gave you flowers. The dead, wilted ones currently on your coffee table are from a street vendor that sells them down the block from the hospital you work at. You bought them for yourself.

Once you have convinced yourself that no one is lurking in the alleyway, watching for you to open your window, you do so, quickly grabbing the small bouquet of multi-colored wildflowers and the piece of paper before shutting (and locking) your window once more.

The handwriting on the folded note is a masculine scrawl.

The flowers in your living room need to be thrown away

Thanks again, angel

- F

ִֶָ. ..𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ🪽་༘࿐

You installed a security camera outside of your bedroom window the following day.

Its position allows you to see your fire escape, as well as the mouth of the alleyway outside of your bedroom.

You didn’t do it because you’re creeped out, or because you feel unsafe. You did it because if he were to come again, you don’t want to miss him. You don’t want to be left wondering if it’s really him.

The man with a scar just under his clavicle, the man who left flowers on your fire escape and then ran before you had a chance to get out of bed, the man who called you angel, the man whose name starts with F.

You’ve been referring to him as Frederick in your head for two months now. You spent an embarrassing amount of time scouring baby naming websites for male names that start with F, and Frederick stood out the most. It means peaceful ruler, and the irony of that makes you laugh considering the circumstances under which you met, but unless he ever returns and tells you his actual name, you will continue to let yourself believe it’s Frederick.

Fred, for short.

After two months, you begin to doubt that will ever happen. You helped him, and he returned with flowers to thank you, and that is the end of that. You eventually stop glancing out your window at every little bump in the night, you stop checking the Ring camera footage hoping that one of the notifications is him, and you resume life as normal.

So when a tapping sound randomly wakes you in the middle of the night after more than two months without a trace of him, you first assume it’s only the thunderstorm raging outside. You think so little of it that your initial response is to simply turn over, pull your comforter tighter, and close your eyes.

Then you hear it again.

Just a bit louder this time, but now undeniable. Knuckles against glass. Still, you hesitate, the fear of realizing that someone is outside of your window, on your fire escape in the dead of night momentarily paralyzing you. Then, still half asleep, you remember what happened last time there was a knock on your bedroom window, and you quickly grab your phone off of your nightstand, jerking it from the power cord.

Your most recent notification is informing you of movement on your security camera. The description reads a person is standing on the fire escape knocking on a window.

You pull up the live footage as your heart threatens to beat right out of your chest. Your hands go clammy, anticipation surging through—

His hair is longer and his beard has grown in full since you last saw him, but there’s no doubt in your mind that it’s him.

Your trembling thumb hovers over the microphone button for a moment before you’re able to work up the courage to press it.

“No flowers this time?” You speak into your phone, loud enough for him to hear you over the rain that pours down around him. Right away, he glances at the camera located in the upper corner of the window, his expression somewhere between a smirk and a pained grimace.

“Sorry,” he huffs. “Didn’t exactly have time to pick any in between getting my ass kicked and climbing your fire escape at three in the morning.” He pauses. “So what’s it gonna be, angel? You gonna let me in or do I need to walk to the closest emergency room?”

You don’t answer him over the camera. Instead, you put your phone down, flick your nightstand lamp on, and then take a few steps to your bedroom window. Your curtains are closed, and you take a deep breath before pulling them open.

You’re actually doing this again. Letting this stranger, this injured man, into your home again in the middle of the night.

Only this time, he’s sopping wet.

He doesn’t say anything when you first open the window. He just ducks beneath the frame with a sharp hiss, one forearm braced against the sill as he carefully maneuvers one leg through the opening. For a moment, he pauses halfway inside, his shoulders tense beneath the rain soaked fabric of his hoodie. His eyes squeeze shut as he shifts his weight, and a low, involuntary grunt escapes him.

You automatically reach out, your hand hovering near his elbow.

“I’ve got it,” he mutters through gritted teeth.

You don’t argue, but you still stay close while he swings his other leg through the threshold of the window and then straightens his posture as much as he can manage. One arm instinctively folds across the right side of his ribcage, guarding it, while rain droplets drip from the ends of his hair onto your bedroom floor.

“Sorry about the mess,” he grunts, glancing down at his boots that squeak against the hardwood.

You offer a small shrug. “I need to mop anyway.”

Now that he’s inside, you take a closer look at him. There’s a bruise forming along his cheekbone, and another reddish, puffy knot at his temple. His bottom lip is slightly cracked, caked with dried blood. There’s bags beneath his brown eyes, as if he has hardly slept since you last saw him.

“You look like hell, Fred.”

Thick brows scrunch together. “Fred?”

You nod. “That’s what I’m going to call you until you tell me your actual name. Which I’m assuming is not Fred, then?”

Air blows through his nose in a near silent laugh, his chest shaking with the movement before another pained grimace flashes across his face. “Not Fred.”

Your eyes rake downwards where he still clutches his side. “Let me guess,” you sigh, “ribs?”

“Yeah,” he grunts. “Think so.”

You jerk your head in the direction of your bedroom door. “Go to the living room. I’m gonna see if I can scrounge up some dry clothes that might fit you.”

He hesitates, another ghost of a laugh escaping him as his eyes trail downwards. “Maybe grab some pants for yourself while you’re at it, yeah?”

By the time your brain processes his words, he’s already walking towards your bedroom door, leaving you wide-eyed and warm-faced. You glance down in confirmation of what you’re already painfully aware of: you aren’t wearing any pants.

A t-shirt just long enough to conceal the curve of your ass, but no pants.

You recover from the embarrassment quick enough, springing into action to find a pair of pants for yourself as well as a change of clothes for the drenched man in the other room. Luckily, you still have a bag of random clothes your ex had left at your place forever ago that you had forgotten to throw out. He’s a bit stockier, more muscular, than your ex, but they are similar in height. These might be a little bit tight, but they will at least be more comfortable than wet, cold clothes.

When you enter the living room with a plain white t-shirt and a pair of black sweatpants only a minute later, he has already removed his jacket and undershirt.

His eyes flicker downwards and back up again, lips twitching with the threat of a smirk at the realization that you had taken his advice and put on a pair of pajama pants before his gaze lands on the men’s clothing in your hands.

“Ex boyfriend’s,” you explain, probably quicker than necessary as you place them on your coffee table. “They got pushed to the back of my closet. Should fit you well enough.”

His gaze softens a tad at that. “Thanks.”

You nod, then glance down, your attention instantly drawn to the right side of his ribcage. The skin there is already darkening, a bruise beginning to bloom beneath a patch of angry redness and subtle swelling. You take a small step towards him, a tentative hand coming to his side. Your fingertips brush the skin there ever so lightly, and he lets you, the muscles there tensing.

“Take a deep breath for me,” you murmur.

He inhales, his torso stiffening and muscles in his jaw clenching before he releases a shaky exhale.

“Again.”

Though it clearly brings him discomfort, he’s able to take a reasonably deep breath, which puts your mind somewhat at ease.

“You know, telling me exactly what happened would help me assess the injury more accurately,” you hum, dropping your hand from the warm skin of his side and crossing your arms over your chest.

He snorts. “Got kicked. Boot to the ribcage.”

Considering he had a bullet in him last time he was in your living room, the answer is only mildly alarming.

“People seem to enjoy beating the shit out of you.”

He raises a brow at you. “Is that my official diagnosis?”

You sigh, eyes flickering back down to the puffy, red skin of his otherwise toned abdomen. “It’s impossible to know for certain without an x-ray,” you shrug. “It’s probably just a bruised rib or two. Possibly fractured. Not much to be done either way.”

“Yeah,” he grunts, reaching down for the t-shirt on the coffee table in front of him with a grimace. “That’s what I figured.”

Now it’s your turn to cock a brow. “Why’d you come here, then?”

You can’t help the question as it slips out. He has clearly had more than his fair share of injuries - the evidence of them are littered across his body in old, fading bruises and scar tissue. A cracked rib is minor in comparison to the marred skin of his chest where you had patched him up just two months ago.

For once, he doesn’t meet your gaze. Instead, he gives a nonchalant shrug as he maneuvers the dry t-shirt over his head.

“Guess I thought it would be a safe place to lay low until this storm blows over.”

A crack of thunder booms in the distance as soon as the last word leaves his lips. Part of you wants to press for more, but you figure that is likely as honest of an answer as you will get from him, so you hold back all the other questions that threaten to spill from you.

What kind of mess have you gotten yourself into? Why here? You really had nowhere else to go?

Who the hell are you?

Instead, you say nothing. You simply pick up the pair of sweatpants still sitting on the table next to you, and hand them to him in offering until he accepts them.

“There’s a bathroom just down that hallway,” you tell him with a small nod in the direction of the guest bathroom. “You can throw all of your clothes in the dryer, if you’d like.”

For a moment, he only stares at you. His mouth parts slightly as if he’s going to speak, but then changes his mind and only nods.

“I’ll get you an ice pack. If you’re going to hang out here, you’re going to ice that rib, Fred,” you sigh as you start to walk in the direction of your kitchen. “And you’re going to take some ibuprofen—”

“It’s Frank.”

You stop in your tracks, quickly turning to look at him. “What?”

“My name,” he clarifies, voice gruff, “it’s Frank.”

Your surprise undoubtedly shows on your face at the revelation. You repeat the name, more to yourself than anything, with a slow nod.

“Nice to meet you, Frank.”

ִֶָ. ..𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ🪽་༘࿐

To your disappointment, but not your surprise, Frank had already left when you woke up later that morning.

Frank. At first, it felt odd to finally know his actual name after calling him Fred in your head for over two months. You got used to it quickly, though. By the fourth, fifth, sixth time that he shows up on your fire escape, you forget how it ever felt to not know Frank Castle’s name.

His appearances became somewhat predictable.

Every two to three weeks, you wake up to soft tapping on your window in the late hours of the night. Sometimes he has cuts, sometimes bruises. Sometimes both. You patch him up to the best of your abilities, you offer him food and water, you let him sleep on your couch until daylight comes, and then he slips out of your front door so silently that it doesn’t even wake you.

That is, until his most recent visit, when you woke up and found him still snoring softly in your living room. He had shown up on your fire escape, as he always does, with a split lip and black eye. The injuries hardly warranted a nurse’s consultation, but you welcomed him in, anyway.

You walked into your living room that morning fully expecting him to be gone. When you realized that he hadn’t moved, you couldn’t help but stare at him for a moment. Early morning sunlight was trickling in through your curtains, spilling across his face and catching on the bruises that colored his skin.

It was by far the most at peace you’ve seen him in all of the months that you’ve known him.

But Frank is a light sleeper. As quiet as you tried to be, he woke as soon as you started moving around your kitchen to make yourself a cup of coffee.

He seemed just as surprised as you were that he had slept so long. And then, when you offered him breakfast, he surprised you both again.

He stayed.

He stayed while you cracked eggs into a bowl and whisked them together with a splash of milk and extra shredded cheese - just like your grandmother always did when making omelettes, you told him. He leaned against your kitchen counter with a cup of coffee, quietly watching you move around your apartment as if he had done so a hundred times before. As if it was any other Tuesday morning.

Conversation flowed easier than it had ever had. You told him about some of your patients from the past week. About a little boy who had proudly showed you his dinosaur bandage after getting stitches, and about the elderly man who shamelessly flirts with every nurse in your unit despite having recently celebrated his fiftieth wedding anniversary.

More than anything else, you talked about yourself, because Frank asks more questions than he answers, but you did learn that he hates mushrooms with a passion, and takes his coffee black.

That was a month ago now, and you haven’t seen him since.

Not a word. No late night visits, no flowers or thank you notes left on your fire escape in the dead of night. You had given him your phone number scribbled on a post-it note the fourth or fifth time that he showed up to your place, but he hadn’t made any use of that, either.

The first couple of weeks, you didn’t think anything of it. It was normal to go a few weeks without seeing him. But now that it’s been a whole month, you’re worried.

Why hasn’t he come by? Is he okay? Did he skip town? Did he get into some kind of altercation that he wasn’t able to walk away from? Is he even alive?

You stay up late each night, unable to find sleep, your thoughts racing with all of these questions that you have no way of finding the answers to.

You’ve spiraled over the unknown more than you care to admit. From randomly checking your security camera footage in the middle of a shift to searching for his name in local obituaries, you’ve let his extended, unexplained absence consume you. When you’re awake, you’re wondering where he is, what he’s doing, and when you’ll see him again. When you’re asleep, his brown eyes and scarred skin appear in your dreams.

Friends and coworkers have started to notice how distracted you’ve allowed yourself to become, too. Hence the reason you’re at a crowded, noisy bar at 10:30 on a Wednesday night.

A couple of coworkers had all but drug you with them after your shift earlier today, insisting that you needed to get out, have a few drinks, and get the mystery man who you refuse to admit actually exists off of your mind.

For the first hour or two, it worked.

You mingled, gossiped, laughed. But now? Two martinis in, exhausted from a twelve hour shift, and listening to some twenty-one year old sing karaoke off key? You can’t stop your thoughts from wandering back to the very person that you had hoped to drown from them.

When you tell the coworker who had invited you that you’re going to head home because you’re exhausted, she tries to convince you to stay for one more drink. When that doesn’t work, she tries to convince you to let her walk you home, and although you appreciate the offer, your apartment is only a few blocks from here and you really just want to be alone with your thoughts and the crisp night air.

Very quickly, you regret not letting her walk you home, or ordering yourself an Uber, or flagging down a fucking taxi.

“Hey, sweetheart. You need a ride somewhere?”

Something in your gut tells you the sudden, masculine voice is talking to you without even looking. You stumble the slightest bit, but you keep walking, giving no acknowledgment that you had even heard him. Your hand instinctively goes to your purse that rests against your hip. Inside is your Glock that you’ve still never actually had to use.

Footsteps thud against the pavement behind you. Your fingers twitch against the leather fabric, preparing to reach down inside.

“Hey!” The voice calls out, louder this time, right behind you. A hand clamps down on your shoulder. “I’m talking to you. Don’t be rude now—”

Three things happen at once.

You shove your hand down into your bag to grip the gun nestled inside, you come face to face with the tall but scrawny man still grabbing your shoulder, and a faceless, hooded figure emerges from the shadows of the nearest alleyway.

“Doesn’t seem like she’s very interested to me,” a deep, gruff voice booms from beneath the hood. It startles the man enough to release his hold on your shoulder and take an immediate step back. It startles you, too, but for different reasons.

You instantly recognize that voice. You’ve thought of it every night since you last heard it a month ago. You’ve thought of it every night since you first found its owner bleeding outside of your apartment.

And if the voice isn’t confirmation enough, the thick, dark beard peeking out from beneath the hood is plenty.

“Oh, I was—” The scrawny man stutters, taking a few steps backwards, attempting to put some distance between him and the unexpected presence, “—was just seeing if she needed a ride—”

“Wrong woman,” Frank barks, lifting his hood enough to reveal eyes so dark that they look black beneath the streetlamp, fixed on the man with an unwavering intensity that silently promises violence.

The man continues to stumble backwards and your grip on the Glock, still tucked out of sight, relaxes.

“S—sorry, man,” he squeaks. “I don’t want any problems. Swear—”

“Get the fuck out of here.”

The man doesn’t say another word before scampering away in the opposite direction, leaving you alone with Frank Castle.

Are you hallucinating? Did someone spike your fucking drink at the bar? Or is he actually standing in front of you, beard fuller and hair longer than you’ve ever seen it, looking at you like he doesn’t know if he should stay or disappear again?

“Hey, angel.”

The words seem to snap you out of a trance. One second, you’re standing there, staring at him with squinted eyes, and the next, you’re pulling your pistol out of your bag, the muzzle pointed directly at his chest.

He takes an involuntary step back, his hands raising in front of him in shocked defense. “Christ, what the fu—”

“I had that handled.” You wave the gun around haphazardly for emphasis.

Frank grabs the barrel of the Glock, pushing it downwards. “Would you stop swinging that thing around?” He pauses, leaning in to take a closer look at you. “Are you drunk?”

You’re unable to stop the laugh that escapes you at that. “Why don’t you tell me? You know, since apparently you’re stalking me.”

“Stalking you?” Frank scoffs, almost offended. “I ain’t stalking you.”

You shove the gun back into your purse without taking your eyes off of his incredulous expression. “Oh, no? You just so happened to be in the exact right place at the exact right time after ghosting me for a month?”

He falls silent, giving a small nod to himself as his gaze wanders up and down the street before settling on the cracked pavement beneath his boots. Anywhere but your eyes. “I wasn’t trying to stalk you, alright? I was in the neighborhood and saw you go into the bar. Just wanted to make sure you got home alright.” He pauses, meeting your gaze once again, his dark eyes as intense and unyielding as ever. “And it’s a good thing that I did.”

It’s your turn to scoff at that. “Right. So you care enough to make sure that I get home safely…” You take a step closer to him, your stare unblinking as you look up at him in the light of the streetlamp, “but you couldn’t pick up a phone and call me? Couldn’t leave a note? Couldn’t climb my fire escape at any point in the last month to let me know you hadn’t been gunned down in a random alley in Hell’s Kitchen?”

Frank’s jaw tightens as he swallows thickly. No answer.

You snort a humorless laugh, taking a step back. “That’s what I thought.”

You start to turn around, to walk away, when the small, petty part of you easily influenced by alcohol begs you to open your mouth again. “And just so you know, Frank, I checked the obituaries to see if you were dead.”

He opens his mouth to respond, but you’re already walking in the opposite direction.

He lets you go and does not try to hide the fact that he follows you the rest of the way to your apartment, not turning around until you’ve safely entered the building.

ִֶָ. ..𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ🪽་༘࿐

That night, Frank Castle appears in your dreams.

It isn’t the first time he’s been conjured by your subconscious, but it is the first time that you wake up and have to question what is fantasy and what is reality due to how utterly lifelike it had all felt.

You hear a gruff voice calling you angel. You see tortured brown eyes staring at you the way they had beneath the streetlights, heavy with the weight of everything he had refused to say. But instead of staying silent when you start to walk away, he stops you. He calls out for you with a restrained grunt of your name, and asks you not to go.

When you jerk awake to the sound of your alarm, your heart is racing, and for a few disorienting moments, you have to remind yourself that you’re alone in your bedroom. Frank Castle is not here. He’s not snoring in your living room, he’s not waiting on your fire escape for you to open the window and let him inside.

You don’t know if he ever will be again.

It’s the kind of dream that leaves you in a melancholic headspace for hours after waking.

You try your hardest to go about your day as normal. You clock in for a twelve hour shift at the emergency department, feeling severely unrested and slightly hungover. You drink more coffee than you usually do to get you through the first few hours of the morning, in between patients.

First, a seven-year-old boy with a fractured elbow. Skateboarding accident. Next, an elderly woman with a nasty grease burn. Bacon accident. Then, a construction worker with a mangled finger. Nail gun accident. And now…

“There’s a man in Central 12. Says he hit his head. Possible concussion.”

You briefly look up from your task of restocking a crash cart to give your charge nurse, Jenny, a nod of confirmation. “I’ll be with him in just a moment.”

She’s silent for a second. “He asked for you by name.”

That gets your undivided attention. You look up again, this time noticing an amused expression on Jenny’s face that piques your interest even further. “Do you know who it is?”

Jenny shrugs. “Never seen him before. Says his name is Fred?”

You drop the oxygen mask you’re holding out of surprise. “Fred?” You echo as Frank’s face flashes through your mind.

She nods, the amusement on her face quickly shifting into confusion. “Yeah, why? You know him?”

You can’t bring yourself to say yes until you walk to Central 12 and see him with your own two eyes.

And even then, when you see Frank Castle sitting on the exam table in his normal attire of bruises and all black, you still have to question whether or not you’re actually awake, or in your bed, still dreaming.

You close the door before speaking. “You know, showing up to my job isn’t really helping you with the stalker allegations.”

His broad shoulders lift with silent laughter as he looks around the room, not meeting your gaze. “Tried to go by your place this morning,” he says simply. “You weren’t there, so I took a guess…figured you might be here.”

You hum, crossing your arms over your chest as you come to stand directly in front of him. Your eyes skim over his face, looking for any sign of visible injury. “Here I am,” you exhale. “Let me guess. You didn’t actually hit your head?”

Another snort of laughter as his gaze meets yours. You’re aware that it could be your imagination playing tricks on you, but you swear that for a split-second, his eyes flicker down to your lips and then back up.

“I’m having a hard time remembering,” he grunts, a spark of something humorous appearing and then disappearing from his stare. “Maybe you should check me over and make sure I’m not concussed while you hear me out.”

Maybe it’s the rough timbre of his voice, or maybe his choice of words, or maybe the way he’s looking at you, but whatever it is makes goosebumps spread all the way down your spine.

There’s a waiting room full of people waiting to be seen just down the hallway. People with actual injuries. People who might really be concussed. People who don’t come in and out of your life like ghosts.

At least a dozen different reasons as to why you shouldn’t indulge him come to mind, but none of them stop you from reaching for the penlight clipped to your scrub pocket.

“Follow the light.”

He obeys without complaint, lips quirking slightly at the corners as his eyes track the beam left, right, up, and down.

“Any dizziness? Blurred vision? Nausea or vomiting?”

You already know the answers before he opens his mouth.

“No. None of that.”

You click the pen off. “Tell me your full name.”

He huffs something between a laugh and a sigh. “Francis David Castle Sr.”

That answer does take you by surprise. Not the fact that his first name is actually Francis. No, what surprises you is the suffix. Senior. Because if Frank is actually Francis David Castle Sr., then that can only imply…

“You have a son?”

His expression changes almost immediately. The slight amusement disappears from his face, but he doesn’t drop your gaze. “Had,” he grunts. “Had a daughter, too.”

He doesn’t need to say anything else. His choice of words makes it clear. Had. Past tense. No more.

“I’m very sorry to hear that,” you murmur sincerely.

Frank nods, so small that it’s nearly imperceptible as he clears his throat. “Yeah. Me too.”

You don’t press the subject further. Not here, not now. You just lock the information away with every other fact he’s hesitantly handed over since meeting him. Like his name and how he takes his coffee.

“Alright. Last question,” you say gently. You swallow down the small lump that has unexpectedly formed in your throat, forcing your attention back to the matter at hand. “Why are you here right now, Frank?”

He studies you for a long moment before answering, making the small exam room suddenly seem suffocating.

“I’m here to tell you I’m sorry,” he says, his voice and expression equally grave. “For disappearing the way that I did. For…making you worry. I didn’t think…” he trails off, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. He shakes his head, a humorless laugh escaping him. “Hell, I don’t know what I was thinkin’.”

You nod slowly, taking a seat on the stool in front of him before responding. You glance down at your hands in your lap. “Why did you?” You ask, voice meeker than you intend for it to sound. “Disappear?”

Another moment of silence that feels eternal. “Thought it’d be better for you. Safer.” You meet his gaze at that. His lips purse, and you think that’s as much of an explanation as he’s going to give, but then his lips part again. “…and I guess it’s been a long time since I’ve had someone care about me like that. Kinda forgot what it feels like.”

He swallows thickly at that, like he’s holding himself back from saying anything more. Without thinking, you wheel yourself closer to him until your knees are nearly brushing his where they dangle from the exam table. He stares down at you, and you up at him, and the rest of the hospital outside of these four walls seems to fade away.

“Safer?” You murmur. “You know you’re talking to the girl who invited a bleeding stranger into her apartment in the middle of the night, right?”

He chuckles low, his broad shoulders rising and falling with it. “Exactly,” he sighs. “You won’t keep yourself safe, so I guess it’s up to me.”

You quirk a brow. “So you were stalking me last night, then.”

He hesitates just long enough for you notice the faint, barely visible blush that blooms beneath his beard. “Stalking is a strong word.”

“I knew it.”

The blush on his cheeks grows a deeper pink and he rolls his eyes, now avoiding yours. “Look, I wasn’t…wasn’t trying to follow you or anything weird. Just…every now and then, I’d check in. Make sure nobody’s hanging around your building.” He pauses, his jaw clenching. “Make sure that nobody has connected you to me.”

Although that might possibly be the most honest Frank Castle has been since you first met him, it somehow leaves you with more questions than answers.

It’s never been a secret that the man who shows up on your fire escape bloodied and bruised on a regular basis has his fair share of secrets that reek of violence and destruction, but hearing it come from his own mouth that merely being associated with him could potentially jeopardize your safety…

It’s the kind of honesty that should send you running in the opposite direction. But then again, there’s a lot about Frank Castle that should have sent you running in the opposite direction a long time ago.

Yet here you are. Not running. Not even telling him to leave. You weren’t able to walk away from him the very first time that you found him bleeding outside of your apartment, and you sure as hell aren’t able to now.

Slowly, you rise from the stool you’ve been sitting on. Once at eye level with him, you take a small, tentative step closer, stopping when your thighs brush against his knees. Usually, the two of you are only ever this close when you’re examining a black eye or busted lip, but right now, there’s no injuries in sight. Just his big, chocolate brown eyes and slightly chapped lips inches from your own.

“You were wrong about one thing,” you murmur, voice breathy. Your hands hover awkwardly for a moment before settling atop his thighs, the touch intimate in a way that’s brand new. “You disappearing wasn’t better for me. It only made me feel like I was losing my mind.”

The air in the room turns thick and heavy at the admission. Borderline asphyxiating. At first, he says nothing, but brings one hand to rest against your hip. His grip is loose enough that you could easily step away if you wanted to, but tight enough for you to know that he hopes you don’t.

“Yeah,” he grunts, voice low. “That makes two of us, then.”

The confession comes as a pleasant surprise that gives you enough courage to ease yourself just between his legs, further into his embrace. His eyes flicker down to your lips for not the first time since stepping foot in this room, this time undeniable and unabashed.

You clear your throat a bit in a failed effort to break the tension. “Well, good news,” you breathe, “I don’t think you’re concussed.”

He chuckles low, his gaze unwavering. “That is good news. I’d hate for you to think I’m not thinking clearly right now.”

And before you even have a chance to wonder if he’s really about to do what you think he’s about to do, he leans forward and closes the small amount of space separating your lips from his.

ִֶָ. ..𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ🪽་༘࿐

Your phone rings at 8:30 that night, just one hour after you get home from your twelve hour shift at the hospital. You’re stepping out of the shower when your screen lights up with an unknown number.

Normally, you ignore or send them straight to voicemail. More than half of the calls that you get these days are robocalls, but this particular number isn’t being flagged as a potential spam risk. In fact, it’s a local number, with a Hell’s Kitchen area code.

And though there’s no way of knowing for sure who it is, you secure your towel around your midsection and answer as if you do.

“I was starting to think you’d lost my number.”

You’re first greeted by silence. Then a familiar, rough chuckle that makes goosebumps bloom on your still damp skin.

“Nah.” There’s another beat of quiet. “Just took me a while to work up the nerve.”

You snort a laugh and take a seat on the edge of your mattress. “The man who gets into gunfights on a regular basis was afraid to call a girl?”

He doesn’t deny it. “I didn’t say it made sense.”

You hum in response, trying to fight down the flight of butterflies in your stomach at the mere sound of his voice in your ear. “So, where are you bleeding right now?”

Another low laugh pours through the speaker. “No blood yet tonight,” he sighs. “That’s not why I’m calling.”

“Oh?” You chirp with a hint of sarcasm. “Anything you’d like to share with the class?”

More silence. He clears his throat, as if he’s trying to force the words out, “I’m calling to ask you something I should’ve asked you earlier.”

You grin despite the small bundle of nerves in the pit of your stomach.

“You got any plans tomorrow night?”

ִֶָ. ..𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ🪽་༘࿐

When you hear a knock on your front door at exactly seven o’clock, you’ve already been dressed and pacing your apartment for nearly half an hour.

Even though you already know who is on the other side, you instinctively glance through the peephole. You see a freshly shaven Frank Castle - looking around almost nervously and holding a small bouquet of wildflowers.

Just like ones he had left on your fire escape several months prior.

You take a steadying breath, smoothing your hands over the front of your outfit and hope that it’s good enough for whatever the hell you’re going to be doing tonight. When you had asked what he had in mind, he had laughed, painting a vivid picture in your mind of the light blush that was undoubtedly blooming on the apples of his cheeks.

“Haven’t figured that out yet,” he murmured. “Wasn’t sure I’d even get this far.”

You struggled to see Frank Castle taking you to a five star restaurant, so you picked something somewhat casual but still cute. Comfortable, and weather appropriate, but cute.

At least you hope so. You don’t even remember the last time you had to select an outfit for a date. A date or…whatever this is.

Before you can overthink that, you open the door for him.

For a second, neither of you say anything.

Frank’s eyes travel over you slowly, but not in a way that makes your skin crawl like it would if it were literally anyone else. He looks at you in a way that makes you feel like he’s trying real hard not to look at you, and that makes you feel warm all over.

“…Hi,” he says at last.

You can’t help but smile at how simple yet nervous the singular word sounds coming from his lips. “Hi.”

His gaze drops to the flowers in his hands as though he’d forgotten he was holding them. “These are for you.” He holds the bouquet out to you in offering. “Figured the others probably needed to be replaced a long time ago.”

You exhale a shaky laugh, thinking of the flowers he had left on your fire escape just days after you first met. You had kept them in a vase in your kitchen for long after they wilted, not wanting to throw them away.

You don’t tell him that, though, or that you intend to keep these for even longer.

ִֶָ. ..𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ🪽་༘࿐

….i had originally planned for this to be longer, but life and my brain had other plans, so i hope it’s still cute as is. sorry if the ending seems rushed. maybe one day i will pick this story back up and write a part two with my original plans for this fic, if people are interested and inspiration strikes!