⨠please consider this entire blog to be 18+ only ⨠i follow back from my main account @flowersforbuckymain ! make sure you have mature content enabled in your settings to see most of my fics !
find me on ao3 ~ masterlist updated 06/26/26 ~ â¤ď¸â writing hiatus announcement â¤ď¸â
Bucky Barnes
donât you ever end up anything but mine - soulmate au
forever is a feeling - white wolf!bucky
all we know of heaven, all we need of hell - he helped you escape the red room, making you promise to never look back. years later, you find yourself working with a group of anti-heroes. including him.
cherry blossoms - bucky gets flowers for the first time.
my love, mine all mine - it's your first mother's day, and bucky wants to make sure you know how loved you are.
let it happen - undercover marriage trope
lacy - bucky doesn't remember undergarments having so much fucking lace in the 40s. but he thinks he can get used to it.
all's well that ends well to end up with you - bucky isn't going to let an extended mission, a severe thunderstorm, and a delayed flight ruin your first valentine's day together.
starry eyed - reader gets a special gift from her secret santa.
sweetener - you're initially bummed when your vacation gets postponed, but getting sent on a mission with bucky quickly cheers you up.
higher than heaven - bucky's first time smoking since the 40s.
delirium - stranded in the middle of the alaskan wilderness after being exposed to an unknown substance, you're reluctant to accept help from the only person who has a shot at saving you.
love language - snapshots of your relationship with bucky told through the five love languages.
moth to a flame - "I know you. even when I know nothing else, even when I don't know myself, I know you."
older bucky fics!
character masterlists ~
Jack Abbot Masterlist
Eddie Munson Masterlist
Bob Reynolds Masterlist
John Walker Masterlist
Logan Howlett Masterlist
other characters ~
Andrew Pope Cody (Animal Kingdom)
break me down and iâll call you mine
the light is coming
Frank Langdon (The Pitt)
youâre a bad idea (but a real good time)
Dennis Whitaker (The Pitt)
ocean eyes đ¤
Steve Harrington (Stranger Things)
have a couple kids, got the whole block looking like you
Adrian Chase (Peacemaker)
birds of a feather
youâre the fantasy
Frank Castle (MCU)
after hours - coming soon ish!
JoaquĂn Torres (MCU)
means i care
Erik Lehnsherr (X-Men)
magnetic field
Peter Maximoff (X-Men)
sucker for you
đ my favorite fics that i have written đ
fic recs ~ fic recs 2 ~ fic recs 3
{dividers by @/saradika-graphics, header from pinterest}
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â separated by @ âd blog in the indented text. If an â it is a part 2 too the fic above. each have their own warnings, i only marked them by character. please read those before reading the fic and send all these authors some love!! wanted to make a post to recommend these fics that have been sitting in my notion fanfic tracker from some of my fav authors :) & enjoy my mini notes with each group.
á´Ę á´ĘĘ á´ÉŞá´á´ Ňá´á´ s â
[@skymouth]
out in the cold - you experience a sub drop after hooking up with a date. dr abbot takes care of you. [jack abbot x reader]Â
â sunlight all around - you asked jack for everything. that includes robby. [rabbot x reader]
â now Iâm biased but sunlight all round is my top favorite rabbot fic im sorry itâs fucking amazing bc it is very in character to me and i love it
[@shoniebalognie]
The bet - dennis and trinity end up roping you into a silly little bet that had you ending up in a very compromising position with two of the senior attendings as they overheard the details of the game. [rabbot x reader]
â there are 2 other parts to this i just have only read the 1 so far
[@agnireed]
a good man - moving in with your older sister tammi, you develop an odd fixation on her husband [sammy bryant x reader]
bonded in grief - after losing your husband nate, you find comfort in his partner [sammy bryant x reader]
private show - sammy is insecure, lost in his marriage and lacking excitement in his life until he meets you, a stripper who misses the thrill of dancing simply because she wants to [sammy bryant x reader]
safe heaven - pope only feels like himself when heâs alone with you in your apartment  [pope cody x reader]
â safe heaven (2) - after all these years, pope still has a hard time accepting that you are real [pope cody x reader]
warm safe place - college in nyc seems like itâll be your biggest life change yet, until you meet the touchy sophomore who thinks youâve hung the stars. [eddie hicks x reader]
princess protection - youâre convinced the boy next door is your soulmate and the feeling hasnât faded even after ten years apart [stan rosasdo x reader]
â in general she writes for lots of shawnâs characters so please check out her blog!
[@not-neverland06]
goodbye - you loved andrew, even if that meant accepting he would always be in love with someone else. but things changed between you before he went to jail. you thought that maybe you finally meant something. then you get the letter he'd meant to send to cath and you have to accept that he never saw you as anything but an easy lay. [pope cody x reader]
â i have only read this one fic from her event as of now but please check out the others cause they are named after sabrina carpenter songs and i just love that.
[@andrewmiinyard]
fate - the three times you decided to flirt with pope cody and the one time you decided to take it one step further. [pope cody x reader]
â top fav pope cody fic omg.
[@pittrabbit]
under the skin - pope hadn't meant to catch a glimpse through your window, but after the first time, he just couldnt stop. [pope cody x reader]
â Iâm a sucker for stalker!pope sorryâŚ
[@flowersforbucky]
break me down and iâll call you mine - other than the men he brings home on occasion, youâre the only person who knows that deran cody is gay. when your best friend becomes anxious that people are growing suspicious of his sexuality, you suggest telling people that the two of you are dating. everything is going perfectlyâŚuntil his brother is released from prison and you start feeling things that you havenât felt in years. [pope cody x reader]
â also sucker for pope fics where reader is âwithâ deran
[@lovaeir]
smoke signals - you're andrew cody's best friend, everyone on this side of california knows that. one day you stop answering his calls, absolute radio silence which isn't like you at all. and andrew is about to flip this state upside down in order to find you, nothing is getting in the way of him and the woman he loves. [pope cody x reader]
â bestie pope cody whoâs in love with you what more could you ask for out of a fic.
â please as i said show these beautiful people some love on these wonderful fics!! this is accidently like just half pope cody too sorry for that. but i need to get back to reading fics instead of just writing them lol âĄ
i know i said that iâm on a writing break but it turns out i have the heart of an optimist but soul of a liar soâŚ.which fic would you guys want first?
havenât started writing any of these yet and iâm not sure when i will, just brainstorming right now and wanted to check for interest to hopefully inspire me!!
option one: bucky x reader. post thunderbolts, new avenger!reader. reader has powers similar to america chavez - she can open portals to alternate dimensions and makes a shocking discovery about her and bucky when she uses her powers for the first time since she was a child.
option two: jack abbot x single mom!reader. reader is a new attending at ptmc and doesnât open up to people easily about her personal life. her and jack start hooking up but he doesnât understand why sheâs only available every other weekâŚuntil her daughter unexpectedly ends up in the er.
option three: pope cody x reader. pope and reader hookup right before he gets sent to prison. reader finds out sheâs pregnant. doesnât tell him. he finds out that reader has a child that he believes could be his after he gets out.
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Summary: You and Pope have loved each other since you were teenagers. And then he went to prison, and cut you off. No apology, no explanation, nothing. Just a sledgehammer to your heart and utter radio silence.
Three years later, he's out, and he wants you back.
Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI: Swearing, Mentions of drugs, Mentions of violence, Alcohol use, Gun use, It's Animal Kingdom there's a little bit of everything, Character death (not a main/canon character), Vague descriptions of mental illness (it's Pope), Smut!! Unprotected pinv (wrap it up guys!), Loss of virginity in a flashback, Brief Craig/Reader (they're besties though), Age gaps/timelines might be a little wonky but oh well, Mentions of abuse (readerâs dad is a bad man), Please let me know if I forgot anything!
Author's Note: I hope you guys enjoy this one! I wanted to experiment with flashbacks, and then this exploded out of my brain. Special thanks to @flowersforbucky for proofreading and dealing with my indecisiveness on the pictures and layout because she is the best!! Please let me know what you think!!
Word Count: 21k
-
The bar is dimly lit. Sticky. Loud.
The guy sitting across from you has nice eyes. Pretty, even. Theyâre a light blue, crinkled a little in the corners and looking at you with something like adoration. You try to appreciate it, you really do, but all you can see is naivety. Maybe youâre too cynical. More likely too damaged. Whatever.
You prefer brown eyes, anyway.
Warm brown eyes looking into your own. Large fingers tucking your hair behind your ear. The ghost of warm breath against your lips and a small curve of a shy smile as he leans closer and closes the distance between you-
You blink, and force a smile.
The guy across from you, Ethan or something, clears his throat. âSo, do you wanna maybe-â
A beer hits the table, loud enough to make the man - though you should really call him a boy, with that collared shirt and combed hair and those innocent eyes - jump nearly a foot in the air.
âMove it, pal.â
Craig Fucking Cody stands above you, and you bite back a groan.
The boy stammers, pales at the sight of the gigantic, tattooed man beside you, and takes maybe a full twenty seconds to stammer out his next words.
âI-IâŚare you herâŚâ
âOh yeah, Iâm her husband. Fresh outta the psych ward and everything. Now beat it, before I smash your head against the table.â
The boy bolts like Craig set the booth on fire, and you glare up at him.
âI was on a date.â
Craig laughs, like you were genuinely joking. âNot exactly your type.â
âYou donât know what my type is.â
âPretty sure I do. I shared a wall with your type for most of my life.â
You clench your jaw. âWhat do you want, Craig?â
He sits across from you, all friendly familiarity, and smiles. âI need your help.â
âI donât do jobs anymore.â
He raises his eyebrow, and glances pointedly towards Ethan in the corner of the bar, trying to save face by ordering himself another drink.
âI told you, that was a date.â
âCâmon, donât lie to me. You think I donât know when youâre working an angle?â
You narrow your eyes a little. âOkay, fine. I donât do jobs with the Codys anymore.â
Craigâs smile falls a little.
Burning rubber in your nose. Panic in your throat. The shriek of the tires drowned out by your own voice as you grab frantically at the wheel.
âBaz what the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? Turn around!â
Bazâs hand darts out, and he slams you back against the seat so hard your teeth knock together. âItâs too late.â
âWhat the fuck are you talking about? We canât just leave him-â
âWe have to. He was too late. You know the rules. Itâs him or all of us.â
Youâre frantic. Panicked. You even start to yank at your own car door, like you might jump out and run back to the bank on your own two feet, and Baz slams you backwards again.
When he makes it to the house, you punch him in the face before you even get out of the car. He takes it, head whipping to the side like he expected this reaction from you. When you get out, you punch him again. It takes both Craig and Deran to pull you away.
âHeâs out of prison, you know.â
You take a sip of your drink. âGood for him.â
âHe keeps asking about you.â
Yeah, bullshit. âIâll bet he does.â
Craig sucks his teeth, and seems to decide to pick a different battle.
âSo, itâs a good job. You barely have to do anything. We just need your help with-â
âI donât do jobs with the Codys anymore, Craig. Also, I donât know if you realize this, but using my ex as an incentive to help you isnât really boosting my interest.â Ex. Your ex. It still feels so weird to think of him like that.
Because heâs justâŚPope. Andrew Cody. The love of your life since you were a teenager. Even when you were together, âboyfriendâ felt like too simple of a word to describe what he was to you. It was too intense for such a lame title. Too full of a love so deep it bordered on obsession.
And then it was all over. Just like that.
Craig is making a face. You frown back at him. âWhat?â
âItâs my job, okay?â He runs a hand through his hair, flexes his fingers on his beer. âAnd itâs good. Iâve worked my ass off at planning it, and Baz is out, so I justâŚI need it to go well. And it will go well if you help.â
You grip your drink a little tighter. Fucking Craig. Fucking asshole with the terrible decision making skills and good heart. Fuck him for being your friend. For making you care about him. For giving you that look thatâs making you feel like-
âFuck. Fine.â God help you. âFine. Fine. Okay. Fine.â He grins at you, and you glare back at him. âBut I donât want to see Pope.â
Now itâs Craigâs turn to give you a look. âAbout thatâŚâ
-
Your outfit is so fucking uncomfortable you want to die.
Okay, maybe itâs not the outfit. Maybe itâs the anxiety twisting in your stomach so intensely you think you might vomit in the driveway of the Cody house.
Youâve been here since he went to prison. Since you broke up. Not for long - you havenât exactly been in the habit of hanging out by the pool or anything - but whether youâre here for a minute or an hour this damn driveway always whips the memory of that horrible day back into your mind more violently than a slap.
-
âPut me down. Put me the fuck down Iâm gonna-â
âJesus, relax!â Baz throws his hands up, angry and defensive and so very punchable right now. Deranâs got you locked against him, feet kicking in the air like you might be able to land a blow if you just try hard enough. âI had to go! He got held up or some shit, and if the cops caught us the whole family would have gone down.â
âYou just fucking left him there! We could have-â
âWe didnât have a choice. I made a decision. I saved our asses. We knew this was a risk. It always is.â
âFuck you.â
âYeah, yeah. Fuck me.â Baz runs a hand through his hair, and you know heâs heartbroken too but you couldnât give less of a shit right now. His nose is still bleeding from where you clocked him a minute ago. âFuck me for making the hard decisions for this family.â
Rage rises up in your throat again, threatening to choke you as you kick harder. âBoo fucking hoo. You left him! You fucking left him and-â
âCalm down.â Itâs Deranâs voice now. Deran, who sounds choked up and is still holding you locked in a vice grip. The sound of it makes you look up at Craig, whose eyes are shining with tears, andâŚ
Your feet drop back to the pavement, the sound and sight of the boysâ pain deflating you almost alarmingly quickly, and you pat the arm around you in both comfort and reassurance.
âOkay.â You breathe, shaky, and Bazâs shoulders drop.
âOkay.â He repeats, and the sound of his voice makes you grit your teeth. âNow that weâre all calm, we need to figure out what to do.â
-
Heâs in the yard.
Three years later, and heâs just⌠in the yard. Standing there. Staring at you. And what did you expect? That he would drag himself out of a grave? Appear before you in an explosion of fire and blood?
He looks at you. You look at him. He doesnât move an inch.
He looks good. Just as beautiful as the day you lost him. You hate him for it.
âHi.â His voice sounds even lower than it used to. He looks bigger. Like he worked out a lot in prison.
You raise your eyebrows. Something curls deep in your core at the sight of him. Three years later, and you still canât look at this man without feeling a physical reaction. âHi.â
-
âYouâre bleeding.â
You reach up, swiping the back of your hand over your lip and frowning at the smear of red across your skin, illuminated by the moonlight reflecting off the pool.
âYouâre not the only one who can get into fights.â
Andrew Cody looks at you, with those dark eyes that always seems to see through whatever lie you try to tell him or even yourself, but you meet his gaze with the defiance of a teenage girl who really doesnât want to talk about it.
âAre youâŚstaying here again?â He asks, standing still from his spot beside the pool. Youâre on a chair. Your face hurts. Your body aches. You nod.
âSmurf says I can crash for a few days.â In exchange for help, of course. Help with jobs. Connections. Money. You donât mind. Itâs better than being home, or hiding out on the beach again.
He still hasnât moved. âAre youâŚgonna stay in Craigâs room? With him?â
You almost laugh out loud. Craig, big and rowdy and often immature even for a teenager, is closest to you in age. He might be your best friend. He definitely has a crush on you, and youâre almost positive that Smurf is angling for the two of you to get together.
âWhy? Would that bother you?â
âYes.â
You look up at him. He looks down at you. Slowly, almost unaware that youâre doing it, scoot over on your chair to make room, and he takes the invitation. Your heart hammers in your chest.
His hand comes up. Fingers brushing over a bruise on your cheek and eyebrows twitching withâŚ
âStop looking at me like that.â
He doesnât. âLike what?â
âLike you want to kill someone for me.â
âI do.â
âI know.â
Heâs close. His thumb is still brushing over your cheek, and his eyes fall to your lips. You think he might kiss you. You donât think youâve ever wanted anything more.
But thisâŚthis house, as chaotic and dangerous as it may be, is the only somewhat stable thing you have right now. The only safe place to go when things get too fucked up at home. When your petty criminal of a father takes things too far, or debt collectors come banging on the door. Smurf lets you stay here, and Smurf is always working an angle. Youâve told yourself a thousand times that, in exchange for this, youâll go along with whatever plan she has for you.
This is not that plan.
And yet, as his face ducks closer to yours, fingers curling in your hair, you wonder what it would be like. To feel Popeâs lips against your own. To feel his body against yours as he lies you down right here on this pool chair. You think, despite his violent tendencies and episodes of something your uneducated mind can only call insanity, that he would be gentle with you. Like he always is. You donât have much experience with boys, but you think he would make sure that you felt comfortable. Heâd probably kiss you through any nervousness, whisper reassurances into your skin as he peels off your clothing, make you feel safe the whole time and-
His lips brush over your own, and you pull back.
âIâve gottaâŚgo inside.â
He searches your face, and you know that his observant eyes see the want there. Still, he nods, and stays where he is as you pull yourself to your feet.
-
âWe should talk.â
You laugh, humorless, and push past him into the house. You donât get far before you feel his hand on your arm, turning you towards him.
âLet go of me.â
He does, but he tilts his head and furrows his brow in that intense way he has. The familiar sight makes you ache. âWe should talk.â
âI think the time for talking passed somewhere around three years ago, Andrew.â You grumble, and he fixes you with an expression so filled with helplessness and pain that you almost crumble right then and there.
You ignore him, and push your way into the house. Craig whistles at the sight of your too-tight dress and heels, and Deran greets you with a familiar smile.
As you start to plan, to prepare for the day ahead, you donât turn around. You donât look at Pope. His eyes donât leave you the entire time, and itâs almost physically impossible to keep yourself from leaning back against him like you have a million times, over the course of a million similar meetings.
But you donât look at him, and when itâs time to leave, you storm out of the house before he has a chance to catch your arm again.
The job. Focus on the job.
You can do this.
-
You lost your virginity to Craig Cody two weeks after you and Pope nearly kissed by the pool.
You donât know why you did it. Well, you do. Itâs what Smurf wants. Itâs what Craig wants. Itâs what you should want. You and Craig are well matched. You love him in whatever way you do. Heâs your best friend. You know how to keep him in check when he acts like an idiot, and he knows how to make you laugh when the weight of everything feels like itâs going to fucking crush you.
So you had a couple of beers at a party. You grabbed his hand before he could get too wasted. Even for a teenager, heâs already fucking huge. Handsome, too. You know the other girls stare at him. You should feel proud that he follows you like a lost puppy the moment you start tugging him towards his room.
It was awkward. And messy. And nothing like the movies say itâs supposed to be like. You know he tried to make itâŚspecial, or whatever. He was gentle. He asked if you were okay between kisses as he laid you back on his unmade bed and helped you out of your clothes. When he pushed in, youâd gasped and clawed at his back, and heâd mumbled apologies into your neck and waited until you nodded that you were okay, but he still moved just a little too fast. A little too clumsily. It didnât hurt too badly, and it wasnât exactly unpleasant the whole time, but you didnât feel fireworks or any of the overwhelming pleasure you thought you were supposed to.
When it was over, heâd kissed you, and youâd smiled up at him, and then heâd rolled over and pulled you into his chest and laughed.
âThat was awesome.â He breathed, and you nodded. âYouâre awesome. Was itâŚdid you?â
âYeah.â You think you did. There was a minute, somewhere towards the end, when it had felt pretty good. Not the explosion of pleasure youâve always heard about, but thatâs fine.
âAwesome.â He kissed your forehead, and sat up a little. âWanna beer?â
Youâd smiled, heart swelling with affection that should definitely feel moreâŚromantic than it does. But itâs still affection. You still care about him a lot. Maybe this is supposed to be right. âYeah.â
~
Pope Cody hasnât looked at you in a week.
Smurf seems more than happy with you sleeping in Craigâs room. With him wrapping an arm around you when you all sit on the couch together. Heâs even developed a habit of ducking down and pressing a kiss to your cheek when youâre standing in the kitchen, or before he does a backflip into the pool. Itâs fun. You think you can get used to it.
You havenât had sex again. Heâs asked, almost every night, but youâve always come up with some kind of excuse and heâs always responded with nothing harsher than a disappointed smile. And yet, you both stay up almost all night every night, talking and laughing and playing video games like you always have since the day he first brought you to this house. This family.
But Pope wonât look at you, and you canât ignore it anymore.
Because he came home from a job with a black eye and bruised knuckles, and now heâs standing in the yard and Smurfâs chastising him for being reckless is still ringing in the air. He didnât talk. He didnât argue. He just stared at the pool and refused to look at her. At you.
And now youâre alone with him, and everyone has left to go regroup or party or whatever, and he still. Wonât. Look. At. You.
âAndrew.â You rarely use his real name. He tenses, but he doesnât turn around.
âLook at me.â
He doesnât. You snap.
âWhy wonât you look at me?â You grab his arm, and turn him toward you, and he pulls it away.
âStop it.â
âNo.â You grab him again, and this time he catches your arm, fingers around your wrist in a vice grip that is firm but nowhere close to painful. His eyes remain on the pavement.
âYou havenât talked to me since I got with Craig.â You say, and his jaw clenches at your words. You can see his cold expression, now, if not his eyes. Heâs older than you, but his face still holds the smooth roundness of youth. Heâs just as handsome as always. Your heart stutters a little, like itâs supposed to with Craig.
When he still doesnât answer, you shove at his chest. The sudden movement makes him release your wrist, but he doesnât budge. âFucking look at me! Why wonât you at least look at me? Are you seriously this pissed off because I hooked up with him? Stop being an asshole and tell me why youâre acting like this!â
âBecause it should have been me!â He finally snaps, finally looks at you, and the sharpness of his voice paired with the intensity behind his dark eyes is enough to nearly make you stumble backwards. âIt should have been me. You know it should have.â
He looks almost crazed, now, shoulders hunched and fists clenched and feet moving towards you until you take an instinctive step backwards. The movement doesnât stop him. He still comes closer.
âYouâŚyou let him touch you. And kiss you. And do all of the things IâveâŚâ he trails off, and your breath freezes in your lungs, âthe things Iâve wanted to do since I met you.â His eyes drop to your mouth, back up to your eyes, and heâs close. So close. âIt should have been me.â
You donât move back again. You can feel the warmth of his proximity in the chilly night air. Your voice is too quiet to your own ears. âThatâsâŚnot the plan.â
Heâs not breathing regularly. His hands are still clenched at his sides. He looks you over, like heâs trying to fight it, before something finally breaks.
âFuck the plan.â His voice is almost a growl, and you donât have time to respond before his hand is on the back of your head and his mouth is against yours.
The world explodes.
His lips are warm and rough, demanding and desperate and sending fire through every vein and pore in your body. You choke on a whimper, surprising yourself with the sound, and Pope groans in response as his tongue sweeps its way into your mouth. Your hands fly up, curling in the fabric of his shirt before moving up to his hair like you donât know how to touch all of him at once. His own hands move down, lips only leaving yours long enough for him to grab the backs of your thighs to lift you against him before heâs kissing you again.
You donât even register that youâre moving, too caught up in the desperation and the feeling of something hot burning in your core. He presses you against a wall, trails his lips down your throat until youâre gasping for air, before he kisses you again and moves deeper into the empty house.
And then heâs lowering you back onto his bed, crisp sheets smooth against your back, and you barely let him pull away enough to crawl over you before youâre kissing him again with so much need that itâs almost embarrassing.
His rough palms are sliding up beneath your shirt, breath turning shaky at the feeling of your skin against his, and it feels so good you think you might die.
âIs this okay?â He whispers, lips against your cheek, and you nod.
âPlease.â You donât know what youâre begging for, but the sound of it makes him moan as he pulls your t-shirt over your head and trails his mouth down over your collarbone.
His own shirt comes next. You roll on top of him, and kiss and bite down his chest until heâs tangling his fingers in your hair and pulling your mouth back up to his, rolling you both once more until youâre on your back and your hands are fumbling with his belt, unpracticed and clumsy, until he shushes you gently and reaches down to help you with a lingering kiss to your cheek.
âTell me if itâs too much.â He rasps after a while, and you can barely breathe enough to tell him that you will. You settle for a nod, and his rough palm slides over your stomach, up over your body until heâs cradling your cheek.
âIâve got you.â He whispers, and the soft words are almost comical with how hard heâs trembling with restraint. With how dark his eyes are, how intense his touch feels. âBreathe. Iâve got you.â
You nod, and when you smile he smiles back, shy and nervous behind that starved expression, and that one look alone makes you feel like youâre floating.
Itâs nothing like Craig. It isnât like Pope is a whole lot more practiced, or some kind of sex god or anything, but every movement feels so much moreâŚright. He slides his hand beneath your thigh, guiding it around his waist and watching your face as your bodies join together for the first time, and the noise that pulls its way out of your throat barely sounds human.
His breath comes on a shaky exhale, eyes never leaving yours as he searches your face for signs of pain or discomfort, and when he finally starts to move you feel something coiling so tightly in your stomach it almost hurts.
Every slow thrust, every reverent touch, tightens that coil. Every kiss. Every whispered word against your skin as his fingers catch your own and he presses your joined hands into the pillow above your head.
You reach the edge so quickly it shocks you, free hand clawing at his back as you bite down on his shoulder and fireworks explode behind your vision.
The feeling is so intense that, for a moment, you forget where you even are. You forget your own name. All you know, all you feel, is Pope moving with you. Whispering praise and promises of adoration against your lips and throat. When he follows you into oblivion, itâs with a breathless moan of your name.
After, he holds you like youâre the most precious thing heâs ever touched. He traces his hands over your skin. He follows the caresses with his lips. And, when you finally remember how to breathe again, you giggle.
He pulls back from your throat with a raised eyebrow, a smile curling on his own lips, and nuzzles his nose into your cheek. âWhat?â
âI didnâtâŚâ you didnât know it could feel that good. You didnât know anything could feel that good. âIâŚwow.â
He really does smile, now. He tucks you closer to him, barely letting you go as he pulls you beneath the blankets with him and curls his body around yours. Protective. Possessive, even. âYeah.â He murmurs, pressing his lips to the side of your head. âWow.â
-
The future Mr. and Mrs. Franklin need to be convincing. Happy. Overwhelmingly in love.
Your heels click against the dock. It takes years of practice and training from Smurf to keep yourself from fidgeting in your expensive dress. Popeâs eyes are on you, burning holes into your head from behind his sunglasses.
âStop looking at me like that.â
âLike what?â
âYou know like what.â
âYou look nice.â
âShut up.â
The door to the yacht opens, and you donât have time to keep the argument going. Pope slides his arm around you, you grin wide, and he tugs you almost too-tightly into his side.
âWelcome!â The woman on the other side of the door is smiling in that fake and familiar way that people do when theyâre trying to get a whole lotta money from rich people. âMr. and Mrs. Franklin, right?â
âSoon to be.â Pope says, all confidence and practiced casualness. He catches your hand in his, the expensive ring glittering obnoxiously on your finger, and raises the back of your hand to his lips. You giggle like an airhead, tilt your head onto his shoulder, and grin up at him.
âAdorable.â The woman says, too emphatically, and you donât miss the way her eyes rake over your âfianceâ. You shouldnât care. This isnât real. Heâs not⌠yours anymore. And yet, itâs hard to shake off the surge of possessiveness that nearly has you yanking him down and pressing your lips to his.
When she turns to lead you both into the yacht, you try to pull your hand out of Popeâs. He doesnât let you go. You turn to glare, and he offers you a small smile and a squeeze of his fingers through your own.
Fine.
-
âIâm sorry. He refuses to see you.â
âIâŚâ you blink, shake your head, and tell yourself you heard the guard wrong. âWhat?â
âBelieve it or not, even prisoners have a right to refuse visitation. He said he doesnât want to see you.â
You blink again. âThatâsâŚthatâs not true. That canât be true.â
âYou can try again next week, but in my experience youâll probably have the same reaction.â
-
You try again the next week. And the next. You stop sleeping. You stop eating. You wait for a phone call. An explanation. You go to Smurf. You go back to the prison.
Six weeks later, he finally fucking agrees to see you.
You nearly rip the phone off of the wall. He doesnât look right in a prison uniform. He doesnât look like heâs been sleeping. âWhat the fuck, Andrew?â
At your use of his name, his real name, you swear you can see something like relief flicker in his eyes, like the sound of your voice is a drug heâs been deprived of for over a month. Youâre about to keep talking, or even press your hand against the glass like some lame fucking cliche, the sight of his face lifting something heavy off of your soul.
âStop calling.â He says simply, and your heart drops to your feet.
âWhat?â
âStop calling. Stop showing up here. Stop.â
âIâŚâ what? This isnât happening. He wouldnât do this. âWhat? Pope, Andrew, I didnât leave you.â Thatâs almost, almost incriminating. You know that. But it could also mean anything. Youâre his girlfriend, after all. Heâs in prison. Youâve been trying to see him. You havenât left him. The last thing theyâll probably assume is that youâre talking about leaving him to be arrested after robbing that fucking bank.
âI know.â He says simply, and meets your eyes. âI donât care. Leave. Stop coming here. Iâm not going to come see you again.â
You donât know what to say. You donât know how to breathe anymore. This is so fucking wrong and it doesnât make sense and-
He places the phone on the receiver, stands up, and leaves.
Thatâs the last time you see Andrew Cody for three years.
-
âAnd here we have the reception deck. As you can see, the view will be absolutely spectacular, especially when youâre out on the waterâŚâ
Four exits. Three cameras. One, twoâŚ
âIâm so sorry. Is there a bathroom I can use?â You ask brightly, from where youâre hanging off of Popeâs arm. âOr Iâm sorry, the head, right? Like they say on boats.â An airheaded giggle, a practiced bat of your eyes.
The moment youâre around the corner, you whip out your phone and start taking notes and pictures. Exits. Entrance points. Doors to the lower deck where Craig can-
âWe need to talk.â
You actually yelp, whirling around and stumbling on your heels before Popeâs arm shoots out to curve around your middle and keep you from falling over.
âWhat the fuck are you doing?â You hiss, wide eyes shooting back towards the hall. âNow? Let me go.â
âYou wonât talk to me. I have to-â
âSo youâre gonna fuck up the job? They could be here any second. Youâre supposed to be distracting them.â Heâs lost his fucking mind. Clearly, prison has warped his brain and made him an irrational asshole who-
The click of heels against the hardwood floor. A familiar, professional voice calling out your fake names with too much curiosity and suspicion.
âFuck.â You whisper, and start scrambling to pull away and hide your phone. âFuck.â
In one swift movement, Pope snatches the device out of your hand, slides it into his back pocket, presses you against the wall and slams his mouth to yours.
Like always, even after all of this time, the feeling of his lips against your own sends a jolt of electricity through your entire body.
He kisses you like he hasnât thought about anything else in the last three years. His lips move hungrily against yours, one large hand coming up to tangle in your perfectly-done hair as his body envelops yours until you canât think of anything else.
His tongue traces over your lip, and you open for him instinctively until he groans and changes the angle so he can kiss you more deeply and it feels so fucking good you might-
âOh, Iâm sorry. I didnât mean toâŚinterrupt.â A bright, awkward voice breaks you out of your trance, and you gasp as you wrench your mouth away from Popeâs. He doesnât even turn to the woman, thumb pressing into your cheek as he traces it over your skin like heâs trying to re-memorize the feeling.
It takes a lot more effort than you want to admit to clear your throat and plaster a flustered and embarrassed look on your face. To fall back into the ditzy, wealthy fiance facade. To keep yourself from ignoring her completely and kissing Pope again to chase that euphoric fucking feeling for as long as you can.
âOh geez. Iâm so embarrassed.â You reach up, and pinch Popeâs cheek just a little too hard with one manicured hand, feigning bright affection. âI just canât keep my hands off of him, you know?â
âItâs so nice to see a couple soâŚin love.â A tight lipped, professional smile. Another glance at Pope that has irritating possessiveness curling in your chest again. You donât have a right to feel that way. Not anymore. Not even afterâŚwhatever that was. âWould you two like to continue the tour?â
-
When Craig found out, he punched Pope in the face.
Pope punched him back.
When you lurched forward, prepared to jump between them and stop the bullshit macho display, Smurf had stuck her arm out and pushed you back.
âLet them fight. They need it.â She said, voice even, and kept her eyes on her two sons as they wrestled each other near the pool.
âThis is bullshit. They-â
âYou know,â she interrupts, still not looking at you. âWhen I took you in off the street, I wasnât expecting you to stir up so much trouble.â
You freeze, heart stilling in your chest. She could send you back to your family. Your father. Being thrown out on the street would be bad enough on its own, but Smurf doesnât work that way. If she wanted to really hurt you, she would.
âI didnât mean toâŚstir up anything.â
She looks at you now, assessing. âI believe you.â She hums, and pulls her arm back. âGo break them up now, baby. See if you can fix your mess.â
-
âWhat the fuck was that?â
âA distraction.â Popeâs hands are on the steering wheel. His eyes are on the road.
âAnd before that? Cornering me in the hallway when Iâm trying to gather fucking intel?â
He frowns. His fingers flex on the steering wheel. âItâs been three years.â
âAnd whose fucking fault is that?â
His brow furrows like he genuinely doesnât understand why you would ask that. âTheâŚU.S. prison system.â
âYou know exactly what I mean. Donât be a dick.â
âIâm not being a dick.â
âPull the truck over.â
He does look at you, now, and you can see surprise in his eyes from where theyâre visible over his shades. âNo. Why?â
âIâm walking. Pull the truck over.â
He turns back to the road. One hand drops off the steering wheel, like it might come to rest on your thigh the same way it has in almost every car ride for years, before he catches himself and returns it to its original spot. âYou can barely stand in those shoes.â
âSo Iâll take them off. Pull over.â
âJust let me talk to you. Please.â
âNo.â
His head drops back against the seat, jaw clenching in frustration, and you feel a surge of pride that you still seem to be the only person who can break through his little bubble of stoicism. Yeah, take that asshole. Be as exasperated as you want.
You donât speak to him for the rest of the car ride.
-
Craigâs nose is bleeding. His feet are in the pool. Heâs holding an ice pack to his eye.
âDo you hate me?â You ask, feeling almost childish for the question.
He laughs. Actually laughs, like you just said something ridiculous.
âNah. Couldnât if I tried, I think.â
You frown. âThen why did youâŚâ
He shrugs, takes a sip of his beer, and smiles at you. âI mean, he did fuck my girlfriend. Iâd be a little bitch if I just let him get away with that.â
âIâm not your girlfriend.â
âWell, not anymore.â
âI was never-â
âCâmon. Iâve got a shiner and a broken nose. Donât hit my ego, too.â
You laugh, and shake your head. âYouâre an idiot.â
He holds up his beer in a silent cheers, and thereâs nothing but affection in his eyes as he takes a swig. No pining. No longing. Not even hurt or betrayal. JustâŚaffection.
You smile at him, and your heart swells in that way you once tried to convince yourself was romantic attraction.
âI thought Smurf was gonna throw me out.â
He frowns now, and shakes his head. âShe wonât. And if she does, Pope and Iâll just come with you.â
You smile again. You know it doesnât reach your eyes. Craig leans over, and bumps your shoulder with his own.
âNo matter what, that assholeâs not gonna hurt you again. Youâre gonna be okay.â
âAnd if Pope ever fucks up, Iâll be here. I know Iâm the best sex youâve ever had, anyway.â
You snort. âCraig-â
âEgo, remember? Lemme have this.â
You poke him in the bruised ribs, and he hisses in pain before he laughs again.
You believe him.
-
When you get back to the house, you lurch out of the car before he can even reach for you. You stumble on your heels, kick them off of your feet in the yard, and storm into the house.
âWoah, hey there Hurricane Lady.â Craigâs grin falls the second he sees your face. âShit. What happened?â
âNothing. Hereâs the phone. Itâs got the pictures. Exits. All of that shit.â You want to snap that maybe Craig could have just done this himself, having gotten himself a job there, but you know that he doesnât get access to the same places you just did. âIâm off the job.â
âWhat?â
âSheâs not off the job.â Popeâs voice, from the door, makes you prickle.
âYou donât get to decide whether Iâm on or off the job.â You whirl, and glare. âYou donât get to decide shit about me. Not anymore.â
âJesus.â Deran blows out a breath, eyes on Pope. âYou didnât tell her, man?â
âTell me what?â
âShe wonât let me tell her.â Pope looks frustrated. Pained, even. Like he has any fucking right to be.
âTell me what?!â
âJust tell her.â
âIâve been trying-â
âTell. Me. What?â
âHe cut you off in prison because the cops were coming after you.â Craig says, and the words shut you up. âThey were investigating your involvement. He had to cut ties so you didnât incriminate yourself.â
Oh. Oh.
âPope. Andrew. I didnât leave you.â
âCan I talk to you now?â Popeâs voice is low, and heâs doing the head-tilt thing, and you swear your lips are still tingling from his kiss.
You stare. He stares back. You open your mouth. Close it.
And then you walk into his room.
You donât even need to turn around to know heâs following you. You hear Craig whistle the wedding march behind you, and you flip him off over your shoulder.
Popeâs old room is empty. The bed is made like it always was before.
âBeautiful. So beautiful. All mineâŚâ
He whispers the words into the flushed skin of your neck, reverent and laced with gravel as his body moves against yours like it was made to. You gasp his name, and he groans as he moves faster.
Some party rages down the hall. The sounds of it are distant and inconsequential. All you can hear is his shallow breathing. His whispered promises of love between presses of his lips to any part of your skin he can reach. You love him so much it hurts and youâre going to-
You shake the memory off. Clear your throat. When you turn to him, heâs looking at the bed like heâs remembering something similar. Well, there are a lot of memories like that in this house. In the house the two of you shared later. In his truck. By the pool. In the pool. On the beach. At the-
Fuck.
âTalk. You wanted to talk, so talk.â
He watches you. You watch back, tense.
âThey were looking for a reason to arrest you. The cops thought they might have identified you on that job a few months before. The one at the dispensary.â
You just keep staring at him. He shifts on his feet. âI couldnât tell you. They were listening to everything. I figuredâŚit was the only way to keep you out of prison.â
âThree years.â
Guilt flickers across his expression. Something like desperation follows. His fingers flex by his side. âI didnât know when they stopped investigating you. Just when they stopped asking me questions.â
âThree. Years.â
âI missed you every day.â He moves closer, hesitant, like heâs trying to make sure you donât bolt. âEvery fucking minute. I thought about you all the time. ItâŚit killed me, to walk away like that. I still think about the look on your face. IâŚâ his jaw clenches, and he reaches towards you.
You should pull back. You should slap him, maybe. You know he would let you.
âYou risked the job.â You try. Try to find something to cling to your anger. Your hurt. You missed him so much and all of that pain doesnât just go away with one explanation.
âFuck the job.â He whispers, hand sliding up over your cheek. âItâs been three years.â
And then heâs kissing you. Rough. Hungry. Desperate in a way that makes your knees threaten to give out because holy shit nothing has ever felt as good as Pope Codyâs skin against yours.
For a moment, you forget. You forget to be angry and hurt and painfully confused in favor of tangling your fingers in his curls and dragging him closer to you. He groans, the sound rough and borderline desperate, and his hands drop to your waist, lifting you clean off your bare feet to spin you both until he has you pinned against the wall.
His chest is pressed against yours. His hand is moving down to the hem of your dress, and you think you can feel his fingers shaking as they skate up over your skin and a shiver falls down your spine.
But it isnât enough. This isnât enough. It feels so good that it kills you to pull away. But his fingers are sliding up the inside of your thigh and if they reach their intended destination there wonât be anything in the world that will be able to stop you. To stop him, either, if how hungrily heâs kissing you now is any indication.
Because his kiss doesnât make up for the hours you spent alone, in the house you once shared, staring at a phone that wouldnât ring. How humiliating it felt to cry yourself to sleep with your mind filled to the brim with questions that you would never have answers to.
His mouth is gliding over your jaw, down over your throat, and his grip on your waist is so wonderfully tight and his fingers are so close to where you need him so badly it hurts and-
You shove him away, breathless and flushed and almost shaking with hunger, and his dark eyes have never looked so predatory.
âYouâŚyou canât do that.â You whisper, and he looks like heâs about to do exactly that again at any moment. You hold up a hand, warding him off, and force yourself to steady your breathing. âNo, you donât get to do that. You donât get to just show up again and kiss me like that.â
âIâm sorry.â He starts, expression filled with a genuine pain.
âYou made me think, for three years, that you didnât love me anymore.â
âIâm sorry.â He moves closer like itâs instinct, and you back up a little more into the wall, and he looks like heâs about to drop to his knees before you. âIâm so fucking sorry. I did it to protect you. I promise. I couldnât think of any other way.â
You push past him, and walk out the door.
For once, he doesnât follow.
-
âWhere is she?â
Youâre not here. You havenât come since he got out.Â
âShe doesnât really come around anymore, man.â Craig shrugs, like itâs casual, like your absence isnât digging a hole into Popeâs soul even as he sits here by the pool and you should be here but youâre not and he fucking hates it. He should have apologized to you ten times over by now. You should be here with him.
âShe comes around every now and then. Watches Lena. Grabs a beer with me on Tuesdays and surfs with us if we ask nicely.â Craig leans back, and Pope fights the urge to lean forward and beg for more information. âShe doesnât talk to Baz, though. I think the most Iâve seen them interact is her flipping him off or some shit.â
Yeah, sounds like you.
âSo, you gonna talk to her?â
Yes. Of fucking course he is. Heâll be on his knees begging the second youâre in the room.
But you donât come. You donât show up at the house anymore. You changed your number, and he canât call you. Despite what Craig said, itâs almost like youâve made yourself into some kind of ghost, too far away for him to reach anymore.
When he was in prison, he would fantasize about the day he got out. In most of those fantasies, you were waiting for him at the house. In a good few of them, you werenât wearing much clothing, but that part can be easily attributed to how long he went without seeing you.
Nevertheless, you were there. And he would take you into his arms, and you would smile and tell him you understood why he had to do what he did, and everything would be perfect.
But now, he has to track down your new house. On the beach, and not too far from his new place, but he doubts you know that.
He watches through your window and doesnât even register that it might be a little fucked up of him. He makes sure you get home safe. Waits until he sees you climb into bed and flick off your lights, and often spends a good long while imagining all of the times he would be right there with you. How he would tuck you into his chest, and the two of you would have whispered conversations like you were still teenagers living in Smurfâs house and trying not to be overheard.
He doesnât go to the door. Itâs not the right time. Not yet. It isnât like it has to be perfect, but⌠but itâs been three years. Three years of torture and an isolation that almost killed him. That may have killed a part of him, somewhere deep down where even he canât reach. As badly as he wants to stand on your porch and beg and plead for you to understand, to love him again, he isnât sure he would be able to handle you slamming a door in his face. Heâs not sure he would be able to let you, and that thought alone almost frightens him more than anything else.
Not yet. The job. When Craig brings you in on the job, thatâs when heâll see you. Talk to you. Make you forgive him.
JustâŚnot yet.
But that doesnât mean he canât keep an eye on you, until then.
-
The effort it took to get Ethan the Finance Bro to talk with you after Craig ruined it the first time is almost making this particular job too much of a pain in the ass.
Itâs a little tricky to balance the work you have to put into the boat job with your own plans, but your own jobs are a little less complex than the ones enacted by the Cody boys. Less reward, sure, but itâs safer and easier. Find out a few things about Finance Bro Ethanâs rich dad, get access to an account or two, make a couple of unnoticeable transfers, and bing bang boom. You can afford rent and to fix your car, and maybe even a nice pair of shoes while youâre at it.
Heâs jumpy. You have to smile a little more brightly at him, hold his hand across the table and bat your eyelashes as you insist that your friend from before is just terrible at making jokes, and heâs finally relaxing enough to-
His eyes trail up over your shoulder, and stop.
âLeave.â And thatâs Popeâs low, furious voice. It is dripping with danger.
Ethan looks at you. Back at Pope. You smile, wide and sweet, and refuse to turn around. âIgnore him.â
âDo that, and Iâll cut your ears off.â
Son of a bitch.
âHeâs joking.â
âThree.â
Ethan starts to scoot out of the booth.
âDonât.â You say, jaw clenching and smile still forcefully bright.
âTwo.â
And heâs gone. Just like that. Out the door and ruining your plans completely.
âFucking Codys. Do you have any idea how hard it was to get him to talk to me again?â
âWho was that?â
âI had to bend over backwards to keep him from being terrified after Craigâs bullshit. This bra is so uncomfortable. You fucking-â
His hand comes down on the back of your chair, and he leans closer to you with a deadly and dark expression. You donât flinch. You donât even come close. In all the time youâve known him, in all of his scariest moments, heâs never come anywhere close to harming you. The possibility simply doesnât register in your mind. âWho was that?â
You look at him, deadpan. âMy boyfriend.â It couldnât be farther from the truth, but you may as well piss him off a little.
It works. His jaw clenches, and he leans a little closer. âIâm serious.â
Fine. You give up. âHe was a mark. Iâm on a job.â
âYouâre already on a job.â Popeâs frown deepens, angry eyes moving up to the door again. âThat guy was staring down the front of your shirt.â
âThatâs kind of the point.â You glance down at your low cut top, at the aforementioned uncomfortable bra, and when Pope does the same you can see something twitch in his jaw. Feel his hand tighten imperceptibly on the booth behind you before he looks back up at your face.
âWeâre leaving.â
âNo, youâre leaving.â You correct, irritated, and move to turn away from him.
He catches you, turning you back towards him with a look so intense it makes your heart drop. âCome home with me.â
You pause, knocked off-kilter by his proximity and the desperation in his gaze. He looksâŚdangerous. Like a man in a desert who has been deprived of water for too long, and is starting to lose it enough to follow that water to a bar and ruin her weeks of work.
And yet, itâs annoyingly difficult to care. Not when it would be so easy to bring your hand up, curl your fingers in the soft curls on the back of his neck, and pull his lips down to yours. So, so easy, and yetâŚ
You start to move back, and his hand catches your chin, thumb sliding over your jaw in that familiar and devoted way that always makes your toes curl a little. He saw it. He saw the hesitation. The want in your expression matching his own, and heâs too far gone to let it go.
âCome home with me.â He repeats, soft and close enough that his nose nearly brushes your temple. âWe can do jobs together. Like we used to. You donât have toâŚdo this.â
You spent so long being a team. Being with him. Every job, every move, it was all with Pope and the Codys and while you can do these smaller jobs alone perfectly fine, you wantâŚ
Him. God, you want him. Not just sex, either. Though after three years and the way heâs standing so close you can feel the warmth radiating from him, youâre having a hard time not jumping his bones in the middle of this bar. You want to wake up with him in the mornings again. You want to watch him wash the dishes in that particular and concentrated way he has. You want to sit on the beach with him at night, and talk about everything and nothing until the sun peeks over the horizon.
His nose skates down your cheek. The noise of the bar fades away. Your eyes flutter closed as if of their own accord, head tilting to the side, and he makes a low noise as his fingers leave your face to move down your arm.
âIâm sorry.â He murmurs, lips pressing against the line of your jaw, and your next breath comes as a shaky exhale. His hand slides around the curve of your waist, and the angle of his body above yours is intoxicatingly overwhelming. He kisses your jaw again, a little higher, a little closer to your ear, and you melt. âIâll apologize a thousand fuckinâ times, okay? Just come home with me. Let me show you how sorry I am.â
Your body relaxes beneath his, and you feel his mouth trailing over your skin like he couldnât give less of a shit about the rest of the world around you. Itâs so familiar. So nice. So warm and-
Goddammit.
âStop.â You push on his chest, and he moves back with a genuinely pained expression. âStop it, Pope. You just fucked up a month of work for me. Iâm not going home with you.â
The look on his face would break your heart, if there was anything left of it to break.
You donât say another word.
You just leave.
-
The girl sleeping on the couch is the most beautiful girl heâs ever seen.
Craig brought you here a few hours ago. Said something about you taking on three guys by the beach who were trying to rough him up over weed money. You hit the biggest one with a baseball bat. They knocked you out before Craig could take them down.
Smurf hadnât said much when Craig walked in, eyes bright with lingering adrenaline as heâd placed you on the couch, but sheâd seemed impressed when Craig had explained what happened. Sheâd told him to leave you on the couch for now, and to make sure you didnât get any blood on her furniture. Your face is bruised. Your sneakers are dirty. Youâre wearing a flannel thatâs way too big and has holes in it.
âI think sheâs been sleepinâ on the beach.â Craig says, brow furrowing a little as he looks down at you. Youâre so still you could be dead. Pope wonders what color your eyes are, and then wonders why he wondered that.
âJunkie?â He asks, and resists the urge to brush the hair out of your eyes. Like Julia, maybe. Maybe you know her, wherever she might be right now. Maybe you already have that connection to him. MaybeâŚ
Craig shakes his head. âNah. Not a junkie. I dunno if sheâs homeless, either. I just kinda see her around sometimes. She pickpockets tourists. Seems good at figuring out which ones are the L.A. douchebags.â
Pope frowns. Your face twitches a little, but you donât wake.
âSheâs hot.â His younger brother observes, and Popeâs frown deepens. âAnd badass. You shoulda seen her, dude. She went at them like a fuckinâ demon. She doesnât even know me.â
You look so angelic, curled in on yourself on the couch with sand in your hair and dirt under your fingernails, that he finds it hard to believe.
Hard, but not impossible. Because thereâs something about you, and the bruises on your face that look so much like the ones that often adorn his own, that screamsâŚfighter. Survivor. Protector.
And he hasnât even spoken to you yet, but thereâs something else there. Something deep down and warm and intrinsic that he canât exactly pinpoint but certainly canât ignore.
His.
-
When you wake up, heâs watching you. He knows he probably shouldnât be. He probably looks creepy, or whatever everyone says, but he canât seem to pull his eyes away from the rise and fall of your breathing. The way your face twitches every now and then in sleep. The way your hair spills over the couch cushion. He wants to brush it away, but heâs afraid to wake you.
Your eyes flutter open. Theyâre beautiful.
And those beautiful eyes move dazedly around the room before they land on him, and widen. You bolt up, and hiss in pain as whatever injuries you sustained in that fight no doubt scream in protest.
You look at him. Look around. Look back at him.
Carefully, he passes you the baseball bat from his room. Craig said you had one before. Youâre in a strange new place. It might make you feel safe.
You close your fingers around the handle, and watch him like a hawk as you pull it over to you.
âWhere am I?â He likes the sound of your voice. Even cracked with sleep and shaky with nerves, it sounds as pretty as the rest of you.
âMy house.â He says simply, cocking his head to the side. âCraig brought you here.â
Craig is passed out in his room down the hall. You took a while to wake up. You frown, and rub your head a little.
âWhy did you do it?â The question leaves him before he can think, curiosity lying heavy in his chest. People in Oceanside donât just help other people like that. Not when it could put them in the same state you ended up in.
âThree to one didnât seem like fair odds.â
Pope takes this information, and holds it close to his heart. Keeps it there like a flame heâll never let go out.
You sit in silence for a minute before he speaks again.
âDo you want a sandwich?â
You look up, surprised, and your lips quirk upwards just the smallest bit.
âSure.â
-
The knocking is loud. Very loud. Angry, even.
When Pope opens the door, there you are.
Fuck, itâs like you donât even know how beautiful you are. Heâs always been surprised by that. Sure, you use your looks and pretty smiles to work people on jobs, but when that persona is lowered and youâre justâŚyou, the sight of you could make him drop to his fucking knees.
âYou fixed my door.â
Heâs shirtless. Itâs early. Your eyes drop down to his chest before they fly back up to his face, and he is two seconds away from yanking you into the house and taking you right here in the front hall.
Shit. Three years. Three long, long years of nothing but his hand and memories of you. Heâs devolved into a fucking animal. All he can think about is ripping that t-shirt off of you. Of lifting you onto the table right here and dropping to his knees, hearing the noises he can pull from you when he buries his face between your-
âYou fixed my door.â You repeat, angrier now, and he furrows his brow as he forces himself out of the fantasy.
âYeah.â
âPope, you donât know where I live.â
His brow furrows a little more.
âFine, I havenât told you where I live.â Oh, thatâs what you mean. Right.
âIt was creaking.â
âHow many times have you broken into my house?â
Seven. âI donât know what youâre talking about.â
âAndrew.â
You should know better than to say his name. His real name. The sound of it shoots something molten through his veins, and his hand tightens on the doorframe.
âWeâre broken up. You canât break into my house.â
âWeâre not broken up.â The fact comes easily. Simply. Thereâs no plea behind it. No question at all.
âWeâre broken up. You broke up with me.â
âNo, I didnât. I said stop coming around. I didnât break up with you.â
âWhatever you did, it was three years ago.â
âAnd youâre not in prison.â He wants to ask why youâre not getting it, but he knows that you do. Even if most wouldnât, you know how he thinks. Youâre just being deliberately obtuse because youâre angry. But heâll spend the rest of his life apologizing to you, if thatâs what you need. âIâm out. We still love each other.â
âYou donât know that I still love you.â
He raises an eyebrow. âTell me you donât.â
You open your mouth, like you just might try it, before closing it again and trying another tactic. Heâs always found itâŚcute. The way you try to deflect your feelings like this. And heâll never try to pretend that he doesnât love how easily he can call you on it. There are two things in this world that Andrew Cody is absolutely confident in: jobs, and you.
âYou fucked up my job.â
âYou hate those jobs. They bore you.â
Your eyes narrow, and youâre gorgeous when youâre angry. âI donât have a backup plan anymore. I need the boat job to go well.â
Youâre stalling. You donât want to leave. âIt will.â He raises an eyebrow again. Your eyes drop back down to his bare chest, and it sends a thrill through him. âWant some breakfast?â
âNo.â Youâre still standing here, and he knows you too well to let you leave just yet. The tension crackling through the air, emanating from you and directing itself at him, is so fucking obvious it almost makes him grin.
âCoffee?â
You hesitate. Frown. âFine.â
And with that word, you cross the threshold, and kiss him.
-
Your first job with the Cody family went well. Really well.
Smurf shocked all of them by inviting you in, building up her tests of your skills and your loyalty to the family until she suddenly justâŚmade you a part of it. Sat you down at the family meeting with them and told you what your part in the job would be.
Baz protested. Deran was quiet. Craig, however, was thrilled. Pope is pretty sure his brother likes you a little too much, and he hates the way it makes jealousy and possessiveness curl black and vile in his throat. He hates the way Smurf seems to assess this. The way she watches you keep Craig in line and encourages the two of you to spend time together.
But you did well. Really well.
And then, after dinner, you disappeared.
Pope found you up the street, sitting on a small curve of beach and watching the moon like you were greeting an old friend. Heâd hesitated to join you, like he might be interrupting, butâŚ
âHi.â
Shit. âHi.â
âWanna sit down?â
Yes. So fucking badly. Heâd do anything in the world to just be close to you. âDo you want me to?â
âYeah.â
He hesitates. You look back at him, illuminated by moonlight and so gorgeous it stops the breath in his lungs, and pat the sand beside you.
He sits, and you rest your head against his shoulder. Like itâs the easiest thing in the world.
âAre youâŚokay?â Do you expect him to function correctly right now? Do you expect him to be able to string a thought together? Youâre so warm. So soft. He doesnât have experience with this kind of thing.
âOh yeah.â You hum, fingers curling in the sand beneath you. âI mean, if youâre asking if Iâm upset about you holding an unloaded gun to my head while I pretended to freak out, donât worry. Iâm fine.â You mean it. Smurf would be impressed.
He could cover your hand with his own, right now. You might even let him. You might let him curl his fingers around yours, and even flip your palm to rest it against his. Your soft skin against his rough callouses, pillowed by the sand beneath youâŚ
âSo whatâs wrong?â
You hum, and he feels it vibrate through his shoulder. âI donât know. Smurf, the job, everything just feels like itâs going too well.â
âToo well?â
âThings change. They hurt when they change. Itâs tooâŚgood.â He starts to say something, though he isnât sure what, before you continue. âThatâs why I like coming out here, though. I like looking at the water. Itâs why I slept on the beach when things got too shitty at home, you know?â
He turns his head, and it brings his face so close to yours that he almost chokes. You donât even look up, just keep watching the waves crash on the beach as you continue.
âIt sounds kinda cheesy, but the ocean is soâŚbig. And no matter whatâs going on with me, no matter how bad things seem, it makes it all feel smaller, you know? All that ocean, everything going on beneath the surface, and whatever bullshitâs happening to me just feelsâŚinconsequential. More manageable, I guess.â
Oh God. Fuck. He loves you. He loves you so much.
His hand, knuckles still bruised from some fight he got into earlier this week and already so much bigger than your own, covers yours. You stop picking at the sand, but you donât pull away.
âIâll always be here.â He murmurs, some part of him terrified that youâll jump away from him. He means it. He really does.
And you mean it too, when you turn your palm and slide your fingers through his, and murmur back. âThank you.â
-
Itâs a fucking whirlwind.
You donât know what possessed you. What you were thinking. Just that you are magnetized to this man, and heâs standing there looking at you like he knows every thought in your head and like he loves you more than anything in the world and you canât spend another second without his lips against your own.
He meets you just as hard, hand coming up to grip at the hair at the base of your skull as you walk him backwards into his house. You realize, vaguely, between the blur of lips and teeth and desperate hands, that you havenât even seen the inside of it yet. Even now, itâs weird for there to be any aspect of Popeâs life that you donât know about.
The tour, however, is going to have to wait. Because Pope has you pressed against the counter and you barely have time to gasp his name before heâs lifting you onto it, tugging your shirt up over your head and tossing it aside before ducking down to trail desperate kisses over your neck. You tangle your fingers in his hair, and pull his mouth back up to yours, biting down on his lip until he groans and reaches down to start tugging your pants over your hips.
âBedroom.â You manage, somewhere between a choked moan and a drag of your nails down his muscled back that has him sinking his teeth into your throat.
âThree years.â He replies, the words a starved growl, as he rips your pants and underwear down over your legs. All you can do is nod your understanding and drag his mouth back to yours, hands leaving his face to reach down and tug his sweatpants over his hips.
He pulls back, just enough to press his lips to your ear, and you canât help but whimper when he murmurs his next words.
âTell me you want this.â
You curl your fingers in his hair, pull him closer to you, and barely manage to gasp out a soft confirmation of âI want this, Andrewâ before heâs pushing into you and it is everything youâve missed for too long and it feels so good you might fucking die.
You gasp, and hold him tighter, and he breathes a shaky exhale into the hollow of your throat as he goes very very still.
You make a soft noise, needing more, and he understands immediately because he knows every inch of you better than he knows himself.
âThree years.â He murmurs again, hoarse and apologetic as his hands grip the counter on either side of you. You realize what he means through the haze of lust, and a bubble of laughter tears its way out of your throat. The sudden movement makes him hiss, cursing softly against your throat as his hands fly up to grip your hips. You clamp your lips together in an attempt to stop your giggling, and when he pulls back to look at you he starts laughing too.
And then, still smiling, he kisses you slow and deep, and begins to move. The moment he does, all humor flies out the window, and you gasp as you lock your legs around his hips and scramble for purchase against his back.
Itâs fast and desperate, like he really and truly canât help it, and it is absolutely perfect. Fuck, itâs everything you have ever needed in your entire life and more. You cling to him, wrapped in his arms and burying your face in his neck to try to muffle cries that might wake the entire Strand. He doesnât stop, but his grip tightens as he adjusts his movements to grind deeper, fingers tangling in your hair to pull your head back from his shoulder until you can feel his ragged breaths against the shell of you ear.
âYeah?â He whispers, hoarse and smiling and already wrecked as the force of his movements makes stars explode behind your vision. Then, closer, his nose against your temple and his grip almost bruising on your skin. âYeah?â
You just nod, and hold on for dear life as you fall over the edge with a cry of his name, and he follows right after you with a choked moan of yours.
For a moment, you both just try to catch your breath, wrapped in each otherâs arms with your legs shaking and Popeâs shoulder warm against your forehead. He kisses the side of your head, soft and loving, and huffs a laugh into your hair as he pulls back to press his lips to yours.
âI missed you.â He whispers, and youâre smiling too.
And then, without warning, he hoists you into his arms and starts walking.
âWhere are we going?â You ask, still laughing, still smiling, still blissed out beyond words.
He kisses your forehead, your cheek, and kicks a door open. âBedroom.â
-
Once the initial violent desperation has faded, Pope takes his time with you. He works you apart piece by piece, like heâs relearning every inch of your skin. He kisses every new scar. Every familiar freckle. He makes you forget every word that isnât his name, tells you he loves you until heâs hoarse with it, and you do the same to him. In the confines of his room, in this new house on the beach, you forget about every morsel of pain youâve felt in the past. Every tear youâve shed. Every lonely moment.
At some point, when heâs trailing slow kisses up the inside of your thigh and your fingers are tangled in his curls, you manage to come back to yourself for half a second.
âWeâre not back together.â You murmur, and he looks up long enough to raise a dark eyebrow at you.
âWeâre not.â You repeat, and he gives you another look, this time with both eyebrows, before nudging your thigh further aside. He doesnât speak, and he doesnât need to, because in the next five seconds you completely forget how to form coherent thought.
-
The sun is setting by the time youâre both too exhausted to continue. A few minutes ago, you broke apart long enough to make your way to the shower, where youâd lasted about five minutes before heâd slipped in behind you. You managed to hold back long enough to shampoo each otherâs hair before lathering off had turned into kissing beneath the stream, which had turned intoâŚwell, into you pressed up against the wall, his chest against your back and his teeth buried in your shoulder as your fingers clawed against the tile and your vision turned white for the umpteenth time today.
Now, his fingers card through your still-damp hair, and you wonder vaguely if youâll ever walk again.
âHoly shit. We havenât done that sinceâŚâ you trail off, brain as mushy as your muscles seem to be, and you feel Popeâs proud smile against your forehead.
âThree years and forty nine days.â He supplies, and you canât hold back your giggle. âDay after the jewelry store job.â
âRight.â Christ, it really is a miracle that you survived three years apart when you used to go at each other like coked out bunny rabbits. âForgot about that.â
âI didnât.â
You swat at his chest, and he tucks you closer to him, tilting your chin up to press his lips to yours.
-
For the first time in three years, you wake up in Andrew Codyâs arms.
And heâs asleep. Heâs soundly, completely asleep. Heâs always been a light sleeper, but despite that there are certain circumstances that have been known to knock him out like a log.
Heâs completely out now, arms wrapped tightly around you and deep breaths tickling the top of your head.
There was always so much chaos in your lives. So many things that could go wrong at any moment, so many risks taken every single day. There was Smurfâs manipulations, Craigâs irresponsibility, Deranâs tendency to disappear and worry everyone, Julia being gone, and BazâŚwell, Baz being a raging douche most of the time. All of it was always so much, but right here, right like thisâŚthis was always where you felt safest. All of the insanity would always be a million miles away, blocked out by the circle of Andrew Codyâs arms.
Which is probably why it feels like a physical stab to your chest when you carefully wiggle out of them.
He grunts, one arm reaching out as if searching for you, but he doesnât wake.
You allow yourself one moment to stare at him. One long, aching moment. Heâs so beautiful in the moonlight that he almost hurts to look at.
And then you slip on one of his tshirts, wiggle into your jeans, and disappear out the door.
You donât bother pulling your shoes back on, letting the sand cushion your feet as you wander down the beach, and listening to the waves crash against the shore.
Heâll wake up soon, and heâll find you. And when he does, heâll pull you back into his arms and the two of you will sit on this beach like you used to. Watch the waves and the stars like you used to. Youâll talk, and heâll apologize, and he isnât very good with words but youâll understand him and youâll forgive him. Just like that.
Youâre not ready for that.
So you pull out your phone, and dial the only other number you have on speed dial. The only number besides Pope Codyâs.
âWhere the hell have you been?â Craig shouts into the phone, mirth lacing his voice even through the tinny speaker.
You glance down at Popeâs t-shirt. Plain white. Too big for you. Soft and draped over your body like a flag with his name on it.
Oh well. âYouâre gonna give me a whole lotta shit for it.â
He laughs, and you hear a bottle clink somewhere on the other side of the phone. âSo whyâre you callinâ me?â
âCause Iâm crazy, I guess. Or an idiot.â
âOr both.â
You hum, and bend down to scoop some sand into your palm, letting it trickle between your fingers as it falls back to the earth. Youâre confused, and still hurting, and your heart aches heavy in your chest. In moments like this, youâve always wondered what it would be like to have one of those girl best friends in rom-coms. The kind who would split a bottle of wine with you on the couch and talk for hours about boys with you. That must be nice. You wonder if they really exist, somewhere where life is normal.
Well, you donât have that. You have Craig Cody.
âIâve gotta go off grid for a minute.â You say, and trail your eyes back towards Popeâs darkened house. You have minutes before that light flicks on, and you cave. âWanna get drunk?â
Craig blows out a long breath, and you can almost see him raising his eyebrows and resting his elbows on his knees.
âSure. Where are you?â
-
Pope hasnât seen you in three days.
Deran is the one who called him, frustrated and concerned and grouching about you not being able to handle your liquor.
âItâs weird, dude. The balance is gone. Sheâs not talking him out of shit anymore. Theyâre just kinda ramping each other up.â He hears the clink of bottles. Shouting in the background. Maybe, somewhere, your laughter. âWhatever you did, come fix it. Because your girlfriend is doing body shots on my bar and Iâm not about to get shut down because those two are acting like fucking idiots.â
âI didnât do anything.â Heâs already grabbing his keys. You fell asleep in his arms, for fucks sake. You spent the entire day letting him whisper apologies and promises of love into your skin. He thought you were good. It felt like everything was back to normal, and then you were justâŚgone.
Sure, there was a moment where you insisted you werenât back together, but when that sentence is quickly drowned out by âOh God oh God Andrew please donât stopâ itâs a little hard to let the words sink in.
Heâd searched the beach for hours. Called your phone even when it became blatantly obvious that youâd turned it off. He went to Craigâs house, and his brother wasnât there. You didnât take your car when you disappeared. Heâs been worried sick about you and now youâve been on some kind of bender?
âYou did something.â Deran doesnât seem to be grasping the gravity of this situation. Everything was fine. Why are you still upset? âThey havenât done this kind of shit since you dumped her in prison.â
âI didnât fucking dump her.â He needs to focus on not breaking too many traffic laws, but he senses a few irritated comments coming his way. Annoyed as Deran may be right now, he fucking adores you almost as much as Craig does, and Pope can hear genuine worry in his tone.
âYou should probably look up the definition of dumping, dude. Telling her to fuck off and not talking to her for three years is pretty-â
âJust tell me if sheâs okay.â The words come out harsh. A snap of anger in the quiet car.
âJust get here.â The phone clicks off, and Pope almost throws it out the window.
-
Everything is nice and fuzzy, and youâre having a very fun time.
You donât have anywhere near Craigâs tolerance, nor his penchant for anything stronger than alcohol and weed, so this âbenderâ hasnât exactly consisted of you partying straight through like he has. In fact, it took until tonight for him to pull you off of his couch and tell you to stop wallowing and have fun.
And you had listened. Oh boy, had you listened.
You started at Craigâs house, letting him amp you up and remind you to get angry between shots of tequila.
âHoly shit, just say it. Say it already!â Craig stands, waving the shot in front of your face before shoving it forward. âAre you mad? Sad? Câmon, quit beinâ such a closed book! Who the fuck is that helping?â
âIâm angry!â You take the shot, down it, and sputter.
And then you smash the glass against the wall.
âThere she is!â Craig shouts, enveloping you in a drunken hug, and you let the rage build in the safety of your friendâs arms as you start to giggle like a fucking lunatic.
âGimme another.â
He whoops, lets you go, and grabs the bottle.
And then you went to the Cove, and drank margaritas and let Craig convince you to get angrier. Angry because Pope left you. Because it hurt so bad it felt like a piece of you had broken off, and angry because he showed back up and brought all of that pain with him and just expected it all to be better.
And eventually, you ended up in Deranâs bar, hammered and laughing and trying to remember why you were mad in the first place.
That is, until Pope Cody shows up.
Youâve seen him look scary before, with that furrowed brow and those shark eyes, but now he looks downright murderous.
Thatâs okay. You can be angry too. You are angry.
âWeâre leaving.â He says, simply, wrapping an arm around you before you shove him off.
âNuh uh.â You step back, and his frown deepens.
âDude, lay off. Sheâs just blowinâ off some steam-â
âWhat the fuck are you doing, man?â Pope stands too close to Craig. Looks way too angry. He doesnât get to be mad. He broke your heart. He left you alone.
âWhatâre you doing?â Craig, larger than Pope and already too drunk and coked out to think rationally, matches the furious energy. âYou think youâre cool just walkinâ in here and making her go home?â
Something twinges in your drunken mind. Tells you to step in. To stop this.
But youâre too late.
âMaybe Iâm sick and tired of pickinâ her up off the floor because you did some shit to make her bawl her fucking eyes out.â Craig shoves Pope. Hard. âSeriously man, whatâs the fuckinâ matter with you? You think she deserves this shit?â
Pope punches him in the face.
You just stand there for a moment, drunk and shocked, and it takes a good moment of them brawling and shoving each other into the bar before you realize that you should get in the middle of this.
Someone, some guy who was flirting with you a while back, tries to grab you and pull you away. You slam your elbow into his face, and he releases you long enough for you to leap onto Craigâs back, yanking him away from Pope just in time to feel your back slam into the corner of the bar hard enough to make you lose your grip.
You fall back, feel something smash beneath you, and groan as a bolt of agony shoots through your body. Fuck. Fuck, thatâs gonna leave a mark.
The fight stops. The bar goes quiet.
Hands pull you up, slurred apologies spilling past Craigâs lips in a panic as he sets you on your feet and looks down at you with a horrified expression. Youâve had worse, sure, but the bruise isnât gonna be pretty and you know damn well heâs gonna feel guilty about it tomorrow.
You look up at him, reach up to pat his chestâŚ
And puke on his shoes.
You hear him mumble a quiet âoh, fuckâ before heâs shoved aside, and Pope is there. Pope, who is scooping you up into his arms without a word and carrying you out of the bar.
âSorry.â You mumble, and he doesnât respond, but he squeezes you a little more tightly to him and that feels like enough.
He places you down in the passenger seat of his truck, and presses his lips to your forehead before he moves to the drivers side.
Youâre suddenly very, very exhausted. You thunk your head against the window, and close your eyes as the engine starts.
You feel Popeâs hand on your leg, warm and comforting and familiar.
It feels like home.
-
âLook who finally decided to come home.â
Your fatherâs voice is nails on a chalkboard. A skin-prickling, hatred inducing rasp that makes your entire body tense.
âThis isnât home.â You drop your keys on the counter. Itâs not home. It never has been, but now that you have a real home the difference has never been more obvious to you.
You left your home tonight. Left the warmth of Andrew Codyâs arms. He hadnât woken, as exhausted after the job as you were, but heâd hummed sleepily into your neck and tried to squeeze you closer as youâd wiggled your way out of his embrace.
Your father scoffs, and doesnât look up from the TV. âYou think that place is home? You whore yourself out to that psycho Cody and now you canât give half a shit about the guy who raised ya?â
Itâs your turn to scoff. You donât answer. He keeps going.
âYou think that crazy kid loves you? You think youâll get to leave and run off into the sunset with him? The ticking time bomb ainât gonna love you. None of âem are. I know Smurf. Sheâs keepinâ you around because that shithead prefers to fuck you over going berserk and killinâ everyone in the house. They donât give a shit about you. They use you. Sâall youâre good for, anyway.â
That hits you. Harder than it should.
No. No, heâs wrong. Heâs an asshole, and heâs wrong. Andrew Cody loves you more than life itself. Thereâs no question there.
âŚRight? Itâs not like you even know what love is, being raised by this of shit. And Popeâs love isâŚobsessive. You donât mind it. You like it, actually. But-
No. Fucking no. Youâre not letting him get in your head. You canât.
Because thereâs Craig. And Deran. And even Baz, sometimes. Smurf likes you, and she most certainly sees you as a pawn, but⌠but Craig is your best friend. Craig laughs at your jokes. Hugs you so tightly your ribs might crack sometimes. Stays up to talk to you for hours by the pool.
And Pope loves you so much that it consumes him. Even you canât doubt that. The way he looks at you, the way he touches you, the way he kisses you like heâll never be able to get enough. His shoulders relax when you enter the room. His smile is the brightest thing youâve ever seen. You even wake up to him watching you sleep, sometimes, tracing his calloused fingers over your skin with his eyes half-open like heâs fighting sleep just so he can look at you a little longer.
And the last time your father took things too far, the last time you came back with bruisesâŚ
Youâd spent an hour talking Pope down from coming over here. Youâd spent longer convincing Craig and even Deran to stop fucking encouraging him to, to stop insisting that theyâll help him end this asshole.
Thatâs love.
And that gives you the strength, the courage, to move over to your father and lean one hand on the back of the couch, glaring daggers into his eyes.
âThe only reason youâre still alive, is because of me.â It sounds like a fucking growl, so angry and unlike you. âDonât forget that.â
Your father just smiles, like youâre wrong and he knows it. You want to punch him. You want to prove him wrong, and let Andrew kill him.
You walk out the door, instead.
-
He sits you on the edge of his bed, and itâs just like before. Like every time youâve been drunk or even sick since you were kids. He kisses your cheek, asks if itâs okay, and when you nod he pulls your t-shirt up over your head, quickly replacing it with one of his own. Your pants go next, and then he tucks you beneath the blankets of his bed and brushes your hair from your face.
He hesitates to pull his own shirt off, wonders if you might be too drunk and upset to want him near you. You never have before, but heâs realizing pretty quickly that before is more removed from the present than he expected it to be. Three years in prison, daydreaming every day about coming home to you and explaining why he did that he did and having you forgive him right away wasâŚwell, a daydream. He may have been able to lose himself in the fantasy of your unconditional love and forgiveness for three years, but you were here. Alone. Wondering what you did wrong and missing him on a level completely separate from his. He didnât experience any of the confusion. The lack of understanding. The pain that comes with that.
You reach out, and push the hem of his shirt up. He pulls it over his head, a slave to your needs and whims, and helps you unbuckle his pants until heâs sliding into bed beside you and pulling you into his arms.
âYouâre mad at me.â
You tilt your head into his hand, and nod.
His heart breaks, eyes softening and hand smoothing over your cheek as he leans closer and presses his forehead against yours.
âWhy?â He asks, a genuine desperate pain cracking the word as it leaves his throat. âI thoughtâŚI thought we were good.â
You make a soft noise, and lean against him a little more.
He whispers your name, presses a kiss to your cheek, and inhales deep, trying to memorize your scent.
âIâm not good at this. You always tell me.â Another kiss. Fingers curling in your hair. âTell me what to do. Tell me how to make you stop hurting.â
You curl a little closer.
âYou left me.â You finally whisper. âYou promised you never would, and then you left. I worried about you for three years.â
He pulls you closer. Feels tears prickle in his eyes and guilt churn in his stomach.
âI went to the beach, and it didnât feel better, because you werenât there.â Your fingers curl against his chest, right over his breaking heart. âI thought you didnât love me anymore. For three years.â
Fuck. âIâll never stop loving you.â If he holds you any more tightly, it might hurt the bruise on your back. Heâs gonna fucking kill Craig for that, accident or not. âNever.â
And then, quietly, almost a whisper as you drift off but just loud enough for him to hear it and almost die right there, ââŚI donât know if I believe you, anymoreâŚâ
-
The boat job goes well. Really fucking well. Save for Marco cutting a womanâs fucking finger off, everything goes off without a hitch.
And youâre proud. Really fucking proud. Craig was always capable of this kind of thing if he just applied himself, and here you all are. Richer than before and still riding that all-too-familiar adrenaline high.
âGeez, Pope really did a number on you.â You reach up now, poking lightly at his black eye. He flinches, and huffs out a sheepish laugh. You saw this coming when you decided someone would have to beat Craig up, and Pope volunteered a littleâŚemphatically. But still.
âPretty sure heâs got some pent up anger.â He rubs the back of his neck, eyes scanning over you. âHowâs your back?â
You cringe, and resist the urge to rub the still-bruised area. âItâs fine. The hangover was worse.â
Craig looks like heâs about to turn you around inspect the injury himself, but one glance over your shoulder to where Pope is no doubt glaring from across the bar is enough to make him cave with one last guilty look. Heâs apologized maybe a hundred times for the mistake, and youâve forgiven him every time. After all, he didnât mean it, and youâve definitely had worse. âDamn, how bad?â
Your head is pounding, and you just barely managed to make it into the bathroom before the rest of last nightâs tequila expels itself from your stomach.
Not five seconds later, you feel a large hand curl in your hair, pulling it back into a makeshift ponytail while another palm rubs small circles on your back.
âOh, the humanity.â You whimper, pulling back to lean against the wall. You flinch at the movement, and give Pope a miserable look. âChrist, did I get hit by a truck last night?â
âYou broke up a bar fight.â
âWhy the fuck would I do that?â
âIt wasâŚbetween me and Craig.â
You frown, and try to piece the fuzzy memories together. âDid you kill him?â
âNo. He fell back against the bar with you on his back, so Iâm going to.â
Ah, thatâs where the pain is coming from. You look him over, shirtless and beautiful and achingly familiar, butâŚ
âHave you slept?â
He frowns, and looks like heâs fighting the urge to reach for you. âNo.â
Ugh. This is stupid. Bad idea. You should leave. You are not together anymore. You will not-
âOkay. My head hurts. You need to sleep. Back to bed, big guy.â You reach out, and make grabby hands at him, just like youâve done a million times before. Every time you were hungover, every time you were sick, or even one time when you just twisted your ankle trying to dive into the pool.
His smile is so full of adoration and relief that it nearly makes you cry. He doesnât hesitate, moving to scoop you into his arms with a soft grunt of âcâmereâŚâ
He lays you down, and you pull him with you, tugging the covers around you both before tucking yourself into his chest and reaching up to scratch your nails lightly over his back in the way thatâs always made him melt.
âI love you.â He murmurs, warm fingers brushing through your hair. âIâm sorry-â
âShhh. Go to sleep.â You press your lips to his shoulder, and feel him shiver a little at the feeling. âHead hurts, and you need to sleep.â
He takes a moment to speak, but then he nuzzles his nose into your hair and drops his arms down to pull you closer to him. âOkay.â
âIâve had worse.â You smile, and clink your beer against Craigâs. âThanks, though. You did fucking amazing today.â
Your friendâs smile, despite the damage to his face, lights up the entire room. âFuck yeah I did. You did, too.â
âAw, shucks.â You grin, and itâs just like before. Just like when you were kids, riding the adrenaline high together and laughing your way through the car chases and the gunfights despite Pope and Baz and even Deranâs concern. You nudge him, and smile a little wider as you gesture towards the door. âRennâs here.â
He turns, and the way his eyes light up makes your heart swell impossibly more. That, right there. Thatâs how you look at Pope. How he looks at you. That little spark behind his eyes is exactly what heâs always deserved.
âYou two back together?â
âNah. I mean, I dunno. Maybe. WeâreâŚyou know.â
You clink your beer against his, and meet his eyes. âJust donât fuck it up again, okay? Youâll be fine. Donât overthink.â
His eyes trail behind you, to where Pope is most certainly still watching you, and he raises a pointed eyebrow.
You scoff. âShut up.â
-
Thatâs the problem with good things. They always end.
Youâre at the bar, sitting beside Pope like you have after a thousand jobs, and despite your conviction to keep your heart safe you canât help the way it melts when his hand covers yours, large fingers threading through your own.
âDo you wanna go home?â
You hum, and lean into his side despite yourself. It was a pretty big day, after all, and nothing sounds better than curling up in bed with him and sleeping until noon tomorrow.
You open your mouth to agree, feeling his thumb trace lightly over your knuckles, and-
Your phone dings. A specific ringtone. One that makes you feel like an anvil has been dropped into your stomach.
âIâll be right back.â You murmur, and when Popeâs brow furrows you lean forward and press your lips to the corner of his mouth. Not quite a kiss, but close enough that his hand squeezes yours one last time. âJust gotta go to the bathroom, first.â
You leave before he can follow.
-
âYou look like shit.â You greet the old man in the alley with a frown, crossing your arms and standing a good few feet back. He does. Your father, piece of shit that he is, has probably pissed off a debt collector or two again, judging by the bruises on his face and arms. You have no sympathy for the man who once left similar marks on you.
âHeard your psycho boyfriend is outta prison.â His retort makes you grit your teeth. âStill sluttinâ yourself out to the Codys?â
âWhat the fuck do you want this time?â
âJust an exchange. Heard about that boat robbery today.â Fuck. âWouldnât be too great for good olâ Dopeâs probation if someone were to put in an anonymous tip, would it?â
âPope had nothing to do with that.â
Your father smiles, all stained teeth and greedy eyes. âShouldnât be a problem, then.â
âFuck you.â
âHow âbout we make a trade? I donât gotta call nobody, and you help cover my debt.â
You want to kill him. You hate him so much it makes you feel sick. âLike I said, fuck you.â
You turn to walk inside, and the move is a mistake. Fingers close too-tightly on your wrist, and before you know it youâre being slammed against the alley wall with your arm twisted agonizingly tightly behind your back. You bite hard on the inside of your cheek to keep from crying out, and remind yourself to breathe through the pain.
âThought I raised you better than that.â The fingers on your wrist feel like theyâre going to snap it in half. You want to bite something back, preferably something poetically sarcastic, but you canât let your voice betray the pain youâre in. All these years, and you hate that he can still hurt you. âYou got three days, kid. Sure you can spend enough time on your knees to get the money out of the crazy one. Maybe the cokehead, too.â
He lets you go with a shove that makes your cheek scratch against the wall, and you turn to glare defiant daggers as he walks away.
-
âWhere did you go?â Popeâs dark eyes are curious, almost innocent as he reaches up to pull you closer to him by your hips.
You move back a little, and his brow furrows with concern. âI need my cut.â
âYeah. Youâll get it when we-â
âI need it now.â
He stands, and you step back when he looks you over, but youâre too late. He knows you too well.
His hands are on your waist, tugging you close to him, and his fingers fly up to the scrape on your cheek. Down to pull up your sleeve, exposing angry red marks in the shape of fingerprints.
âWhere is he?â He asks, voice dripping with danger, and you try to pull away but he just grips you more firmly. His grip is gentle, and you know he would let you go in a second if you asked, but heâs not letting you run from this. âIs he here?â
âNot anymore.â His fingers are curling around your arm, pulling it up to inspect your wrist. His eyes are almost black, and his jaw is clenched so tightly youâre worried he might crack a damn tooth. âHey, Andrew. Look at me.â
His eyes donât leave the bruises on your arm. âI should have killed him.â
âBeating him half to death caused enough problems.â Piece of shit that he is, your father has one too many connections in Oceanside, and the damage control from when Pope snapped on him years ago nearly got all of you arrested or killed.
Itâs been proven safer to just give him what he wants, and try to keep it as secretive as possible, lest Pope or even Craig try to pound him into the pavement again.
Speaking of which, Pope is still holding you too tightly. You reach up, and turn his face towards yours. âIâm fine. Weâre fine. LetâsâŚâ God, youâre supposed to keep up with this ânot together anymoreâ thing, but âcan we just go home?â
He melts. His eyes soften, and his arms slide around you to pull you closer to him. You feel his cheek against the side of your head, his hand sliding gently up over your back, and you melt too.
âYeah. Yeah, letâs go.â
-
Split lip. Black eye. Ringing ears.
God, everything hurts. That asshole really did a number on you this time.
Bruised if not cracked ribs. A slight limp from where your leg hit weird when you were tossed across the floor. An aching arm that was grabbed a little too hard.
âHoly shit.â Craig. Craigâs voice, as familiar as your own.
âI got hit.â You worked on this lie. Practiced it the whole limping walk down here. ââŚby a car.â As bad as it is this time, it might be the only thing thatâs believable.
âYouâre a shit liar.â Now you know thatâs not true, but your friend is already by your side, holding you up and helping you walk into the house. âIâm gonna kill him.â
Youâve definitely got a black eye. Your lip is swollen and bleeding. Itâs becoming more exhausting to take stock of your injuries than it would be to note what isnât hurting.
âDonât. JustâŚdonât.â You wince on a step, and when Craig huffs and tries to scoop you up you swat him off.
âFuck that. You look like youâre about to keel the fuck over.â He frowns, concern lacing every one of his features. âYouâre not going back there.â
âI hit him with a fuckinâ frying pan.â You mumble, knocking your head against his shoulder. âSo I figure Iâm not welcome back any time soon.â
âSmurf is gonna shit.â He mumbles, and leans you back against the kitchen counter to inspect your face. âFuck, Pope is gonna blow a gasket, dude. How are you gonna explain this to him?â
âI donât know.â You mumble, reaching up to push the hair out of your face. All you want to do right now is see him. To be held by him and to maybe even just lay down in his twin bed and feel him tuck you into his arms. Youâve been with him for a little over a year, now, and it still feels like youâve been dating for a week. Like your relationship is just one never ending honeymoon phase. Even these last few days, helping your father out with his bullshit scam, youâve missed him so much itâs almost concerning.
Fuck.
âBeer, please.â You mumble, and when Craig hands it to you you take a moment to rest the cool glass against your bruised cheek. âI donât know. Iâll tell him I got in an accident.â
Craigâs answer is immediate, lifting your arm to show the bruises in the shape of fingerprints dented into your skin. âYeah, real fuckinâ believable.â
You pull you arm back, panic rising in your throat. âOkay. IâŚgive me a sweatshirt.â
âHeâll just take it off.â
âFuck.â Heâs right. You shouldnât have come here. You should have hidden out on the beach for a few days like you used to, and waited for some of these injuries to fade. Fuck. âIâve gotta go.â
âFat fuckinâ chance.â Craig grabs you, more firmly than usual, and keeps you still against the counter. âYou think Iâm gonna let you walk outta this house while that asshole is still breathing? Look, I ainât Pope, but Iâm not gonna let you into a situation where you could-â
You sense him before you see him. You didnât even hear the door open.
âGet. Away. From. Her.â
Shit.
âShit.â Craig releases you, and takes three large steps back like he might be attacked by a mountain lion.
Pope is on you in a second, one large hand cradling your bruised face, and in a moment you can see in his eyes that heâs not entirely there. That line in him has snapped, like it has on those nights youâve found him in the yard, distant and empty and staring at the moon. When youâve pulled him from fights, and he took a minute to even remember your name. Took him longer to remember his own.
âPlease.â You whisper, reaching up to slide your fingers through his hair and force him to look at you. âPlease be okay about this.â
He doesnât answer you. He just moves his hand over your face, looks at you with those murderous eyes, and presses his forehead against yours.
âWhere is he?â
âPope. Andrew. Please.â Your heart cracks on his name, and he grips you more tightly. âPlease, just take me to bed.â You turn his face to yours, squeeze your eyes shut. âI just wanna go to bed.â
And he does.
One hour later, he leaves that bed. You donât open your eyes. Keep your breathing slow and steady as you feel him kiss your forehead, then your cheek, sliding his fingers through your hair like pulling away from you is physically painful.
But he does, and you feel him stand. You hear him leave.
And you let him.
Two hours later, he walks through the door of Smurfâs house with blood on his knuckles and sweat on his brow.
Youâre waiting for him in the hall.
You look down at his hand. Back up to his eyes.
âIs he dead?â Your voice is quiet. He doesnât look guilty, but he doesnât look away from you, either.
âNo.â
You just nod, and move forward to slide your hand over his cheek. He leans helplessly closer to you.
âNext time you do that,â you murmur, guiding his lips down to your own as his swollen knuckles curl against the back of your borrowed shirt, tugging you closer to him, âtake me with you.â
He releases a shuddering breath, and his kiss is so full of love and devotion that it buckles your knees.
-
A warehouse is a cheesy place to meet. The fact that the asshole brought backup makes it worse. Granted, you brought Pope, Craig, and Deran with you, butâŚwell, theyâre more here for emotional support. And because they wouldnât let you come alone.
When you got home, you told Pope everything. The threats, the money youâve sent him, the amount of time heâs still been able to keep you under his thumb despite how hard youâve worked to break awayâŚ
To your surprise, he hadnât snapped. He hadnât stormed out of his house to find the old man. HeâdâŚ
Heâd kissed you. Heâd wrapped his arms around you, tilted your head back, and kissed you.
You make a muffled noise against his mouth, eyes flying open in surprise before fluttering shut as your body melts into the embrace before your mind can even catch up.
When you finally break for air, still confused but certainly unable to complain, you blink your eyes open again.
âWhat was that for?â
He just kisses you again. Slow. Warm. Wonderful. âIâm sorry I wasnât here.â He whispers, lips moving down to your jaw. Your neck. âIâm sorry you had to be so fuckinâ brave on your own.â
âAndrew, IâŚâ this is a much different reaction than you were expecting. You havenât mentally prepared for it. Your mind is still on the defensive.
He shushes you. Pushes his hands up under your shirt to trace them over your skin. âI love you. You donât wanna be together? Thatâs okay. We can do whatever you want.â He kisses the hollow of your throat, scrapes his teeth against the sensitive skin, and you make a soft noise in the back of your throat that has him tightening his grip on you. âIâm not going anywhere, and youâre not dealing with this alone.â
Youâre not alone. Heâs not going anywhere. Never again.
You believe him. You really, really believe him.
âTake off your clothes, please.â
He smiles against your collarbone, and trails his nose up your throat until his lips are hovering over your own. âAre you sure?â
âPositive.â Youâre already tugging at his shirt, already pulling him down to kiss you, and he meets you with a hunger that feels like a satisfied craving. âI love you. I trust you.â The words are murmured between kisses, ânow please take off your clothes.â
âChrist, itâs like you think youâre Tony Soprano or some shit.â You grumble, feeling surprisingly petulant despite the intensity of the situation. Your father has connections, sure, but you grew up with Smurf Cody. The comparison between the way he operates and what youâre used to is absolutely insane.
Your father is a drunk, and an asshole, and he thinks heâs tough shit. You happen to know what it looks like to actually know what youâre doing. Shocker, that youâre the one who makes the actual fucking money. Even less shocking that he makes most of his income leeching off of you.
Well, not anymore.
âI told you to come alone. You brought your fuckinâ guard dog.â
âYeah, youâre one to talk.â You gesture to the man beside him, the wall of muscle holding the gun and glaring at you like this is a gangster movie and he genuinely believes himself to be the most badass character. âDid you give your Steroid Humunculus his pay already, or is he gonna be banging on your door in a week looking for it?â Youâre guessing the latter, if past experience is anything to go by.
âEnough.â Your father snaps, like he has any authority at all. It makes you furious. âTell the psycho to leave.â
âCall him a psycho one more time, and this time it wonât be him who beats you to a fucking pulp.â
âAre you threatening me, you little shit?â
âLike father, like daughter.â
âI should teach you a fuckinâ lesson-â he starts toward you, only to back up when Pope steps forward. His jaw ticks, fury flashing in his eyes, and you hear the click of something loading in the cavernous room.
It all happens so fast.
In all the times this kind of thing has happened, all of the times heâs made threats, itâs always been diffused. Heâs always held up a gun, maybe loaded it, and said some bullshit until money was tossed his way.
This time, he brought the wrong backup. And that backup panics.
The man raises the gun, and aims it at Pope.
You move before you think, jerking instinctively in front of him and pushing him back, already beginning to move towards the money to end this bullshit. They always point the gun. Always shout a threat. Always shut up when they see the money and-
And then the gun goes off.
-
You wake to an empty bed.
Your first instinct is to reach out to the space Pope usually occupies, hand sliding over the cool sheets like you might be able to pull him out of thin air. Itâs not morning, and the house is silent. If there was some kind of emergency, he would have woken you.
Huh.
The mystery doesnât stay a mystery for long. You shuffle into the yard, and there he is.
Naked. Staring at the moon.
He seemed fine last night. Well, as fine as Pope Cody can be. A little more quiet, maybe. A little clingier than usual, and that would be saying something, but fine.
âHey, handsome.â You hum, casual and sleepy, and move to stand beside him. He doesnât move. He doesnât break his eyes from the night sky. âWhat are we looking at?â
âEverything.â He murmurs, absent, and you can already tell that he isnât here. Isnât entirely inside his own head. Thatâs alright. This isnât the first time something like this has happened, and it probably wonât be the last. At least heâs not smashing anything with a hammer.
âSounds like a lot.â You move to stand in front of him, lifting your hand to brush your fingers through the soft curls on the back of his neck and turn his gaze down to yours. âHow âbout you just look at me instead?â
When his eyes meet your own, still hazy and distant, his breath catches in his lungs. His hand moves up, guiding yours so he can press his cheek into your palm like the touch is some sort of coveted blessing. You smile, soft and gentle, and bring up your other hand to mirror the first and cradle his other cheek.
âYouâre an angel.â The words come out as a reverent whisper. Heâs not trying to flatter you, not trying for pretty compliments, but rather stating a fact. Like he often does, when heâs in this state.
âNot quite.â You press your lips to the underside of his jaw, and you feel a shiver travel through his entire body. âBut I appreciate the compliment.â
Large hands hover over your waist, and his eyes donât leave you. âCan IâŚtouch you?â
You nod, and bring his forehead down to rest against yours as his arms slide around you, tugging you against him as calloused fingers trail up beneath your sleep shirt, the touch just as familiar as the rest of him.
âWill you come to bed with me?â You ask softly, moving your own hands down to smooth over the skin of his chest. âIâm not an overly jealous person, but Iâd prefer to keep this view for myself. Donât wanna share with the neighbors.â
âIâll do anything for you.â
âTell me that again in the morning when I remind you to take your meds, okay?â
He follows you back inside, and allows you to pull him back into bed with you. Allows you to pull the covers up around you both as he envelops you in his arms, and trails his lips along your hairline as he whispers soft words against your skin. You canât make them out, but you wonder from his tone if they might be some kind of prayer.
âI love you.â You murmur, and his arms tighten around you. âEvery part of you. You know that?â
âI donât deserve it.â He whispers, and you pull back to look at him.
âYou do.â You kiss his nose. His cheek. âYou really, really do.â
-
For a moment, you think a car might have backfired somewhere nearby.
Itâs not like you donât know what a gun sounds like. Fuck, with your childhood, you could recognize the sound faster than your own voice. And yet, in this moment, your mind canât seem to keep up. Canât seem to process exactly what just happened.
You feel like you got punched in the stomach. Thereâs an intense, knock-the-wind-out-of-you pressure, and thenâŚ
Your hand comes up to the point of that pressure, to the dull burn, and comes away red.
âFuck.â Your father breathes, and then he starts shouting. âFuck! You idiot! What the fuck did you do?!â
Youâve heard that voice before. When heâs lost an exceptionally lucrative bet. When a deal has gone wrong. Thatâs the tone of a man who is losing his meal ticket, not even close to the tone of a concerned father.
You didnât even get to do your little speech. Your whole âfuck you, I owe you less than nothing and this is the last time youâre getting a cent from meâ speech. You were kind of looking forward to it.
Your whole body feels a little numb. When your knees finally give out, warm arms wrap around you before you can collapse.
âNo. No no no no no!â
Now thatâŚthat isnât concern either. Itâs worse. So much worse. Itâs the realest and most raw fear youâve ever heard.
Thereâs too much blood. Fuck. So much blood. Itâs spilling out between your fingers faster than should be possible. Vaguely, you remember when you were small, and the faucet broke at whatever house you and your dad were squatting in at the time. You were so scared of his ire, of him blaming you for the burst, that youâd tried to hold it together with your small hands until your entire body was soaked.
Andrew Cody is gathering you into his arms, lowering you to the ground, and the pain is starting to slice itâs way through the shock and it is absolutely fucking overwhelming.
âItâs okay. Itâs okay. Iâve got you. Youâre gonna be okay. Look at me. Câmon, y-youâve gotta look at me.â
Your father is still yelling at the guy who shot you. Screaming about the money. Not about you. The sound is loud, cutting through the ringing in your ears, and Andrewâs arms tighten around you.
âClose your eyes.â The words are murmured by your ear. Soft and warm and gentle despite the chaos. When he speaks again, his voice is shaking. âClose your eyes, sweetheart. Itâs gonna be okay.â He rarely calls you that. This must be bad.
When you do, you hear a gun fire, and the shouting stops.
Your eyes fly open, and you try to turn towards the sound of two bodies hitting the floor, but Pope is there before you can move, dropping a gun to the pavement and cradling your face in his hands.
âDonât look at that. Look at me. Look at me, okay? Youâre gonna be okay.â
He shouts for Craig. For Deran. Everything is still in a sharp, dizzy sort of focus.
-
âHoly shit. What happened?â
Craig is hunched over the toilet. Thereâs a bottle of tequila on the floor.
He turns his face towards you, hair messy and cheek resting against his arm. âGo away.â
âNah.â Youâre already sitting beside him, tugging his hair into a ponytail and tying it off.
âMâa fuckup.â He mumbles. âJusâ aâŚdrunk idiot. Deran said.â
You hum, and rub a soothing hand over his back. âDefinitely acting like one.â
âSee?â He tilts his head miserably back into his arm. âEven you say it.â
âShut up. You know thatâs not what Iâm saying.â You move over to the bottle, and take a swig before throwing the rest into the trash. âHey, look at me.â
He does. He looks like he might have been crying.
âYouâre one of the smartest people I know, you know that?â
âYouâre not funny.â
âIâm not lying.â
He looks at you now. Really, really looks at you. âYou gotta stop seeinâ the best in me.â
âToo late. You done puking?â
He grunts, and you reach down to help him stand with a significant amount of effort and bitching that he weighs a million pounds.
And you get him into bed, and even tuck him in, and before you leave to go back to Popeâs room he catches your wrist.
âI love you.â
You stop, and furrow your brow.
âNot in like, a weird way. Mânot tryna fuck you or anything. I donât even know howâŚâ he frowns, and releases you to rub a hand over his face. âI dunno how to say it.â
Your heart swells, in that familiar way, and you laugh a little as you move over and sit on the edge of his bed. âI think youâre telling me Iâm youâre best friend.â
âWell, obviously. Sâmore than that, though. You donâtâŚyou donât think Iâm a fuckup. You actually like me.â
You think back to that kid on the beach, surrounded by three angry assholes and fully prepared to stand his fucking ground. The kid who you were knocked out defending. Who didnât think twice before he brought you back to his home. To the only safe space he knew. Who brought you into his family.
Who loved you like you loved him, and wasnât sure what it meant. Who assumed, as teenagers do, that it might be romantic. Who didnât think twice when he realized that it wasnât romantic, and still pushed his pride aside and kept on loving you. And even now, budding your own ways into adulthood together, heâs drunk and still trying to put into words that he loves you platonically.
âYou have the biggest heart.â You say, honest and raw, and his hazy blue eyes fill with tears again. âEven if you can be an idiot sometimes.â
He swipes his hand over his eyes, and tries to hide a sniffle. He looks young like this. Heâs only in his early twenties, sure, but he looks younger than that. Vulnerable in a way only you ever really get to see.
âPromise you wonât go anywhere.â He mumbles, like heâs nervous to say it.
He smells like puke, and heâs sweaty, but fuck it. You hug him, making sure to flop down on top of him a little so he groans miserably before he wraps a large arm around you to pat your back.
âCanât get rid of me if you tried, jackass.â
-
Craig is freaking out. Heâs in the back of the car, where Pope is still holding you, and heâs freaking out.
Oh, no. That wonât do, will it? You take care of them. You always do. You keep Craig level-headed, and you keep Andrew from freaking out. OrâŚor is it the other way around? Itâs concerningly difficult to think. You feel like youâre floating.
âAlmost there. Almost there. Donât leave me, okay?â God, Andrew Codyâs voice is the best thing youâve ever heard. You want to sink into it, but heâs shaking and you can hear tears in his voice and youâre supposed to fix that.
âDrive fucking faster!â Craig is pushing on your stomach too hard. It hurts. You wheeze, and he doesnât let up. âDeran, the IV isnât working. Itâs not working, sheâs too fuckinâ pale.â
Heâs covered in blood. You canât see Pope, but you think he is too. Everything is tainted a horrible shade of red, and itâs getting really hard to think.
âMâhere.â You try, scratchy and raw. âMâhere. Youâre okay. DonâtâŚbe a dumbass.â
âFuck. Fuck, donât die. Please donât die. Look at me, okay? Look at me.â You try, but Pope is whispering near-nonsense into your hair and trembling so hard itâs almost starting to hurt more than the pressure on your stomach. Still, Craig brushes the hair from your face, and you can see tears tracking their way down his cheeks. âTheyâre all dead, okay? All those assholes are dead. Youâre not going with them, you hear me? Youâre not going with them.â
Thereâs shouting. Thereâs panic. Itâs all fading. Popeâs lips are warm against your skin, and the sound of his voice is soothing andâŚ
-
âI love you.â
The words are whispered into your hair, so soft that you almost donât hear them through the haze of sleep. But youâre awake, now. He doesnât know it, but youâre awake.
You blink, and feel his fingers trace slow, warm patterns over the bare skin of your back.
âI love you.â He whispers again, just as low and just as quiet.
You shift, and he goes very, very still.
âHi.â You whisper, pulling back, and he looks fucking terrified.
ââŚHi.â
âYou just said you loved me.â
âIâŚthought you were sleeping.â
You reach up, and turn his face to yours. Feel soft curls between your fingers.
âHow long have you been telling me you love me when Iâm asleep?â
Heâs silent. He doesnât look away.
âAndrew?â
ââŚa while.â
You smile, and the way his eyes spark at the sight makes your heart melt. âI love you, too.â
His hand flies up almost too fast, cradling your cheek and brushing his thumb over your cheekbone as he stares into your eyes with an intensity that makes your blood tingle in your veins. âYou do?â
âYeah.â How could you not? How could he not know? âOf course I do.â
-
A sharp sting brings you back, this time. You think someone might have hit you.
âFuck, thank God. You looked likeâŚshit, okay. Pope, let her go. Youâve gotta let her go, man.â
âWhere were you?â Heâs whispering against your cheek, and heâs out of his mind. Shit, heâs really out of his mind. His arms are still around you, and heâs speaking like he used to when things got really bad. When whatever was in his mind snapped, and it would take you hours to bring him back to you. âWhere did you go? Donât go. Take me with you.â
Every instinct, every cell in your body, tells you to fight. To stay here. To be here with him. To make this better.
But youâre losing time, and heâs not letting you go.
âDonât touch her.â Lips on your temple. Your cheek. Arms tight around you. âDonât touch her. Donât take her away.â
You try to speak, but convulse instead. The sight of it seems to trigger something, and Craig starts to yank you out of Popeâs arms in such a panicked rush that you whimper as another bolt of agony fires through you.
Andrew holds you tighter. Your mouth tastes like copper. You feel blood trickling past your lips.
âFuck it. Fuck it. Deran, hold him down.â Craig says, and heâs still crying and you should fix that, before he reaches forward and slams Popeâs head against the window. The arms around you go limp as he loses consciousness, and then youâre being lifted out of the car.
âI got you. Itâs okay.â You choke out a soft noise, grab at his arm, and he just tucks you closer to him. âPopeâs okay, too. Everythingâs gonna be fine, yeah? JustâŚjust donât die. Please, please donât die.â
Youâre so tired. You want Andrew. If youâre going to drift into oblivion, he should be here. ButâŚ
-
When you open your eyes, itâs to a cracked ceiling and a heavy, distant pain in your stomach.
You feel the drugs in your system. Blurred and heavy and warm. Tijuana. They managed to get you to Tijuana. And youâre alive. Bullet wound in the gut and all, and youâre alive.
Andrew Cody is beside you, head resting on his hands like he may have been living up to his nickname and praying. When you stir, he does too, red-rimmed eyes blinking open and looking at you like youâre the only other person in the world. There is so much relief in his gaze that the sight makes you feel dizzy.
âHi.â You murmur, hoarse, and reach up to tap gently at the side of his head. âAre you here?â You remember his mumbled words against your skin. The way he needed to be knocked out before he would let you go. He can go so far away, sometimes. But he looks like heâs here now. He looks like heâs your Andrew.
He nods, and catches your hand to press his lips to your palm. His breath shudders on a silent sob.
âI thoughtâŚI thought you were-â
âI think we should get married on the beach.â You cut him off with a gentle squeeze to his hand. âSâthat okay?â
He looks at you, at your stomach, and back at your face like heâs trying to judge how full of painkillers you are. âYou wanna get married?â
âDo you?â
âYes.â Thereâs no hesitation. Not an ounce of it. âBut youâre on-â
âI know. Still want to. I can ask you again when Iâm off them, if you want.â
âI think you should.â He murmurs, but heâs smiling. Itâs a small, hesitant thing. Like he was pretty sure, not too long ago, that he would never smile again. Like heâs already re-learning the expression.
âMm.â You squeeze his hand, and lean your head back against the pillows. âYou wanna marry me?â
âSince I first met you.â
âSoftie.â You turn your head, and furrow your brow a little. âYou never asked, though.â
âI planned it.â He admits, tracing his thumb over your knuckles. âBought a ring.â
âWhen?â
âFive years ago.â
You raise your eyebrows, and say again, âyou never asked.â
âNever found a perfect time.â
âMm. Sorry for stealing your thunder then.â
He squeezes your hand, and brings it up to his lips so he can trail kisses over your knuckles. He looks back up at you after a moment, and his dark eyes are so beautiful. âI killed your father.â
Those four words should definitely make you feel something. Anything. Instead, you just feel a surge of love for the man before you. âOkay.â
âIâm glad I did it.â
âI know.â
And, like he just canât help it anymore, he moves forward and presses his lips to yours. You kiss him back, and wrap your arms around his neck even as the movement makes you wince. Worth it.
âCan we get married now?â You ask, the words muffled by his lips, and he smiles down at you.
âWhen the drugs wear off.â
You frown, and shrug. âOkay. Can we go home?â
âWhen they say you can.â
Hm. âCan we have sex?â
He laughs. Itâs a beautiful sound. âGo to sleep.â
âYouâre no fun.â
âPromise I will be.â He kisses your cheek. âFor the rest of your life.â
âI like where this is going.â
âIâll never leave you again.â
âKeep talkinâ, Cody.â
âWhen we get home, Iâll stock the fridge with that ice cream you like.â
âTake me now.â
The love in his eyes is so beautiful, so pure, so raw, that you know without a doubt that those eyes alone were worth living for. âGo to sleep.â
-
You and Pope rent a house in Tijuana for a while. Thereâs no need to go back to Oceanside. Not yet. Smurf doesnât love it, but she doesnât fight it. It wouldnât be great optics, after all, for her sonâs girlfriend to be recovering from a bullet wound while her father, whom Pope has nearly killed before, was recently found dead in a warehouse.
He fusses over you endlessly. He barely lets you stand on your own, even when youâre fully capable of doing so. You wake up to him watching you sleep more often than ever, and he barely spends more than a minute not touching you.
Itâs nice. Really nice. Kind of like a honeymoon before the honeymoon. Just with less sex due to an annoying bullet wound, and a little more crankiness from you than usual due to both of the former issues.
But you stay up all night on the beach, talking until the sun rises and making out like teenagers. You try to make breakfast, burn it, and get to ogle him from your spot on the counter as he makes it for the both of you. You plan for the future, count down the days until your wound is healed, and justâŚenjoy being happy. No jobs, no strings, no stress.
A little over a month later, you wake him up by rolling on top of him, the familiar pain in your stomach reduced to much less than a dull ache.
His eyebrows raise before his eyes even open, a sleepy smile curling on his lips as his hand trails down your back and your lips move to press teasing kisses down his neck.
âGood morning.â You hum, and he seems more than happy to return the sentiment. âI officially think Iâm healed enough forâŚstrenuous activities.â
He makes a low noise, and kisses you slowly. Hungrily. You grin, triumphant and happy, and feel his hands come up to shift you on top of him, sitting himself up against the wall and-
And pulling back.
You actually whine, chasing his lips with your own, but he holds you firm with a smile so wide itâs almost silly.
âI have another idea.â
âItâs been over a month, Andrew. I challenge you to name one thing better than sex right now.â
His smile grows impossibly wider. He reaches into the pocket of his sweatpants, mischief sparking in his sleepy eyes like he was hoping youâd say something like that, andâŚ
And pulls out a ring.
âOh.â You breathe, eyes locked on the little diamond in his palm. Itâs simple. Beautiful. Perfect.
âBought a new one.â He says, hand coming up to brush your hair back from your face.
i will be leaving a proper reblog with my thoughts on how fucking stunning this fic is later, but for now, everyone go read my babyâs magnum opus RIGHT NOW
synopsis Robby is known to speak before he thinks sometimes, but when the cost of his words is losing you, heâd rather die (6.6k words)
warningheavy angst, language, hospital stuff, mention of drowning, near death experience, robby is constipated emotionally as always, jack to the rescue, kinda yearning Jack if you squint, inaccurate medical practices I am noooo doctor!
authornotethannk you so much for the request!!! and thank you for your kind words! I had so much fun writing, I think angst is probably my favourite to write over anything especially when Robby is the one yearning. I hope you liked! (Gif credits @emziess :)
Pitt masterlist Last robby fic!
As a resident in the Emergency Department there was a lot you knew.
You knew that preeclampsia effected about eight percent of all pregnant women worldwide. You knew how to intubate and had in fact done so many in your time at PTMC that you were sure you could do it with your eyes closed. You knew that in the bottom draw of Dana's select spot at the nurses station was a pack of nicotine gum hardly used because Dana thought they were a bunch of bull; in spite of the literal doctors orders.
You knew there was a leaky faucet in the women's bathrooms that drove everyone insane when they went in there to steal a moment's peace. You knew the computer in central fourteen was the faultiest one which was why you avoided charting in there all together.
So you knew there must have been a reason why Noelle from insurance was biding her time with your new boyfriend. There must have been a reason why he was grinning big at her like he hadn't with you for days.
âHey!â said Samira falling at your side at the counter.
You were still too distracted by the two to even tear your gaze away and look at her. âHey.â
Samira followed your eyeline. âYou're staring, you know that?â
You nodded.
Robby rubbed at the side of his face as his cheeks flushed, Noelle shifted her weight onto her other heeled foot- apparently getting herself comfortable.
âWho is that, again?â asked Doctor Mohan.
âNoelle. She's from insurance.â
Samira nodded. âNoelle from insurance. Annnd do we like Noelle, from insurance?â
At that you realised just how transparent your glares might have been.
âOh, you know,â you mumbled, finally looking back down to your tablet that had grown dark in the absence of movement. âIt's our job to like everyone.â
Santos passed by you then, dropping herself down into your favourite chair in exhaustion. âNot everyone.â
âSo we're all having a great day, I see,â you commented, sarcastically. However the sardonic tone of your voice was over-saturated with a loud laugh.
Your head practically snapped up to see Noelle laughing at something Robby had said. Even his face was scrunched up at his joke. You watched as Noelle's hand darted to his bicep, playfully hitting him in a way that could only be recognised as flirting.
You watched as Robby looked down to her hand on him and then he looked up, finding you and finding your watchful gaze. Only then did the pink in his cheeks subside and the wrinkles of amusement die.
âDidn't they have a thing before you and him got together?â asked Santos.
You sighed. âYes, they did, thank you, Trinity.â
âHey, just trying to be helpful.â
âSave it for the patients,â you said.
Robby took one step in your direction but you'd already dismissed yourself from Santos and Mohan, walking the ward like it was a battle field.
But you could hear your boyfriends heavy boots close behind you.
âDon't do that,â he said, calling after you.
âDo what? See a patient?â
âIt's not what you think,â he said.
âOf course it's not,â you said, trying your best to be indifferent.
You knew about Noelle and Robby's history, just as you knew about his and Heathers, and his and the pathologist from upstairs, and the one from ortho. You knew and you understood, heck you'd even been around to joke about with Landon. Robby's famous seven-week itch.
Rumour had it before he finally got to hold your hand and kiss you whenever he liked he'd been trying to nail you down for years, but you weren't sure how much you believed.
It had been nine months, maybe closer to ten since you and Robby had officially started seeing each other. It was the real boyfriend-girlfriend deal where you could call each other at any moments of the day, could get take out together and discuss the boring things together.
Yet, you did none of that.
Robby and you didn't talk.
You fucked- but only each other. You worked on cases together- strictly professional. On the days where you were desperate there was an on-call room Robby could book out and steal time away with you.
But you didn't remember the last time you'd laughed like that with him.
âIt's not,â said Robby again.
âOf course it's not.â
Robby sighed, falling closer behind you. âWell, it doesn't really sound like you believe me.â
âI believe you,â you said. âDo I believe Noelle...â
âOh, c'mon,â Robby chuckled, like the very idea of them was ridiculous. Like the two of you didn't begin where they ended. âYou seriously gonna be hung up on that?â
âDon't,â you warn, shaking your head.
You reached for an exam room door, where a sixteen year old boy was complaining of migraines but Robby grabbed your wrist and stirred you away.
âYou wanna argue, not here,â he said.
âI don't want to argue.â
Robby led you out to the ambulance bay. Any nurses stealing a couple minutes of peace quickly diverted back in and even ambulances seemed to divert away. He let go of you, standing away and folding his arms over his chest, defensive. âSo come on, tell me.â
âTell you what?â
âYou're mad because I was talking to Noelle- about a case, might I add,â he said. There was nothing soft in his tone, nothing that calmed your nerves on edge. He said it all like it was a joke that he already knew the punchline to.
You rubbed at your temple. âYou can talk to Noelle about cases, of course you can-â
â- Oh, thank you, glad I have your permission,â he chuckled.
âCan you just not be a dick about this, for once!â you snapped.
Robby's brows rose to his head, almost shocked at your snap at him. He held out his hands. âOkay, I'm not being a dick.â
âYou are, and it's like sometimes you don't even realise.â
His hands were worn with the mornings patients and you could see the stress he tried to hide away as he wiped up and down his face.
You took a deep breath. âRobby, if you don't want this to work out all you have to do is say.â You said it, un-sure if you even meant it. Un-sure that you could ever go back to who you were before meeting Robby, let alone sharing in his life. In the small moments grabbing take out together and eating it on his sofa. In the mornings where you both naturally woke up early enough to just admire each other before you had to get to work.
Robby chuckled dryly, hands on his hips. âOh my god, all of this because I spoke to another woman?â
âBecause you laughed with her like you haven't with me for weeks!â you argued.
For once, Robby was silent.
You told yourself after the seven week mark that it would be any day now, that he'd tell you you were better off friends; colleagues. Every day and week it didn't come, every month he got more comfortable in your bed you figured you'd easily get rid of him in your life as easily as you welcomed him.
Now you stood across from him in the early morning light of the ambulance bay knowing if he left you now you'd never get back on your feet again.
âI see the way Noelle looks at you, how the others from upstairs do to,â you begin.
Robby shook his head, something earnest in his gaze. âThey're not- they don't-â
â- I know, I know,â you said, cutting him off with a grimace of a smile. â âI know you don't love them, Robby. I'm just not sure you love me either.â
As un-cultured as you were with your own relationships you weren't sure when the right time to say I love you was. You knew Santos had said it to Garcia drunk one night and woke up with regret pinning her to the bed. You knew Dana and Benji had said it to each other a week in. You knew you loved Robby before you even kissed him.
Robby looked down to his boots, shaking his head. âThat's not fair.â
Your heart pinched. âI know I love you, Robby. But I can't watch all these woman over you and-and wonder.â
âYour insecurities are not my fault!â Robby snapped.
You knew he didn't mean it, or hoped he didn't. You knew in the very small arguments you'd had that he spoke without thinking and came grovelling back.
Maybe it was worse this time because you knew it was the truth. You knew these women- his ex something's- didn't get to see Robby in the early mornings and be the last thing he spoke to at night. You knew Robby wasn't inviting them into his self, but he wasn't pushing them away either.
They'd all been quick, snaps of bands on wrists. You were supposed to be something more.
Maybe you weren't.
Biting on the inside of your cheek, you felt the familiar burning in your chest, rising up to your neck.
âOkay.â You held yourself tight, heading past him and to the doors that were already welcoming you back.
Robby was hot on your heels, quicker even as he pushed himself ahead of you. âNo, no, no- hey- wait, no I-I didn't mean that.â His eyes were wide, hands held out in front of you, not quite clasped together, pointing to the sky but pleading none the less.
âWe shouldn't talk about this now, Robby-â
â- I- we... honey, please.â
He stood in between you and the doors. Beyond him you saw the chaos of the room, the charts being passed, the labs being reported. The world still turned.
Robby's hands fell to your shoulders, rubbing up and down your arms. âLet me- jus' let me-let me-â
âHey! You two!â
Robby didn't jump apart from you, he squeezed your arms tighter as the two of you looked back to Dana who rushed out, wisps of grey hair falling around her. âWhat is it?â
âThere's been a crash down the docks, all hands on deck!â
You thought you knew chaos, having seen all sorts of terror and oddities in the Pitt but the scenes at the dock were nothing like it. A complication with a boat, an explosion- small enough- rattled ferries and had them crashing into one another like terrible scene of dominoes.
Heck, you weren't even sure if the docks were safe to be standing on.
There were fire trucks and ambulances that didn't just respond to PTMC but Presby too. Police were corning off the area, talking to any witnesses but everyone blurred in one as you weaved in and out of them.
You'd been sent as an emergency respondent thanks to how level-headed and sturdy you were in the Pittfest. You still remembered how Robby nominated you as well as Whitaker to go with some from surgery, his eyes dark on you, a trusting nod passed before you were handed a jacket and pushed into an ambulance.
You'd already pulled a sheet over three bodies, one of them too small for your liking.
âAny for me?â asked a first emergency responder, you think his name was Spencer, catching it in the rig you caught a ride in. âWe can take two.â
âYeah!â you yelled and led him away. âThis guy, approximately in his thirties, head lack to the right, needs to go to surgery immediately. This woman, late twenties, lost consciousness, possible pelvic bleed but she's stabilised, need's a ultrasound.â
âGot it!â
You'd gone through almost all the gloves you had in your pockets. There was blood seeping into your scrub uniform at your knees. You'd forgone your coat to a little girl who took an ambulance back with her mother, trembling from the cold.
A steady, firm hand settled between your shoulder blades.
âHow you holding on, Slugger?â
Your heart soared in relief when you recognised Jack's voice, felt his steady hand and saw his easy smile in the middle of all the pain.
âJack, thank god. Are you here with your team?â you asked, eying the uniform he was in.
âYeah, we came to secure the area, doing everything I can to help,â he said, the two of you nudging your way through the people, stepping over the rubble and pools of water or blood. âHow you holding up?â
âLost three,â you told him.
Jack looked down at you, the weight of his gaze always heavy. âAnd how many you saved, huh? Focus on that number.â
The wind picked up, sending a chill over your bones.
âHey, where's your jacket?â asked Jack, a frown taking over his features.
You chuckled. âProbably half way to Presby by now, think we've handed off all the traumas PTMC can take.â
Jack tutted and shook his head aside. âI reckon they've got one more in them.â
You didn't know how you and Jack had got so close, somewhere along the lines of hand-offs and covering night shifts you just always gravitated toward each other, working well and saving lives. Every daring procedure you'd taken was with him over your shoulder only for him to go and boast about you to Robby later.
Jack led you to Robby, for that you always had to be thankful.
âHey! I've got a guy seizing over here!â
With your case in hand the two of you rushed off.
The man seemed middle-aged with no obvious wound to him as you and Jack took either side. The man was at the edge of the docks, the crashing of the waves fighting against you as you worked to stablilse him.
Jack steadied him. âCheck if there's any medication on him! It might be a disorder!â
You checked, coming up empty pocketed. You fumbled in your bag and tried your pockets before finding the vial and clean needle. âPushing diazepam!â
With five cc's in his seizing slowed to dull twitches.
âWe need a back board and neck brace,â said Jack, looking around to try and flag down anyone.
Nobody was catching your eyes. This close to the water you were out of the way of most of the chaos.
âGo!â you told Jack. âI'll stay with him, make sure he doesn't sieze again.â
Jack's brows pinched together for a second. âYou sure?â
You nodded. Your hands remained on your patient, feeling his tremors and already timing his pulse with your watch. âI've got it, go!â
In hind sight you should have thought about the implications. You'd been grabbed and yelled at and spat at in the ED by less sever patients but once you'd been attacked by a man who just woke up from a seizure, dazed and confused and naming you his enemy.
Robby had never been so close to murder.
It took weeks for the bruises to go down, for your hand to heal properly from the fall and you were on bed rest for a week.
You knew what it meant to be alone with a patient, but sometimes you supposed it couldn't be helped.
The diazepam should have helped- you've seen it help- but soon enough the man started twitching, slow at first, before it started to fit and his whole body moved.
He was a strong man. You weren't.
âIt's okay, sir- sir!â you threw your weight against him to hold him still, wonder what you can do to stop him biting down on his tongue with the little equipment you had.
The man was mumbling to himself, thrashing violently.
âC'mon Jack, c'mon-â
It only took a wide sweep of the mans arm to send you hurtling back and crashing into the icy water.
The sky was darkening by the time Robby counted off his thirtieth patient of the day. Twenty-five of them had been from the incident at the docks. Only one he couldn't save, two sent up to the OR.
He counted the patients, counted the hours that ticked by, counted every ambulance that came by not carrying you. He'd expected you back by now, expected to have a little piece of mind with seeing you back in his eyeline.
Robby's heart was being squeezed progressively as the day went on, ever since he'd snapped and said words he never even meant.
Every second, passing from patient to patient and tearing off gloves to replace them with clean ones he checked his phone for any update from you.
Nothing.
You must have been busy down there.
But just three ambulances ago Whitaker returned saying he lost sight of you practically immediately.
So where the hell were you?
âHey, Dana-â he called, rounding on the nurses station.
She looked as dishevelled as he felt, wisps of hair, dark circles under her eyes.
âCan you get a hold of transport, ask where the hell is my resident.â
âI just got off the phone with them, Robby-â she reached over and placed a hand on his, the one that had been tapping relentlessly. âShe's on her way in now.â
Before Robby could even wonder why Dana had to hold his hand to tell him, why her eyes were glassed over and her voice trembled to tell him the doors bust open.
âRobby!â Jack yelled out.
He turned, catching sight of his old friend, the greying hair damp and sticking to his skin. He was half dressed in SWAT gear, his jacket discarded and bits of tinfoil falling from his shoulders. Jack was set over a gurney, hammering down on a chest and going in for CPR the old fashioned way.
âWhat happened? You fall in-â
Robby got to the other side of the gurney and breath caught in his chest.
âShe's been down thirty- thirty-five minutes, I dunno, man,â said Jack as he continued hammering down on your chest.
It was you. Blue in the face and eyes closed, droplets of water at your lashes. Your hair was turning to ice fanned out underneath you. He'd been running his hand through your hair just that morning, had he not. There was a blanket, maybe two, thrown over you but your body only reacted to the thumping Jack delivered on your chest, pinching your nose to breath down your open mouth.
This morning you'd been warm, so warm, with a leg thrown over his hips in attempts to keep him in your bed. And he'd been close, so close to burying himself in your warmth.
He didn't even have to touch you to know you were cold.
âI found her- in the water- pulled her out-â gasped Jack as he continued compressions.
âWhat do you mean in the water?â asked Robby, surprising himself by how calm he sounded.
âShe- she fell, or-or something, I dunno man-â
âYou don't know?â he snapped. âWhy isn't she bagged?â
âWe ran out,â said the paramedic pushing you in.
âYou ran out?!â
âRobby- Robby!â Dana's hands were on his chest, keeping him at bay before Robby even knew what he was going to do.
Robby shook her off. âWhat's open?â
âTrauma two just got cleaned up-â
He grabbed the gurney and pushed you into the room. The weight of Jack on top of you trying to save your life squeaking the wheels against the floor not long wiped from blood. Robby was aware of other voices, of people wondering if that was Jack and was it... no... it couldn't have been.
The doors closed behind a team of people all teaming in, stuttering when they saw you.
âHook her up!â ordered Robby, ignoring any protocol of gowns and gloves. If he was going to get you back he was going to feel the beat of your heart under his palms. âJack, move!â
Jack slowly climbed down and Robby jumped up next, quickly taking over compressions.
He remembered kissing down your chest, hiding himself there on mornings he wanted to steal away five minutes, pulling the covers up past the two of you. How he was breaking ribs to keep you alive. âSomebody get a bag on her, now!â
âShe's- she's been down a long time,â said Jack, catching his breath.
Robby thumped down on your chest, kidding himself with the dull flutter of your eyelashes, knowing it was only through the force of his hammering down on you. âShe's alive.â
âJesus, Jack, you're as cold as ice,â said Dana from somewhere behind Robby.
âI'm fine,â he dismissed. âRobby, you shouldn't be working on her, brother.â
Others in the room stopped, hearing that.
It was protocol family waited outside, that if family or friends ever came in demanding help the same DNA did not attend. They were too emotionally clouded. To invested to think straight. The last time Robby found himself in this situation: blood pumping in his ears, chest tight was trying to save Jake's girlfriends life.
He'd failed.
The only person to pull him back from that was you.
There'd be nobody if you didn't pull through. He'd be left in that pedes room, never to leave.
âRobby!â Jack tried again.
âShut up and get me some warm saline!â
âOh, no,â said Jack, walking around till he was on the other side of your gurney. âNo, I'm not going anywhere.â
Robby was still pressing his hands down on your chest when Jack reached over, past the bag they'd finally clamped over on you, and stroked back your hair.
âWe're gonna get you through this,â he uttered in an oddly tender moment.
âWe need to get a central line in her,â said Matteo.
Jack looked at Robby. âBrother.â
âNo.â
âYou have to move, we need to get a line in her.â
Robby knew that. He knew so much as a doctor, as chief attending. But he couldn't stop, he physically couldn't bring himself to.
âRobby, man, you gotta let go.â
âI can't... I can't... I can't...â he said. The only thing keeping him sane was the one, two, three, four count in his head, was the cold feeling of your flesh under his hands. âPush three milligrams of epi.â
Jack huffed in frustration, probably the only thing keeping him warm. He marched around your bed to his side. âRobby, so help me god I will drag you out of here if you don't let her go!â
âI can't!â he yelled.
It was selfish but Robby had some how convinced himself he could be selfish with you. He could hold on tighter in the mornings and let you go for the rest of the day. He could watch patients get close to you because he knew it was him who got to kiss you. He could hold back the worst parts of himself to keep you, no matter how much it tore him apart to push you away on the days he wanted to be closest.
No, Robby could never let you go.
If you ever tried to leave him, he'd hold on tighter.
Robby dropped his voice low. âI can't.â
Jack took in a slow breath, a gentle hand on Robby's bicep. âOkay. Okay. You don't have to let her go... but to save her you have to move aside.â
A monitor somewhere in the room beeped.
Slowly, Robby moved from your chest.
The people swarmed you. Someone cut into you, getting a central line in on your other side.
Robby stayed where he was, a hand holding yours tightly as if he could squeeze his own life into yours. He cried- maybe loudly- at the feel of how cold you were.
âWhat's her temp?â asked Jack.
âEighty.â
Robby looked up to the monitor reading your vitals. âThat's- that's too low.â
âWe're getting her warmed up.â
âGet the warm saline.â
âWe are.â
Robby leaned over you once the line was placed, brushing back your hair and trying desperately to ignore how cold you were. âYou're not dead, you're not,â he said, low for you. Your vitals may have been saying different. âYou're not dead.â
âDoctor Robby-â
âPlease,â he begged with trembling lips. âPlease, don't do this to me.â
A monitor sung low and dry. The classic song of a flatline.
His head jerked up.
Jack caught his stupor and pushed him from you, sending him into Dana's ready hold. âShe's going into V-fib!â
Dana held Robby. Physically she wasn't strong enough to hold him back but Robby wasn't strong enough to fight against her. âRobby... Robby, c'mon, let's wait outside.â
He was shaking his head.
âPanels, charge to three hundred!â called out Jack.
Dana had just managed to push him out the doors as he shouted clear!
Through the glass Robby watched your body jerk but not respond.
âPlease, please, please,â he uttered. His back hit the nurses station, his knees giving out as he slowly slid and sank to the floor.
âOkay, okay,â muttered Dana, falling with him and holding him there.
The Pitt seemed to stand still at the sight of their boss, white faced and hands trembling, brushing back his hair. Noise travelled quick, that it was you in the bed, ribs breaking from compressions, chest hurting from the shock.
Robby's hands clasped in front of him, his star of David chain clenched in his hands. âPlease.... she can't do this to me, please.â
Dana tugged on his body, bringing him in closer. With her sharp gaze she pushed everyone else that dared try and get closer away. âC'mon, Robby, she's strong, you know that. And stubborn like hell, huh?â
Robby nodded along with her words, un-sure if he could believe it.
âCharge again, three hundred, let's go!â called Jack, rubbing the panels before everyone backed up. âClear!â
There was a small beep, a pick up in the line.
âThere! Resume compressions!â
âDoctor Robby!â Santos ran up, her gown like a cape around her. She slowed to a stop in front of the two slumped. âDana. Dana, is it- is it true, is it?â
Robby looked up, tear stained cheeks red.
âYeah, kid,â said Dana, sadly.
Santo's jaw trembled before she shook her head in resolute, saying one simple word. No. Then she stormed into the room.
Robby knew you favoured Santos and somewhere along the way Robby had come to look for her when an interesting case came in. He came to favour the way you smiled at Santos when she did things right and Robby searched for any smile he could get from you.
So, he pushed himself up on shaky legs and followed her in- back into the chaos that was your room. The blankets had slipped from your body in the shocks and he desperately tried to hold himself back from fixing them.
âDoctor Abbot-â said a nurse or a intern or someone in the room. âIt's been thirty minutes.â
âHold compressions.â
Robby knew it was to check your pulse but he winced when they paused, when your body didn't respond.
âStill asystole, resume compressions.â Jack caught Robby's gaze.
He'd seen that look on Jack's face. Had seen the hopelessness and the devastation at losing a patient not only in his face but in his own reflection. âDon't-â
Jack lowered his head. âRobby.â
âNo, Jack, her temp is not up! She's cold,â he said, walking back around the room. He rolled his shoulders back, pulling on gloves. If nobody else was going to save you he would. âShe is not dead! She's not- She's not dead till she's warm and dead! Push another round of epi!â
Matteo jumped at the chance.
Jack stood by Robby's side. âJust... prepare yourself, okay? She's been down a long time. She might not come back from this.â
Robby glanced back at him. âShe will.â
âAnd even if she did-â
Robby cut him off. âShe will.â
They couldn't send you up to the OR- there was nothing surgical to do. They couldn't send you to the ICU- you weren't stable. They could work on you for hours, in the pitts of hell.
Robby didn't stop Jesse from compressions but he leant over you, leaning his lips into your forehead. âYou'll come back, you have to come back.â
âWhat's her temp?â
âWe're up to eighty-eight.â
âWhen was our last epi?â
âTen minutes ago.â
âPush again.â
At some point Santos pushed her through the crowd, taking compressions from Jesse who she deemed weak-armed.
âDoctor Santos-â said Jack, the only one seeing this for what it was. A disaster. One more emotional person in the room wasn't going to help. If you woke you might just choke on tears from them all.
âI can do it,â she argued, nodding to the night attending. âI can do it.â
Santos was as stubborn as you. If anyone might have been able to beat her heart into beating, it would be her.
Robby leant over you. Robby could feel your skin cold against his lips and he pet back any bit of you he could reach, trying to warm you. He caught Jack's tired gaze, his lifeless stare like he was already grieving you. âI never told her I love her, Jack.â
âGet an APG,â said Santos.
Jack clasped his shoulder. âTell her now.â
Robby looked back down to you, past the bag pushing your breath, through Santos keeping your heart beat. He kissed your forehead. âI-â he chocked on the words. He couldn't remember a time where he'd said it and meant it like he does now.
He knew Jack was giving him a way out. He knew Jack was giving him the chance to live with no regrets.
But Robby would regret not dying with you if you didn't make it.
There was a silence throughout the room, not even the beating of a monitor keeping him sane.
Robby's hot tears hit your cheeks.
âTemp?â
âUp to neinty.â
âHalt compressions.â
Santos paused.
Nothing.
Then a shrill beeping.
If Robby thought it was life he was going to be souly mistaken.
âShe's in V-fib again!â
Robby backed away, tucking his head down to his chest as he watched Jack get the panels, rub the gel on.
âCharge to three hundred- clear!â
Your body jolted again, blankets slipping down your bare body and Robby suddenly wanted to cover you, wanted to pull every tube keeping you alive out and just hold you. Warm or cold. He just wanted to hold you.
âAgain, charge. Clear!â
There was a silence. Maybe you were so angry at him you were proving a point by dying. You were a good swimmer. Why didn't you swim?
Everyone in the room paused, seeming to wait for someone to call it.
Jack looked at Robby.
âNo,â he said, pushing past everyone.
âRobby-â interjected Jack.
He snatched the panels from Jack. âCharge again, three hundred-â
â-Robby-â
âI said charge again!â
The room was heavy as Jesse moved to do so, charging them up.
âClear!â
Your body jerked again, violent. Your face remained peaceful, Santos remained off to the side, waiting for orders, waiting to know. Everyone else was looking to each other, silently deciding who would be the one to drag Robby away from your body.
âWait- there!â
In the middle of them all there sat a pick up in your heart.
The room jumped into discussion about how to carry on, about how to keep the momentum going while Robby pressed his stethoscope into his ears and the other down on you. He listened, catching the beat of your heart.
âShe's warm, she's warm and she's alive,â said Jack with a smile.
You were dreaming. It was a sweet sort of thing.
It was a warm body blanketing you and hands holding you. It was lips you knew pressing along you and drawing out pleasure. There were three tiny words spoken into flesh.
It was Robby, his head laid upon your chest in your bed and mumbling the words, tracing every letter over your ribs. When you reached for his hair, when you tried to say the words again you coughed up water instead. You clawed at your throat. You chocked in panic-
Then there was a beeping bringing you out of sweet dreams.
âHey, hey. Honey? Honey, can you look at me?â a warm hand was running over your head, pushing back your hair. âOpen your eyes.â
You tried to. They felt heavy. Sleep heavy.
But someone was coaxing you through it, holding your hand and brushing back your hair.
âYeah, there we go... there we go, hey.â
The lights were bright, almost painfully so as they blared in your eyes. It took you a couple blinks to get them right but when you did there was a dark shadow looming over you, blocking out the lights.
There was the ragged pull of a beard and the slope of a well known nose.
You breathed in and smelt burnt coffee and hand sanitiser. âRobby?â
He smiled, crows feet at his eyes. âHey, honey.â
You pushed up your arm, finding it oddly weak like it had been weighted down. You found an IV down in your arm. The white lights... the white walls and the IV all made slow sense.
âWh-what?â
âEasy, easy.â Robby grabbed at your arms, holding you. He helped you sit up, reaching over and plumping your pillow and holding you there.
Only when you heard the monitor calming down and felt the pain lessen did Robby let you go, perching close on the bed next to you and grabbing your hand again.
âWhat happened?â you asked, finding your throat parched.
Robby sighed, pulling your hand into your lap. âThere was an accident at the docks. You went with the responders to help. Your patient had a seizure and...â
You remembered the dock, the wind cold and the yells. You remembered Jack was there and the patient, he was seizing. âWhat happened to him?â you asked.
Robby stared at you, a small shake in his head as his brows pinched together.
âThe seizing, the patient.â
There was a small look of disbelief, a soft smile creasing his chapped lips.
âWhat?â
His smile turned sharp with affection as he looked down. Your hand, engulfed in his, was pressed to his lips. He stayed like that as the scenes played in his head and the smile slowly started to fall. âYou were brought in, your body temp was eighty. Jack was- was doing compressions. We- we had to shock you, so much, you don't- â Robby sighed out a shaky breath. âYou don't know what it was like.â
The dock, the bodies, Jack. The bite of cold water like a thousand daggers piercing into your skin. You had gasped for breath, limbs flailing.
It had felt like dying.
âOh.â
You rubbed at your chest, pain blooming.
âYou might be a bit burnt, from the shocks. And we were- we did compressions for a while so you broke a rib,â he said, chocking down a cry.
You squeezed his hand. âWe?â
He nodded, chin tucked into his chest. His lips were pursed.
You'd seen Robby cry before, in shades of red face and clenched palms and always trying to hide it away. But you'd never seen him try to hide away as much as he was now. Your hand escaped his hold, caressing down his cheek.
âRobby.... hey....â
His lips puckered to your palm, pressing a kiss there. His palm was large as he held your hand up to his cheek.
âHey,â you cooed.
Robby glanced up at you. âI'm sorry, I'm sorry.â
âIt's okay.â
âNo, no it's not, it's not okay,â Robby took a shaky breath and scooted closer. His arm came over you, bracing himself on the bed. âYou almost died.â
You searched his eyes but only found pain and defeat. He looked tired. Really tired. âBut I didn't.â
âThat's not the point,â he said. He brushed back strands of your hair, kept petting it down in a way you guessed comforted him more. âJack was doing compressions for almost an hour. Your temp was down the whole time. We shocked you four times. Four.â
Robby's voice broke.
âYou almost died and the last thing we did was argue.â
You didn't know what to say to that. The words I'm sorry were already rising and like he sensed it, Robby gave a small shake of his head. âYeah... probably wasn't the best timing.â
âWe're never arguing again, you understand?â
You smirked, wrapping your fingers around his wrist. You could feel the race of his pulse. âGive us a week.â
âNo,â said Robby. âNever.â
Something sour tasted it your mouth.
âBecause we- are we, broken up?â
âNo. No. We are not,â he said sternly.
You let out a breath. âGood. Good. I'd have hated to wake up from near death to that.â
âI should have listened to you,â he uttered. âNoelle is nothing, everyone else is nothing, nobody means anything to me, only you. Only ever you. And I am never letting you go again, ever.â He kissed your hand again.
You smiled at him. âWhat if I need to pee?â
âYou can hold my hand.â
âAnd on mornings where I have really bad morning breath?â you teased.
âThat doesn't happen, you know that,â Robby smiled.
Without any arguments left you gave up, sinking into your sheets with a shiver.
Robby frowned. âAre you cold?â he was up at once, pulling at the covers over you and the blankets. He was all but tucking you in as you laid there, taking it.
âRobby.â
âYeah?â he hummed.
You tugged at his arm, pulling him down.
âWhat are you- what are you doing?â he chuckled, lightly.
âI'm cold, you're a human furnace, hold me.â
Robby was on the verge of complaining even as you pulled him down on the bed. He grunted at the squeak of the bed, was careful of the monitors assessing you. He squeezed in, pulling the rail back up as you curled up to the side to give him space. âThese beds are not made for two.â
âYou'll have to get onto the attending about that,â you teased, resting your head on his shoulder.
âYeah, first thing tomorrow.â
âMeh, I can persuade him, if you like.â
Robby smirked. âHe'll do whatever you say.â
His arm slung over your shoulder and rested there, holding your body into him till your head was on his chest and you could feel the beat of his heart. It was just like you dream. Of comfort and warmth.
Robby said your name in a whisper.
You looked up at him to see his eyes screwed shut before releasing them.
âI...â
You watched the move of his lips. âRobby, you don't have to-â
âNo, I want to,â he said. Robby's hand was careful as he cupped your face.
âYou don't have to say it just because of what happened.â
âI'm not, believe me, I'm not,â he said. âI love you.â
It was the words you wanted to hear, the words you needed to know, the very thing to finish off your dream.
âRobby-â you interjected.
âI love you,â he smiled, grinning wide at you. âI've said it now, I don't think you'll get me to shut up.â There was fake remorse in his voice, a feigned sort of sorry.
âI can think of a few ways.â
Robby's lips were warm and giving as you puckered your up to his, kissing him slow. If you lost your breath kissing him it'd be a hell of a way to go.
Robby smiled against your lips. âThat might work.â
His body half rolled onto yours, the bed creaking in protest. Only when your monitor warned of you losing breath did he pull away and check the machine.
âGet some rest, Robby, you look like you need it,â you said, kissing his cheek slow.
There was fight of protest in him that quickly gave up.
Robby looked up at you, wide eyed. âCan I stay?â
You nodded.
âI love you.â
The words he'd given you, the words he'd never forget to say. The words he'd spoken and would never take back.
i didnât have any interest in watching heated rivalry because sports romances arenât really my thing and iâve never read the book but clips of hudson williams randomly infiltrated my tiktok fyp and wellâŚ.that manâs personality and vocabulary have captivated me and i am now watching heated rivalry
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i want to be sexy to someone
is it too much to ask?
sexy to somebody, it would help me out
â sexy to someone, Clairo
summary: you finally put yourself back out there and set up a date for your night off. to your utter humiliation, you get stood up. the night takes a turn when you see your attending, Jack Abbot, who suggests you have dinner together since you're already all dressed up.
tags/warnings: age gap (reader is a resident), oral (f + m receiving), dacryphilia, protected piv sex, dry humping, crybaby!reader, idiots in love, ER references because I can't help myself :), the tiniest hint of puppy play, discussions of jack's amputation,
wc: 10k
a/n: I'm realizing that I have a tendency to write about jack abbot saving reader from mediocre and shitty men... and you know what he would!!!! genuinely thought this would be a cute lil 5k fic and then... oh well!! being short-winded is not my thing lol
credits: gif credits to @wesandresons
8:21.Â
You checked your phone for the millionth time.Â
You were supposed to meet him at the restaurant at 7pm, and he was almost an hour and a half late.Â
Well, you hoped he was late. You hadnât yet accepted the probable fact that youâd been stood up. I mean, you were no stranger to chaotic schedules, unplanned overtime, and last minute catastrophes that had to be dealt with. Residency often rendered your social life moot; you could barely keep up with your commitments at the hospital, let alone a vibrant dating life. Maybe he had an equally demanding job; maybe there was a plausible excuse for why he left you stranded in this Italian restaurant without the decency of a âsorry, not interested anymoreâ text.Â
You looked at your phone againâ8:26. Okay, youâd give him 4 more minutes before you decide to pack it up. You try to subtly survey the restaurant for any sign of him, but are met only with the pitying looks of the waitstaff, who would, in all likelihood, be the only ones benefitting from this humiliation ritual. The hostess checked in with you at the bar regularly, the bartender had given you a glass of merlot on the house, and a very kind server brought you a charcuterie board to nibble onâhad even brought you extra olives when you commented on how they were your favorite. They were all getting fat tipsâor at least as fat as you could afford.Â
8:31. Despite your best efforts you felt tears pricking at the corners of your eyes and your throat got that tight, achy feeling that precedes a sob. You felt so foolish.Â
You looked up at the ceiling, blinking the tears away and tried to even out your breathing.Â
You didnât even want to go on this date. Youâd all but sworn off of dating, the ROI not worth the emotional whiplash you were subjected to more often than not. It was becoming harder and harder as you got older to open up to people, expose your vulnerabilities and greatest fears, only to have them spit back in your face when things didnât go their way.Â
So you stopped with the apps, stopped the meaningless dates that were nothing more than a hookup vehicle for most. But your friends had convinced you that you needed to get back out there, that things would be better in Pittsburghâthe proverbial ocean filled with different, better fish than your hometown. And perhaps they were tired of hearing you wax poetic about the hazel-eyed night shift attending that you had no chance with.Â
But you did want to find that person. As much as you were an independent, capable womanâdoctor, evenâthe truth was you were lonely. Your days consisted of going to work, where you spent 12+ hours caring for Pittsburghâs sickest, and coming home to microwave whatever sad frozen meal you had in your freezer. Sometimes you had the energy to join some of the night shift for post-shift breakfast, but that was about it.Â
You wanted someone to share your life with, to ask about your day or if youâve eaten. Someone who knew that your favorite flower was lily of the valley, but since they were too expensive you would settle for a bouquet of peonies; that you loved horror movies even though they scared the daylights out of you; that knew you loved olives but hated pickles. Someone who knew you, inside and out.Â
There was a chasm in your chest that ached, that yearned for someone to take care of youânot financially, though you wouldnât be opposed to thatâbut emotionally. To tell you that you were good, worthy, that you werenât too much or too clingy. That wanted you as much as you wanted them. That felt the tension leave their shoulders when they looked at you, because you just being there made things better.Â
Was that too much to ask for?Â
Itâd been so long since someone had even flirted with you, and even longer since youâd hooked up with anybody. Your dry spell was bordering on sahara levels of arid. Hell, at this point, you think youâd cum for the next guy who called you pretty.Â
You shake yourself out of your pity party, dabbing your eyes with a napkin and gathering up the courage to ask for the bill, when you hear someone calling your name. Great. Youâre halfway to a breakdown over some stupid guy who stood you up, and now you would have to sit through pleasantries with someone when you desperately wanted to go home and cry into a bottle of wine.  Â
You turned, fake smile plastered on your face.  Â
The person you least expect to see is the aforementioned hazel-eyed attending. Heâs standing by the hostess stand, off to the side, dressed in dark blue jeans and a tight black shirt. It was unfair, really, how good the man could look in the most basic outfit. His shirt was pulled taut across his chest, muscles straining against the fabric and outlining the planes of his pecs. His hands were tucked into his pockets, his strong, freckled arms on display, and sinful thoughts ran through your head at how those arms would feel around you. Â
You smiled and waved at him, reluctantly making your way over. Itâs not like you can avoid him at this point, though these are less than ideal circumstances to meet him outside of work.Â
âSmall world,â he joked as you approached, a soft smile gracing his features.Â
âI guess so,â you said sullenly, not up to your usual banter. Â
âBig plans for the night?â he asked, eyes skating over your form, taking in the pretty red dress youâd donned for the evening, the light coat of makeup you applied, the hairstyle you wrangled your locks into. In any other scenario, youâd be preening under his watchful eye, giddy that he was eyeing you up and down. Â
Now, though, you wilted under the attention. The humiliation from the night and the tingly feeling pooling in your gut at his gaze swirled together in some rancid amalgamation of emotions. You didnât know if you wanted to laugh or cry or both, but ideally not in front of him. Â
Your silence, apparently, concerned him. He looked at you seriously now, his eyes getting that clinical, assessing look in them as he took you in, âYou okay?â he asked, genuine concern lacing his features. Â
It was the one question you did not want to be asked. Because, for some reason, you could keep it all inside, bury the feelings as deep as theyâd go, as long as someone didnât ask if you were okay. The barest expression of concern had your lip trembling, throat tight as you managed to squeak out a meek, âIâm fine!âÂ
You could feel a tear tracing down your cheek, and you wiped it away furiously. Your eyes focused on a spot over his shoulder, unable to bear the pitying look that was undoubtedly on his face. Â
âYou donât look fine,â he said softly, hand coming up to rest lightly on your upper arm. Â
You shook your head, powerless to staunch the flow of tears now running down your face. âSorry, I just, uh, I had a date tonight and he didnât show, so,â you made a helpless gesture, your shoulders shrugging in feigned nonchalance. You felt ridiculous, crying over being stood up in front of your attending who was just trying to make small talk with you.Â
You let out a garbled laugh, âShit, sorry,â you hiccup, âthis isnât your problem, I donât wanna interrupt your night any more than I already have. Have a good night,â you said, moving to push past him and scurry out the door. Â
He grabbed your wrist, his grip firm but gentle, his body blocking your exit.Â
âYouâre not interrupting. I was just about to place a to-go order,â he said, a hesitant look crossing his face before he continued, âBut, uh⌠would you like to have dinner with me instead?â
You're taken aback. Itâs the last thing you expected him to ask you. I mean, itâs not like you havenât thought about him in this context. On the contrary, Jack Abbot had been the subject of many a âboyfriendâ dream over the past year youâd worked with him. He was kind and generous and funny, his humor as dark as yours. He was steady in the face of chaos, a lighthouse in the foggiest of daysâa man you could depend on when shit hit the fan. Itâs part of the reason you switched to nights. You always felt calmer in his presence, more assured of your capabilities because he believed in you.Â
And he was undeniably gorgeousâhis fine wrinkles and graying curls set your body ablaze each time you looked at him, your panties soaking through in record time. You loved especially when he went a day or two longer without shaving, his scruffy cheeks looking like a delectable place to sit.Â
Your mind was plagued by obscene fantasies of him, the sinful images assaulting you at the most inopportune times. You knew heâd treat you right, wouldnât prioritize his pleasure over yours. He was older, experienced, not a kid fumbling around in the dark, searching for your most sensitive spots and coming up empty. You imagined the way his stubble would feel on your skin, his jaw scraping down your neck as he pressed kisses there, moving lower and lower until he was nestled between your thighs, mouth hot against your aching pussy. The way he would stretch you out and fill you up, have you desperate and begging for more.Â
Youâre snapped out of your lustful daydream when he says your name, an inquiring tone meant to prompt a response. Oh right, he asked you a question.Â
You shook your head, not because you didnât want to have dinner with him, but because you didnât want to do so under these conditions; you didnât want to be a charity case.Â
âThatâs very kind, but you donât have to have a pity dinner with me. Iâm a big girl, I can handle a little rejection.âÂ
âIt wouldnât be a pity dinner,â he shook his head immediately, âcome on, you got all dressed up, let me at least buy you dinner for your trouble.âÂ
He cleared his throat, âUnless you really donât want to, obviously, and Iâll let it go,â he said, âbut Iâd hate to see you go home cryinâ.â And he looked so sincere, his pretty eyes so soft and squishy, all but pleading for you to accept his offer. Â
You chewed on your lip, considering it. It wouldnât be the worst way to spend your night. As of now your plans for the rest of the night were getting sadder by the moment. Things could only go up from here, you supposed. âYeah, okay. If youâre sure,â you nodded.Â
âIâm positive,â he said, hand coming up to rest on the small of your back, guiding you back up to the hostess stand. âTable for two, please.â
The two of you were sat at a corner booth near the back of the restaurant, the section secluded and not too loud. It was a classic Italian restaurantâwarm, dim lighting illuminated the space from antique sconces on the wall, the walls were a beautiful exposed red brick, and the tables were candlelit and laid with red and white checkered cloths. The leather of the booth was soft but worn, the cracks spidering out and indenting into the back of your thighs a sign of how well loved this place was.Â
The booth forced you close together, your thighs not quite touching each other, but close enough to feel the heat radiating off him. His scent is intoxicating, all warm amber and oud, mixed with a hint of citrus and his natural musk. It took all your power not to burrow your nose into his neck and inhale deeply.Â
You were lucky to have the same waitress that checked on you at the bar, though you did have to assure her that this was not the man who stood you up. You were honestly a little concerned at the death glare she gave him at firstâa true girls girl.Â
âSo, Dr. Abbot, how was your day off?â you asked, fiddling nervously with the hem of your dress. Despite your easy rapport at work, it felt awkward to be sitting here with your attending, especially when you were desperately trying to keep your feelings for him at bay.Â
âOh it was fine, picked up a shift with the SWAT unit and didnât get shot at, so, you know, all things considered,â he said, then waved his hand dismissively, âand please, call me Jack. We're not at work,â a slight blush spreading across his cheeks.Â
âOkay, Jack,â you laughed, the tension easing a bit as you threw formalities out the window. Â
âI would ask you how your day off was, but I think I have a pretty good idea,â he said with a teasing lilt.
âYeah, not my best moment. This is partially why I stopped dating, I hate getting my hopes up,â you said, a little more vulnerable than you intended but you supposed you were past that now.Â
âIf it makes you feel any better, I think whatever man decided to let you slip through their fingers is a fuckinâ idiot.âÂ
You sputtered a bit at that, your cheeks heating up. It was a kind platitude, and you wished that it made you feel better, but it did little to alleviate the pit in your stomach that made you feel small; that screamed that you werenât good enough.
âBut enough about that asshole. Do you want to order an appetizer?â he asked, scanning the menu.Â
âOh no, Iâm okay, thank you.âÂ
âYou sure? My treat, remember, donât worry about prices.â he looked up, concerned.Â
âIâm fine, really,â you bit your cheek, reluctant to spit it out, âour waitress may or may not have given me a pity charcuterie board at the bar.âÂ
His face was still for a moment before you saw the edge of his mouth betray him, quirking up in a suppressed smile.Â
âDonât you dare laugh,â you warned, your own resolve already breaking as you took in how pathetic the situation actually was. âItâs not funny!â you laughed, smacking him lightly on the shoulder with the menu.Â
âNo, no, definitely not,â he intoned, a look of mock-seriousness on his face before he broke out into a laugh, âIâm sorry! But it is objectively a little funny,â he hedged, hands held out defensively to block another menu attack. Â
âIt is not! It means that the poor waitress had to go talk to her boss and ask if they could comp an appetizer for the miserable sad sack at the bar!âÂ
âShe probably didnât call you a miserable sad sack. Maybe sad puppy dog girl, but not miserable sad sack,â he teased.Â
You gasped exaggeratedly, âI am not a sad puppy dog girl!âÂ
âOh yes you are. Itâs the eyes. And the general obedient demeanor," he smirked.Â
Oh. Your tummy twisted at that, but you quickly filed it under things that I simply do not have enough time to unpack right now.Â
âYouâre mean,â you pouted, lip jutting out and arms crossed. You werenât really upset, but it felt fun to play it up a little bit. Â
âAww,â he pouted back at you, his tone just a tad condescending, âlet me make it up to you. What do you say to some good wine and garlic knots?âÂ
You gnawed on your lip, considering his offer, âwhat the hell, let's do it. Itâs not like Iâm going to be kissing anybody tonight anyway,â you said, a little bitter, before realizing that was probably not an appropriate joke to make in front of your boss.Â
âYou never know, we could always pull a Lady and the Tramp,â he joked, not looking up from the wine menu.Â
You were a little stunned at that. Was he⌠flirting? No. Definitely not. This was a strictly platonic date. Right? I mean, the puppy comment you could explain away, but this⌠this was different, wasnât it? Who just jokes like that about the most romantic canine kiss in history? A joke, you settled on. Because youâd already gotten your hopes up enough for one night.Â
Dinner was nice. Really nice.Â
Conversation flowed freely, starting out in neutral territory with updates about patients, work gossip, whatever the fuck was going on with Robby. But you soon moved out of the work realm and into personal matters. You told him about your childhoodâwhere you grew up, your favorite childhood pets, how much trouble you got into as a teen.Â
And you learned a lot about Jack. That he came from a military family that moved around a lot, but spent a large chunk of time in North Carolina. He had two sisters, both older than him. One stayed in North Carolina and the other lived in West Virginia. Both married to military men, and both notorious for giving Jack shit about everything. But they were his rocks when he lost his leg, and then again when he lost his wife, and he was endlessly grateful for them.Â
You both loved 90s alternative rock, which surprised you because you took Jack to be more of a classic rock fan, to which he merely glared at you and said that he wasnât that old. You both had childhood crushes on Winona Ryder; his borne from her role in Heathers, and yours from Girl, Interrupted. He surprised you with the fact that he was a good cook, a fact that seemed unfathomable to you based on his general vibe.Â
Now, though, youâd moved to med school stories, and Jack was regaling you with stories about him and Robby back in the day. Â
âWe must have been⌠god, I must have been a third year med student, and Robby was⌠an R2? and he had really pissed me off that night. I donât even remember what he did, I just remember being so annoyed at him,â he laughed, shaking his head at the memory, âIt was a quiet night, so he snuck off to the on-call room to catch a few hours of sleep, leaving me to do all the scut. So, I recruited the help of the charge nurse, Carol, and our attending, Mark, and we applied a cast to his right leg while he was knocked out.âÂ
Heâs cackling now, almost unable to finish his story between wheezing gasps of air, âwe paged him, like, 10 times until he answered, and next thing we know heâs bursting out of the on-call room and onto his ass before he even realized what happened!âÂ
Youâre laughing hard now, too, trying to picture a younger version of Robby gracelessly tripping over an unnecessary leg cast in his hurry to answer his page. It sounded so unlike the self-assured, stoic version you knew him to be. Â
âOh my god,â you wheezed, âhow mad was he?â Â
âOh he was pissed. Not because of the cast, but because 5 minutes after we paged him, a 15-car pile up came in and he got benched until he could get the cast off. He had to wait for it to dry before he could saw it off, and the whole time he just sat there glaring at me.âÂ
âDid he get you back?â you asked, hungry for more crumbs of their life before you, before the Pitt as it was now.   Â
âYeah,â he rolled his eyes, âthe fucker taped nails to his shirt, took an x-ray, and switched out the real film for the fake before I noticed. I was freaking out to Mark, yelling about how this patient needed surgery before they perfed. Meanwhile Mark was in on it, and made me feel crazy when he pulled out the perfectly normal x-ray for my patient. He said, âI donât know what theyâre teaching you in school these days, but this looks like a perfectly normal x-ray,ââ he said, in an impersonation you could only assume was Mark.
âThatâs fucking crazy,â you giggled, âcan you imagine someone doing something like that in the Pitt? I think Robbyâd actually have an aneurysm.âÂ
âYeah, the old manâs lost a bit of his whimsy over the years,â he shook his head.Â
âOld man, huh? Those are fighting words from a man merely 3 years younger than him,â you teased, âand much grayer,â you added with a wink. Â
âWatch it, missy,â he warned, then, quieter, ânot too old to teach you some manners.â
Feeling emboldened by the wine, you leaned a little closer, âdonât make promises you canât keep.â Tracing the rim of your wine glass, you looked up at him. You swear his eyes drifted to your lips, but before you could do anything about it, he cleared his throat, steering the conversation back into safer waters. Â
âSo, why did you get into emergency medicine?âÂ
You thought about it for a moment, considering how honest you wanted to be. âI wanted to meet people where they were at, help them in a real, immediate way. The traumas are great and exciting, and thereâs nothing like making a pickup that saves someoneâs life. But I like the less exciting stuff, too. The mundane care that doesnât save a life, but makes someone feel better. Helps them get over a cold, or helps soothe a burn; suturing up a lac, or removing foreign objects from patients and not making them feel worse about their predicament. That stuff is just as important as the traumas.
Especially with how fucked healthcare is in this country, people come to us when theyâre at their most vulnerable, and usually donât want to be there. I just hope that I can make things less scary for patients when they come in, make sure they feel like theyâre cared about and not being judged for coming to us.âÂ
Itâd been a long time since youâd answered that question honestly. Usually, you had your stock answer that you pulled out, which was a more eloquent version of âI want to save lives!â And that was still true, but there was so much more to working in the emergency department than just saving lives. It was paperwork and insurance and bed shortages and nursing shortages and all the other fucked up shit in the world that inevitably contributed to the cases you saw come through the doors at the Pitt.Â
âWhat about you? Was emergency medicine always it for you, or did you ever consider going into something else?â you asked.Â
He shook his head, âNot seriously, no. Considered switching to critical care after my leg. I wasnât sure if I was cut out for the hustle and bustle of the emergency room after that. But it was the only place I wanted to be, so I figured it out, did what I needed to do to get back to where I was before the accident.âÂ
âWell, for what it's worth, Iâm glad you stuck with EM. I couldnât imagine working at the Pitt without you. I donât think Iâd be half the doctor I am without you,â you said, looking up at him.Â
You hadnât realized how close youâd gotten, his arm slung over the back of the booth and your thighs pressed against each other.Â
âDonât sell yourself short, youâd be amazing with or without me,â he said, tucking an errant strand of hair behind your ear. âYou know, Iâve taught a lot of residents in my years, and you⌠youâre really cut out for this. Not everyone is.âÂ
The praise made you preen, the proximity of his hand to your face doing nothing to calm your rapidly beating heart. For a brief moment, you think he might lean in, might press those pillowy pink lips to yours, kiss you until you canât think straâ
âHi, sorry to interrupt but weâll be closing in 15 minutes. Hereâs your check when youâre ready,â the waitress said, setting the check down and scurrying away.Â
You checked the time on your phone: 11:15. Did you really spend almost 3 hours talking to Jack? It certainly didnât feel like it.Â
âI guess we should get out of here before they kick us out,â Jack said, sliding out of the booth and offering you his hand.
Youâre giggling at another one of Jackâs jokes as you leave the restaurant, the bill graciously paid by him despite your best efforts to split it. Your limbs were loose from the wine, goosebumps springing up on your arms from the early summer air turned chilly.Â
âThank you for dinner. You salvaged an otherwise shitty night,â you laughed.Â
âIt was no problem, really. I had a nice time,â he said, leaning against the brick wall, arms crossed.
You mirrored him, shoulder scraping against the gritty brick, and looked up at him.Â
âHold on, I think you have a little sauce on your face,â he said, and before you could grab a tissue from your purse, he reached out. His thumb gathered the sauce at the corner of your lips, going further to brush the pad of it across your bottom lip. The movement dragged your lower lip down slightly, your mouth parting involuntarily with it. Youâre not sure why, but your tongue darted out, licked the pad of his thumb and the residual sauce.
Jackâs breath hitched, the sharp intake of air the only thing you could hear despite the sounds of car alarms and drunk party girls on a Friday night in downtown Pittsburgh.Â
You looked up at him, tongue still pressed flat against his thumb, and searched his eyes for a sign that the heat building between you is mutual.Â
Fuck it, you decided.Â
Without thinking about it too much, you leaned up and pressed your lips against his. And god, did they feel nice. They were soft, but firm, and he tasted faintly of the wine youâd shared earlier mixed with the slight acidity of the tomato sauce from his dinner. Your hand tangled in the curls at the base of his neck, and theyâre so soft, but also a little stiff. You wondered, briefly, if he uses mousse, or hairspray, or if heâs got a whole curly girl routine down before realizing that oh my god he wasnât kissing you back. Oh no, oh fuck.Â
How did you misread this situation so horrifically? You thought you were getting all the right signals, thought that he liked being with you, that he was flirting with you. But maybe it really was just a courtesy, a pity dinner.Â
Your cheeks are hot when you pull away from him, shame sitting thick and heavy in your stomach, numbness prickling up your arms in staticky goosebumps. And Jack is just standing there, the dumbfounded look on his face doing nothing to assuage your embarrassment. Â
You backed up, trying to create some distance, to lower the temperature between you that apparently only you felt.Â
Looking down at your shoes, unable to make eye contact, you babbled out, âI-Iâm so sorry, that was completely inappropriate and I donât know why I-â your voice cracked and it felt like your lungs werenât properly inflating with oxygen, âI donât know how I misread things, but I guess I did so again, Iâm so sorry. Iâm gonna go home and pretend this never happened,â you said, turning around and starting down the street, despite the fact that you most certainly needed to Uber home, not walk.Â
Youâre trying not to cry for the umpteenth time that night when you hear him calling your name, âWait!âÂ
He caught up with you, only a few strides away from where you were standing, and grasped your arm gently. âWait, Iâm sorry,â he said, a little breathless, âI just⌠you surprised me.â
âSurprised you?â you laughed, âI damn near sucked your thumb, Jack,â you said, genuinely confused how a man like Jack Abbot could be surprised that a woman would try to kiss him; that the next logical step from erotic thumbsucking would be a kiss. âAnd you flirted with me all night! You made a Lady and the Tramp joke! How else am I supposed to take that?â Â
He rubbed at his jaw anxiously, a slight blush coating his cheeks, âI mean, yeah, I was surprised. Iâve liked you for a while now but then I heard you talking to Santos about how you didnât want to go out with that cardiology attending and just assumed I didnât have a shot,â he admitted sheepishly. âAnd maybe I got a little brazen with my flirting because I thought you didnât see me like that anyway, figured it couldnât hurt.âÂ
Itâs your turn to be surprised now. You hadnât realized he heard that conversation, or that heâd taken the wrong idea from it; the opposite idea, actually.  Â
You took a step closer to him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, fingers finding his curls again, âWell, if you recall, snoopy, I said that part of the problem was that I just didnât want to fuck that cardiology attending,â you said, looking up at him and batting your eyelashes, âthat isnât the case with you.âÂ
He looked shocked, but recovered quickly, his confident air returning to him. âOh, is that so?â he asked, lips quirking up into a smile as he backed you up against the rough brick wall. His hand rested on the wall next to your head, the other on your hip, stroking you through your dress.Â
âIn that case, please allow me to make up for my rude behavior,â he said, dipping down to kiss you properly this time.Â
Youâd pictured this moment countless times before, but nothing compared to the real thing. Jack Abbot is a no nonsense manâa wartorn vet who understands more than most the importance of not wasting time. You expected your first kiss with him to be hungry, maybe a little sloppy, but when his lips meet yours, heâs achingly tender. It wasnât uncertainâthere was no question underlying his kissâit was deep and languorous, like he was content to take his time up against this brick wall and savor the slide of your lips against his because he knew he had you right where he wanted you, finally.Â
He commanded you, his hand cupping your jaw to angle your head back, deepening the kiss. His tongue swept across your bottom lip, and you instinctively opened up for him. The slide of his tongue against yours was delicious, the slick muscle curling around yours before moving back to your lips, sucking at your bottom lip and biting down gently. Your mind felt fuzzy at the way he handled you, guiding and taking you how he saw fit.
Some of his restraint dissipated, your mouths moving feverishly against each other. You couldnât get enough of him; you pulled him into you and hooked your leg around his waist to draw him as close to you as possible. Pathetic, embarrassing whines and whimpers escaped you involuntarily, your body unable to mask how this man was making a mess of you.
His hand fell to the thigh wrapped around him, calloused fingers sliding up under your dress and gripping the bare flesh. He pulled you close, his pelvis rolling against yours sinfully. You could feel the hard outline of his cock against your cunt, your hips thrusting forward to meet the friction. A frustrated moan fell from your lips at the clothes separating you, at the inability to feel his skin against yours.Â
You pulled away only when air was necessaryâand because you were very close to being cited for public indecency if things went any further.Â
âSorry, I probably taste like garlic,â you said dumbly, fingers tracing over your spit slick lips, numb and swollen from Jackâs attention.Â
He laughed, forehead resting against yours, âyou taste incredible,â he said, pressing a kiss to your nose, then your cheek, and then under your ear. âI hope Iâm not being presumptuous, but my place is a couple blocks from here, if youâd like to come home with me.â Â
You nodded, a giddy smile breaking out across your face, âI would very much like to go home with you,â you said, already grabbing his hand and dragging him down the street.Â
The entryway is dark as you stumbled into Jackâs townhouse, the walk talking longer than it should have due to your need to drag him into searing kiss after searing kiss every dozen or so steps.Â
Jack navigated the two of you through the dark, your bodies unceremoniously plopping down on his couch. You fell onto his lap, knees sinking into the leather cushions and thighs stretching over the wide berth of his hips. Your kisses had devolved from slow and deep to fast and hungry, teeth nipping and clashing against one another, your breathing ragged from the exertion.  Â
He was rock-hard and throbbing under you, the outline of his cock pressing deliciously against your pussy. The only articles of clothing separating you were the thin, lacy excuse for panties you were wearing and his jeans. Your eyes fluttered closed as you ground your hips down on him, the combination of rough denim and the drag of his cock on your aching cunt forcing loud moans and whimpers from your lips.Â
Jack was just as loud, his hips canting up to meet your rolling hips. His hand travelled to the back of your dress, fingers playing with the zipper, âthis okay, sweetheart?â he asked against your lips. You nodded, too caught up in his lips to give a verbal answer.Â
He chuckled as he pulled the zipper down, easing the sleeves down next and pulling away to get a look at you. He let out a sharp breath, the air stolen from his lungs as he took you in, hands gripping your waist tight and rolling his hips hard against you. Â
Your pretty tits were held up in an unlined white bra, your hardened nipples peaking through the barely there lace. He threw his head back against the couch, pupils blown wide as they fixated on your chest. ââMy pretty, pretty girl. Was this all for him?â he asked, thumbs running in circles around your areolas. You nodded shyly, a bit embarrassed that youâd put on your good lingerie for some random guy. But it wasnât all for nought, if Jackâs reaction was any indication.Â
âWhat a fuckinâ idiot,â he mumbled before enveloping your nipple between his lips, sucking the bud through the lace. He captured the other nipple between his thumb and forefinger, tugging and pinching it, then soothing it over in soft circles. The sensation was dizzying. His mouth was hot and wet against your skin, and he knew exactly the right pressure to ride the line between pleasure and pain.
But the lace was getting in the way; you couldnât feel the scratch of his stubble like youâd dreamed of for so long. You unclasped your bra, tugging on his curls and pulling his face back just enough to let the garment fall down between you.Â
A guttural sound left him as he dove back in, lips suctioning onto your nipple and sucking hard, cheeks hollowed out and tongue swirling around the bud. Your hand tightened in his curls, arching your back and pushing your chest against his mouth. He alternated between the two, sucking, licking, and biting at one and kneading, flicking, and pinching the other. You could finally feel the scrape of his stubble against your sensitive skin, your eyes rolling back in your head as your hips doubled their effort, grinding hard against his cock.Â
He released your nipple with a wet pop, âyou know how hard itâs been keepinâ my hands to myself, pretty girl? and all this time youâve been hidinâ this pretty set of tits under your scrubs,â he shook his head in disbelief, âdonât think Iâll be able to think about anything other than stuffinâ my face between these tits when I see you at work.â Â
His lips returned to your chest while his unoccupied hand moved under your dress, his rough palm gripping the fat of your ass and guiding you over his length faster. Every grind of your hips had your clit bumping up against the head of his cock, the pressure exquisite. Your slick was dripping down your thighs and seeping into his jeans, the schlick schlick schlick steady background noise among your moans and groans. Â
You didnât realize how fast your orgasm was building until you were nearly on the precipice of it, letting out a strangled moan and, âIâm gonnaââ before the wave crested. Your thighs trembled, a dull ache forming from keeping them stretched around Jackâs bulk, but it only added to the pleasure that zipped through you. That staticky feeling radiated through you, your pussy contracting and fluttering around nothing.Â
Youâre panting into the crook of his neck as you ride out the aftershocks, your hips still grinding against his clothed cock, your lips letting out tiny gasps and whines.Â
âDid you⌠did you just cum, sweetheart?â Jack asked, a stunned look on his face.Â
You could feel how hot your cheeks were, shame curling through you because yes, you did cum from a little nipple play and grinding on his cock.Â
âI-iâm sorry, itâs just been a long time and no oneâs touched me in so long and you feel so good, I didnât think that would happen so quickly,â you said, panicked, âIâm sorry if I ruined things.âÂ
âHey, sweetheart, itâs okay,â he said, thumbs brushing away the embarrassed tears you werenât even aware had fallen, âyou didnât ruin anything, okay? I was just surprised, is all. Iâm sorry if anyoneâs made you feel that way, but you donât ever have to be embarrassed with me. Never,â The sincerity of his words triggered a new bout of tears. You buried your head in the crook of his neck again, his scent a calming balm to your nerves.Â
âPlus, do you know how much of an ego boost it is to know I had such a pretty girl cumminâ on lap in under five minutes? Thatâs the stuff of dreams, baby,â he teased, pulling you out from your hiding spot and pressing kisses to your cheeks.
You laughed, still sniffling a bit, âgosh, Iâm sorry Iâve been such a crybaby tonight.âÂ
âItâs okay, honey,â he said, then, teasing, âbut I can think of much better reasons for you to be cryinâ, and none of them have anything to do with you being sad or embarrassed,â he said, kissing you properly now, tongue licking deep into your mouth.Â
You moaned into his mouth, then squealed as he hoisted you up, carrying you to his bedroom. He set you down at the edge of the bed, then properly removed your dress from where it was awkwardly gathered at your waist.
He didnât waste any time, dropping to his knees and parting your legs, pushing them up toward your chest. âHold 'em there for me, baby, wanna take a good look at you,â he murmured, eyes fixed on the damp fabric between your legs. You did as he told you, hooking your hands under your knees and spreading yourself open for him. You felt exposed, but the awestruck look in his eye as he examined your pussy sent shockwaves through your body.Â
âThis all because of me?â he asked, thumbing at your center over the fabric, pressing lightly against your clit with each stroke. Your panties were soaked through, the tiny scrap of fabric doing nothing to obscure your puffy folds that were sticky with a mix of your slick and cum. âWhat a mess you made, honey. Guess Iâm gonna have to clean you up,â he said, pulling your panties to the side and licking a broad stripe from your hole to your clit.
You moaned, hips lifting off the bed and chasing his mouth. The contrast of his hot tongue on your cool flesh was blistering. His hands grabbed the back of your thighs, his fingers digging into the soft skin there and stopping any movement of your hips. You whined at the restriction, your hands fisting in the soft sheets instead.
âWaited so long for this honey, shit, fuckinâ dreamed about how youâd taste,â he moaned into your pussy, mouth lapping and sucking at your folds, gathering all the spend and slick and swallowing it down like nectar. His face was nestled deep into your cunt, tongue exploring every crease and crevice your cunt had to offer, licking, sucking, bitingâand taking note of what made you scream.Â
And once he discovered it, he didnât just eat you, he devoured you. He was a man possessed, with no regard for his own need for air. His tongue assaulted your clit, alternating between rubbing tight circles around it, short kitten licks, and long, languorous licks that had him shaking his head between your thighs. Every now and again he wrapped his lips around your clit and suckled it, the light leaving your body every time. Your hips rocked against his mouth despite his hold on you, wrecked moans falling from your lips. Â
âFuck, jack, pleaseâr-right there!âÂ
âThatâs it, baby, let me hear you, tell me how good Iâm makinâ you feel,â he said, pulling back just far enough to spit onto your cunt before running two fingers up your slit, pushing them in without preamble. The stretch was delicious, his thick fingers curling deep into your wet heat and finding that sweet spot in no time. He exploited it mercilessly, massaging it with the pads of his fingers. His lips returned to your clit, sucking harshly now, giving you no reprieve from his ministrations.Â
âFeels so good Jack! Never felt this good before!â you cried.Â
The slurping and squelching was lewd, your moans and breathless cries of his name intermingled to create an obscene symphony that youâre sure the entire population of Pittsburgh could hear.Â
âYou gonna cum on my face, honey? Gonna give me another one?â he asked, fingers massaging your g-spot. âWannaâfuckâwanna feel this tight cunt squeeze my fingers when she cums.âÂ
âY-yes, please Jack, âm gonna cum, feels sosososo goodâ you cried out, your second orgasm crashing over you. Stars burst behind your eyes, back arching uncomfortably off the bed and walls clenching so hard around his fingers youâre not sure how he hasnât lost circulation. Your legs clamped around his head, trapping him there as you rode out your orgasm, hips rutting against his mouth and fingers. He didnât mind, licking and sucking you through it, his fingers keeping pressure on your g-spot until you were pushing him away.
He peppered your body with kisses as you came down, starting at your thighs and making his way up over your tummy, ribs, and breasts. He came to rest above you, a dopey smile on your face as you pulled him in for a lazy kiss. His face was soaked with your spend and you could taste the tang on his tongue when he kissed you.Â
âYouâre stupidly good at that,â you whispered, body still boneless and floaty.Â
âYeah? Want me to show you want else Iâm stupidly good at?â he asked while finally shucking his shirt off.Â
âYeah?â you said absentmindedly, eyes glazed over at the majesty that was Jack Abbotâs chest. You immediately began pressing kisses across the newly exposed skinâto his neck, collarbone, pecs, and tummy. Youâre even able to scrape your teeth across a nipple before he holds you back at arms length, laughing.  Â
âYeah, honey,â he laughed between your frantic kisses, âbut you gotta let me breathe for a sec, gotta take care of my leg.âÂ
âLet me,â you said, slipping down to the floor and sitting back on your heels. You ran your palms up his thighs, hands coming to rest on his belt before going any further.
âYou donât have to do that, honey.âÂ
âI know,â you said softly, âbut I want to. If youâre okay with that.âÂ
He cradled your face in his hand, thumb stroking your cheekbone. You turned into it, kissing the palm of his hand to assure him that you wanted to do this.Â
âI care about you Jack, and this is part of you. I just wanna help you, wanna make you feel good,â you said earnestly, giving him your puppy dog eyes.
âYeah. Okay, honey, go ahead,â he nodded, sitting back on his elbows to watch you. You grasped his belt again, unfastening the buckle and pulling the belt through the loops, discarding it somewhere behind you. You moved to the button of his jeans, deftly popping it open and hooking your fingers into the waistband, tugging them down with Jackâs help.Â
Your breath hitched at the sight of his dark gray boxers, a wet spot front and center that made your mouth water. You learned forward and kissed the damp fabric, moaning at the slight taste of precum that danced across your lips.Â
âCareful, sweetheartâŚâ he warned, but there wasnât much heat behind his words.Â
You just grinned up at him before getting back to the task at hand. Your fingers travelled down to the sleek metal attached to him, getting a feel for the mechanism before unlocking and twisting it off. The liner came next, tossed to the side before you pressed your fingertips into his skin, massaging the skin to get some blood flow back into the residual limb. You pressed sweet kisses to his flesh, from the front of his knee to the scarred flesh of his leg, tongue dipping out to trace the prominent scar just above his amputation site.Â
Jack breathed heavily above you, tiny groans escaping him unbidden. A look flickered across his face, and you think, briefly, that this may be the first time youâve seen him truly vulnerable. It wasnât a secret that heâd lost the lower portion of his leg in the war, but he didnât flaunt it either. You wondered if there was an insecurity that lay deep within him, despite his overt confidence; if other women had reacted differently, cruelly even to the sight of his prosthesis. It made your heart ache to think about it, to think of someone doing anything but worshipping his beautiful body the way he deserved. Â
âSo pretty, Jack,â you whispered, kisses inching higher up his thigh now, âwanna taste you now.âÂ
When youâre met with the sight of Jackâs cock, youâre well and truly speechless. You knew he was big from your time on the couch, but seeing it was different. He was thick and veiny, the tip flushed a deep red and leaking precum furiously. It rested against his belly, curving slightly to the left. And did you mention that he was thick? Mouth agape, you wondered how you were going to fit him in your mouth. Or pussy.Â
Youâre not sure how long youâve been sitting there, hands perched against his thighs, just staring at his cock, until Jack tilts your head back, fingers tightening in the strands of hair at the nape of your neck.Â
âThought you wanted a taste, honey. You just gonna sit there and stare at it all night?â he asked, a smug smile on his lips.Â
âMaybe,â you mumbled, tongue darting out to wet your lips.Â
Before you can do anything of your own accord, his hand is guiding your head forward, the head of his cock pushing gently against the seam of your lips. You take over from there, pressing an open mouthed kiss to his tip, the precum gathered there salty and sticky against your lips. Your tongue dipped out to caress the spot just below his head, running the flat of your tongue along it before moving back to his head, spitting a glob of spit onto him and wrapping a hand around his base. You started with long, slow strokes, squeezing and twisting on the upstroke, your hand meeting your lips where they suckled at his tip.Â
You moaned at the steady stream of precum invading your mouth, âtaste so good Jack,â you said before taking more of him into your mouth. You're only about halfway down and your lips are already stretched tight around him, spit leaking from the corners of your mouth in filthy waterfalls. You hollowed your cheeks out, bobbing your head up and down his shaft, your tongue massaging the underside of his cock.Â
âFuck, baby, who knew you had such a filthy fuckinâ mouth on you,â he groaned, hips rutting up slightly.Â
His tip occasionally hits the back of your throat, causing you to gag and tears to prick behind your eyes, but you donât care; the feeling of him weighing heavy on your tongue is reward enough.Â
You feel a light pressure applied to the back of your head, âdeeper, baby, know you can take it,â he groaned. You obliged, breathing deep through your nose and sinking down further onto his cock until you felt him hit the back of your throat and your nose was nestled in the trimmed grey curls at his base. Your hand grappled for his where it was perched on your head, using it to push harder against your head, trying to convey to him that you wanted him to take over; to fuck your face.Â
He groaned, hips jerking involuntarily as he realized what you wanted. He gathered your hair in his hands, hips shallowly trusting into the wet heat of your mouth. His mouth was slack, grunts and groans loud as he fucked your face. His pace builds, his cock roughly pistoning in and out of your mouth. Tears are falling freely now, your mouth stretched to capacity and throat being used and abused by his fat cock.Â
âSee? These tears are much prettier, baby,â he huffed out, thumbs brushing the trails where they fell. âSo fuckinâ pretty, crying with my cock in your mouth.âÂ
You moaned around him at that, the praise and shame swirling in your tummy. Your hand came up to cup his balls, massaging and squeezing them gently between your fingers.Â
Youâre suddenly pulled up off his cock and into his lap, spit stringing from your shiny, swollen lips. You whined at the loss of him, your mouth feeling uncomfortably empty now.Â
âFuckâyou feel too good, honey,â he grunted, setting you back against his pillows, âcanât cum in that pretty little mouth tonight, need to be inside you.âÂ
He grabbed a condom out of his drawer before moving back to you, sitting back on his knees and rolling the condom on. You let out an annoyed whine. Youâve never hated the more rational side of your brain more than you do right now. You craved to feel him bare inside youâto feel him cum deep inside you, the hot white ropes painting your walls. And while you trusted him implicitly, you knew safety was of the utmost importance, so condom it was.Â
âDonât worry, baby, soon as we get tested, you wonât be able to stop me from fuckinâ this pussy raw,â he groaned, settling between your spread thighs. His body was a soothing weight above you, the warmth he emanated relieving any anxiety you had.Â
He gripped the base of his cock and ran it through your sopping folds a few times, the tip catching slightly on your entrance on each pass. âPlease, Jack, need to feel you,â you moaned, wrapping your legs around his waist and pulling him close.Â
He cursed before giving in, notching the head of his cock against your entrance and entering you slowly, letting you feel and adjust to every inch on its own. Your head fell back into his plush pillows as he sank fully into you, your mouth open in a silent scream. Your walls were tight around him, clenching viciously at the intrusionâyouâd never been stretched so wide, or filled so thoroughly. It felt like the air had been punched out of your lungs and replaced by his cock. Your hands clutched at his shoulders, your short nails biting at his skin.Â
You were still for a moment, both your chests heaving as you adjusted to the feeling of one another. Then, once Jack composed himself, he started to moveâslow, shallow thrusts at first, your pussy still clenching tight around him, sucking him in greedily with each thrust.Â
âRelax for me, honey, thatâs it, doinâ so good for me,â he grunted, eyes closed, âpussy feels so good.âÂ
You willed your body to relax, for your muscles to go lax around him. You shifted your legs up higher, the heels of your feet digging into the soft flesh of his ass.Â
âThere you go, so good for me,â he moaned, âknew youâd be so good for me.âÂ
He pulled out again, easier this time, until only the tip remained inside you, then snapped his hips forward. His thrusts were slow but hard, his hips slamming against you each time he bottomed out. The drag of his cock against your walls felt so good, his thick, throbbing length rubbing up against every sensitive spot. You felt every thick vein and ridge, as if they were imprinting into your walls, making a home there. You moaned at the thought of eternity, of Jack making your pussy his again and again and again.Â
He was watching you with a wondrous look on his face, his eyes flitting between your blissed out face and bouncing tits. âSo fuckinâ sexy, baby, you donât even understand how fuckinâ gorgeous you are,â he groaned, hips picking up speed, fucking you faster and harder.Â
The adrenaline and emotions from the night came crashing down around you. The feeling of his cock dragging through your walls mixed with the sweet words he was whispering into your ear had you feeling exposed and vulnerable, made you feel seen. Your hands were frantic, running over every bit of skin you could get your hands on, needing to feel his skin against yours. You pulled him impossibly closer, his chest now flush against yours, the friction it provided to your nipples dizzying. Â
You didnât notice the tears until Jack was kissing away the salty tracks, his tongue sneaking out to lick up the length of your cheek. âYouâre my little crybaby, arenât you?â he asked, a sweet hint of condescension in his tone, âjust canât help babbling over my cock, huh, baby?âÂ
You could only whimper at that. The words should feel shameful, degrading, even, but the fondness on his face, the constant reassurance heâd been giving you all night only made you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Because you werenât a crybaby, you were his crybaby.Â
The coil in your stomach tightened, your orgasm fast approaching. He was fucking you hard and fast now, his balls slapping against your ass with a wet smack. âJaack, Iâm gonnaâfffuckâI needââ you gasped at a particularly hard thrust, your eyes rolling into the back of your head.Â
But Jack knew what you needed before you did, his thumb finding your clit and rubbing tight circles against it, and you were done for. Your toes curled, heels pressing harder into his ass as you came, white-hot sparks shooting through your body. Your walls spasmed wildly, your orgasm crashing through you in waves. You were absolutely drenched, your pussy gushing around his cock, leaking down your ass and onto the bed.Â
Jack wasnât far behind, his hips stuttering as your walls seized his cock in a vise grip. âF-fuck, baby, youâre squeezinâ me so tight, so fuckinâ good,â he grunted, his hips going into overdrive now, chasing his climax and fucking you hard and deep.
"Cum for me, Jack, wanna make you feel good," you cried.
He ground his hips into one last time, cumming with a loud moan, cock buried deep inside you and hips pressed flush against yours.Â
He collapsed on top of you, head resting on your chest. He pressed lazy kisses to your sternum, collarbone, the soft flesh of your breastsâwhatever he could get his lips on from this angle. Your fingers carded through his curls, the motion soothing as you tried to catch your breath.Â
Eventually, though, you had to part.Â
You whined as he pulled out, your cunt empty and cold now that heâd taken his warmth away. He grabbed his arm crutches, disposing of the condom and retreating to the bathroom. He returned with a warm washcloth and began cleaning you up, gently wiping at your swollen pussy and sticky thighs, making sure you were comfortable before tossing the rag in the hamper. Â
He slid back into bed when he was finished, laying on his side and pulling you close against his chest. Your head was cushioned by this arm as you curled into him, your sweat slick bodies cool to the touch now that the heat had dissipated.Â
âYou have no idea how long Iâve wanted to kiss you,â he said, fingers brushing up and down your ribs, the touch featherlight. Â
âMmm probably as long as I have,â you said, snuggling closer to him.
âReally? When did you realize you wanted to kiss me?â
You didnât have to think about it at all. âMy birthday, on the roof. I gave you a cupcake and you got frosting all over you,â you giggled at the memory, âand all I could think about was how bad I wanted to kiss it all off of your stupidly handsome face.âÂ
He laughed with you, the creases around his eyes deepening as he did. He was so pretty, you thought for the thousandth time that night.Â
 âI remember that,â he smiled, âI remember being so proud that I made you laugh that night.âÂ
âWhat about you?â you asked.Â
He thought about it for a minute. âI think the need to kiss you has been simmering in me since I met you, but the first time I had the conscious thought was when you patched me up after that patient clocked me in the head,â he said, his hand now on your cheek, stroking the bone there, âyou were standinâ between my legs, stitchinâ up my forehead, and all I could think about was pulling you close and kissing you until I couldnât breathe.âÂ
âWhy didnât you?â
He sighed, âIâm your superior and I didnât want to make you uncomfortable if you didn't feel the same way.â You knew he didnât want to delve into the âsuperiorâ thing right now, didnât want to have the long, complicated conversation that was sure to come in the following days.Â
âAnd I wasnât sure Iâd be able to stop myself once I started,â he said, lightening the mood a bit.Â
You giggled at that, rolling your eyes affectionately. But something nagged in your head about what he said.Â
âWaitâŚâ you said, piecing together a timeline, âthat was nearly a year ago! Youâre telling me we could have been doing this for a year!?â you exclaimed, slapping him on the chest lightly.Â
He shook his head at you, a sheepish look on his face. You were both idiots.Â
âWell, I guess we have a lot of lost time to make up for, then, donât we?â he said cheekily, capturing your lips again and pushing you onto your back, determined to make you a very happy woman.
a/n: thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed it <33
AND ANOTHER THING about Supergirl is that I was really worried the movie would be all âtake the high groundâ about killing human traffickers and shit, but then at the end Kara just fucking stabs that guy TWICE and I realized the movies actually about cycles of abuse and protecting the innocent
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