chronic glow tool overuse

im going to drink a $7 light beer at the zoo and become the jane goodall of leafcutter ants

"i feel besquintled", said no one ever. because that's not a word.

PHRASE ADDED TO INVENTORY!

We need to study the powerful psychic field around tumblr posts that causes people to hallucinate entire lines and paragraphs that are not present in the actual text

how dare you accuse me of putting orphans in a woodchipper

can I make a confession that might get me in trouble

my favorite thing about the "guy fieari doesn't swallow" controversy is that in every video i've seen on it there's someone in the comments going "actualy we were featured in diners drive in and dive episode 342 and he came to our restaurant and he definitely ate our food on and off camera like he cleared the plate and he's a really chill dude actualy" and it's like. does guy fieari know that he has a loyal army across America defending him AS WE SPEAK against the stupidest conspiracy theory i've ever heard of

guy fieri doesn’t what now?

kids these days don't know what it felt like to be bisexual and wear a stupid as fuck hawaiian shirt in 2017

Every summer I forget how much I fucking love spiders I’ve drunk one every day this week

Drinking spiders??!

I think that’s called a float in the states. Although we usually plop the icecream into the glass after the soda. Similar effect though.

We wouldn’t be able to call it that because the word is way too easy to confuse with a floater, which is a meat pie floating in a bowl of pea soup. It is every bit as delicious as a spider though. I should get some pies and pea soup.

I would like to announce that this is not a standard Australian food, it’s exclusively a South Australian one and the rest of Australia is just as appalled as the rest of the world.

It’s not our fault that the rest of Australia is incorrect about food.

“average person eats 3 spiders a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in South Australia and BADLY misinterpreted our survey question,,

it fucken WIMDY