Today! 27th of July. I have discovered that I am a goblin. Aka: Gremlin, shiny go click clack, shares the 1 braincell with all the other orange cats, needs therap- I still like Lipton peach iced tea and fire. However, I have given into the tumblr crowd. I am one with the tumblrians.
Do you think elves would feel overwhelmed and stressed by human education systems?
Even the systems which are generally seen as less stressful by our standards. Cause like, elves live a really long time and their perception of time is affected by that.
"A human life is over in a blink of a eye"
So do you think being forced to learn everything in only 18 (or 25 if we're counting university) years would be exceptionally stressful?
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Tips for writing those gala scenes, from someone who goes to them occasionally:
Generally you unbutton and re-button a suit coat when you sit down and stand up.
Youβre supposed to hold wine or champagne glasses by the stem to avoid warming up the liquid inside. A character out of their depth might hold the glass around the sides instead.
When rich/important people forget your name and theyβre drunk, they usually just tell you that they donβt remember or completely skip over any opportunity to use your name so they donβt look silly.
A good way to indicate you donβt want to shake someoneβs hand at an event is to hold a drink in your right hand (and if youβre a woman, a purse in the other so you definitely canβt shift the glass to another hand and then shake)
Americans who still kiss cheeks as a welcome generally donβt press lips to cheeks, itβs more of a touch of cheek to cheek or even a hover (these days, mostly to avoid smudging a womanβs makeup)
The distinctions between dress codes (black tie, cocktail, etc) are very intricate but obvious to those who know how to look. If you wear a short skirt to a black tie event for example, people would clock that instantly even if the dress itself was very formal. Same thing goes for certain articles of menβs clothing.
Open bars / cash bars at events usually carry limited options. Theyβre meant to serve lots of people very quickly, so nobody is getting a cosmo or a Manhattan etc.
Members of the press generally arenβt allowed to freely circulate at nicer galas/events without a very good reason. When they do, they need to identify themselves before talking with someone.
As someone who spent over a decade catering luxury events, let me add some back of house info:
These events are almost always open bar. They're not trying to make their money back on alcohol. They want you to drink and eat and donate generously.
If there are cocktails, there will be at most two on offer, pre-made in large tubs. You cannot order a different version, it is what it is.
There are two types of events: cocktail style or seated. The first includes roaming hors d'oeuvres or a fancy buffet with tiny plates called a grazing station. For a long night, the roaming food will get a little bigger throughout the evening and have a 'main' at some point based around a protein.
A seated event will usually be more structured and may include multiple courses. Silver service is not in vogue anymore. You are likely to get either alternating meals brought to you like at a wedding, or served banquet style. A good caterer can get a plate to everyone in a 300 person event in about three minutes.
Drunk people are the same no matter how expensive their suits. They still laugh too loud, spill their drinks and slip on the dance floor. They are usually less embarrassed about doing coke in the bathrooms.
A full scale event that starts at 6pm will have staff arriving at noon to begin setup. Earlier if there's a light show or pyrotechnics. Typically venues don't just have 30 tables and three hundred chairs lying around, let alone table cloths, chair covers, etc. It's all rented and brought in on the day. Bands and DJs will be running audio tests in the background throughout.
Most heritage buildings that host these things, like museums and manor houses, aren't really designed for them. They might put down mats so you're not walking in stilettos over two hundred year old wooden floors, the kitchens are weirdly far away, and there are not enough taps. There is never anywhere for staff to sit, so if you open the wrong door you might find half a dozen waiters sitting on upturned milk crates in a room full of million dollar paintings, eating the left over bread.
Really old buildings don't have enough bathrooms, which means the staff will be sharing with the guests.
Clean up starts the second the event ends, if not sooner. Unattended glasses will start to disappear first, then table decorations. When the timer ticks over, the lights come back on and exhausted staff strip the tables, pack up dirty glasses and unopened wine bottles and have to Tetris it all into the back of a van. The venue is booked for that day only, so everything has to be gone before anyone can go home. A large event that finishes at midnight might take until 3am to be cleared away.
These are very long and physically demanding nights for anyone working them. The staff all get to know each other, and will absolutely notice someone trying to sneak in wearing a borrowed uniform. They are not being paid enough to care.
Living in Australia, I'm kinda always at the mercy of my posts lining up with crappy timezones, so when I came back to Tumblr and realised there was a fully in-built post scheduling system, I was very excited...only to happily realise that even with that in mind, Tumblr has a much more 'time-blind' and relaxing approach to posts.
It lifts my spirits whenever I see that somebody's gone through my catalogue or liked a post that had been put out days or even weeks ago, and it appears that that's a far more prevalent phenomenon on this site compared to anywhere else. A guy could get used to this more easygoing posting experience, although of course that's all thanks to folks like you! Thank you all.
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I was lying in the leaf litter today when some moss spoke to me.
"Excuse me, do you know the species of this fallen log beneath me?" asked the moss.
"Hmm. No. Sorry, I'm a little fuzzy on logs," I said.
"What a coincidence," said the moss. "I'm a little fuzzy on logs too."
Peeling off the broken breastplate of a stoic knight who only fights and never speaks, just to realize thereβs nothing in there. Not metaphoricallyβthe armor is literally empty. It doesnβt appear to affect him. If the armor stays mostly in the shape of a knight, he just gets back up to keep fighting. But with the chest plate off he just sits there, equally impervious to curiosity as I reach up into the cavity where his body mightβve gone. Stubbornly, no answers are found anywhere in there.
So I forge him a new breastplate and on the inside, because I know he has plenty of room, I put a little pocket. Not big enough to hold anything functional of course. Just a little extra piece to see what heβll do with it.
He comes back next time with some grievous injury to his nothing, presumably from the massive shredded gash across his thigh plates. He sits and waits. I fix it for him. He is still nothing in there. I decide to add a drawing on the inside, of the type of beast I imagine could rend metal into scraps with a single blow. He puts it back on. He no longer moves as if he is injured.
Over time the interior of the knight becomes decorated with whatever odds and ends I could think to attach to the inside of a guy whoβs got room to carry it. What really gets me is that he never removes any of it. Never requests a change. Not even when I installed a curtain rod for a small tapestry, or a bud vase to carry roses for his beloved, or an accordion folder for letters. He didnβt say a word for any of the many, many drawings of mythical beasts that now fight forever inside of his shell.
There are plenty of other forges. Iβm not entirely sure why he keeps coming back here anyway. Weβre pretty popular, but he could get his armor fixed a lot quicker (and with fewer ridiculous modifications) literally anywhere else. I asked him if I could get a look at his nothing again. He flipped up his visor and nodded his head so I could take a look. It was the same as it had been, filled with drawings and trinkets and weird little fixtures Iβd put in there. I asked if he was annoyed by it, or liked it, or felt anything at all, but he literally only ever says nothing, so Iβm not sure why I asked.
Thereβs not much room left in his nothing now. When he comes back for repairs Iβve had to fix my own foolish additions. Some of these pieces are intricate and irritating to repair, but I fix them anyway. It feels wrong to take any of it away from him now, even though Iβve been rudely encroaching on his nothingness to the point where itβs barely even there. How he squeezes his nothing back into a body so full, Iβll never understand. But itβs a game to me now, finding a spot not yet filled and putting something there. A dark part of me wonders if he ever gets filled up completely, if whatever sorcery holds the nothing-knight together may break, and it will all clatter unceremoniously to the floor.
When he hands me his breastplate yet again, it is so shockingly disfigured that I wonder if being made of nothing has somehow kept him alive. No ordinary knight could sustain such injuries. So I fix it. And he waits, unmoving, in a quiet corner of the forge. Itβs like heβs watching, even though I know the reading glasses I put inside his helmet were just for fun. Iβm careful to put it all back exactly the way it was when he last left. Thereβs no room to add more this time.
He examines the breastplate, and pauses before putting it back on, like heβs looking for something. Is he worried about the fit? But it suits him just as it always did. He calmly points to a little space, about an inch, between a miniature shelf and one of many pockets. Thereβs nothing there. I ask him whatβs wrong, and again he points. Itβs the most emotion Iβve ever seen from him, and itβs barely anything at all. I take it to mean he wants something there.
I spend some time engraving a little snail in the gap. He watches, as much as nothing can watch. When Iβm finished he holds the breastplate, but he doesnβt put it on right away. I ask him if somethingβs still wrong. He says nothing, and puts it on. I tell him I canβt add anything else. Even if he could ask, thereβs no room left.
Next time he comes back, thereβs nothing wrong with his armorβhe lets me check to make sure. I ask him what heβs doing here. Out from one of many pockets, he retrieves a tiny rusted knife. Itβs in miserable condition, barely worth saving. I tell him I could make him a nice new one, but Iβll fix it if he likes. He puts it away and reaches around to find something else, a needle and thread. Better condition, but Iβm not a sewist and I tell him as much. He puts them away. He then retrieves a little twisted piece of wax paper. I open it. Itβs candy. I ask if I can eat it. He says nothing. I eat it. Itβs flavored with cinnamon. Iβm surprised he let me take it.
He keeps bringing me candy now. His armor is the most laborious to repair out of every client my forge serves, but itβs my own fault so I canβt complain. Sometimes he keeps me company while I work. I wonder if he is trying to tell me something when he hands me mints. I wonder again at the lemon lozenges. He stares at me when I eat, as much as nothing can stare.
One day he brings me a little jar of honey. I thank him, I tell him Iβll save it for dinner. He watches me work, he puts his repaired armor back on, and he stays. My shift passes slowly, and when I finally pack up to leave itβs dark outside. He follows me out of the forge. I ask him where heβs going. He points to the jar in my hand. I ask him if he wants to watch me eat it. He says nothing, but the nothing-knight clearly wants something, so I open the lid and dunk my finger in the honey. I try not to get any on my chin. He stands there, inches away, watching me try to consume this jar of honey without a utensil. It tastes like clovers. About half the jar is left when Iβve finally had enough of pretending to be a bear, but he doesnβt move to leave.
I ask if heβs going to follow me home. He says nothing. I tell him he can if he wants to. Again, nothing. I start walking, and he follows at my side. I know heβs not going to say anything ever, so I fill the silence. I tell him Iβm grateful for the sweets, I tell him about how his various components are made, I tell him Iβve never met anyone made of nothing before. I tell him itβs a rare opportunity for a smith to work so much on the inside of something. He says nothing. I tell him again how much I like the candy.
It occurs to me that maybe filling me with sugar is as close as he can get to filling someone elseβs empty armor with trinkets. Iβm not sure if thatβs really why he does it. I tell him I donβt have room to be filled with anything on the inside, not like him. Iβm not a container for much besides food. He offers me another piece of candy. Maybe he likes containing something, the way I like to feel full. Maybe itβs nothing at all.
β
I didnβt edit this even a little bit. Thanks for reading!
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HEY DON'T CRY. 8,008 SPECIES OF FROG IN THE WORLD PER AMPHIBIAWEB AND THE 8,000TH FROG WAS DESCRIBED BY TUMBLR'S OWN FROG SCIENTIST DR. Scherz, ET AL., PEACE AND LOVE ON PLANET EARTH βΌοΈβΌοΈβΌοΈ
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