phoenix firemage @phoenix-firemage - Tumblr Blog

all i want for 2026 is that gigantic rancid AI bubble to finally burst in such a catastrophic way that the consequences will be so good and i'll never have to see another AI generated image ever again

fluoritegalaxy

Like to charge, reblog to cast.

i-like-reblog-maps

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going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi

it really is crazy that women's clothes don't fit anybody. fat women can't find clothes, skinny women can't find clothes, tall women can't find clothes, short women can't find clothes, big chested women can't find clothes, small chested women can't find clothes. who the fuck are these being made for

going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi

we all really resonated with this one huh

hiii I just someone who waded into some skyrim tags today and saw your ask and immediately knew which fic you were talking about here: https://www.tumblr.com/phoenix-firemage/776863533038288896/hi-are-there-any-skyrims-still-out-there-i-need

so in case you hadn't found it yet (I didn't see a reblog or a tagged post on your blog about it so maybe not?), here it is: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7904360/1/The-Crooked-Way

Thank you so much Nonny! I did actually have someone DM me about it so I did find it eventually, but I'm gonna post this too because it's a good story and should be seen :D

taxidermycatgirl

top 5 sexiest injuries:

-bruises

-bullet wound

-split lip

-nosebleed/broken nose

-stab wound

taxidermycatgirl

glad to see everyone here is also really Normal

stuckinapril

I’ve had tumblr for 4 years but some of you bitches have had it for a decade. It’s time to seek penance

stuckinapril

wait I’m curious now . Reblog this with how long u’ve been on tumblr for. Dating back to ur oldest blog ever !!!

phoenix-firemage

17 years. my tumblr time is almost an adult.

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me logging on to tumblr dot com the morning after A Something has happened, but i was away for the entire day due to Stupid Health Bullshit:

-"yay they listened and fixed the Horrible New Thing!"

-"ugh I'm LEAVING if they don't fix the HNT!" (no you're not none of us are)

-"omg can you guys believe this HNT??"

-"welp looks like staff is back on their bullshit with this HNT"

I still have no idea what actually happened, but seeing these vagueblogging references in reverse order is quite funny.

probablily

everyone talking about leaving this app for good is stronger than me. wheres that one post thats like "I'd be here even if you could only make posts with 3 letters at a time"

phoenix-firemage

#I’m not leaving until one of us is literally dead at this point thanks for giving voice to what we all feel, @apostaterevolutionary

#nipplegate did not get rid of me #nothing else will

a-really-bad-decision

Dragon age origins is like…. You’re nineteen, new in town, and it’s your second day at pizza hut. You don’t even know how to work the register yet and you just watched your manager get carted off by the paramedics. You have no contact info for him, his next of kin, or corporate. The only other employee is the guy who’s been here for two weeks and is a bit of a doofus, and neither of you really know what you’re supposed to do now. You both desperately need this job though, and the doofus at least has a drivers license and *kiiinda* knows how to use the oven so you just. Shrug, and start taking orders and making pizzas and praying to god that the bills are on autopay.

And weirdly enough you’re really good at this: making pizzas and dealing with shitty customers and breaking up fights in the parking lot and pretending to be Duncan’s cousin on the phone so the utility company doesn’t cut off the power. But running a store is a lot of work for two dumb kids, so slowly you start accumulating a bunch of competent weirdos to help out, like the nun who left her convent because god told her to help you make pizzas, and the elderly school teacher who just survived a mass shooting, and the guy the papa johns down the street hired to run you over. And really there’s no way any of this should be working as well as it is - you’re absolutely committing fraud of some kind here - but you’ve managed to dodge the landlord every time he’s stopped by, and the health inspector never shows up to tell you to stop letting your dog hang out behind the counter and you’re all still kinda looking at each other and asking ‘are we allowed to just do this?’ before shrugging again and continuing to make pizzas, until somehow, through a series of unlikely technicalities, your doofus coworker ends up on the ballot for governor.

And after like five months of this the regional manager wanders in out of nowhere and you’re sure he’s about to chew your ass out for this mess, but it turns out he’s pretty chill and honestly kind of impressed with how you managed to keep the place up and running all on your own. So now you’re all thinking ‘thank god, there’s someone here who actually knows how to run a Pizza Hut’ only for him to get hit by a car two days later on the night of the Super Bowl.

a-really-bad-decision

Sten is 100% unchanged in this scenario

felixcloud6288

Listening to a podcast

"Let's take a word from our sponsor."

*Skip ahead a minute* "You can-"

*Skip ahead a minute* "Use code-"

*Skip ahead a minute* "300,000-"

*Skip ahead a minute* "T-shirts-"

*Skip ahead a minute* "Motherfuck-"

*Go back 15 seconds*

felixcloud6288

Oh we're all feeling this one aren't we?

kitsuleif

softest-punk

adhd-haver shocked once again as task they have been avoiding for 6 weeks takes 5 minutes

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sunflowerlovergirl

hatesaltrat

The road to the childrens’ hospital

@swedishfalcon-actual

enchantingsorceress

I hope this joke outlives the context that made it, leaving future generations baffled.

sunflowerlovergirl

#WHY IS THIS TRUE

gingersnapsvhs

did your parents *"pre-screen" the media you interacted with when you were a kid/before legal adult age where you are?

yes, always AND they did parental guidance talks about it

yes, always but there was no parental guidance involved

sometimes, with parental guidance talks

sometimes, no parental guidance talks

not usually, but occasionally (WITH parental guidance)

not usually, but occasionally (WITHOUT parental guidance)

they never pre-screened but there were other rules (elaborate?)

my parents fully didn't give a shit about what media i engaged with

see results

Voting ended onDec 16, 2025

*by "pre-screening", i typically mean any sort of behavior that exists on a spectrum of "actually watching/playing/reading the thing before you played it" to "doing any sort of research on it before letting you watch it".

feel free to share your experiences in the tags or replies or whatever!

gingersnapsvhs

admittedly, i am a little obsessed with like 65% of the tags on this post so far basically saying "my parents didn't pre-screen things but they [describes behavior that DEFINITELY qualifies as pre-screening]". i kinda hope maybe this post and others like it wake some people up to the fact that yes, even YOUR parents were controlling what perspectives and ideas you were and were not being allowed to access.

#i cannot remember one single time #that i was prevented from watching a thing #or talked to about a thing #or that my parents in any way indicated #that they had prescreened anything #like idk i guess maybe they watched a thing before gifting it to us or something?#but if so we never knew about it #and frankly they didn't have time so probably not

piosplayhouse

Difficult truth: if you do laundry every week , do NOT skip a week of laundry. It will seem very tempting and you will be happy in the moment, but when the next week rolls around you will sadly have to do TWICE as much laundry , which is worse than the normal amount.

ot3

bringing these tweets i made during my tumblr sabbatical over here because im feeling it again

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