here.

(this came out of a conversation in the comments on a previous post about an author threatening to stop updating a fic because of lack of engagement)

So there’s this idea that fic writers should write for themselves and not care too much about stats or engagement,

and i totally get the sentiment behind that. if writing becomes entirely about stats and external validation, something important does get lost - creative freedom and joy, conviction in your own writing

but i also think:

“i write for myself, but i post for others.”

because posting fic is not only self-expression. it’s social. ao3 is called an archive, but emotionally it often functions as a community space.

people post for connection, for participation, for others to bear witness to their pain and trauma and grief,

and i don’t think most people are asking to be admired so much as acknowledged. there’s something deeply human about wanting another person to encounter something that mattered to you and go:

“ok, yeah, I see what you were trying to say. I see you.”

especially because fanfic is often people processing very real feelings through fictional characters at a safe distance, one step removed,

and then uploading that deeply personal thing into a shared archive and hoping somebody else might connect with it.

And i think that’s why it hurts so much when you summon up the courage and post a fic into the void and you get nothing back,

and then it’s like,

"Do your best" doesn't mean "Always give 100% of your full overall potential" it means "In any given moment, give it all you've got to spare."

I don't usually have 100% to spare. I usually have a good 30% designated towards keeping me and my loved ones alive, and another 10% towards not losing track of my to-do list.

On the up-side I've been repeatedly told my "half-assed" is better than many people's "110%".

I've learned when to aim for a C.

I've also learned that when I aim for a C I still often get an A, because showing up consistently, however half-assedly, turns out to be a good 90% of the need being met, actually.