I know what you are :3

I HAVE FOUND MY FAVOURITE POST ON THE INTERNET

I am asexual (or at least, I think I am, because the idea of physically having sex is neutral at best, repulsive to me at worst) but...

I keep finding myself fantasizing about things... I keep fantasizing about dominating another. About them using that fantasy of mine to fulfill their desires and carve me into the perfect dominant for them. Somehow it's not about the sex for me. It's more about the devotion.

That or more casual displays of kink, less intense. Maybe teasing a pal, helping them put on a collar, letting them worship while I talk to them about my day..

Navigating this is very hard for me at the moment, I am not very experienced, and I feel out of my depth. consent is key, and I'm trying my best not to take up space or be somewhere I haven't earned the right to be in. How can I prove myself? How can I earn the right to be here and not feel like a faker? Will I always feel this way? How do I best approach this discovery about myself? I'd appreciate any advice, and I won't be sad if my ask gets declined, thanks in advance

so like, you've got a lot of questions and it sounds like you're struggling with that, and being a helpful sort, it'll try to unpack what you've sent it and hopefully help you out a little?

first off, fuck sex. it has its place, but don't worry about it. kink, while having sexual elements, isn't sex. there's connections, but kink is its own thing, and sex is a tool like a paddle or rope or a hairbrush is a tool.

given how you're describing yourself, dominant may not be the term you're looking for. you might be more of a service top: someone who hits, ties, or even dominates, but ultimately is doing so for someone else's enjoyment. you might find more success looking at things through that lens?

the way we'd suggest exploring that is by partnering up with someone who is practiced at being dominant and observing how they treat their submissives, this will give you more experience without pushing your subs to tell you what to do throughout the process (which will make it hard for them to maintain a subspace). you can build on the other dominant's bits, and see how often you find your own bits and initiate them without their input.

it'll say, abandon that question of earning your place. if you want to be dominant, a part of that is assuming you deserve it. you're not taking up space, you're stepping into a role that is yours. you're not letting submissives worship you, you're making them worship you because that's what *you* want. through the magic of submission what they want is what you want, and through consent you may be as sadistic and as dominant as you please with them.

explore the fantasies. if you approach a sub and talk to them, you'll learn more about what makes them tick, and begin filling your playbook with things you can do that will engage them.

So there's a giant glass cabinet full of plants, rocks and branches, all artfully arranged in there, in a way that makes it look like just a fancy decorative plant installation, kind of a soothing ornamental indoor garden to have in my living room. And then someone admiring the beauty of this thing gets the shit scared out of them when the little beastie zips from one hiding place to another.