being self aware suuuucks like yeah this thought pattern/behavior is stupid and pointless and a symptom. i know this. [does it anyways

did you imagine your own tragic death a lot as a child or are you normal

eating pastries is so humiliating cause you'll be having the time of your life having it and then when you're finished you look down and you're covered in flakes and sugardust like fuuuck now everyone is going to know i'm a messy pastry whore

You should be able to rot in bed for 2, maybe 3 hours after waking up before it starts affecting what time it is. If I wake up at 8:30 and lie in bed for 2hr it should still be 8:30 when I get up

Wow, I knew they weren't in "every African country", but I didn't realize just how restricted their range was

Good teachers don't mind saying "I don't know" or that they need to look it up and will get back to you.

Masai giraffes look cool af

The Masai giraffes are stuntin’ on the heauxs!

This switched gears from a post about white ignorance to a giraffe appreciation post. Such is the nature of tumblr.

just witnessed a girl spot her friend in the grocery store and instead of calling her over she started making turkey noises. and her friend, who apparently recognized her call, responded with higher pitched turkey noises before she even saw her and they used turkey echolocation to find each other. friendship between girls is a beautiful thing <3

supposedly if i finish my work i can play video game as reward. but i see through my lies. i can play video game BEFORE i finish work, and then not do work at all.

warrior's dilemma

periods are medieval honestly. like sorry I got suicidal last night turns out I had too much blood in me. yeah no some of it fell out and I'm fine now.

i fucking hate being an adult with a slowly increasing number of responsibilities its like one day you wake up and youre like aw fuck when was the last time i descaled the coffee machine

its probably for the best that humans dont have wings. imagine trying to act nonplussed and your shirt starts lifting off of your back because your stupid bird brain is telling you its time to threat display or get away

plus my plumage would be far more extravagant than yours and I wouldn’t want you to feel bad

everything should cost one dollar, ten dollars, or one hundred dollars. a drinky drink is one dollar. a t shirt is ten dollars. rent is one hundred. i might be convinced to allow one thousand dollars for some very big purchases like a house. i get it, you're running a business. i'm not unreasonable.

Ever since I was a little girl I always wanted to get hit by a car in a way that would make me a lot of money

Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children

I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from “i can has”. Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they’re talking about.

Can haz snackytreat

you’re absolutely correct it was

Hell yeah

baby me, sorting m&ms by color and then into a gradient: now this is how you have fun!

baby me, observing other children eating fistfulls of randomly colored gummy bears all at once: when do i get to go back to my home planet

the post-shower post-lotion pre-clothes stage where you're just sitting in your room like a greasy little beast