the shit I'm fond of

lemony snicket was really out there teaching us as elementary schoolers about grey morality, about how neither good nor bad people always get what they deserve, how being clever and kind doesn’t always guarantee you will triumph (although it’s certainly better than the alternative), how ignorant/complacent/dismissive though well-meaning adults can have just as harmful an impact on children as those with ill intentions, and how not every story has a happy and complete ending

Also the meaning of, like, a whole bunch of words

me @ my last brain cell

any noun can become a verb if you don’t care enough

This point is invalid unless you use an example in your sentence

I CAN SENTENCE HOW I WANT THANK

BEAUTIFUL

you see thats why i love english

I like to velociraptor around my house at 2 in the morning.

GOOD

My headache makes me want to clothesline into a wall

why do these make some semblance of sense 😨

Because brains don’t brain logically

Brains do brain logically! But when english doesn’t logic englishly, brain brains by itself to logic that english !

I hate that this makes sense

Oh… no no no

Dope as fuck apparently

These are for a colonial officer’s home in Egypt in 1903 in another dimension

I have never so joyously reblogged a bird video in my life. 

I’d have to wait months or even years for another chance to reblog this, so why the fuck not?

HAPPY THURSDAY THE 20TH EVERYONE

the fucking slapping noise is incredible

This is unsettling.

1-800-R-U-SLAPPIN

A round of applause

Oh! I actually know the answer to this one! American newspaper ads charged by the letter, so a lot of people would eliminate unnecessary letters like the second L in “cancelled” or the U in “colour”. Some of these spelling changes were used so often that they stuck, and now Americans just spell some words differently. In summary: Americans spell things weird because capitalism

They tracked the person down and it turned out to be a woman from Scotland whose baby *really* loved Bee Movie to the point that it was the only thing that stopped him crying. So she just played it over and over. The endurance. She must have been exhausted.

thanks for the update! knew it was a kid