ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

What if water didn't have surface tension and whenever you spilled some, the whole floor of your entire apartment was covered in a 2 micrometer deep puddle

you've taught me to count blessings I didn't know were mine

I love thinking I'm a hater and then meeting a real hater and going wow that does not look fun actually. Going back to my lukewarm hater ways. Performative haterdom. I couldn't name five hater bands.

you never realize how many pictures are on Tumblr until your internet is bad

Man's about to turn you into the scene of a happy little accident.

ok thank god there's so many fucking videos showing you how to do a ladder stitch like it's some kind of magic trick but here's the actual use case for it: closing a seam you can't reach the inside of. in all other cases, if you're fixing a ripped seam on pants, or on a tshirt, the ladder stitch is a messy, glorified running stitch.

you were born in 2006? what are you? a Honda Civic?

can i fucking help you?

download killing upload pain. instant thousand deaths to brain. motherboard on murder spree. blood computer victory.

online chilling upload nice. posts give life a little spice. cpu is pure and true. internet for me and you :)

‘don’t you want your favourite character to be happy???’ no? i want my favourite character to be interesting. i want me to be happy. which sometimes involves my favourite character being in exquisite agony

DB Cooper mystery solved: he survived and used the money to start the film website "IMDb" (I am DB)

You might say, there's a vas deferens between the two

Boooo

Hey babe, are you a book? Because I kinda wanna break your spine

Are you a furby? Because I'm doing everything I can to turn you off

Are you. A bottle. Cause I want to throw you in the ocean. to send a message

Are you. Marijuana? Cause I wanna plant you in my backyard. and lie to the cops about it.

You must be vodka. The way my affiliates could arrange for you to be smuggled across eastern europe in a series of small, discrete packages

You are.... a spider. The way you are widely disliked across multiple continents for reasons that appear irrational but likely stem from a primitive survival instinct

Who hurt you teaboot?

You want that list alphabetical or in ascending order of severity

never watched it but at all times i have the phrase "U U Hockey Show" trapped in my brain