S

Haha depression *bites lip while sobbing

I could’ve left and never came back. I should’ve gone away sooner. I shouldn’t have paused. I shouldn’t have double guessed myself. Because now I’m stuck again. Now I can’t move again. There’s nowhere to escape to anymore. Again.

I get so nonfunctionally depressed at night...

I will allow myself to be consumed by this mental escapism until something tangible makes me happy again. I know I’m the only one who can find myself, but when life appears to be just one large roadblock away from happiness, what’s the point of my existence in the real world?

I can’t wait for the day to come where I can sit in the living room of my own house, listening to piano music while reading a book. That is the life goal, and the aesthetic I strive to encompass.

Yea, I could pull the string once to get the blades to slow down. Of course, I could also speed up their pace with a few extra tugs. But perhaps the easiest option is letting them continue going around as they currently are, as then I won’t even have to stand up. Yet it is awfully hot in this room, and being in such a stagnant place really doesn’t feel good either.