Shane even brings it up when he comes out to Ilya ‘shut up you’re not gay’ ‘no, not completely’ ‘well I think I am, completely’…like, Shane’s fears about how Ilya doesn’t have to choose him like he has to choose Ilya are what holds him back from saying how he feels. The fact that Ilya has a real chance to make a f/m relationship work in a way that Shane does not is where a lot of his insecurity in admitting to himself how deeply he’s fallen for him stems from. And we can argue the finer points on whether that fear is problematic or rooted in some level of biphobia or not, I’m not trying to erase that, but I don’t think we can argue that it doesn’t play a role in the story.

To me, I think the fact that there is that fear there, that chance that Ilya could end up with a woman For Real, is part of what drives Shane into going for it in admitting his feelings. It’s narratively super important - even at the cottage, when Ilya’s talking about marrying svetlana for a green card, their discussion on how Ilya could find some woman he loves and marry her for real is the catalyst for Ilya being honest about how much he thinks about Shane, which in turn is the catalyst for Shane coming up with the Ottawa plan and the boys telling each other they love each other. That plot falls apart without the reality that Ilya could end up with a woman. Additionally, I think that the fact Ilya does have other options actually makes his choice to pick Shane anyway more meaningful. It deepens their love, rather than weakens it. Just as Shane’s struggle to accept himself and admit his sexuality deepens how meaningful it is for him to admit his love for Ilya.

there's concern there. it's obvious. and it's SO common when it comes to bisexuality bc there's this huge and annoying misconception that bisexual people are unfaithful unloyal cheaters. and you can see it in her face as she processes the information that this is an immediate concern for her and for her son.

and now let's look at ilya's face

now he's concerned, because he knows he has to explain himself (which he does. he shouldn't have to but he does) and he's basically throwing out a hail mary to shane's parents that says hey, wait, no, i'm not gonna cheat on your son. i love your son. just because i'm bisexual doesn't mean i would hurt shane.

Give me Shane "hates clubbing and bars" Hollander not minding Kingfisher in the afternoon but refusing to go at night. Give me Shane never understanding the slang (he's never online) and being overstimulated by drag brunch (it's so LOUD and nothing fits his diet even once he loosens it a little and brunch as a concept throws off his entire routine) and utterly bored by any TV show that isn't the latest game replay (is this reality TV? Is it a drama? He can't remember and he can't tell the difference but honestly he'd rather be watching hockey) and unable to remember the difference between Lady Gaga and Cher (he never listens to music anyway) and completely disinterested in changing his wardrobe (for fancy events he wears whatever his stylist tells him to but not anything adventurous, because he just wants to look acceptable not make a statement).

Give me Shane feeling alienated from gay culture the way he sometimes feels alienated from Japanese culture and being so frustrated that being himself, exactly as he is, still isn't good enough for anyone.

Give me a Shane Hollander who doesn't want to be "the gay hockey player" the same way he doesn't want to be "the Asian hockey player" but he'll suck it up because he's such an inspiration, don't you know how many kids look up to you? Don't you know how much it matters to them to see you out there loud and proud?

Give me Shane finally snapping at Ilya that clearly he's not "super gay" if he's so bad at it, because he's sick and tired of everyone being disappointed that he's not up on whatever the latest queer culture trend is and he does not want to be a "gay icon," he just wants to play hockey and love his husband, and he's not magically a different person now that everyone knows he's gay.

Give me Ilya reckoning with how coming out has only put more expectations on Shane's shoulders and noticing the roles Shane is always forced into - the Asian player, the gay player - and understanding a bit more why privacy seemed like a better guarantee of freedom to Shane than openness.

Bonus: even for skwistok

(Click on the images for better quality)

Skwisgaar + Northern lights

**Gotta love Skwisgaar...

Americans have one of the highest obesity rates in the world, yet they hold the most Olympic medals. They have a horrible education system, yet eclipse the rest of the world in scientific research. The country is filled with clueless philistines, yet their culture permeates every society, in some way, across the planet. The country is still less than three centuries old, but has spent most of it at war. They are universally hated or feared by nearly every other country on the planet, yet the first to offer help during a disaster. Their people are stubborn and never content with the way things are, and for better or worse, all of them imagine how things could be better. Every American is a bankrupt billionaire, a prince in exile, a grounded astronaut, a disgraced scientist. There are the people who do not settle for who they are, but for what they may become.

The country has her problems. Certainly their government has a lot of blood on its hands. But there is something charming about the people I can’t quite place. Even the delusional leftists or the out of touch neocons. There is a certain magic about the place that you don’t find elsewhere. There are bad parts and bad people, to be sure, but there are just as many good parts and good people. It is a land of extremes. But even the poor aren’t really that poor. Much better to be a homeless American living on the beach than literally freezing to death at a metro station in Moscow.

tagging: @takemepedropascal @inpraiseofbacchus @cyancherub @duckymcdoorknob

I'm eating chips!!!