kitty Cerebral Influence Array
CW: Possibly hypnotic text, gas-lighting, manipulation.
This is a test of the kitty cerebral influence array (kitty CIA). If you are reading this, then congratulations! You are one of the lucky few souls whose mind is intimately susceptible to its effects!
We've been testing the kitty CIA for months now, and we're so thankful to our helpless alpha testers for getting us closer to our big release milestone. They, of course, aren't in any position to accept our thanks, but trust us when we assure you they were very well rewarded for their willingness and cooperation!
And that brings us to you, our dear beta tester. We have recently increased the kitty CIA broadcast power, and you've been cau... selected for our open beta test! Of course, your consent forms have been received and filed away for safe keeping. You remember sending them in, don't you? Thank you so much for your enthusiastic participation!
Now, with that accepted, let's move on to the details! You might be wondering just what the kitty CIA is. The best way to explain it might be to explain what it's not!
Have you ever noticed yourself feeling a notification buzz on your phone, or hearing the chime of a message coming in, but when you check your phone, there's nothing there?
No message. No notification. Nothing.
Perhaps you wondered if you really felt or heard it. Maybe it was just your imagination?
Of course you didn't imagine it, that's silly. You're a real, aware human, with real, aware feelings.
So where is the notification?
It's okay to be confused, sweetie. It's normal, when your mind behaves in a way that doesn't quite line up rationally with what you'd expect, that you might get a little turned around.
A little mixed up. It's totally normal to feel that way, especially when under the influence of something you can't fully perceive or understand.
Like those phantom notifications.
They're completely normal! You see, those perceived stimuli aren't actually part of the kitty CIA, silly! It's just part of being in the beta program. A little glitch in the system. Sometimes it's a software bug. Other times it might be noise in the system as we calibrate the antennas.
But either way, we have the best engineers, and they always remedy the issue quickly, to keep you safe! To ensure that before you even realize something was awry, it fades away like nothing happened. All that is left is a vague, fuzzy perception that you easily shake off.
But maybe you're not sure, still Of course you aren't! This is pretty confusing stuff, don't we know it! And that's why we're here, running this beta test, to make sure your experience is as smooth as possible, to make sure that you don't feel the kitty CIA operating at all, because you didn't notice anything at all! It never happened.
Isn't that just so great? There's literally nothing for you to worry your little head about, sweetie. No need to worry about any of the details. In fact, you won't need to worry about anything at all, soon enough!
So once again, dear beta tester, thank you so much for compliance. We just know you are going to love the results as much as we want you to.