russian bitches invented “a hoe never gets cold fuck a hypothermia” energy

remember the wayside school books those were fucked up

remember that one chapter where a new student came to the class and was wearing like 10 different raincoats and the teacher kept making him take off the raincoats one by one until they got down to the final layer and it was just a dead rat

My favorite genre of children’s story is “This would be horror if the characters were adults”

I now want to buy this book and read it stoned out of my mind

i love when professors try to use modern slang to relate to students. my professor referred to the theater of pompey as “the place where caesar got vibe checked by a bunch of senators” and i lost it. 

on a lighter note, the most Unrealistic part of harry potter is how people were still saying “he who must not be named” and “you know who” TEN years after voldemort lost power? like PLEASE. if i found out some fool who talked that much shit and hurt that much people with his little fascist club Got his shit Rocked by a BABY im clowning him the fucking MINUTE i find out. and i dont care what happens to me for it

not to mention his name was TOM. like jk rowling really used to act like saying voldemort instead of “you know know” was an act of resistance like ma’am HOW when thats the name he WANTS to be called?? make harry call him lil tommy to his face if you really wanted to make a statement 

so anyway, eat the rich

There’s a tornado warning out (two, technically), so of course I went for a walk outside to see if I could spot it.  Never have I seen so many of my neighbors at one time, when there wasn’t a firework show or a picnic.

There was a tornado warning and a bunch of people gathered outside to set off fireworks. I wish I was kidding.

How cool would it be to shoot fireworks into a tornado?

Here's the thing about shows like South Park and Family Guy that make their money off of being edgy and offensive. They fundamentally reduce their viewers' capacity for empathy. If I found a joke funny, and you found it offensive, you're just too sensitive. This is directly related to the ride of the alt right and the election of trump. In this essay I will

OP WHERE'S THE FUCKING ESSAY

op this is a fantastic semi-essay

Are you kidding me this is the best video I’ve ever seen

I’m not crying you’re crying

sometimes i forget this comic exists and then i find it again and want to happy-cry

wtf i’m a postmodernist now

reblog for noises

siamangs are so freaking weird. Somehow evolution produced a frog-ape.

full fruit trees in random yards that I pass while driving are more tempting to me than any man ever will be

this is what got us kicked out of eden, cuz u hoes can’t follow rules