musical chairs falls under the battle royale genre

Cabbage dude had better luck finding the Avatar than Zuko did in all 3 seasons

the knowing eye contact women make when men are talking is the purest human connection possible

What the fuck does that even mean?

30 thousand women seem to get it

I’m going to defeat you with the power of friendship and this gun I found

David: *plays a secret chord* The Lord: nice! You: meh

i like animals that look like they have information

*spongebob narrator voice* ah… the temptations of the flesh

ah ze temptashuns ov ze flesh

you laugh, but they actually wanted to implement a cursing filter 

john mulaney is cool because he tells ridiculous stories about himself, rather than dumping on other people. he’s also not a racist piece of shit so that’s pretty dope

i need stop telling ppl to fight me every 10 seconds bc what if they do? im 5ft what am i gonna do? hide in a vent?

I was at a wedding last week and the 50something year old DJ started playing “Africa” by Toto. Every person under 30 in the room started belting it out and losing their minds with joy and I heard the wedding planner say to one of the older guests, “For some reason Jerry started playing this at every wedding a few months ago and it’s always a hit.”

christmas is so close i can almost smell the mistletoe im not going to be kissed under

remember when hey soul sister was on the radio and life didn’t suck ass

you’re someone’s dream person

can that bitch wake up and come talk to me then

A mad scientist invents a gun that shoots spiders. Big ones. World peace is established that very same week.

Fuck it y'all — this is gold. This is it. Don’t need to add anything. Game. Set. Match.