Passing Pastiche of Internet Interests

cuz i realized being suuuuch a fucking pushover for so many years actually conditioned that other person into thinking it’s ok to be an asshole to me all the fucking time

to control every interaction

to get me to wriggle until i fit with the rest of the bait in their schemes

to not have the BASIC DECENCY TO RESPECT ANY OF ANOTHER PERSON’S BOUNDARIES

like

you just cant unspoil a bad egg

you cant! it’s impossible

you try and try and try

but theres no use in that! no amount of boiling or seasoning is going to make such a rotten ingredient good

but basically...i had a friend visit me in 2020 during the pandemic

to OFFICIATE MY WEDDING

this is how close we were

and she did

and then my husband and i started to shift into overdrive “ok we need this much savings, we need all these documents, we need to get this fucker home asap before another one of his grandmas dies” (my husby is from brazil and one of his grans passed during the pandemic while he definitely couldnt go home)

and so i got an extra job at a hellish coffee shop

not until after

helping my friend move from michigan to massachusetts

she expressed to me “oh wow i reaally reaaaally like it there wouldnt it be greaaaat to live near each other”

last time she did this

mind you

she invited herself

to my parents’ hoarding house

where she photographed my parents’ filth and showed it to her friends for a laugh, she tried to break up my sister and her girlfriend because that’s what queer women just do I guess????? (no um this is not a serious comment but she acted like it was normal and her right as a queer woman to be idk?? aggressive and territorial towards other queer women??), and began a hypochondriacal spiral almost seemingly specifically cuz i had recently had a diagnosis and she hadnt...

anyway

so we put all that behind us cuz

oh yeah i had been such a woebegone stump that uncountable hatchets had been buried in me already and id forgotten how shitty it felt to assume yet another

anywayyyyyy

we (aka i) put it all behind me even tho SHE TRIED TO TURN IT AROUND ON ME and make me somehow the aggressor and wrong one

legit like i remember the phone convo we had where she was accusing me of the MOST obtuse shit cuz of course i had to somehow also be in the wrong for her to be exculpated...that’s what this bitch was all about

oh well

im so guilt-ridden i wont rest until youve admitted to also being shitty

no bitch

no

never again

anywayyyyyyyyyyyy

i get her a job, she moves into my apt, i give her mattresses, pants, shirts, boots, let her use MY CAR

she never willfully offers to get me back

for anything

we have to demand she wash dishes or buy food and pitch in at the apt

she lasts 2 weeks

my brazilian roomies see instantly she is a one-way-streeter

and come to me all

she has to go we cant do this if she doesnt know how to support the collective

so boom

she has to find a place

i help her move

then she has to find another place

i help her move again

so then we’re working together at this coffee shop

i get fired for being gender nonconforming

which she is also just in the acceptable way of afab goes butch(ish)

and she SIDES WITH MY BOSS

i talk about suing the guy and she sides with HER JOB THERE and the boss

in the SAME CONVO in which we are sitting IN MY CAR that she is DRIVING AND REFUSING TO OFFER TO PAY ME ANYTHING FOR

(all the while doing that thing where ungenerous people go “oh if youuuuu need anything from meee well then you better speak up” aka start a fight with you about how you arent generous lol...its not on ME TO HOLD YOUUUU TO BASIC SOCIAL EXPECTATION! It is on YOU a grown adult to not shove that off on your friend. ZERO. ACCOUNTABILITY????)

anyway

we were sitting in MY CAR that she was driving to and from HER WORKPLACE

she was wearing the boots and pants AND WINTER JACKET I GAVE HER

and this bitch

has the audacity to say

“I just have no material support here!”

Theennnn

and this was the heartbreak

she says she did my wedding as a favor to me and couldnt believe that i didnt put her up in a nice hotel for it

like YOWZAH

she knows im a musician and DIRT BROKE

and she did get put up for free

SHE GOT TO SLEEP ON MY EXTRA MATTRESSES

ugh just NO REALISM

legit off in her own fucked up lil world where someone she is always the one wronged and never the wronger

insanity