here's to hoping

the last few years at sea have been amazing. she finally feels fulfilled, finally feels like she’s making a difference. she loves falling asleep to the rocking of waves and waking every morning to the cool sea breeze. she loves the safety, ironic though it is that she feels safe when at any moment her ship might encounter a monster, might capsize, might be attacked. but inej has dealt with her share of monsters in the barrel, and she spent years treading water. if her ship is attacked, she knows that she can protect herself and her crew. the wraith will not go down without a fight. the knowledge that she is free and that she can keep herself safe is more than worth all the dangers of the sea. and every time they stop a slaver ship, every time they manage to free someone, she can feel her saints exhale in relief. she has loved it, all of it - the dangers, the storms, and the sunshine in between.

and of course, she will forever be grateful to kaz brekker for helping her find her purpose, teaching her how to protect herself, and giving her the closest thing to safety that there was in the barrel while she got stronger. for paying off her debts and buying her a ship and finding her parents and helping her leave once she was ready, even when she knows it must have cost him something to stand there on the port and watch her ship’s sails get smaller and smaller until they disappeared altogether. he was rough and difficult and all too often utterly insensitive, but she will be eternally grateful to him and all the help he has given her. 

although she can’t deny that gratitude isn’t the only thing she feels when she thinks of him. can’t deny that as soon as she sails into a foreign port, she is looking for a new hat to send to him. can’t deny that she is always anticipating his letters, or that whenever one of them reaches her, a little glow of warmth sparks - especially when she thinks she can see bits of his heart peeking through. it seems like he is learning to let it out from all the layers of protection he had wrapped around it in an effort to keep it from getting more hurt than it already has been. it seems like he is trying to learn to take his armor off.

or maybe she was reading too much in between the lines.

she is happy, on this ship. she loves hunting slavers like the ones that took her and stole her childhood, and she loves getting to see a bit of the world while she does. she really does think she has found her purpose. it is quiet, most days at least, and she knows exactly where she belongs and who she is.

but none of this stops her from climbing up to the top of the crow’s nest and waiting eagerly for ketterdam to come into view.

she hadn’t been happy when she was in ketterdam, not truly satisfied. but that had been because she lacked direction. the heart is an arrow. it demands aim to land true. but for all her lack of aim, she’d known who she was when she was the wraith as well.

she has a direction, has found it on the sea, but now…now, she is realizing that a bit of her heart is still pointing towards ketterdam. towards the family she had found and the life she had demanded of it there. 

the last few years at sea have been amazing. she finally feels fulfilled, finally feels like she’s making a difference. she loves falling asleep to the rocking of waves and waking every morning to the cool sea breeze. she loves the safety, ironic though it is that she feels safe when at any moment her ship might encounter a monster, might capsize, might be attacked. but inej has dealt with her share of monsters in the barrel, and she spent years treading water. if her ship is attacked, she knows that she can protect herself and her crew. the wraith will not go down without a fight. the knowledge that she is free and that she can keep herself safe is more than worth all the dangers of the sea. and every time they stop a slaver ship, every time they manage to free someone, she can feel her saints exhale in relief. she has loved it, all of it - the dangers, the storms, and the sunshine in between.

and of course, she will forever be grateful to kaz brekker for helping her find her purpose, teaching her how to protect herself, and giving her the closest thing to safety that there was in the barrel while she got stronger. for paying off her debts and buying her a ship and finding her parents and helping her leave once she was ready, even when she knows it must have cost him something to stand there on the port and watch her ship’s sails get smaller and smaller until they disappeared altogether. he was rough and difficult and all too often utterly insensitive, but she will be eternally grateful to him and all the help he has given her. 

although she can’t deny that gratitude isn’t the only thing she feels when she thinks of him. can’t deny that as soon as she sails into a foreign port, she is looking for a new hat to send to him. can’t deny that she is always anticipating his letters, or that whenever one of them reaches her, a little glow of warmth sparks - especially when she thinks she can see bits of his heart peeking through. it seems like he is learning to let it out from all the layers of protection he had wrapped around it in an effort to keep it from getting more hurt than it already has been. it seems like he is trying to learn to take his armor off.

or maybe she was reading too much in between the lines.

she is happy, on this ship. she loves hunting slavers like the ones that took her and stole her childhood, and she loves getting to see a bit of the world while she does. she really does think she has found her purpose. it is quiet, most days at least, and she knows exactly where she belongs and who she is.

but none of this stops her from climbing up to the top of the crow’s nest and waiting eagerly for ketterdam to come into view.

she hadn’t been happy when she was in ketterdam, not truly satisfied. but that had been because she lacked direction. the heart is an arrow. it demands aim to land true. but for all her lack of aim, she’d known who she was when she was the wraith as well.

she has a direction, has found it on the sea, but now…now, she is realizing that a bit of her heart is still pointing towards ketterdam. towards the family she had found and the life she had demanded of it there.