sl*t photography

Querido Pelé, In common with so many, I’m truly hurt to hear of your departure. For it is the constancy of greats like yourself that binds us as humans, across our many divisions. Now no more 💔 One of the last truly great leaders who transcended sport, a legend whose gift and receipt of love and respect was universal, crossing every divide known, your record-making, storied career was the stuff of the stars ✨ From early years winning the World Cup at 17, to scoring goals galore for your club, a second World Cup, along the way making magical memories for everyone, setting records that may never be broken. It’s quite the story 📰 Before finally culminating in the greatest team in history producing the finest triumph of them all to win the best World Cup of all time. Sometimes dreams do come true and they did for the Seleção one hot day in México City 🇧🇷🤩 Finally, latterly, you refused to play in the ‘74 World Cup in opposition to Brazil’s brutal junta, so showing the world sport’s great power as a fighter of injustice 💪 For me you’re the true GOAT — the Greatest 🐐. And I’m so so sad you’ve left us. Damn you’ve earned peace though. Rest well King 👑 With love, Paolo ♥️ #pele #selecao #brasil #1970s #worldcup #brazil #selecaobrasileira #seleçãobrasileira #greatest #alltime #thegreatest #goat #football (at Estadio Azteca) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cmw5uCCIW7z/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

PRINCE PAOLO's 2022 CHRISTMAS SPEECH “The Sexy Sheikh’s Sportwashed Balls ⚽️⚽️” ** ⚠️ Warning: Prince Paolo is an Absolute Monarch. Any argument will result in a Boxing Day Bath in the Sheriff of Nottingham’s iron forgeries ⚠️ ** My Dear Subjects, Your Royal Family would like to wish you a very Merry Christmas and an Unhappy New Year🎄 After the sad loss of our beloved Aunt Lizzie 😢 (oh well 🤷‍♂️), I’m delighted to pronounce myself Emperor of Everything 💯 I do love to phase out the ptarmigan on my vast Highland moors, especially as that’s where I phased out another old bird in September 👑 (Ed: Noooo! Cut! Cut!💥) So, the year in review! We LOVE Putin’s world-leading warmongering & depravity, Zelenskyy’s kill count, Albanese’s great win and our Mugabe-style inflation. What a year 🤩 In between guillotining my former friends, there was still time to practice brain 🧠 surgery on my enemies’ heads, work on my Canoe Armada 🛶 toy set, golf ⛳️ the links, chill on my Highland ⛰ estates, enjoy Twitter 🖥 tirades, ramble on my grouse 🦆 moors, plot dastardly deeds with banana 🍌 republics, all while exercising my right hand daily 🍆💦 Burp! 🍷🥂🍾 12 DAYS OF SHIT 💩 MAS On the only day of Christmas my true love sent to me… * Twelve Donald Trump crime scenes 🦸‍♀️ * Eleven Lionesses a-winning 🦁 * Ten per cent % inflation daily 📈 * Nine sportwashing Qatari emirs ⚽️ * Eight Boris to Zelenskyy zips 🚊 * Seven pockets of taxpayers cash 💰 * Six sheikhs making sweet love 🍑 * Five Messi penalties 🥅 * Glory to Ukraine! 🇺🇦 * Oh! Gareth! Southgate! 🤩 * Where’s Jeremy Corbyn? 🎅 * £400k Rishi Swimming Pool-nak 🏊‍♂️ * Four-ty five days of Truss 😂 * Three fools voting a-Tory 🗳 * Two Truss-outliving lettuces 🥬 * Soggy sprout Starmer 🥦 * One Trussonomic collapse 📉 * A large Labour lead 🌹 * And no more Putin…oh wait... (Ed: Cut!) 😡 How time flies! Time to hunt those captured spies! My hounds 🐕 are foaming at the mouth dreaming of tasty traitor meat! 🥩 Tally ho, it’s back to the princely port I go, woo hoo 🍷🎄 Burrrrp! Hic! 🍺 Now go drink and bugger your stablehands merrily all! 💙💚💛💜❤️ #christmas #merrychristmas #happychristmas (at Balmoral) https://www.instagram.com/p/CmmtjXSokDN/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

A very Merry Christmas to all my friends, family and all the good people — and only the good people — in our wondrous world 🌍🎅🎄 Stay tuned later for Prince Paolo’s INFAMOUS Christmas Speech, an annual tradition like no other! Expect added poignancy this year about our beloved grandma The Queen 💯👑 Happy Christmas everyone! Love from Paolo ♥️🔔🎅🎄 #christmas #christmastree #xmastree #merrychristmas #merryxmas #happyxmas #happychristmas #happyholidays https://www.instagram.com/p/CmlvCnGIJrI/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Congratulations to Rishi Sunak on his ascent to the highest office in the land. Today a lot of glass ceilings were smashed. The first ever Person of Colour to lead our storied nation, the first ever British Asian, the first ever Hindu…it’s quite the list! So many positives in representation and hopefully inspiring in ways to younger generations that no ceiling is too high for you. If you want it enough, work hard, and do your best, you too can go very far in life 🙏 We’ll leave the politics for later this week. For now I wish him well as he gets to grips with a maelstrom of crises coming from all over. #rishisunak #primeminister #tories #conservative #ukprimeminister #britain #uk #scotland #wales #northernireland #england #tory #conservatives #toryleadership #nofilter https://www.instagram.com/p/CkHD3tuDUzr/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Dear Liz Truss, Thank you for your service as Prime Minister — and for doing the right thing at last and putting country before party. You had high hopes but it just wasn’t to be. The government has now fallen. The people must decide our country’s future. It’s time for a General Election 🙌🏽 #liztruss #uk #tories #conservative #generalelectionnow #pm #primeminister #resign #theend #enoughisenough (at Buckingham Palace) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cj76wXXjVzH/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Badges of unity ♥️ destiny 💯 #october1st #protest #liverpool #democracy #democracia #costoflivingcrisis #enoughisenough #toriesout #freedom #solidarity #cwu #firefighter #tradeunion #generalelectionnow (at Liverpool) https://www.instagram.com/p/CjLY9rgDSp5/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Solidarity and unity were present in abundance this afternoon at the #enoughisenough demo here in Liverpool. There’s a long way to go, but we’ve started our movement now and the only way forward is to deliver change. Let’s do this together 🙌🏽 #october1st #protest #liverpool #democracy #democracia #costoflivingcrisis #enoughisenough #toriesout #freedom #solidarity #cwu #firefighter #tradeunion #generalelectionnow #nofilter (at Liverpool) https://www.instagram.com/p/CjLYnAYjYEO/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

“While the rich play, the poor pay” #facts #word #october1st #protest #liverpool #democracy #democracia #costoflivingcrisis #enoughisenough #toriesout #freedom #solidarity #cwu #firefighter #tradeunion #generalelectionnow #nofilter (at Liverpool) https://www.instagram.com/p/CjLYTcDjRJw/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

So it begins…today was the first day of the our country’s evolution to better times 🕰 It began with a tone-setting big crowd and poignant speeches here at the Liverpool Enough is Enough demo, along with dozens of protests around the country 👊 Together we are so strong! Solidarity with strikers and strivers always, who all deserve so much better than this ♥️ Now let’s talk about YOU! If you’re serious about giving everyone in our nation a better life, follow me and let’s do it together 🙏 Let’s build this autumn into a mass movement and bring them down! Britain, it’s up to us. United, we can change our country’s destiny 💯 #october1st #protest #liverpool #democracy #democracia #costoflivingcrisis #enoughisenough #toriesout #freedom #solidarity #cwu #firefighter #tradeunion #generalelectionnow #nofilter (at Liverpool) https://www.instagram.com/p/CjLYIUkDA4r/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

THE QUEEN 👑: A TRIBUTE Free at last dear Queen. A magnificent send off. The nation’s grandmother, you deserve your freedom after a lifetime of service 💔 Through you I grieve for everyone I’ve ever loved #realtalk 😘 I’ll remember you best through THAT scene with James Bond for our iconic Olympics of 2012, watched on a big screen with one of my best friends in my beloved Hackney. A night I’ll cherish forever 🤩 Then late in your life, we all loved you delivering one final all-world moment in that beautiful sketch with Paddington for this summer’s Jubilee. I hope my sense of humour at 90 is as good as yours was 💯 “Lilibet” was one of the last true icons of our nation, indeed one of the final few of the Greatest Generation who fought for our very existence in WWII, when she served as an army driver and mechanic. Bravery. Decency. Courage. Stoicism. Poignancy. Duty. Respect. Devotion. Fairness. Kindness. Decency. Carrying on. Love for her people. All these characteristics defined our Queen 👑 Dear Liz, despite your privilege there was always the quiet sense you were one of us. You played your role in the war, you volunteered, you were kind, you were there at some of history’s biggest moments, you met so many people over the years, including a long, jovial conversation with my Mum at Balmoral! 🤩 The final and best revelation for me is evidence emergent that far from being backward like many thought, the Queen was actually a liberal. I’ll say no more 🙌🏽 So dear Queen, you’ve been a huge part of our lives, but it’s time to let you go. You would not want us to be sad though, so we’ll keep calm and carry on hey 😉 Fly with me bird of the sun, fly with me all the way home to eternal peace. Just as I’ve done with everyone departed who I loved, I’ll let you go now… 🌞🦅👑 Thank you for everything. Rest well with love now ♥️ #thequeen #queenelizabeth #monarch #hermajesty #elizabeth #elizabethii #uk #britain #england #scotland #wales #northernireland #godsavethequeen #longlivetheking #nofilter (at Buckingham Palace) https://www.instagram.com/p/CisuFZ4D_nU/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

An emotive walk around Westminster the night before the funeral. It was tough at times, achingly sad at others, yet also a few smiles, with love and common purpose everywhere ♥️ Viewing the queue was so moving, as was seeing the whole unified collective of volunteers, security, army, police, ambulance staff, and support workers. Everyone coming together to make the show run like clockwork ⏰ It’s an emotional time for so many and it really showed on the faces of the people I met. I’d like to thank all the many thousands out there who are selflessly helping out during such tough times for all of us. You guys are the true heroes and she’d be so proud of you all 💯 Onto tomorrow then. The denouement of the life of one of our country’s greatest denizens. Pure love ♥️ #thequeen #queenelizabeth #elizabethii #monarch #hermajesty #balmoral #deeside #riverdee #royaldeeside #braemar #castle #castillo #chateau #uk #britain #scotland #godsavethequeen #longlivetheking (at Palace of Westminster) https://www.instagram.com/p/CiqN-OPDtEQ/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

“THE DAY WE MET THE QUEEN 👑” A sweet short story from my Mum about meeting the Queen at Balmoral. “It was just like talking to your next door neighbour” 💯 💜 Queen of Hearts 💜 Story below :— “We were staying in a cottage on the Balmoral estate with our friends, one of whom was a member of the household staff at Windsor Castle, a position which afforded him certain privileges not available to the public. It was August, so we knew that the Queen was in residence. We were out for a walk and had stopped on a bridge for our lunch. We saw a Land Rover coming in our direction and as it passed, the driver, The Queen, waved to us! We waved back 👋 We continued our walk and saw in the distance a small bothy. As we approached, we heard the sound of barking dogs and as we got closer we saw that they were corgis. We passed the back door which suddenly flew open and a diminutive lady barked out at the corgis “shut up”! She then sparked up a conversation with us, engaging for the next 20 minutes. She was interested in where we were heading and in which cottage and whether we found it comfortable. We talked about the adders we had seen en route and she visibly shivered and said how she was afraid the dogs might get bitten. It was just like having a friendly chat with your next door neighbour. She made us feel so welcome that at no time did we feel the need to call her Ma’am or to curtesy. We continued on our way and in a short distance encountered two gentlemen, obviously her detectives, who smiled knowingly, saying “you did not expect that, did you?” 😁 Later in the week we had a pleasant exchange with the Duke of Edinburgh, feeling embarrassed we had blocked his way on the road stopping to see The Brig o’ Dee. He was quite relaxed so yet another friendly and lengthy conversation ensued. Our trip turned out to be a memorable stay with some experiences we’ll cherish which showed the real, human side of the royal family ♥️” #thequeen #queenelizabeth #elizabethii #monarch #hermajesty #balmoral #deeside #riverdee #royaldeeside #braemar #castle #castillo #chateau #uk #britain #scotland #godsavethequeen #longlivetheking (at Balmoral) https://www.instagram.com/p/CipPaXZDp3S/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Happy 80th Birthday Uncle Chris 🎉🎂 Hope you had a brilliant weekend seeing family and friends and continue to enjoy those super cool solo train trips to the Highlands and all over! 🚂⛰❤️ #uncle #greatuncle #stepdad #dad #father #papa #padre #pai #birthday #specialday #bigday #summer #specialbirthday (at Southampton) https://www.instagram.com/p/CiZz0oij-2b/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Congratulations to our new King Charles on ascending the throne 👑 I hope he’ll be as classy and noble a leader as his wonderful mum was. Our storied nation needs strong leadership right now, so he has a great chance to inspire the nation and build the monarchy in his own image. Our lovely Queen will be a tough act to follow, yet Charles’s vast experience gives him the best chance of successfully strengthening the monarchy while guiding our country towards better times. Personally, I’d love most to see Charles continue his campaign on environmental and social issues. It’s not political to care about your country and people. It’s an act of love ❤️ I wish them all well 🙏 #theking #charles #kingcharlesiii #kingcharles #inaugural #nation #thequeen #queenelizabeth #monarch #hismajesty #uk #britain #england #scotland #wales #northernireland #longlivetheking (at Buckingham Palace) https://www.instagram.com/p/CiVcA3ADBeP/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

My love and respect to our new King Charles III for a positive, yet moving, inaugural address to the nation a short while ago 🙌🏽 Charles looked devastated, ashen faced. Teary eyes, heavy voice, a broken man after losing his Mum 😢 Yet…he still thanked us all profusely for the outpouring of love for his family, paying homage and respect to both his “daring mama” and us too, then extended his own love to Harry and Meghan! Some beautiful words indeed ❤️ I hope this ends once and for all the vicious right wing gutter press stoking hatred towards the Sussexes. We’ve all now heard it from the horse’s mouth, so it’s time to lay that corgi to rest 🤐 My analysis is that we could be in for some big changes from the Royals in times to come. And how they need change so bad… Charles also covered several other controversial topics. Sounds like he’s not gonna die wondering. After years of secrecy, he might inject the modernity the monarchy desperately needs. Here’s hoping 🙏 #theking #charles #kingcharlesiii #kingcharles #inaugural #nation #thequeen #queenelizabeth #monarch #hismajesty #uk #britain #england #scotland #wales #northernireland #longlivetheking (at Buckingham Palace) https://www.instagram.com/p/CiTASuQDAiH/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Rest well Your Majesty. You’ve earned it 💔 The Nation’s Grandmother now gone forever 😭 Free at last from all this earthly pain and trouble and strife 👼 Fly away with celestial beauty and light, keep on smiling that lovely smile forever as you watch down upon us always ✨ Rest in peace with love now ♥️ #thequeen #queenelizabeth #monarch #hermajesty #uk #britain #england #scotland #wales #northernireland #longlivetheking (at Balmoral) https://www.instagram.com/p/CiQYxQZj0CP/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Rest well Mikhail Gorbachev 😢 One of the most seminal politicos of the 20th Century or indeed any time, Gorbachev’s role in changing our world for the better by uniting people across cultures and systems assured him his rightful place in history. Some may disagree on his effectiveness and legacy, but in my view he was a critical player in the Cold War’s final demise, and the opening up of the Eastern Bloc and the eventual reunification of our native Europe. He takes his place in that growing mausoleum of other late C20th greats such as Mandela, Yitzhak Rabin, King Hussein, Mitterrand and Kohl. He’ll be much missed 🙏 #mikhailgorbachev #sovietunion #gorbachev #president #20thcentury #c20 #icon #famous #politics #politician #politico (at Red Square, Moscow) https://www.instagram.com/p/CiDNm9Ejq5l/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=