Pan Lokean

alice is dragged from place to place without warning, forced to play stupid games with no good prizes, grilled over her schooling and manners and recitation and dress, scolded, judged, insulted to her face, sent away, given gifts she didn’t ask for and doesn’t like, corrected incorrectly, been subject to shifting and arbitrary rules, and then when she gets snappish with all this bullshit everyone acts like a little girl’s temper is the end of the fucking world.

And why should I care?

People regularly say that Palestine deserved the genocide.

People regularly say that Japan deserved the nukes.

Mozart (Currently shredding Violin Concerto No. 1 on the guitar, having figured it out within 30 seconds): What other music can be made from harnessed lightning?

Sure, it’s fun when a tasty human snack is something very poisonous to aliens, but I wanna take that gag about species differences further! Rather than “har har, the Nonsensoleans can’t eat spicy peppers like us,” and leave it at that, show me the Nonsensoleans being aghast at the things humans eat willingly, but also the humans who found that amusing doing a double take when the Nonsensoleans find the ship’s extremely toxic cleaning supplies, remark on humans keeping “the spices” in weird places, and having a good old fashioned Nonsensolean barbecue, which is so poisonous smelling it is dangerous.

Aliens that are surprised and impressed by the temperature differences humans not only can withstand but willingly subject themselves to, but find subjecting themselves to levels of sensory deprivation humans would consider torture a useful mental exercise.

After running a thousand errands, working hours of overtime, and being stuck in seemingly endless gridlock traffic commuting to and from their jobs, millions of Americans were disheartened to learn that it was, in fact, only Tuesday.

“Tuesday?” San Diego resident Doris Wagner said. “How in the hell is it still Tuesday?”

Tuesday’s arrival stunned a nation still recovering from the nightmarish slog that was Monday, leaving some to wonder if the week was ever going to end, and others to ask what was taking Saturday so goddamn long.